Happy Birthday to Me

Today I turn 31 and at the moment I have having many mixed feelings about my birthday. I really don't mind getting older, that much, but I think it is the lack of someone special in my life. I thought that by the time I was in my 30's I would have someone special to share my life with. I do not mean to sound ungrateful cause I have the most beautiful and special child in my life, but I want more. I want it all.

One reasons for my melancholy is that it is raining. In my memory, with the exception of one or two, the weather on my birthday is always beautiful. Another reason is that my baby is gone. My mother just left with my child. I have sent her to spend a week with her grandparents. She is super excited and was not sad at all to leave. I just miss her when she is not her and she is not been well (a story for another time). I am okay with her going cause I remember the time with my grandparents as a child and I would not take that away from my child. I just need to keep myself busy.

Birthdays are a good time to reflect on your life. I look at my life and am happy with most of it. I have a wonderful child, a great family (a distant family but they are there when I need them), a fantastic job (I still am in wonder at where I work) but I am not fulfilled. I moved about a year ago and am finding it hard to connect with people. I have been trying but I think I may need to look at a different group. I think that I need to find more mommy friends. Single friends are great but after not being able to go out any night of the week really separates me from them. I think I did connect with one of the t-ball mommies and we have made plans for a play date so I hope that is a start.

I thought by this time I would be farther along in my goals. I did set some goals before Christmas have a just began work to fulfill one of them. I need to try harder. Things do not just happen because I want them to. You have to work for what you want. I wonderful mommy that I look up to (in case you don't know it, that is you Tyler), writes a wonderful blog that teaches me things about myself almost every time I read it. Anyway, she shared an article about self-discipline that showed me that I need to work on me.

I have decided that this is what my 31st year will be about, making me better. Being the happiest and best person I can be. This is my new goals:

1. Join a church. I feel that I need to strengthen my relationship with God. A simple way to do this is to join a church. I will do some research and do some visits.
2. Make more friends. Hard yes but I am hoping doing more activities and joining a church will help with that.
3. Date more. I have been on a few dates but I am going to date instead of focusing on finding the right one. If a princess has to kiss a few toads, I am okay with that.
4. Lose 30 pounds. Need to. I refuse to accept being fat. I may not need to lose all 30 but I am not happy at my current weight or look so things need to change.

Wish me luck, I am hoping to have one hell of a year. If anyone has suggestions, please let me know. I am willing to try anything once!

One year older, and so much better.

Moi