The Week is Planned

I am a planner. No I didn't plan to be fat but I can honestly say I am fat cause I didn't have a plan not to be. When I don't plan, I over eat and under exercise. I won't lie, if I could be skinny by sitting on the couch, watching bad tv and eating poutine I would be waif thin. Unfortunately, when I do that, my ass gets bigger. To counteract the growing, I have a plan for spread.

I have menu planned for the week. It is an easy and actually not that expensive menu that uses up a lot of stuff I already have. I find when I am all planned out, it is much easier to stay on track and even plan where to use your bonus points. Plus, everything is already entered into my ww online tool so I know what my snacking potential for everyday. I have between 5 to 10 snacking points (yes 10) to random eat.

I really try not to go into my 'weekly points' but if I find something that is truly delectable that is a limited time offer, I will dip in. I will plan for chocolate (I use activity points to counter balance my chocolate addiction) but if I have a plan, I won't use my precious points on a kitkat. With all of my careful planning, I made the informed decision to dip into my extra points and I did it for the the most decadent pie I have ever eaten. No regrets. It was homemade apple pie with apples that were grown in a backyard. It was picture perfect and the smell was almost too good to eat it - almost but not quite. It was 10 points of heaven. Because of it, I worked out tonight and hope to get my ass in gear tomorrow to hope on the treadmill.

My week is off to a great start, it better keep going, as all my pants are getting tight and if I don't start losing soon, I don't know what I will do.

Moi

Biggest Loser 2009

Okay, once again my weight has gotten out of control. This ridiculous. As most women I know, weight is a constant struggle with me. In an attempt to get me motivated, I have joined another weight loss challenge, Biggest Loser 2009. The rules are easy and it involves money (paying and winning).

We only weigh in once a month so to start it all off, we needed to take a picture of us on a digital scale. I was going to wait until morning to step on the scale but figured, fuck it, I weigh what I weigh. I just about cried. At the end of June my weight was 161.5 pounds. I just stepped on the scale and I am now 176.5. My feet even look fat in the picture.

I have been eating uncontrollably lately and have been doing zero exercise so I shouldn't be too surprised. Still feels like a punch to the stomach. Why is weight so hard to lose and so easy to put back on.

Wish me luck. It starts now!!!

Moi

Off to a Good Start

I had a great Monday. I ate relatively well (considering that I had birthday pie, cookies, and ice cream sprung on me) and compensated with exercise. I had a non-planned cookie and a small scoop of ice cream but I also walked to and from work, went for a walk at lunch and did some gardening this evening. I only came out 0.5 points in the negative so that is great!

Plus I learned something kinda interesting. I know I live by a bunch of churches but there are four within a fifteen minute walk (and that is only in one direction). I think I am going to start looking at something close to home as there are no EMCC churches where I live (thanks for the tip Tyler).

That's all for now... I plan on getting up at 5 am to do some Jillian Micheal's shredding and need some shut eye.

Still motivated for now,
Moi

Where Have All the Good Men Gone

So I have been trying lately to put myself out there in the dating world. It is hard but I am trying. I even told a group of ladies from work they are free to set me up with anyone they think would be good for me (I guaranteed one date, no more no less). The ladies seemed very excited with the prospect but as that was only a couple of days ago, no new leads yet.

I have been dabbling in the online thing again out of a lack of any other options. I met a really nice guy - really nice. He is respectful (in law enforcement), patience, good conversationalist, kind and good looking. He was previously married but ended the marriage almost a year ago due to a cheating wife (and they are still friends). We went out for drinks and had a great time. He said he would call but when he did I was having lunch with my daughter so when I called him back a couple of days later he said he was glad I called. We had a great chat (an hour and a half) and he admitted that he didn't think I was going to call him back but really wanted to pursue a second date. We ended the call with him saying he will definitely call me in a few days.

That was over a week ago. I debated what to do. This guy is nice and has told me he likes me too so without trying to appear desperate (I am not desperate yet) I called him. He was not home so I left a brief message to call me. Now I am confused. I have a sinking feeling that there will be no call back and there will be no second date. So why fake interest??

Dating seems really hard. I know this line sounds old but all the good ones seem to be taken - well the good ones who are my age at least. I am trying to be open to possibilities, I truly am. I am not even that frustrated yet as I haven't really been in the dating market whole hearted for very long.

Well tomorrow is another day. If he doesn't call, he doesn't call. There are bigger problems in the world than that.

Moi

Kids Say the Darnedest Things and Mommy Plan to Eat the Strangest

My beautiful daughter and I were eating lunch today and she dropped a piece of apple onto the floor. She looked at me, cocked her pigtailed head and said, "Oh shit."

Yes it is bad when your child swears but it is also a little funny. I explained to her that was a word only mommy's used and maybe she should try to find one more suited to little ladies like dang or oh no. She looked me square in the eyes and said, "Shit sounds better."

Lesson learned, no more potty mouth. Words for mommy don't fly in my house apparently. Lesson learned.

Since summer is upon us, I am endeavoring to jump start my weight loss, not only for the fact to look good on the beach but also to help control the eating out spending. A friend of mine goes to a trainer who has her on a food detox program to ride her body of all the sugar, salt and processed crap (notice I didn't say shit) that our body craves. The first week of the cleanse apparently sucks cause you want all the bad stuff but if you stick to it, it gets much easier.

You essentially eat the same thing every day. Every two to three weeks you get a new menu that adds in new foods. Here is my menu:

Meal 1:
3/4 cup egg whites
1 cup oatmeal

Meal 2:
Protein shake
1 apple

Meal 3:
3 oz chicken breast
1 cup rice
1/3 cup salsa

Meal 4:
Protein shake
2 rice cakes

Meal 5:
3 oz lean meat (chicken, tuna, buffalo, turkey)
1 cup carrots

Meal 6:
1 cup low sodium cottage cheese
1/2 cup cucumbers

You also need to drink between 3 to 4 liters of water a day.

I began today and it isn't all bad. I did not have my meal two at all and was totally stuffed after breakfast and lunch. There is more than enough food to keep a person going. The food combination seem a little strange but what can I do. I need to loose weight.

Wish me luck - again.

Moi

I Did It

I finally got out of bed early and ran!!! It felt great and it was wonderful. I cannot believe how much better my lung capacity is now that I don't smoke. For the 30 minutes I was on the treadmill today, I probably ran 20 minutes of it. I did about 4 kilometers in 30 minutes which is good, but I plan to get better.

I have come to the realization that I lose weight and keep it off if I exercise. I don't hate exercising but don't especially look forward to it. There is always some reason I can find not to do it - if I could tighten up my ass by making excuses you could bounce a quarter off my gluteus maximus by now.

With the weather turning nicer, it is also very apparent I can't hide my legs in pants for much longer. Or more truthfully, I don't want to hide my legs in pants anymore. I want to show off my legs with confidence like I used to. I don't want to have to hide my muffin top, cause I want it gone.

I have been pretty good with eating so far this week. I have been trying to stay within my point allotment. It is hard but I have been doing good. I am now okay with using my bonus points and do not just stop counting because I go over my allotment. I even went out for supper tonight with MJ. We went to extreme pita - one whole wheat chicken pita with no cheese and no sauce is only 4 points!! I had some pita chips and tzaiki for an extra 3 points. Not too bad!!

Why is losing weight and looking fit so hard for some of us. Oh well, something worth having is worth working for right?? If I earn it, it will be that much sweeter.

Moi

What is Wrong with Me??? Please don't answer that....

First off I need to confess I have fallen off the weight watcher wagon. Well, to be 100% truthful, I have jumped off the wight watcher wagon and ran yelling and screaming in the other direction. For the past two weeks, I have barley kept track of anything I have eaten, to make matters worse I ate horribly last week, and ate bad lunches everyday. OK, so if I am being honest I must let you know I ate out every day last week.


I stepped on the scale to day and my weight was astronomically high. So high I am too embarrassed to actual write it. You would think the number itself would shock me into eating well for the rest of the day. Oh gosh no, diet starts tomorrow. I continued to eat like crap for the rest of the day. I have no self control. None. I am not hungry but keep cramming food into my mouth. This is going to stop. It has too. This is getting to the point of ridiculous!!


I went on a date this week. It was with Mr. Man. I have barely spoke to him since. I don't think we click. It wasn't exactly a bad date but it wasn't a wonderful one either. He is a little rough around the edges and does think a lot of himself. Why is it so hard to find Mr. Perfect with little to no effort on my part? I think I will give him another chance. Why not, not like my dating calendar is full right?

Boringly yours,
Moi

Day that Sucked - Well Semi-Sucked

My day sucked. It wasn't horrible end in tears kind of day but I am glad it is over. My whole big plan to go in, get my report done, and go home early went to shit. I did get my report done by noon, but by that time MJ is having nap time at daycare. I figured, why pick her up while she is sleeping, right??

Since I wasn't swamped busy at work I figured I would take a actual lunch hour and go and get all signed up for my gym membership (I signed up over the phone as I was four hours away at my parents but wanted to get in on the deal). I just wanted to confirm the childcare when the membership coordinator guy looked at me with a lost look in his eyes - there is no childcare at this location at the present time. The gym in the north end of the city has childcare but that is a 20 to 30 minute drive. Sorry no sale. They did refund my sign up fee with no hassle. This does however leave me with no gym. I guess I will have to get motivated by myself. I have gained this week so I better start soon.

Daycare called at 3:00 pm letting me know MJ's temp was about 101.5. I gave them permission to give her Tylenol and told them I would pick her up early. Due to the mass confusion of the work day I left a whole 10 minutes early. One of my bosses kept asking for things and it didn't feel right leaving (to his credit I didn't tell him I had a sick kid, he had way bigger problems today). Not like it really mattered, when I picked up MJ she was fine, running and playing with the best of them. Regardless, I felt like a poppy mommy, I know I am not but trying to leave work and knowing I couldn't I sure felt like it.

So on top of all of this, one of the ladies I worked with kept telling me how bad I looked cause I looked so tired. Wow, there is kindness for you. Some people need to be kicked in the shins - hard!! When has it become acceptable to tell someone they look like shit? Okay, I do look tired today but that is so beyond the point.

On that note, I am off to bed. Hopefully I will be up running at some ungodly early hour. I do love my life, I really do, just not at this very moment. I will again tomorrow.

Moi

Back on Track

Okay so non-smoking is going okay. I have cheated once but that is fine. I had like four drags and it was awful. It really was and the thing is it didn`t make anything better or easier. Just made me feel like a loser for cheating (at the time I am now over it). The funny thing is that my mom gave me the smoke to cheat. Both of my parents have been trying to quit. They went to the hypnotist and are not doing too bad. Well my mom had cut down a tonne and my dad has been doing spectacular. He used to be like a pack and a half smoker a day and has not smoked for a month.

So my dear father has given me the encouragement to continue. And the fat I am feeling (okay I realize it is just water retention) has given me the motivation to get back on the weight watcher wagon. I ruined today (omg do you know hash brown casserole is like 9 points a serving, even it is made with the low fat crap) but that doesn`t mean that I am throwing the day away. It is a start of a new week tomorrow and I will make the most of it. I am throwing away the rest of the hash brown casserole, way to tempting.

I do have some dating news to report. I met someone new online and he doesn`t seem to be horrible. I know I gush. I don`t want to jinx anything by saying too much but he seems really nice and considerate. Plus if I really want to know all of his details, I have a some mutual friends but I don`t think I want to do that. I think I may want to find out the details for myself.

Moi

Not too Bad for the Second Smoke Free Day

Day two of not smoking and it is getting easier. Going cold turkey sucks (never tried to quit that way before) but smoking is gross so a bit of sucking is worth giving up the cigarettes.

Today was way easier though. Work was really busy which totally helped. I even resisted the temptation of my old smoking partner coming in for a visit tempting me with a smoke break. Even better, I went outside and watched everyone smoke with really no increase in craving (maybe because I think the craving level is about as high as it can go).

As a present to myself for quitting smoking, I am giving myself a weight watcher free week. I am still trying to eat sensibly and within reason but not counting the snacks. I had a bag of chips yesterday and I am not feeling sorry for it. I need to quit smoking more than I need to lose weight. One week of not losing is so much better if it means I won't be a smoker.

I need to go get some salsa and taco chips. Not smoking at night is harder than during the day. I will also have a big glass of water to fill up first.

Moi

PS My baby comes back tomorrow and I am super excited. I can't wait to hug and kiss her.

I Am A Women With A Plan

I am not going to lie, it’s been a slow day at work. My boss actually laughs at me when I tell her I have nothing to do cause she says it’s my own fault for being so efficient. Regardless, unless I am in my pj’s I hate to waste the day away (I have tried, I am not allowed to wear my pj’s to work, but I can wear my awesome size 10, newly acquired for $6.97 Superstore dress pants!!) I decided to think of ways to help accelerate my weight loss and maybe work in quitting smoking at the same time.

I am a very goal focused person and find it hard to just do something, I need a purpose. This is why folding and putting away laundry is such a task for me, it is already clean and out of sight in the basement, why bother dragging it upstairs??

Then it came to me – running a half marathon, maybe. I thought, screw it, it is a goal I can work towards even if I have to put off the timeline. There is a half marathon that will not be that far away on May 24th, which is 15 weeks away, plenty of time to train. There is also one in the City I used to live in on May 17th, which is also doable. The training program I found is a 12 week program so I figure if I can complete that I would just re-do the last couple weeks of training and presto – run a half marathon. Now if I am fall behind on my training, there is a race in my city in September that I could always do and tonnes of 5 and 10K races in the summer to keep me motivated.

I am going to start training tonight. I am thought about doing a half marathon last year but got really sick and couldn’t run at all which hampered my training and I was nowhere near ready for it so I pussied out. This time I have a backup plan – or a backup race I should say – so that it won’t be that hard if I get sick again.

Also, I was thinking, if I can do the half in May, maybe, just maybe, I can pull of another half in September or maybe even a full. I am getting excited just thinking of all the possibilities. I don’t want to disappoint myself by not sticking to the program.

I am giving myself one more week of smoking and then next week, done like dinner. (Grandma is taking MJ next week so I figured try to quit smoking while I don’t have a toddler to annoy me is a good thing. Sidebar: I love my child more than life itself but come on. She has a weird knack for driving my up the wall!!) Plus with my angel gone I have more me time to get on track with the training. If I can’t do it without drugs, my drug plan kicks in as of April 1 and I will go back on champix which worked like a charm last time I quit smoking. See Plan A and Plan B – hard to mess up to plans.

I am not going to make a huge deal of this and I am not going to tell anyone until I am ready for the race. Well other than everyone who reads my blog but really even though I love the four people who do, its not like I am shouting it from the rooftops.

Moi

I Got New Pants

So the ex came up for a visit today so I took full advantage and went shopping solo. As my weight loss continues my pants are starting to be too big. I have two pairs that fit and about 8 pairs that are getting to the point that they look sloppy and like I have shit my pants (not an attractive look).

I have been trying to stick to my budget so new clothes are not exactly in the cards. However, I have heard through the shopping grapevine that Superstore has everything on sale. I thought, okay, I can spend $7 on a pair of dress pants IF I can fit into a size 10. Now I know that size is just a number blah blah and I should concentrate on how I feel blah blah... whatever, I want to be a size eight and will not settle for less. So I am not about to go out and buy more size 12 pants, I refuse to. Guess what, I came home with 3 new pairs of size 10 (including a skinny leg) and a new top all for a grand total of $25 for all 4 pieces.

Oh and added bonus, I stepped on the scale on Friday morning, 162!!! Then I tried again after supper and weight 168??? Seriously, how does one fluctuate 6 pounds in one day? Craziness. That is okay, I will take the 162 and keep working on it. Hopefully by March I will be into the 150`s and just keep going from there.

I know there is a skinny (well at least not fat) person in my wanting to come out. I am trying hard to change my eating habits to mimic a skinny person and really it isn`t as hard as I have it set in my mind. Eating healthy is totally a mind set. Not saying its going to be easy, but I am determined to do it.

Determinately yours,
Moi

This Is It, I Think I May Vomit

Okay, so two weeks ago, I said that if my weight loss continued, I would post my weight for all the web to see. Well my weight loss has not continued as the master speed that I had hoped but I think it is time I became accountable for my fat ass.

Please keep in mind, that I have not been this skinny since before I was pregnant, which was almost three years ago... the weight I am at now is approximately the weight I was when I got pregnant. Now I am 5'3" but carry weight really well (I have been told so by medical professionals).

Now, well as of this morning, my weight is 164.5 pounds. I so want to delete this post and pretend like it never happened but I will not do that, I can't do that. Doing that will keep me fat.

I know I want to lose more weight, I need to. The problem is that my 'idea weight' is 135 which means I have 30 more pounds to go. That is a lot of weight. Even when I was working out four days a week for 2 hours of day I could barely get below 150 (mind you I ate whatever I wanted to). The upper end of my 'ideal weight' is 141 but really, that is only six pounds - which means still another 25 pounds to lose. For those keeping track, I need to lose more weight now than I have in total in my over a year of trying to lose.

I will do this. I got up to run this morning and will get up to run again tomorrow. Plus, my new Jillian Shred dvd is waiting at the post office for me (with my true blood books) and I heard they are awesome for shredding down your ass.

My main plan is to get my eating under control by pure boredom. Sort of. I plan to have a similar breakfast and lunch everyday and then have some selection items at supper. I have read a lot of other people`s menus and the most successful eat to live not live to eat. I need to change my mind set to change the size of my thighs. Plus, if I meal plan well, that means no eating out which is easier on my pocketbook (which is another thing I need to work on).

Wish me luck on my quest. I am really wanting to have lost 10 pounds by the time I go to see my sister in four weeks (realistic right) cause shopping in her city is soooo much better than here.

Honestly yours,
Moi

So Much for Being Good All Week

Well I have eaten well most of this past week, I have had to skim some of my bonus points but have stayed well within range - until today. OMG I have eaten like a glutton and it hasn't even been good food. I have had goldfish crackers, crappy food court fries, popcorn twists, Kraft dinner, hot dogs, etc (well there isn't much more but its like suckers and candy).

I have no idea how many points I consumed today and truthfully do not want to find out. I am somewhat accountable as I enter 40 points for today. I figured that should about cover it.

I am meal planning tonight. I have a great plan in mind for the next week. I need to get back on track. Although I must say that one off day is better than an off week or month.

Moi

Great Weight Watcher Day

So today was a great weight watcher day!! Well almost... funny cause I should have eaten an extra 6 points but couldn't if I tried - and that is with having a 8 point super filling supper!! (I do apologize for the amount of exclamation points but omg - today is a good day.)

So this was my meals today.... (sorry if I knew how to hyperlink my recipes I would)

Breakfast
Fiber One Oats and Chocolate Bar - 2 point
1 orange - 1 point

Lunch
Asian Zero Point Soup (I had a double serving so it is was one point) - 1 point
Butter Flavoured Rice Cakes (2) - 1 point

Supper
Chicken Breast - 3 points
Couscous Salad - 4 points
Soy Green Beans - 1 point

Snacks
Yogurt - 1 point
Riessen Candy (2) - 2 points
Lifesaver Candy (4) - 1 point


Yes a whole day of eating for 17 points. And I am totally full. Oh I should admit that I had one small bite of cake but I am not counting it as it was less than an 1/8th of a piece. You shouldn't have to count anything when it is less than an 1/8th of it.

I know I should eat more but I can't. I am on a euphoric high cause I can still have five points if I want to (if I was actually hungry) but I am not, so I am not going to eat!!!

So fulfilled,
Moi

PS I Love You

On my movies on demand channel there are a tonne of new movies that I want to see. Since I have no life and nothing else to do, I decided that I will watch one last night. Everyone has always raved about PS I Love You (yes I know it will make me cry) so I decided why not. I cried and cried and cried. The movie made me feel bad about myself - how horrible of the movie. I never had anyone who loved me that much to write letters. Yes I know, even those of you with wonderful attentive husbands that you hope would write letters but that isn't the point as I don't even have a husband to question.

So to continue the feeling good about myself I decided it was a good idea after inhaling a bowl of butter popcorn to step on the scale. Hey might as well find out how fat I am on top of having no one to love me right?? I stepped on the scale and guess what... I am down 4.5 pounds!!!! (PS I love you scale.) I have been watching what I eat (sort of) and trying to drink more water but almost 5 pounds is amazing for me. Now that may not have all been in one week but it has been in two. I just went and stepped on the scale (to make sure last night wasn't a fluke) and I am down another 1.5 pounds from last night!!! I know that may be a fluke but I am super pumped, at least it wasn't 1.5 pounds upwards right?

This lovely unexpected accomplishment is not going to be in vain. I have planned out healthy suppers all week and am going to find out the points for each and coordinate a lunch and breakfast to go with so I am well within my points range. I am also going to try and start working out a little this week. The goal for this week is three workout sessions of at least 30 minutes. I will start slow and work my way up.

I am so excited. If this keeps up, I promise I will even post my actually weight in two weeks. If I lose another five pounds from what I weighted this morning, in two weeks I promise, my actual weight will appear on this blog for all to read. (The thought makes my stomach turn but I need to be accountable right??)

Surprisingly happily yours,
Moi

My Life in Excess

I have come to the harsh realization that I live my life in the land of excess. In almost all areas of my life, I full fill myself with crap!!

My little sister is pregnant (yippee) and has asked for me to donate all my old maternity clothes. Since I will not be pregnant for a long time and they are short on money, I have no problem helping out. To get to the box of mat clothes I had to go through some clothes I bought for MJ for future use. OMG, I had bought so much clothing for my two year old daughter she will not wear half of it. (I would like to take a minute to explain that 95% of this excess is used clothes I have bought in a lot sale off of eBay or at consignment stores.) I realized half my boxes under the stair were clothes MJ had grown out of and that was with giving about 6 BOXES of clothes to the local children's shelter.

I was shaking my head at myself when I opened another box to find two pairs of bran-spanking new Uggs. Yes that is right, never worn Uggs. (I bought them direct from China for cheap last winter and they were too small and I always thought I would sell them but alas did not.) I have three Rubbermaid totes of clothes that do not fit me (my skinny clothes that I am hoping to fit into again) and a closet full of clothes that do fit.

Feeling like I should tighten my belt a bit I planned out my meals for this week. Before I went grocery store (see I am trying) I went to look in my freezer to see what I had in it am disgusted to say, I needed nothing. I have a freezer full of food - a small freezer (in my honesty I am trying not to feel horrible about myself). I went to looked in my fridge freezer and things fell out. So I went through my recipe books and figured out what I could make without having to buy more. I went to the grocery store and bought 80% fresh produce (there were some awesome sales that I could not pass up - I mean like $0.37 Dora and Princess canned pasta - a single mommy's dream).

So I have my meal plan which should keep my on my weight loss track right? F&%k no!! I cannot believe what crap I will stick in my mouth and what ridiculous excuses I will use not to get my ass on my treadmill (yes did I mention I have a $2000 treadmill (I got it half price on an excelled sale so I spend under a grand) which sits close to ideal in my basement. I am so scared to step on the scale cause I have lumps and bumps where I didn't a couple of months ago.

I am doing up a budget next because I also got my visa bill today, those purchases were not paid by cash. No more purchases other than necessities (and no a new shirt does not count as necessary). I will look into selling my items that are no longer needed and start using the items I should use (see treadmill).

If any one has any advise how I can stop living like a glutton, please, show me the light!!!

Desperately yours,
Moi

Wednesday Lulls

It is now Wednesday and I am so tired. Work has been wonderful, but rather long so far this week. My child, MJ (which is short for Moi Junior) was a terror since I picked her up from daycare. Oh well, the night is young and I am going to go to bed early, there are miles to be run tomorrow.

Speaking of weight loss, my fresh start on WW was shot to shit on Monday due to birthday cake and a cheeseburger. Why do I do this?? At least I only ate 1/2 a piece of cake, got soup instead of fries and didnt eat my bun. Hey its all about smarter choices. I went for a great run yesterday, and am going to go again tomorrow (hence the early night tonight).

I got some great news tonight too. I am getting child support again tonight. MJ's dad has not given my any child support since Christmas and before that it was sparatic at best. Now I am getting another payment and the last one was last week!! He want to make up for not being there which makes me happy.

Well that's it for me tonight. I will try to write more.

Moi

My First Blog Entry

So this is me... for better or worse. I am not a superstar I am just a little moi, okay so an above average sized moi but that is something I am trying to change. I have just moved to a bran new city, away from all my family, with my daughter for a fantastic new job.

I love my life but there is some room for improvement. I have started dating after a slump (I won't even comment on how long its been cause it just depresses me). My ex has a date (how annoying) and I hate to be outdone. How can he get a date before me... it just doesn't seem fair. So I am throwing myself into the dating world. It is my bloggy promise to go on at least 4 dates before Halloween.

I am also on a weightloss journey, hopefully one that picks up speed soon. On that note I am back on the weight watcher bandwagon after a way too long intermission and have began running again. I am finding it hard to exercise cause I have to do it at home all by myself and motivation is not a strong suit with me. But if I want to lose the weight its what I am going to have to do. I want badly to be a size 8 (smaller if possible) but I want to look good again and feel good about myself naked. (This ties into the whole dating thing, if I feel sexy, others will think I am sexy.)

Thats it from me for now. Hope to post again soon.