Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I Want My WHAT??? I Don't Think So

My daughter has an obsession that drives me nuts (well she actually has two). She is always putting things in her mouth!!! Everything and anything goes in there... toys, leaves, rocks, fingers. Not only is the things she sticks in her mouth dirty and disgusting but I am terrified she will choke.

Tonight while I was giving her a bath she would not take one of her bath toys out of her mouth. I asked her nice, not so nice, and repeatedly. She just smiled defiantly at me. So I fished it out of her mouth and told her that she was not getting it back unless she would not put it in her mouth. She started to wail! (It was one of those night.) I asked her if she even knew why she was crying and she said no (I know ridiculous). I took her out of the bathtub and was cuddling her when she cried that she wanted her daddy.

Okay what?? You want your who?? The person who you talk to once a week on the phone and haven't seen in over month?? I almost started crying myself.

Not a big deal, within 2 minutes she no longer wanted her dad and just wanted mommy. It doesn't mean that it wasn't like a dagger. I don't get it - what is the hold. If it was grandma, papa or auntie, it wouldn't be so bad. Why look up to a douchbag daddy??

Seriously, she hasn't seen her dad in so long she has made up a pretend daddy she plays with. The funniest thing about my little girl... when she is done playing with her boy toy, she eats him up!! Already a man eater.

Oh well, at least child support keeps coming in. That is what I am concerned about.


Friday, April 24, 2009

I Get Chocolate For Going Pee??

So potty training sucks. I have a willful little girl (no idea where that comes from, I am guessing her father's side) who does not want to go on the potty. She loves her diapers (she tells me so and gives them hugs) and has no interest in wearing panties. She will sit on the potty while I get ready in the morning and simply not pee. I am no where near my whits end but it is starting to get annoying.

A friend of mine gave me a great idea... she started giving her toddler playdough for going pee on the potty. I am not that desperate yet to shell out that kind of cash for simple pee but it gave me an idea. I bought a one kilogram bag of mini eggs after Easter. MJ also got some playdough eggs in her Easter basket. So now, when you pee in the potty at my house, you get chocolate eggs. When you poop in the potty, you get a playdough egg.

Now I have cut off MJ from chocolate trying to make it hit home that this is a reward. It has been over a week since she has had chocolate. I kept reminding her what she got if she went pee on the potty and she tried a couple of times but just wasn't getting it. Just before I put her to bed tonight, I had to go potty. Of course, she followed me into the bathroom to watch (love it) and when I was done she said "Momma you get chocolate?" I said yes. She said "I want chocolate," and began to take off her pants.

She peed on the potty!!!

Oh, we were both so happy. We even called grandma. It was so cute. I told her I was proud of her and she said "I proud of me too!!" I heart skipped a beat.

So that is my exciting Friday night. Pee and chocolate. I am really hoping Saturday holds some playdough too!!


Thursday, April 23, 2009

I Did It

I finally got out of bed early and ran!!! It felt great and it was wonderful. I cannot believe how much better my lung capacity is now that I don't smoke. For the 30 minutes I was on the treadmill today, I probably ran 20 minutes of it. I did about 4 kilometers in 30 minutes which is good, but I plan to get better.

I have come to the realization that I lose weight and keep it off if I exercise. I don't hate exercising but don't especially look forward to it. There is always some reason I can find not to do it - if I could tighten up my ass by making excuses you could bounce a quarter off my gluteus maximus by now.

With the weather turning nicer, it is also very apparent I can't hide my legs in pants for much longer. Or more truthfully, I don't want to hide my legs in pants anymore. I want to show off my legs with confidence like I used to. I don't want to have to hide my muffin top, cause I want it gone.

I have been pretty good with eating so far this week. I have been trying to stay within my point allotment. It is hard but I have been doing good. I am now okay with using my bonus points and do not just stop counting because I go over my allotment. I even went out for supper tonight with MJ. We went to extreme pita - one whole wheat chicken pita with no cheese and no sauce is only 4 points!! I had some pita chips and tzaiki for an extra 3 points. Not too bad!!

Why is losing weight and looking fit so hard for some of us. Oh well, something worth having is worth working for right?? If I earn it, it will be that much sweeter.


Sunday, April 19, 2009

Anger Management

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered A phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a maniacal voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!' And the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn 's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!' And hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, And put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, When I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!' It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my theraputic 'asshole' Calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'
He yelled 'NO!' And slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!' And hung up.
One day I was at the store, Getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW Cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, But the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, So I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, Right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said, 'Yes, it is.'
I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax .. It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?'
He said, 'My name is Don Hansen,'
I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said, 'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!'
Then I hung up, And added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea...
I called asshole #1. He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah!'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me,'
I said, 'Make me,'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , A yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.' I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' And hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, asshole,'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
I feel much better. Anger management really does work.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I Am Back!!

Hello all! I am back from my vacation. I went west to visit my sisters and had a blast. The drive was not even that bad (all eight hours of it). The Easter weekend was fantastic, we went to a birthday party, an Easter egg hunt and I helped my sister host an Easter dinner for 25 people.

Then came Monday. I will prefaces the story by letting you know I do not like my brother in law. He is an asshole. He is not nice to my sister or my nephew. He is selfish, knows it and has no problem with it. He and my sister are trying to sell there home and they had a viewing on Monday. We were suppose to take the kiddletts to the zoo but we had to make sure the house was spotless before we left. Needless to say, the BIL did nothing to help out and I LOST IT!! I yelled at him that he was a lazy ass that did not deserve my sister. I stormed out of the house (without any of my stuff) and drove to the mountains to see my other pregnant sister. Oops. The funniest thing is, he is not that mad at me. He knows he is an asshole and doesn't deserve my sister, I am just the one who said it.

That is okay, I am home now. Too tired and having too much to do to give all the details of my trip. I had so many things to write about before I began this post and now I can't think of anything else to say. Oh well, tomorrow is another day and I am sure I will have another story.

Goodnight all,

Monday, April 6, 2009

I Didn't Even Die!!

Yes, it is Monday and I am still here. I didn't die of a sinus cold or a soar throat this weekend. Oh and in case you were worried, my face didn't peal off because of a bad facial. I woke up Sunday a new woman and today was even better. I cleaned the house yesterday (well most of it) and did all my laundry - all that is left is the folding. And I am glad I did cause it is going to make the rest of my week a lot easier.

I am not bothered by the rest of the week, it will be fast and hectic and it won't matter. Beginning Thursday I start my holidays. For over a glorious week I will not have to go to work. Mind you I am eternally tied to my job by my blackberry (not that I mind, I don't mind really) but I will not be placing a foot in my office for a full week. I do love my job - please don't think I don't - but I get a full week to enjoy visiting with my sisters and nephew, I even plan to take a little tour to visit some old friends.

There is lots to do before I go. Cleaning, packing and all the fun stuff that goes with being away for a week.


Saturday, April 4, 2009

I May Be Dying

Okay so maybe a tad dramatic but I feel like complete shit. I have had a sinus cold since Tuesday. I have not missed work and have not ducked out of any commitments. I have gone to work in a dayquil/advil cold and sinus drug haze, came home, made supper, even ventured out to Costco once, and have kept my house in surprisingly good shape. I have kept it together for the most part until today.

I woke up at 4:00 am this morning and felt like crying for my mommy. I had the cold sweats and my throat felt like it was about to give birth to 40 pound boulders. (On the upside, there was no sinus pain!) I laid in bed in pain for 5 minutes, willing myself to get up before I could work up the energy to drag my ass out of bed to take some tylenol and drink something cold for my throat.

I got up at, took some more drug, got MJ ready and went to swimming. But before I left the house, I thought it would be a great idea to spray my oven with oven cleaner so that I could clean it when I got back. (I should really cut back on the medication - it leads to bad decisions.) So I even have a perfectly (so at least half assed) clean stove right now. But I also got oven cleaner on my floor so I now need to scrub that off my floor. FUCK. Why I am sick. All I want to do is go to bed.

So the ex called to see if I got my child support payment (yippee!!) which I had. Hearing me, he realizes that I am sick and ASKS is there is anything he can do. I in a near tears state (I cry when I am sick) ask if he can come down to take care of his child so I can take care of me and he says he wishes he could but he has plans for tonight. FUCK FUCK FUCK OFF!!! I hung up the phone and just cried. What makes me the most angry about it is that he has really been talking about wanting to get back together (again - boo) which I have no been receptive too at all. I told him unless he can show me that his daughter and me come first in his live that I would not even consider a reconciliation. I should expect this and would probably take it better if I wasn't feeling like I have been scrapped off the bottom of someone shoe.

Well I feel like shit and my face is still burning. I don't think it is related to my illness either. At work, we go out for spa nights. We had one on Thursday and I decided to treat myself to a facial. It was more than I anticipated ($120) but my skin felt so good after I thought it was worth it. Well that was until I showered the next morning. When the water hit my face it burned. Not mildly stung, it burned. I have had facials before and never experienced this before. I got out of the shower and my face was bright red and super tender. Nice. I did get a eye brow wax with my facial but my brow bone was six times as red that morning as the night before. It was not slightly pink - it was red.

I took some advil sinus and went off to work. By 8 am I had to take some regular advil cause my face hurt so bad. I called the spa and the person who answered the phone could not understand why that would happen cause "they only use organic product." Guess what, uranium is organic too and there is no way I want to rub that on my face. No big deal, she says she will have the manager call me back when she is free in a couple of hours. Do you think she actually called back? No. So when I went to swimming lessons this morning the chlorinated water was wonderful on my skin. It is still slightly tingly. I should have taken pics to document it. Seriously looked like I had a bad chemical peel on parts of my face the day after.

So now I am sick, with a hurting face, emotional, needing to go scrub oven cleaner off my floor... who says I am not a catch!!

It will get better. It must get better. I will not accept defeat. I can do this. If I am not feeling better, I will get a sitter for MJ, go to a walk in for some prescriptions drug and stop by the spa on the way home to bitch slap the manager who never called me back.

On the plus side of this all, MJ is quite the little nurse. I am glad she is here (sort of) to take care of me.