Monday, December 28, 2009

14 Tips for Starting and Sticking With It

Stop Failure Before it Starts

-- By Julie Isphording, former Olympian

For some of us out there, if we could just convince ourselves that there is enough time in the day to exercise, we could be on track to a great fitness program. For others, we get started but quickly lose momentum and give up. To help get started and stay on track, here are a few tips:

  1. Throw away the bathing suit you wore in high school… and the memory too. It’s normal to have a mental image of yourself when you last exercised like a fiend. But if that image is from high school, you could be in big trouble. Even if it’s from last year, forget it. Remember as little as possible of what you used to look like. Starting today, make new memories.
  2. Prepare. We already know you don’t have the time, so write it down like an appointment every day. You wouldn’t cancel an appointment, why would you cancel on yourself? Aren’t you important too?
  3. Start slowly. Do much less than what you’re capable of. Take a 20-minute walk if you’re returning to exercise. You might feel like it’s not enough, but it’s a good start.
  4. Get the family involved. Run while your daughter rides her bike. Go to a local track and let the kids play their own games. Run with your spouse. Sign up for a local 10K. Walk with your son. Celebrate with a little something special after every activity.
  5. Where are your friends? Four words, four reasons – motivation, inspiration, determination, conversation. Surround yourself with friends who think positive and live large.
  6. Put the pain in perspective. When the going gets tough, remember that you have survived 600 carpools, 540 loads of laundry (this month), 41 baseball games, 230 dinners and one family vacation. What’s the big deal?
  7. Allow yourself to slow down. You’re driving this bus! For the first time today, you are in control.
  8. Sign up for a race. It’s a goal to strive for and adds a little meaning to your everyday workout.
  9. Run/walk in public. Be proud of your accomplishment. Take in all the sites and be an inspiration to others.
  10. Just show up. Go to the gym, class, or the park. Once you’re there, it’s hard to say no. 98% of life is showing up.
  11. Eat. Follow a healthy eating pattern. If you limit your calorie intake, you will not have enough energy to work out and your metabolism will slow down.
  12. Understand your energy cycle. There are peaks during our days. Even during the week. Try to complete your workout when you feel good about yourself.
  13. Wallow in your greatness. You can exercise to become a better exerciser, or you can exercise to become a better mother, a better father, doctor, teacher, or a better friend – or you can exercise to become BETTER. Be proud of that accomplishment.
  14. Have fun. Where’s your childlike spirit? When you can make workouts "playouts," you’ve got it made.

Don’t give up on yourself. After all, it’s never too late to be that healthy person you might have been.

(Okay, I know two post is a row that aren't really mine but like most Christmas has been crazy. Stay tuned, actual posts from me coming soon!!!)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

A Healthy Reflection

A meaningful life requires hard work. Part of being a good leader and good example is holding people accountable to their promises. To reach your goals, you need to be a strong leader of yourself. That means making sure you live up to the promises you made to yourself and to others. Your goals are important to you. They'll also require some work. If you could put one person in charge of your most personal, most precious goals, would you hire someone who looks for the easy way out or just talks a good game? Or would you entrust them to the person who willingly takes action and does whatever is needed to make it happen? You can handle the job. Prove yourself trustworthy by showing up every day with your sleeves rolled up.

~ from

Friday, December 11, 2009

You dig your grave with your fork

I feel the need to apologize. My eating habits this week boarder on ridiculous and my exercise has been non-existent. I know the choices I have been making are horrible but I can’t help myself. I have a tonne of reasons for my horrific behaviour but won’t give you one because none are justified.

Is having a bad morning a work justification for eating a cheeseburger AND onion rings for lunch? Never. (Unless of course that bad day includes running a marathon where you could use the calories after.) Home cooking has been nil this week as my house has been in shambles because of renovations but I have freezer meals and alternatives to eating crap. One night of crap – acceptable. Seven days and nights of crap – totally uncalled for.

I start off every day with good intentions and go to bed at night in shame. I don’t know how to stop myself except by actually stopping. I will stop and I won’t dwell on what I have done. You can’t change the past but thinking about what I did makes me depressed enough to eat some more.

Eff, time to start again. At least it’s not from scratch. (Yes, I realize this is very similar to last week, I know its horrible.)

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Tough Week

So it was the weigh in this week and even thought I did not lose near the weight I wanted to (I know why I didn't) I am pleased to announce that I am no longer consider obese by my BMI. I did quit weight watchers this month and thought that I could continue eating healthy without tracking it, and I was wrong. I have started on the right track again and begun to lose to track my calories to ensure I am eating within my allotment.

My life has been hectic and crazy. With the craziness I had like crap these past two days. Partially cause I did so poorly in the competition this month, and then life has been stupid. I know emotional eating is not a good thing but I do it and sometimes feel out of control. (Honestly, it was pigging out on candy or taking up smoking again, much easy to put the candy back than quit smoking again.) Right now my life is causing me so much stress that my back is literally a ball of tight muscles. Nothing big at all but it all has been adding up. Its been a culmination of work, child, Christmas coming, money, vacation planning, baby daddy, and to top it all off I just realized I have mice in my house. Urrrggg.

I am going to have to make some tough choices but the easy one I made is the bad eating choices stop now. The next easy step is getting back on my treadmill (I was on it on Tuesday so it hasn't been that long). I will do this. I will.

This weekend

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Are you sabatoging your efforts on the weekends?

Here are some helpful tips I found from Kim Lyons (Biggest Loser trainer) on weekend eating.

I've often receive feedback from my clients who really struggle with staying on track over the weekends. One reason weekends are so difficult is because most of us fall out of our regular daily routines. People go out to eat a lot more often over the weekend, and there are often parties and other social gatherings that often times don't include the healthiest food choices. Sound familiar?

You can still have fun without sabotaging all your hard work. The key is to strike a good balance between effective, so you get good results, and enjoyable so that you'll stick with it in the long-run … and to plan this "effective/enjoyable" balance a head of time. Following are some good tips and strategies for the weekend. Keep it with you - in the car, on your fridge, in your purse - wherever you go.

1.) Keep a water bottle with you. This will serve as a good reminder to continue drinking water and will help you stay hydrated, prevent you from becoming too hungry, as well as help you resist the temptation to reach for a soda or sugar-packed beverage.

2.) Set some "weekend specific" goals that you'd like to accomplish, such as three cardio sessions for at least 30 minutes each.

3.) If you plan on being on the go, put together some healthy snacks in convenient places, such as the glove compartment of your car, your purse, or gym bag. Cut up vegetables and put them in zip lock bags. You might also put some peanut butter, cottage cheese, or humus in small containers as well.

This way you'll always have a healthy, convenient snack ready to eat whenever you start to feel hungry. This also helps to keep energy level up, your metabolism working efficiently, and will help you from getting so hungry that you lose control and make unwise food choices later in the day.

4.) Load up on vegetables first. At almost every social gathering there are vegetable trays and other veggie options. Eat a good size portion of these first before you tackle the potluck or buffet line. Unless they’re fried or drowning in dips or dressings, you simply cannot go wrong with vegetables; and if you eat these first and/or make sure they make up a large section of your plate, you'll do very well.

5.) Find someone to hold you accountable on Mondays. You are more likely to resist temptation and stay focused.

6). Also, plan ahead before going out to eat. Many people plan "cheat meals" on the weekend, and that's fine, but don't allow yourself to get carried away. Often times people use "all-or-none" thinking, meaning that if they are going to go out to eat and get a burger, they decide they might as well get extra cheese, fries, mayo, soda, etc …. when they could still enjoy the burger, but strike a healthier balance without going crazy.

Instead, ask for your burger without cheese or mayo, have soup or salad instead of fries, and have a diet soda or water to drink. And ask the waiter to bring your salad first and to go ahead and box up half of the burger. This way you'll begin getting full with the salad and the first half of the burger will be more than enough.

And whenever you feel you've "cheated," don't worry about it. Enjoy it and then get right back on track. Far too often people say, "I'll just enjoy myself now and then start over on Monday." Instead, have a "modified cheat meal" by ordering what you want, but make simple, small changes to eliminate the unnecessary unhealthy extras, and then get right back on track with your healthy, planned eating.

With the right mindset and a little extra effort and planning, you can turn weekends into an enjoyable experience, and still take steps towards achieve your goals. I know this will be a big change for many of you. You can do it!!!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I Sometimes Love Facebook

I recently noticed this facebook status and reply.

Jane is seriously questioning my faith, and the faith of those around me! At what point do I throw my hands up and say Fu%k it?

Response: You can say that all you want - vent your frustrations as you like but when your hands come down and the cursing is done you still have to deal with your life. Unfortunately! Keep on Keepin' on! You'll come thru even BETTER than before! Whatever doesn't kill us just makes us stronger - and bitchier.

I understand being frustrated (see previous rants if you don't believe me) but the response was fantastic. Remember that when you feel like you can't go on, like it isn't worth it. I love it.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Things that Aggravate Me

Okay, I will never admit to being a level headed person who lets things roll off of her back. This is why having a blog helps me, I am able to say to no one in particular (sorry my readers, I know you are someone special and I love that you would take time out of your day to read my ramblings, thank you, please don't stop) things I probably shouldn't say to anyone specifically. This rant is not directed at anyone in particularly, and some of the rant is because I read so many blogs and people say things that get under my skin.

1. Listen skinny bitch, do not make the pewy face when I say I run. Don't ask that if I mean I walk. I run. Not really well and not very fast but I do it. Don't diminish what I do cause I am not a size 2. You give me that face again and I will sit on you and do some damage.

2. When someone lends you money, pay up. Currently, no word of a lie, various individuals owe me a combined $200ish. Yes that is right and that is not including the $600 plane fair that I will be reimbursed through work for a trip that I am not even taking. Anytime people need something, I will always help out when I can. If I cover lunch, don't say I will pay you back and then forget. It makes me feel like a douche bag asking for money.

3. When your significant other leaves the house for more than a day that does not make you a single parent. Do not diminish what I do. The other parent will be returning in the near future and you can see an end in sight. I go approximately one to two months in between visits from any family I have including my baby's daddy. I don't get to go out again in a week with my friends. I understand its hard (trust me) to be alone with your child but suck it up.

4. If I send you a email asking something specific fucking reply. Don't be a douche and just ignore it. If you complain that none of your friends are supportive and I try to be supportive don't give me the cold shoulder. I cannot believe how much this happens.

5. Don't tell me that you have no time to exercise and in the same breath tell me you have to catch up on your favorite show. Guess what, if you have time to watch the biggest loser (2 hours) you have time to do a few jumping jacks when you do it.

Phew, that feels better. Feel free to tell me about things that aggravate you, I would love to hear it.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

A New Plan

I have quite weight watchers. I have not really been faithfully following and I was really just donating money to ww every month and did not feel like I was getting any benefit. Instead, I am going to eat small meals and exercise. No gimmick, just hard work and dedication. I LOVE IT. I feel so free not having to plan my whole day of eating at one shot. I took advice from a Karilynn to 200-300 calorie meals every 2 to 3 hours. It is so simple.

Today was a bust for exercise though. I tried to run this morning but just didn't have it in me (I did do a treadmill walk). I planned to leave early from work to get an outdoor run in but alas, a girl went home sick today so I was stuck holding down the fort. There is always tomorrow for running and I will do it!! Heck even if I do an early morning inside and after work outside - I am all in for it.

So far this month has sucked for actual weight loss but I have hope that it will get better. I have more than hope - I have the determination to do it. Let's get this done.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Computer Games are Evil

I downloaded the stupidest computer game and have stayed up way too late the past three days playing it. Which means I have not dragged my ass out of bed to run the past three mornings. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I have deleted the game from my computer and will not be putting it back on. How retarded is it to stay up late making yourself feel bad about yourself instead of waking up early and invigorating your life??? At least it was three day and not three weeks or more though.

I have also had another thought about deleting something. I think I am going to quit weight watchers. There is a tonne of sights that will let me track my calories so I can keep track of my intake that way and I will save like $25 a month. I know it doesn't seem like that much but I really want to start some fitness classes and need to find the money in my budget somewhere. (I am also planning on cancelling some cable channels which will add an additional $20). What does everyone thing? I like ww but realistically I am not using it as much as I should and if I find myself needing it I can always join again later.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Least We Forget

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Kick Ass Day

Okay so today rocked!!!

When I walked up to my work building today I was greeted by the most beautiful sunrise. It was one of those pretty pink ones that make you smile. It was a perfect brisk fall morning. I went to work on a Tuesday knowing that I have tomorrow off. It is Remembrance Day in Canada so no work for me!! Knowing you get a free day off in the middle of the week is always great.

Then I got a free pair of glass (okay so I had to pay shipping and taxes so they cost a grand total of $10.39) and they are Gucci. I am super pumped. I also ordered a pair of Hugo Boss sunglasses for $42 (I had to pay for shipping and tinting).

Gucci Glasses Hugo Boss

There was this super great deal that gave away 500 pairs of glasses where I live so I got a pair shipped to my house and to work. I also bought a pair of my little sis cause that's how I roll (sorry that is me trying to be cool).
After that I had my boss tell me my raise is going through (a minimal raise but a raise none the less). The good thing is that it is retroactive so I get three months worth of increments on one paycheck!!! AND right before Christmas. Can I her a whoop, whoop.
I ended off my day with an outdoor run. I knew it was going to one of the last nice fall days we are going to have so I didn't take a lunch so that I could take off an hour early and run. It was FABULOUS!!!! I took two (yes not three) very small walking breaks and felt wonderful. I kept thinking, I can do more than I think I can and pushed myself. I actually think I psyched myself into the second walking break but that's okay - I have something to work towards.
Then I got home and had a great supper (split pea soup and garlic cheese toast) and my daughter was so much fun. She ate her supper without a fight and we played and played before bath time and then she went to bed like an angle.
I am hoping tomorrow will kick ass too. If not, I know that this day will repeat itself. Well not this exact day but great days can happen. I hope everyone else had a kick ass day too!!!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Life is Better After Running

Thanks to those who listened to my little pity party yesterday. Although I was feeling down on myself I wanted to let you know that life kind of sucks. Its hard, its work and in the end, its worth it. I would not trade my life for any ones. (I just would like to see Lisa's Life 2.0 - you know new and improved after winning multimillion's in the lottery!! :) It is okay to not be happy 100% of the time, its how you handle it that really counts.

I did go on a run I felt 1000% better after my run. Actually a friend of mine popped over and asked to take my daughter to the park for a bit so I asked if I could use her kindness to get in an outdoor run and off I went. I did my best time that I can remember and only had three baby breaks! I am not taking lunch tomorrow and doing another outdoor run before the snow hits. Its going to be great and I will try to cut out the breaks altogether!!

Have a great Monday.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Did You Ever Just Get Tired of It

I would just like to say that I am on track for this week. I have been eating good, with the exception of a few minor slips, but hey I am human. I have been good with exercise, considering how crappy I was for the weeks when my daughter and I were sick how badly I sucked. I am continually trying to push myself to keep going when I am running - run for another 15, 20, 30 seconds without taking a break. (Hint: when you stop bend over and see how far your stomach hangs over, true motivation to keep you legs going.)

So I got up on Friday to do my Jillian DVD, and guess what? My DVD player would not work. Nada nothing. It kept reading loading. FUCK. This is the DVD receiver for my surround sound that I bought last September. I tried to figure out what was wrong with my machine. After some googling I found it was probably my laser in the player. I could try to clean it. If that didn't work, I would be looking at replacing the laser. When I went to go pick up the little laser disk cleaner I spoke to one of the tech guys who let me know that to replace my laser would be about $1,100 - a little less than the cost of my system three times over. Guess what didn't work, you bet the simple $10 fix. Crap!!!

I bought a new DVD player used for $35 today but I am so tired of the little things going wrong. I now have a totally useless surround sound sitting on my entertainment stand. I am by no way am throwing in the towel and giving up - fuck that shit. But come on. I sometimes feel like I am contently fighting upstream to make it and kind of wish I could catch a break. What I really would like is for the things in life that are suppose to happen, actually happen. I wish I could have gotten my yearly raise, I wish that I could count on child support (I have not received a penny since August and am seriously considering legal action), or alternative, I wish I could win big in the lottery. I wish I could buy a $35 DVD player 6 weeks before Christmas without having to worry about my Christmas present budget and how I am going to cut from that now.

What I really wish this second is my two year old would just go to sleep so I can go run out my frustrations on my treadmill. If she is not asleep in 10 minutes I am taking the portable DVD player with me to the basement and she can watch her movie there with me. I may be poor but I refuse to be fat anymore!!!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Home Again Home Again

Due to the fact that my daughter has 'flu like symptoms' (read snotty nose and a cough) she is not allowed to back to daycare until she is symptom free for 48 hours. Eff, that means I can't go back to work till June. Really no runny nose, who has ever met a toddler without snot running out of their nose?

Oh well. Not much I can do about it so I am trying to make the best of it. I am now on day two and have to admit that I am liking this stay at home mom thing. The first morning was hard but now I like it. I will probably go back to work tomorrow (depending on my daughters health) but am not looking forward to it (well I am looking forward to work but not looking forward to not being at home if that makes sense).

I am taking full advantage of my time at home. I went for a run on the treadmill yesterday afternoon (yes that means not getting up at 5 am) and it was awesome. Yesterday and hopefully today, I get some work done during nap time and then use the rest of the time for my workout. Unfortunately, tomorrow will start at 5 am but that is okay, I said it before and I will say it again, I am going to kick November's ass and I can't do it laying in bed.

I love that I am able to actually cook when I am home, tonight we are having split pea and ham soup with cheddar biscuits. Total points you ask? 5!!! For the soup and biscuit (so the biscuits are tiny but who cares that kicks ass). Okay so I normally cook but I cook four meals on the weekend and spend the rest of the week microwaving my supper and lunch. Food tastes way better cooked fresh.

Off now, need to get some work done so I can get my ass on the treadmill before my monster wakes up.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Good Bye October, Get Ready November I am Going to Kick Your Ass

Okay so I started out good in October, all was well and I looked like I was going to dip into the 160 again when real life hit. With all of the fit that hit the shan, I still snuck in a 2 pound weight loss which is really pathetic.

I think I actually scrubbed the sick out of my house yesterday (no trick or treating as my daughter was too sick). I may have gone a tad over board, when I say tad I mean I totally crossed the line. I have bleached every surface in my house, shampooed my living room carpet and threw out old sponges, and even replaced my shower curtain liner.

My house is ridiculously clean, I am feeling 95% and my daughter is on the mend. I hope that our health stays up and I get my exercise on. I know I don't lose weight unless I exercise. November will be my month, I can feel it.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Life Has Been Crazy

My life has been supper nuts with me being sick (yes still), my daughter being sick (yes again), work being crazy (loving it), mid-term reports due for my Masters degree (apparently I had too much free time previously) and my baby daddy being a douche (yes again).

I will post later giving a more in depth version but just wanted everyone to know I was still alive. I miss you all.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Tough Week - But I am not Giving Up

This week was tough for me. I woke up every morning feeling sick - head ringing, nauseous, and just all around icky. I would drag my ass out of bed and force myself to get ready for work, taking some cold/sinus tablets and be on my semi-icky way. Even with the tablets I still was off all day but we are heading into a crazy busy time at work, one girl is on bereavement leave most of the week and the other girl was new (she started on Wednesday). I kinda had to be there.

So me being a dedicated employee lead to a week of feeling tired and sick. A week of not getting up early to run and a week of doing nothing one my daughter went to sleep. It was a tough week but I made it through it. I made it through it without making too many bad choices. I had a work supper last night but made the wonderful plate of Greek goodness last for two and a half meals (supper last night and supper tonight for me and my little one) and there was nothing deep fried on the plate.

I am going to bed early tonight. I need to. I feel myself entirely exhausted. That being said, tomorrow is going to be a good day. It is going to be beautiful fall weather and because of a birthday party, I get a chance for the second week in a row to run outside. Plus, I told my daughter we can decorate for Halloween so that will be exciting.

I am not letting me feeling like crap get in the way of my goal to be skinny. Fat people make excuses as to why it can't happen. I am just stating why its going to be a slow week. This weight may not fall off of me but I know that I am sticking with this journey and I will get to my destination. Preferably in a pair of size six pants!!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Breakfast Ideas

Breakfast is always a challenge. I need to eat breakfast but don't usually have time to prepare anything the morning of. I am really not a cereal or bagel kind of girl either. I need substance in the morning. If I am totally desperate I can get away with a fiber one bar and piece of fruit but I feel deprived and snack all day to make up for it. Here are a few of my favorite breakfast staples that are either make ahead or quick and easy.

Steel Cut Oats
No not oatmeal. WAY BETTER. Steel cut oats are oatmeal like but they do not have the consistency of baby food. They are hardy and wonderful. The reason that this s my number one choice is that I make a big pot on the weekend and portion it out for an easy pick during the week. Even better is the versatility. You can change the flavour of it depending on what you are craving. Some of my favorite toppings are: fruit, flax seed, cinnamon, brown sugar, honey, goji, berries, raisins, peanut butter, toffee bits, jam or a combination of them all. (2.5 to 4 points depending on what you put into it)

Eggs in a Cup
I have to admit I stole this from Hungry Girl. Spray a large microwave-safe mug lightly with nonstick spray. Add half a cup of egg whites and a slice of laughing cow cheese and stir. Microwave for about a minute. Stir gently, and then microwave for another 30 - 45 seconds, until scramble is just set. You can put anything in them that you want. I like to put in a tablespoon of a cheese and chive potato topper and it turns out fantastic. If I feel the need for carbs, I put it in a wrap. (2 to 5 points, depending on the extras and what you use for a wrap)

Breakfast Casserole
This is my favorite Breakfast Casserole ever. I am a Eat, Shrink and Be Merry cookbook addict. I have made most recipes form the book and now working my way through Greata and Janet's first two cook books. I love this recipe. I make it at least once a month. It freezes well and I will eat it for breakfast, lunch or supper. (4 points)

Most Egg-cellent Breakfast Strata
Yield: 8

Per serving: 245 calories, 11.4 g total fat (4.4 g saturated fat), 19 g protein, 17 g carbohydrate, 1.2 g fibre, 241 mg cholesterol, 607 mg sodium

3 cups low-fat herb-seasoned croutons
8 oz light mild Italian sausage (I usually use turkey bacon)
1 cup diced zucchini
1/2 cup minced onions
1/2 cup diced red bell pepper
1 cup packed shredded light old (sharp) cheddar cheese
8 x omega-3 eggs
1 cup 2% evaporated milk or light (5%) cream
1/4 tsp salt and freshly ground black pepper

Spray an 11 x 7-inch casserole dish with cooking spray. Spread croutons evenly in bottom of dish. Set aside.
Spray a medium, non-stick skillet with cooking spray. Remove and discard casing from sausage. Break or cut sausage into small pieces and add to skillet. Cook over medium-high heat until no longer pink, breaking up any large pieces. Add zucchini, onions and red pepper. Reduce heat to medium. Cook and stir for about 3 more minutes, until vegetables begin to soften.
To assemble strata, spoon sausage mixture evenly over croutons. Top with shredded cheese. Whisk together eggs, milk, salt and pepper in a medium bowl. Pour egg mixture evenly over sausage and vegetables. Let strata stand for 15 minutes while you preheat oven to 350°F.
Bake, uncovered, for 40 minutes, until eggs are completely set. Let stand 5 minutes before serving

I hope this helps for those of you who are struggling with breakfast. I will try to post some more of my favorite fabulous for you recipes.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

I Want to Pop my Face

I have a horrible sinus cold. It feels like I have a huge zit in my sinus that just needs to be popped - bad thing is I can't pop it. Yesterday at work my head hurt so much that I was sick to my stomach. When I take my sinus medication (Buckley cold and sinus rocks) I can function but when it wears off I am knocked on my ass.

Needless to say, I was planning to run yesterday and today and that did not happen. Tomorrow my plan is to set both of my alarms, one to wake up and take my Buckley's and one set an hour later to run.

On a high note, I get an child free afternoon tomorrow!!! One of the ladies I work with (I will call her DL) met my daughter about a month ago and it was love at first sight. My daughter actually keeps asking to go to DL's house (something DL promised when they met). This weekend everything works out. It is ridiculous how excited both of them are. I have a fitness expo to go to that supports a friend's running group so it is going to be great. If I have extra time, I may even get some shopping done.

Hopefully tomorrow will all work out as planned, get up early for a run, make a delicious breakfast, get supper in the crock pot and get MJ ready to go see DL.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Sometimes Life is Hard but Running Shoes Makes it Better

Sometimes life just comes up and kicks you in the nuts with no warning for no reason other than to do it. Today was that day for me. Nothing tragic or horrible happened but it was just one of those days that just sucked. Like most people, my life isn`t perfect and some days that is more apparent than others. Its mostly because I didn`t sleep well last night and that always throws my day off a bit.

I know there are many people agree with me that it is way easier to shovel greasy bad for you food in your mouth when you are having a bad day than going for a run. There is a reason it is called comfort food. I did succumb slightly to the bad food temptation, instead of making the fully loaded nachos that I really wanted to, I had a spoonful of nutella and a nut cluster thing. I figure my food choice are much better than the bottle of wine I felt like having. (I don`t drink alone, I don`t think there is anything wrong with it but I am scared if I start it will be become commonplace for me and I do not want that).

For a workout I cleaned my house and I mean every room except for one bathroom. I know you are suppose to take time for yourself when trying to lose weight but there is a point where you need to do something in a form of housework. I always feel better about myself with a clean house, although I am not always the most diligent house keeper.

On the bright side, my pants are fitting better this week than they did last week. Not as tight! My weight stayed the same but it is my TOM so that always throws the weight off a bit.

Tomorrow will be better. I know it will be. Early to bed, early to rise and get my ass on the treadmill. My day is always brighter when it starts off with running shoes!!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Confession Time - Maybe I Share too Much

Since my revelation I have been eating SUPER well. My meals have been well planned out, my snacks have been healthy, I even went out for lunch one day and chose a wonderfully fabulous lunch that was packed full of nutritional goodness (vegan roasted red pepper bisque and a baked falafel whole wheat pita). Its Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend and I know that I will splurge a little (sorry, I just can’t turn down stuffing, I only eat it twice a year and enjoy it immensely both time) so I really tried to make sure I didn’t touch my bonus points for the week. With all of the healthy eating I have been a tad constipated. Not like, OMG, I need some benifiber stat, but just not feeling quite right. (I know you love it when I share.)

My fridge is a bit bare in anticipation of the weekend (I am going away) so choices were limited for super last night. When I asked my daughter what she wanted, she asked in her sweetest little voice ‘burger and fries please mama”. Rarely do I ever get drive thru but I just gave in. We went to McCrappy’s as it is on the way home and I gave in and ordered myself a cheese burger. Just the burger, not a meal. I knew that if my daughter had one and I didn’t, it would start a dangerous craving. I knew the points of everything and knew it would only take away one weekly bonus point. I felt kind of guilty but was okay with my decision.

I now know why I was so constipated. My diet was missing the grease. That lump of congealed meat like substance sat in my stomach like a glob all last night, reminding my why McCrappy’s is so bad for you. This morning, that not quite right feeling has gone away as I have visited the lieu five times. There has got to be a better way but I am happy with my 'crappy' choice right now!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I Had a Break Down - Now You Are in for Some Trouble!!!

I am not sure what happened this weekend. It started out really good and slid into really bad pretty quick. Now I must say my binge this weekend is nothing of binges of the past but considering I am trying hard it was discouraging. On top of it, I didn't exercise cause I was being a lazy sloth!!

Actually I know exactly what happened, I was told that my raise that I was suppose to get wasn't coming because of the poopy economy and the couple of people who keep saying they will take MJ so I can have some me time pulled out at the last weekend so my relaxing Saturday was shot to shit. I get tired of being a single mommy in a city that none of my family live in so that if I ever want to do something without MJ I have to pay someone.

Monday came and although I didn't exercise, I did eat really well. I didn't put crap into my body but was still being Eeyore about my life (oh so glum, nothing will ever be good). Like many people, I get down on myself at times. I stopped myself yesterday from eating myself into feeling worse which is a step in the right direction.

This morning, thanks to Karilynn I dragged my ass out of my warm and cozy bed at 5 am (okay, so it was more like 5:10) and got on my treadmill. I told myself, it doesn't matter if you crawl, you are doing 30 minutes. As my mind cleared and the music on my ipod picked up, I did run. As I ran I began to think, there are many things in my life I like, there are many that I don't. There are certain things in my life I can change and certain things I have no control over. I started going through my list of what I don't like about my life and I can change and I am sure it is no surprise to anyone that I came to the realization that I don't want to be fat anymore. I kept saying it and saying it and began to cry.

I want immediate results. I want to be thin now. I know that it isn't possible and I have a lot of work to do. One great thing about this choice though is that when I get stressed about what I can't change in my life, I can exercise and help get closer to my goal. Losing weight really isn't that hard, eat less and exercise more. Become accountable for what you put in your body and sweat your ass off.

Come on Biggest Loser contenders, make me work for it. This is not going to be a 3 pound weight loss month. I want that $100 prize money. I have my eye on a pair of boots that are going to look great on my sculpted calves!!!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

At Least I am Not 176.5

Okay so I am not proud of my October 1st weigh in weight. It is totally my fault. I started out strong and then slipped, got back on track and then slipped again. Slept in instead of getting up and exercising, sat on my ass after MJ went to bed instead of getting a move on. Although I have been in the Biggest Loser 2009 weight loss challenge for 30 days I have only been trying for 17 days max. Due to all of this my new weight is 173.

I have come to a realization, yes I am a very slow learner, weight loss is not a zero sum game. If you fuck up one day, do not leave the bad stuff behind you and just start anew. You work your ass off the next day to make up for the mistakes you have made. If you want to eat bad, or just slip up - get off your ass and exercise, make it up to yourself.

I had a bad day yesterday and to make myself better I ate two mini-chocolate bars and a box of smarties. I was pissed that I made the mistake so I got up this morning for my 30 minutes on the treadmill and then went for a 45 minute walk at lunch today. From this point forward, I am going to either earn or make up for my mistakes.

What really makes me bad about my weigh in is that when I weighed myself on Monday (as my ww regime) I was 171.5. Now I realize that weight is easy to fluctuate but I really wish I was posting a lower weight picture. But I am not, so I will own this weight in a hope of not having to own it for much longer. I am trying to plan a hot holiday for January and I figured out on my walk today that is 14 weeks away - enough time to loose at least 24 pounds and put me below the 150 mark. Yes I have to go through Thanksgiving and Christmas but if I want to feel good about myself on the beach, that is what I need to do.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Back on Track - Almost

So I have done most of my goal that I set. I did not get up at 6:30 am yesterday to run on my treadmill, I was up at 6:13 am cause my lovely daughter woke my from my peaceful slumber. I did run though, I got her settled in front of the TV to watch a movie and got a move on. Today, the pawning of my child didn't work out so well (she is vomiting) and the weather SUCKS so no outdoor workout for me but to supplement, I plan on doing my Jillian workout after my daughter goes to bed.

I went to the farmers market yesterday and bought a bunch of yummy garden veggies and only one little goody. (I shared a rice krispie square with my daughter - considering the uber Delicious good I could have chosen, I showed tremendous strength.) So today I am using the crappy weather and my yummy veggies get some cooking done today. Since last night I have made:

- borscht (only 2 points)
- jambalaya (6 points)
- steel cut oats (3.5 points)
- cheese, bacon and dill scones (4 points)
- Chicken n' Stuffing stir fry (5 points)

All of this and I am making pumpkin ravioli tonight for supper. My kitchen is a mess but I have breakfast, lunch and supper cooked and portioned out for the next week.

I am ready to make this week better than last week. No more random eating of crap. The only thing I will be doing more of this week is getting of my ass and exercising.


Friday, September 25, 2009

What is Wrong with Me??

I know how to lose weight. I know what I have to do, what to eat, how much to work out. My problem is that except for Monday this week, I have disregarded that fact completely. I have over eaten and under-exercise for four days this week, so much so, my pants were tight when I put them on this morning.

I am ridiculous!!! I don't even justify my choices with shitty excuses - I just know what I am putting in my mouth is bad (or in excess) and I just put it in. I have my alarm set to run in the morning and I either turn off my exercise alarm (I have two alarms, one for working out, one for regular) before I go bed or get up, know I should haul my ass out of bed and turn it off and go back to sleep.

It stops now. I will not be sleeping in tomorrow. Rather I am getting up at 6:30 am to run on my treadmill. I will also try to pawn off my child to be able to go for a outdoor run on Sunday. I will not eat anything that is not pre-entered into my weight watchers online tracker. I do not deserve any treats, this isn't punishment, this is life. I do not want to be fat anymore. The way to do that is either through major surgery (not an option) or through commitment and hard work. I have to do this. I need to.


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Trying to Cleanse

Like most people I have way too much shit in my life. Too much food, too much shopping (or too much spending), too much negativity in my life - just too much. I am working on getting the bad stuff out and replacing it with the good stuff.

I have begun the house cleanse. I am going through all my stuff and getting rid of the excess. About two months ago, I cleaned out my closet and got rid of all of my fat clothes. (I am hoping to do that again in a few months when my now cloths are hopefully way too big.) Now I am trying to do it with everything - a bit at a time. I am selling some thing (almost $300 worth so far) and giving away others (seven garbage bags since September 1). I am trying not to just throw it away just because I no longer want it. The more I clean and cleanse, the more empowered I feel and less I want to shop.

I did take a night off of my 30 minute a day challenge to clean my house. I have been cleansing so much lately I have let the cleaning slide. I know have a clean house and feel so much better. I am very anal that way!


Sunday, September 20, 2009

Tomorrow Isn't Going to be Pretty

Well tomorrow is going to be a LONG day. I am volunteering after work so my regular 8 hour day is going to be a 13 hour day. Like most volunteering gigs, there is going to be plenty of crap snack food around. When I get tired, I like to eat.

I have a semi plan. Just eat a good supper and DO NOT eat the crap. I will allow myself diet pop and maybe, depending on time, an Awake Tea Misto with sugar free vanilla from Starbucks. I may or may not go for my mid-day exercise (long day and all) but other than that I really don't see any reason to go nuts on the food.

Other than yesterday, I have been getting my daily exercise - but I did shop most of the day with my mom, so I guess I got a Carrie workout. I also have my menu plan for this week, even better, I have the weekend almost planned to so I don't rely on whatever.

Going to bed now, I am going to need all the sleep I can get to make it through tomorrow.


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Great Day

I had a great day today but still have an immense craving for a Carmel Dipps bar.

Today I ate within my points limit (and I recorded everything, even the two measly almonds I ate for a stinken 0.5 of a point), stuck to my meal plan and ran/walked at lunch. My run at lunch was fabulous, I bet I doubled what I ran yesterday and other than being incredibly sweaty I felt great. One bad thing is that I am starting to run in super hot weather at mid-day. Oh well, when it cools off, it will only get better. I didn't eat my activity points, I am saving it to make up for my apple pie splurge on Monday.

I have likened my love a food to an addiction before. Like any good addict, it takes a while to get the crap out of my system. I am seriously craving bad food. I have been trying to justify eating just a bit of crap but am trying not to give in because I know I can't just have a bit. It is a very slippery slope with me and junk food. After detoxing (not an actual detox but more of a no junk detox), I am able to have just a bit but until that time, I am scared to start. This is why all I can think about is the Carmel Dipps bar. It is sugary crap covered in chocolate that I so want but am holding out on till I get over the hump. For the past two days I pick it up, look at it, think about opening and then put back. I don't even want to say, if I eat healthy for a week I can have it because I need to stop rewarding myself with food.

Oh well, wish me luck for tomorrow. I have a coworkers farewell lunch at a restaurant. I planned the whole thing so I have to go. This means that there will be a bad meal and no lunch run. I do have a plan to counteract this by going on a big walk with the daughter in her stroller after work should help. (We are planning for a two hour walk which should help.) Plus, I am not going to order whatever I want at lunch - I will keep it sensible.

I am off to go check on the other Biggest Loser bloggs. I am hoping everyone is doing well and is trying to make life changes and not just lose a few pounds.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I Ran Today

Running for me is not that astonishing. I used to run a far bit. That being said, I have not run for a long time. I have been trying to get back into it but every time I plan to run, I always have an excuse not to (I don't want to wake up an hour early to do it, I don't want to run at lunch at get all sweaty, its too late and I am tired).

Today, I was suppose to walk at lunch with a coworker. Something came up on her end and I thought, oh well, I will just go out by myself. I changed out of my work clothes, slapped on my runners and put on my ipod and off I went. Me plan was to just walk but I spend the last 20 minutes before lunch reading some of the other Biggest Loser competition blogs. About half way through my walk I came upon a large women running. Now the women was at least 75 pounds heavier than me and was breathing pretty hard. I was inspired and started off in a jog. I didn't get very far the first time, but after a quick break, I started again. As soon as I got into a good rhythm, I remembered how much I love to run.

Being reminded of how good I feel exercising, I am going to set a new goal for myself. On top of trying to menu plan healthy alternatives, I am going to try for at least 30 minutes of physical activity a day. Please, feel free to ask what I am doing as sometimes shame does keep me motivated. :)

Bad thing about trying to clean up my eating habits this week is that I am going through bad food withdrawals right now. I keep trying to go eat bad things and then stop myself. I know this will pass in a week or so but the first couple of days is so hard. I did have a snack size kit kat today but other than gum it has been all healthy, homemade food for me. What got me through the day was my eggs and bacon meal I planned for supper. I love eggs and bacon and knew I could only have it if I didn't slip today. I did it and because I didn't have stupid crap, I even allowed myself one extra slice of bacon (yes real bacon, none of that imitation turkey shit).

All in all a good day. Yeah me!!


Monday, September 14, 2009

The Week is Planned

I am a planner. No I didn't plan to be fat but I can honestly say I am fat cause I didn't have a plan not to be. When I don't plan, I over eat and under exercise. I won't lie, if I could be skinny by sitting on the couch, watching bad tv and eating poutine I would be waif thin. Unfortunately, when I do that, my ass gets bigger. To counteract the growing, I have a plan for spread.

I have menu planned for the week. It is an easy and actually not that expensive menu that uses up a lot of stuff I already have. I find when I am all planned out, it is much easier to stay on track and even plan where to use your bonus points. Plus, everything is already entered into my ww online tool so I know what my snacking potential for everyday. I have between 5 to 10 snacking points (yes 10) to random eat.

I really try not to go into my 'weekly points' but if I find something that is truly delectable that is a limited time offer, I will dip in. I will plan for chocolate (I use activity points to counter balance my chocolate addiction) but if I have a plan, I won't use my precious points on a kitkat. With all of my careful planning, I made the informed decision to dip into my extra points and I did it for the the most decadent pie I have ever eaten. No regrets. It was homemade apple pie with apples that were grown in a backyard. It was picture perfect and the smell was almost too good to eat it - almost but not quite. It was 10 points of heaven. Because of it, I worked out tonight and hope to get my ass in gear tomorrow to hope on the treadmill.

My week is off to a great start, it better keep going, as all my pants are getting tight and if I don't start losing soon, I don't know what I will do.


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Oh Crap

Being an emotional eater means these past two days sucked!!! I controlled my eating for my wonderful friend weekend (okay I totally over indulged in the alcohol department but one I was good on one account) but have been struggling since I went back to work on Tuesday.

Work has been stupid nuts and I have been sleep deprived as MJ has been sick. I thought at first she had chicken pox but luckily she is just randomly allergic to something and my dumb ass doctor won't send her to get allergy testing (I am in the process of finding a new doctor). She wakes up screaming cause she is so itchy. As a result, I am uber tired making the little things harder to deal with. I have been trying to get more exercise but honestly can't get it up to do more than walk at lunch.

Hopefully tonight will be the night to get some sleep. If not, tomorrow means I will try the allergy medication the pharmacist recommended that will knock her out for the night. I feel guilty drugging my child but if I don't get some sleep soon I may have to take a day off of work just to be able to send her to daycare so that I can get some sleep.

Wish me luck, hopefully tonight will be the night for 8 full hours of sleep.


Friday, September 4, 2009

Companies Coming

A really good friend of mine is coming with her two little girls for a visit this weekend. She has never come visit me in my new house, which makes this visit exciting for me. Even more fun is that we are going to the Labour Day Classic!! My super fabulous babysitter is back (she moved home for the summer) and I have suckered her into watching all three kids (that would be three children under the age of three). It is going to be a fabulous long weekend.

One big draw back, is that it is probably going to be a super fabulously fattening weekend. I know, I know, there are always 'better' choices to make. I am going to sit down and do some menu planning and try to make healthy meal choices which will not be hard as I am planning to do bbq'ing this hot, hot labour day weekend. However a day at the football field on a hot, hot day mean a lot of empty liquid calories consumed.

I rarely drink and actually go out even less so I really don't want to waste this wonderful opportunity to be a lush with a great friend as I have been doing good this week. Oh well, a planned fall of the wagon is better than falling off and staying off right? Plus, I am going to see if I my wonderful friend will let me go for an outdoor run all by myself and watch my little one. I am thinking she will cause she is great.

I will check in on Monday and let you know how it went.


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Biggest Loser 2009

Okay, once again my weight has gotten out of control. This ridiculous. As most women I know, weight is a constant struggle with me. In an attempt to get me motivated, I have joined another weight loss challenge, Biggest Loser 2009. The rules are easy and it involves money (paying and winning).

We only weigh in once a month so to start it all off, we needed to take a picture of us on a digital scale. I was going to wait until morning to step on the scale but figured, fuck it, I weigh what I weigh. I just about cried. At the end of June my weight was 161.5 pounds. I just stepped on the scale and I am now 176.5. My feet even look fat in the picture.

I have been eating uncontrollably lately and have been doing zero exercise so I shouldn't be too surprised. Still feels like a punch to the stomach. Why is weight so hard to lose and so easy to put back on.
Wish me luck. It starts now!!!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

So I Am a Bit Political

For those who don't know me, I am a bit of a political person. I have a degree in political science and have always wanted to work in government. When I first finished university, I always thought I wanted to work on the bureaucracy side, focusing on policy development. Now I am a card carrying member of the best political party in North America (the only reason I don't say the world is that I am not fully aware of the political parties world wide, but I would put money that after months of research, I would still think the it rocks).

Anywho, there is a byelection coming up in our province and with that I have been asked to help out campaigning. I have never done any campaigning before in my life and was really nervous. Now I am helping organize volunteers, working the phones and have even when out door knocking. I love it. It is engaging, challenging and completely enthralling. I can't wait till the general election to do more.

For those out there who believe in a party would urge you to do what they can to help out. Donate money, donate your time, go out and vote. If you believe that the people you support would make the world a better place, help them do that. It is a rewarding experience. I thought it would be a chore, something I did out of obligation, but its not, it is something I want to do. My thought is that if people don't, what are we left with.


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

What Makes Me a Horrible Person

There are many things that make me a horrible person (momentarily, I know on the whole I am a good person). I just finished a book that just reading makes me a bad person, even more so that I laughed at the book, like laugh out loud.
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell is a horrible book by a terrible person. He gets drunk, makes fun of people and degrades women. It makes me laugh.
Please do not buy this book and support this person but if you want a chuckle, go to his website and read the stories for free. My all time favorite is the Austin Story.
I am a bad person at times but at least I am not as bad as Tucker Max.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I Really Don't Like Tuesdays

Now most people dread Mondays, not me, Tuesdays get me. Mondays are crazy busy and I make it through the day, am well planned for lunch and supper from being off of work for two days. Tuesdays are still busy but there are usually lows in the day that zap my energy. I can go go all day as long as it is go go. When there are slow times, my energy dips.

Wednesday is a new day, Wednesdays are always better. I am looking forward for to better.


Sunday, August 16, 2009

Back From Holidays

Off the road again, I am finally off the road again. Been fantastic places and visited wonderful friends but I am ecstatic to be off the road again (sung to the melody of the Willie Nelson song).

I am back from a fantastic holiday. A week long holiday that involved lots of driving. A trip that was over 2,000 kilometers of driving. After all of that driving I am crowing myself the road trip queen. I avoided accidents (stupid boys with their trucks), only had one pee-pee car seat accident (MJ's not mine), got myself unstuck from 3 inches of mud, and had minimal car temper tantrums (for both MJ and me).

I had a great time and did a tonne of stuff. I got to visit my sisters, meet my new niece (so beautiful), visited some wonderful friends, died my hair, picked berries for an infomercial (random I know), went to the zoo, went to a beach party in 10 degree weather, and had a tonne of fun.

The only bad part about my trip was I left my blow drier at my sisters. Oh well, I always forget something. For the amount I travel I should be better at packing but I am not, something to strive for in the future.

Back to real life. I need to go to some laundry.


Sunday, August 2, 2009

What Has Happened

I stepped onto the scale today (something I have not done in about three weeks) and was astonished. In one month I have gained 10 pounds. Frigggg. Thinking about it, I am not surprised at all. When you eat total crap for a month and don't exercise what do you expect would happen? I am disgusted with myself that I allowed my debauchery to go this far. I could blame it on the new birth control I am taking but really, I know better. I am accepting total and complete blame.

My plan you ask, today, just like any good addict, I plan to hit bottom before climbing my way out of my weight gain hole... Today, I am going to the Ex. My plan was to go today and I seriously don't know how you go the Ex without enjoying the deliciously disgusting for you treats. Okay, I realize that is not the most forward way of thinking, but that is what I am doing.

That is my plan for now. Monday is a holiday so I will spend the morning planning a healthy menu and part of the afternoon grocery shopping. MJ's dad is going to be here this week as I have a HUGE project going on at work with meetings almost every night so he is here to help out parenting. This will help as I can go for an actual outdoor run in the mornings (okay, it may start out as more of a walk) to help me get started.

This is the biggest weight gain since Christmas. I hate it when this shit happens. I feel bloated and gross. Why oh why do I let this happen? Not that it matters, nothing to do now but but look forward - again.


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Weekly Challange - Week Four

So with my vacation, my weight loss challenge has been stagnate. I will admit now I did not even weigh in last week and am seriously considering not stepping on the scale this week as I know I have gained. That being said, I think this weekly challenge was very timely - setting goals. First I am suppose to set my long and short term goals and then use small, non-food rewards to give you something to work for.

Short Term Goals

1. Being able to run 5 K again.

2. Exercise four times a week.

3. Actually record all the food I eat in

4. Avoid eating crappy for you food.

Short Term Rewards

1. Purchase a new itunes card to keep me motivated with new tunes.

2. If I do it for a month, I will splurge on a pedicure.

3. Seriously, if I don't start doing this, I will cancel my membership. I really love weight watchers online and keeping it is a reward.

4. I know this is stupid but the reward to this one is simply feeling good. Crappy food makes me feel icky.

Long Term Goals

1. Hit my goal weight. 135 pounds.

2. Finally be a size eight again (maybe even smaller).

Long Term Rewards

1. New clothes!!!

2. Feeling good in my own skin.

Now time to work towards my goals. Setting them is easy, obtaining them takes work. I start tomorrow, seriously. If anyone want to keep me in check, I encourage them to do so. PLEASE!!


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Checking In

Hello to all. I am not even sure what to write today. I am still on vacation and the weather has been crappy so I have not done anything fun or exciting. Wait, I did one thing that was kind of out of the ordinary, I smoked a sheesha.

A friend of mine was home from Cairo and brought a sheesha home and some apple tobacco (awesome). Essentially, it is smoking flavoured tobacco through a water pipe. Yes, I smoked actual tobacco and not anything illegal.

Other than that I have been bumming around but not at the beach as I would have hoped. That will change tomorrow as I am going to the lake for the day and its even suppose to be nice out - hooray!!!

I have not counted a weight watcher point my whole holiday (we are on day 15) and really think there is something really wrong with the scale at my parents house cause when I stepped on it on the weekend, it said I stayed at the same weight as last week. Oh well, even if it is lying I love it for now.

I am off to do my anti-rain dance. If it rains tomorrow, I may just suck it up and drive home. If I am going to be stuck inside cleaning someones house, it might as well be mine. (Not that my parents force me to clean the house, I am compelled to do it by some sick voice in my head. Yes, I will come to your house if you want when its raining. When it starts to snow, I feel further compelled to bake and cook comfort food!!)


Friday, July 10, 2009

I Need a Vacation, Oh Wait

Yes, I need a vacation from my holiday!! It seems like I have been too busy to classify my holiday as relaxing, I have been working so much that I considered going back to work (humorously, my wonderful boss said if I showed up at work I would be taken out back for a boot to the ass). No going back to work for me but I will continue to put in time here and there to stay on top of things.

I would love to post pics of my holiday but I left me camera cord at home. Oh well, just missing my wonderful sunburn.

My 15 week challenge is not going so well. Hard to stick to the diet with all the great food around. Food I wouldn't normally buy cause I can resist. Oh well, to counter act this fact I have done this 30 minute outdoor workout twice this week.

1. 100 m sprint – Duck walk back to starting point
2. Pushups (10 per side)
3. 1 legged Squats (10 per leg)
4. Crunches (1 minute)
5. Bench Step ups (3 minute)
6. Chin ups (2 reps before failure), I totally suck at chin ups and can get one done if I take a running jump at it and then hang there for a while trying to pull my ass up.

I repeat about 5 to 8 times, depending on the time I have. I can usually get this done when I take my daughter to the playground and monopolize various equipment.

I have attempted to also run in the mornings but that is going so well. Maybe tomorrow, probably not though...

That is all for now, I need to get going. I bit more work before I get ready for the lake this weekend. Hope to write in again soon.


Friday, July 3, 2009

I Miss My Friends More When I See Them

Ten months ago I moved to a different city for an amazing job. I needed to move, to shake thing up and to stand on my own two feet (I was living very happily in my parents basement). I struggled with moving because it meant leaving all my friend and family behind but it was an opportunity I could not pass up.

The first couple of months I came back to visit a lot. I hate to say it, but coming back for a visit got old fast. I really hate the drive and it felt like I wasn't making my new town home. I put MJ in a few activities and have not visited since March. I didn't feel that bad about it cause other than the occasional phone call from my grandma, no one really seemed to miss me (okay that may be a lie, everyone says they missed me but no one took the time out to say it when I was away).

Anyhoo.... I am back for my summer holiday. I love summer and I love the beach. To help celebrate this, I took 20 consecutive days off to help celebrate this fact. I went home (as I always have and probably always will consider where I grew up home) for visit. The trip so far has been enlightening and I am only on day 3.

Honestly, I take my mother for granted at times. As a single mom, when she is around I rely on her heavily as a free nanny service. Not fair on my part, but she offers and loves it. So it was tragic when today she up and quit. My little sister's water broke so she hopped in her car for the 10 hour drive to be at her side. Okay, I know that me and my child are no competition for a new newborn grandchild but I now have to plan my events a little more carefully. On the other hand, I am totally pumped to have a new niece or nephew on the way!!

Today I spent the day with my oldest friend out at the lake. It was really weird cause we struggled with things to talk about. We never do that. We had not seen or talked to each other for so long that we didn't even know what to say. This is also compounded with my job not being the best job to share what is happening at work had many a lull in the conversation. I was a little hurt that she made plans to go out to have drinks with a bunch of her friends after I left without asking if I wanted to join.

Everyone I have seen since I have been back (and weirdly that has been a lot), I don't know what to say. After the obligatory, 'So, have you found a man?' question, the conversation dies. (Total side bitch but I have an AMAZING life, fantastic job, wonderful child and all everyone cares about is if I am dating seems a little pathetic. I seriously want to ask if they are having martial troubles or getting what they need in the sack. It is not so much the quest9ion but the utter look of disappointment on their faces when I say no that makes me want to make them as uncomfortable.) I feel like an outsider that no longer fits into the groups I so seamlessly used to fit into. That feeling makes me miss my friends more now that I have seen them than before when I had not even talked to them in a couple of months.

I know its a fact of life and it is hard to stay friends, especially over long distances. I know it is bound to happen with some people but it still hurts. Maybe my mood will brighten when the sun comes out tomorrow (please break into song here) but until then I am off to soak my sorrows in the bath and give myself a home pedicure.


Thursday, July 2, 2009

Week One - Weekly Challenge

My challenge for this week for the 15 Week Challenge was to revamp a recipe. I must admit, I am constantly on the look out for new recipes and LOVE all types of food (hence the big ass) that I found it hard to chose the one that love the most. Recipes are easy to makeover into skinny recipes, its just if the taste is still there. This has to be in my top 5, I love breakfast (anytime of the day) and it is soooo delicious you would never tell that it is only 4 ww points for a HUGE piece. You can always add more veggies if you want. Sometimes I add mushrooms too.
Breakfast Casserole
3 cups croutons (I use balsamic vinaigrette croutons from Costco)
6 oz shredded fat-free cheddar cheese
6 oz cooked ham (you can also use imitation bacon bits or turkey sausage)
1 cup zucchini
1/2 cup onion
3/4 cup sweet red pepper
2 cups Egg Beaters Egg Whites
1 cup evaporated milk
salt and pepper
1. Cook veggies and meat in a skillet. If you are using sausage, brown sausage in a large first and drain fat. If meat is already cooked, just add to veggies once done. Only cook veggies for about 5 minutes.
2. Place croutons in a 9X13 inch baking dish. Sprinkle cheese over croutons; top with veggie/meat mixture.
3. Beat eggs, evaporated milk, salt and pepper in a mixing bowl, and pour over the casserole.
4. Cover baking dish, and refrigerate overnight.
5. The following morning, preheat oven to 350 degrees F (150 degrees C). Bake, uncovered, until browned and set, about 40 minutes. Let set for 5 minutes before eating.
Serves 8.
I am so in holiday mode right now but am using the Challange to keep motivated. Thanks Amy!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

15 Week Challange

I signed up for Amy's 15 Week Challenge. The basic idea started as a challenge to lose 15 pounds in 15 weeks. I think she is looking to lose her last 15 pounds, but it’s not limited to people who only have 15 pounds to lose. I got 30 and two pounds a week is not unreasonable. Plus she’s going to have food and fitness challenges every week.

Here are my reasons for wanting to do this challenge:

1. I hate to lose. I am a very competitive person, not saying I don't like it when others succeed but I like it when I do more. (I know I am a horrible person but at least I am honest about it.)

2. Amy’s going to have Workout Wednesdays and a Workout Challenge every week – and I’m so looking forward to incorporating some new ideas into my routine.

3. She’s got prizes! (Real, tangible prizes – not just feeling healthy and having a rockin’ bod!)
4. My holidays start in two days and I need motivation not to eat like a pig and lay around like a sloth.
Wish me luck.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

I Am A Better Mommy Than You

Nanna, nanna, booboo! I know you are but what am I.

Okay, I really am not a better mommy but I have been thinking a lot lately about how judgemental I am. I think this all came about since everyone and their dog blogged about John and Kate Gosling the past couple of weeks. I think it is very sad that a family is breaking up. I have gone through my own family breaking up and you can not imagine the pain you feel not being able to stop something that you would do anything to stop. Just thinking about the hurt I felt two years ago brings tears to my eyes. (Please don't feel sorry for me, I am in a better place but its just not the kind of pain that easy to just walk away from.) I think it is very sad but have gotten very protective of the Gosling family because I remember that pain (or more specifically I get protective of Kate because I sympathise with her).

When someone speaks ill of Kate I get mad. Really mad. This women was trying to support a huge family. Would I have taken the path she did by making a living by putting my family on a reality tv show? Maybe? The thought of 8 kids makes my head spin never mind paying the grocery bill for that many hungry little mouths. Did she bust her husbands balls and was a domineering hag? Absolutely but it was who she was. Every family has the dominate person (in some it switches depending on the situation) and Kate was always that person. Did she in any way deserve what she got? Absolutely not!! She was trying her best and doing very well (in my opinion) before this whole fiasco. Yes she got a lot of free stuff from putting her family in the public eye but so does most celebrities.

So here I am defending this crazy lady because we share a common thread (the human experience right?) and the fact is I judge everyone! I will judge the mommy who talks on her cell phone while driving with her child in the back, I judge the mommy who smokes with her child a few feet away, the fat person with nothing but snack foods in her cart - really I judge myself.

I pick the qualities I don't like in myself and magnify them in others. I make snap judgements based on little or no facts. I guess its good I realize that about myself. What I would like is not to dislike anything about myself (part of my journey to be a happy person) and to stop with the judging.

Does any better mommy have any ideas how to stop judging people? Or maybe tell me why you judge people, because I can figure out other people's problems way easier than I can figure out my own.

Judgmentally yours,

Monday, June 22, 2009

Off to a Good Start

I had a great Monday. I ate relatively well (considering that I had birthday pie, cookies, and ice cream sprung on me) and compensated with exercise. I had a non-planned cookie and a small scoop of ice cream but I also walked to and from work, went for a walk at lunch and did some gardening this evening. I only came out 0.5 points in the negative so that is great!

Plus I learned something kinda interesting. I know I live by a bunch of churches but there are four within a fifteen minute walk (and that is only in one direction). I think I am going to start looking at something close to home as there are no EMCC churches where I live (thanks for the tip Tyler).

That's all for now... I plan on getting up at 5 am to do some Jillian Micheal's shredding and need some shut eye.

Still motivated for now,

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me

Today I turn 31 and at the moment I have having many mixed feelings about my birthday. I really don't mind getting older, that much, but I think it is the lack of someone special in my life. I thought that by the time I was in my 30's I would have someone special to share my life with. I do not mean to sound ungrateful cause I have the most beautiful and special child in my life, but I want more. I want it all.

One reasons for my melancholy is that it is raining. In my memory, with the exception of one or two, the weather on my birthday is always beautiful. Another reason is that my baby is gone. My mother just left with my child. I have sent her to spend a week with her grandparents. She is super excited and was not sad at all to leave. I just miss her when she is not her and she is not been well (a story for another time). I am okay with her going cause I remember the time with my grandparents as a child and I would not take that away from my child. I just need to keep myself busy.

Birthdays are a good time to reflect on your life. I look at my life and am happy with most of it. I have a wonderful child, a great family (a distant family but they are there when I need them), a fantastic job (I still am in wonder at where I work) but I am not fulfilled. I moved about a year ago and am finding it hard to connect with people. I have been trying but I think I may need to look at a different group. I think that I need to find more mommy friends. Single friends are great but after not being able to go out any night of the week really separates me from them. I think I did connect with one of the t-ball mommies and we have made plans for a play date so I hope that is a start.

I thought by this time I would be farther along in my goals. I did set some goals before Christmas have a just began work to fulfill one of them. I need to try harder. Things do not just happen because I want them to. You have to work for what you want. I wonderful mommy that I look up to (in case you don't know it, that is you Tyler), writes a wonderful blog that teaches me things about myself almost every time I read it. Anyway, she shared an article about self-discipline that showed me that I need to work on me.

I have decided that this is what my 31st year will be about, making me better. Being the happiest and best person I can be. This is my new goals:

  1. Join a church. I feel that I need to strengthen my relationship with God. A simple way to do this is to join a church. I will do some research and do some visits.
  2. Make more friends. Hard yes but I am hoping doing more activities and joining a church will help with that.
  3. Date more. I have been on a few dates but I am going to date instead of focusing on finding the right one. If a princess has to kiss a few toads, I am okay with that.
  4. Lose 30 pounds. Need to. I refuse to accept being fat. I may not need to lose all 30 but I am not happy at my current weight or look so things need to change.

Wish me luck, I am hoping to have one hell of a year. If anyone has suggestions, please let me know. I am willing to try anything once!

One year older, and so much better.


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Stupid Blog

Okay I have to admit I am a blogging idiot. I really don't know that much about anything on the blogging world if you don't including writing down my random thoughts and hitting publish post. So when my template crashed, I said a few swear words and starting googling (something I am good at).

It has taken me two days but I finally, finally have a semi working blog page that I kinda sorta like. Not exactly what I want but I don't even know how to get that. If anyone has any tips or tricks please let me know. It seriously took me two hours to figure out how to have three columns.


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Not so Bad

Okay maybe I over reacted a tad yesterday. A day with my sweetheart was not horrible. We have had a great time playing and watched a movie. I even got some cleaning and stuff done.

I was scared of the thought of being at home with her. Like most people I know, I seriously question my parenting abilities. Now not at all times but I do not know if I am capable of being a stay at home mommy. I accept my limitations and am very happy that she is in daycare. I wish she didn't have to be in there for as long as she is but overall I am very happy dropping her off in the morning (I am also very happy to pick her up at the end of the day too!)

The thought of being quarantined with her scared me. No external distractions is daunting for most parents. I find myself after day one of imposed exile thinking I can do this. I can do seven days with my sweet princess. I was thinking of ways to escape, all the groceries I had to go buy (not really, I went grocery shopping 3 days ago) and the other things I absolutely needed to get done (yeah returning library books is soooo important). Now I will not be rushing in my two weeks notice to be a stay at home mom but a week of trying it on won't be so bad.

I took MJ into get tested this morning and was told that the results would take at least 5 to 10 day to get back as they have to go to a national lab. Did I mention that I hate to wait? I called in a favour and will have the results tomorrow, Thursday at the latest. Now I realize that people who can't call in favours don't like this but I really love favoritism. It works well for me.


Monday, June 8, 2009

Did you ever feel like the world is against you?

Okay so maybe that is going a bit far as i don't really feel like the world is against me but I am feeling like parts of it are. I am sitting her tonight not even sure how to feel... my beautiful baby may have the H1N1 virus - yes that is right, my little piglet may actually have the swine flu.

Now what I am going to say show how horrible of a mommy I am. The worst part about this whole thing is that if MJ does have the virus it means we are in quarantine for 7 days. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!! Seven days in isolation with a two year old. No parks, no library, no shopping, no movie, no nothing. Me and my child in our house for 168 hours!! This thought terrifies me.

Some germy little snot nose child (okay he really isn't that bad) at my daughter's daycare has tested positive for the virus and when I picked up MJ today she had a fever of 103 and smelled like vomit. When I asked her why she replied, "Cause I puked in my mouth and swallowed it!" Nice. When I got her home I also discovered she has diarrhea and a horrible diaper rash. I talked to a friend of mine and he confirmed that I should take her in to get tested in the morning or if I had a had a death wish, I could always take her to the emergency room tonight.

Oh well, guess it won't be so bad. I do have three bottles of wine and a bottle of vanilla vodka here to numb the pain if the isolation is horrible (for me, not the toddler of course).

Wish me luck at the doctors. Here's hoping for a negative test result!

Hopefully yours,

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Where Have All the Good Men Gone

So I have been trying lately to put myself out there in the dating world. It is hard but I am trying. I even told a group of ladies from work they are free to set me up with anyone they think would be good for me (I guaranteed one date, no more no less). The ladies seemed very excited with the prospect but as that was only a couple of days ago, no new leads yet.

I have been dabbling in the online thing again out of a lack of any other options. I met a really nice guy - really nice. He is respectful (in law enforcement), patience, good conversationalist, kind and good looking. He was previously married but ended the marriage almost a year ago due to a cheating wife (and they are still friends). We went out for drinks and had a great time. He said he would call but when he did I was having lunch with my daughter so when I called him back a couple of days later he said he was glad I called. We had a great chat (an hour and a half) and he admitted that he didn't think I was going to call him back but really wanted to pursue a second date. We ended the call with him saying he will definitely call me in a few days.

That was over a week ago. I debated what to do. This guy is nice and has told me he likes me too so without trying to appear desperate (I am not desperate yet) I called him. He was not home so I left a brief message to call me. Now I am confused. I have a sinking feeling that there will be no call back and there will be no second date. So why fake interest??

Dating seems really hard. I know this line sounds old but all the good ones seem to be taken - well the good ones who are my age at least. I am trying to be open to possibilities, I truly am. I am not even that frustrated yet as I haven't really been in the dating market whole hearted for very long.

Well tomorrow is another day. If he doesn't call, he doesn't call. There are bigger problems in the world than that.


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I was doing so good...

So I have been sticking to my new 'lifestyle' change. I actually modified my daily intake to be less points and made me feel better about it. I got up early and ran/walked on my treadmill and was feeling really good about myself AND THEN...

I went to a wedding shower that was being held right after work. The food being served was strictly appetizer type food (food I love) and stupid me, didn't eat anything before I went. I torn into and ate ribs, wings, pitas with dip and even some veggies. (Please keep in mind you my new detox plan severely limits salt and sugar.) I came home with a bloated stomach and feeling nauseous. I woke up this morning thirsty and feeling crappy. Due to this feeling I ate shitty for lunch and even ate candy this afternoon.

Tomorrow is a new day, and that day will start on the treadmill.