I Am A Better Mommy Than You

Nanna, nanna, booboo! I know you are but what am I.

Okay, I really am not a better mommy but I have been thinking a lot lately about how judgemental I am. I think this all came about since everyone and their dog blogged about John and Kate Gosling the past couple of weeks. I think it is very sad that a family is breaking up. I have gone through my own family breaking up and you can not imagine the pain you feel not being able to stop something that you would do anything to stop. Just thinking about the hurt I felt two years ago brings tears to my eyes. (Please don't feel sorry for me, I am in a better place but its just not the kind of pain that easy to just walk away from.) I think it is very sad but have gotten very protective of the Gosling family because I remember that pain (or more specifically I get protective of Kate because I sympathise with her).

When someone speaks ill of Kate I get mad. Really mad. This women was trying to support a huge family. Would I have taken the path she did by making a living by putting my family on a reality tv show? Maybe? The thought of 8 kids makes my head spin never mind paying the grocery bill for that many hungry little mouths. Did she bust her husbands balls and was a domineering hag? Absolutely but it was who she was. Every family has the dominate person (in some it switches depending on the situation) and Kate was always that person. Did she in any way deserve what she got? Absolutely not!! She was trying her best and doing very well (in my opinion) before this whole fiasco. Yes she got a lot of free stuff from putting her family in the public eye but so does most celebrities.

So here I am defending this crazy lady because we share a common thread (the human experience right?) and the fact is I judge everyone! I will judge the mommy who talks on her cell phone while driving with her child in the back, I judge the mommy who smokes with her child a few feet away, the fat person with nothing but snack foods in her cart - really I judge myself.

I pick the qualities I don't like in myself and magnify them in others. I make snap judgements based on little or no facts. I guess its good I realize that about myself. What I would like is not to dislike anything about myself (part of my journey to be a happy person) and to stop with the judging.

Does any better mommy have any ideas how to stop judging people? Or maybe tell me why you judge people, because I can figure out other people's problems way easier than I can figure out my own.

Judgmentally yours,
Moi

Not so Bad

Okay maybe I over reacted a tad yesterday. A day with my sweetheart was not horrible. We have had a great time playing and watched a movie. I even got some cleaning and stuff done.


I was scared of the thought of being at home with her. Like most people I know, I seriously question my parenting abilities. Now not at all times but I do not know if I am capable of being a stay at home mommy. I accept my limitations and am very happy that she is in daycare. I wish she didn't have to be in there for as long as she is but overall I am very happy dropping her off in the morning (I am also very happy to pick her up at the end of the day too!)

The thought of being quarantined with her scared me. No external distractions is daunting for most parents. I find myself after day one of imposed exile thinking I can do this. I can do seven days with my sweet princess. I was thinking of ways to escape, all the groceries I had to go buy (not really, I went grocery shopping 3 days ago) and the other things I absolutely needed to get done (yeah returning library books is soooo important). Now I will not be rushing in my two weeks notice to be a stay at home mom but a week of trying it on won't be so bad.

I took MJ into get tested this morning and was told that the results would take at least 5 to 10 day to get back as they have to go to a national lab. Did I mention that I hate to wait? I called in a favour and will have the results tomorrow, Thursday at the latest. Now I realize that people who can't call in favours don't like this but I really love favoritism. It works well for me.

Moi

What is Wrong with Me??? Please don't answer that....

First off I need to confess I have fallen off the weight watcher wagon. Well, to be 100% truthful, I have jumped off the wight watcher wagon and ran yelling and screaming in the other direction. For the past two weeks, I have barley kept track of anything I have eaten, to make matters worse I ate horribly last week, and ate bad lunches everyday. OK, so if I am being honest I must let you know I ate out every day last week.


I stepped on the scale to day and my weight was astronomically high. So high I am too embarrassed to actual write it. You would think the number itself would shock me into eating well for the rest of the day. Oh gosh no, diet starts tomorrow. I continued to eat like crap for the rest of the day. I have no self control. None. I am not hungry but keep cramming food into my mouth. This is going to stop. It has too. This is getting to the point of ridiculous!!


I went on a date this week. It was with Mr. Man. I have barely spoke to him since. I don't think we click. It wasn't exactly a bad date but it wasn't a wonderful one either. He is a little rough around the edges and does think a lot of himself. Why is it so hard to find Mr. Perfect with little to no effort on my part? I think I will give him another chance. Why not, not like my dating calendar is full right?

Boringly yours,
Moi

Me Thinks Me Multitask too Much But it is so Funny When I Do

I am positive I am not the only person who cannot find enough hours in a day. Well there are enough hours but then your throw in that pesky sleep thing and bomb - a third of your life is down the tubes. So like many people I tend to do more than one thing at a time, currently I am watching TV, blogging and waiting for my sister to call me back.


One of the best times I find for multitasking is MJ's bath time. I know I can't leave her alone but it is not like I have to sit and hold her head above water. I use this time to do such mundane tasks as putting away laundry (I am never more than 10 feet from her and she is a talker in the tub and if she is talking she is not drowning), cleaning the bathroom, plucking my eyebrows (I would look like Erin from Sesame Street if it wasn't for bath time), or other various activities.


Since I stopped smoking, I decided it was time to time to whiten my teeth. I have a professional whitening kit from the dentist last year and still have tonnes of the bleaching solution left. I figured what better time to whiten my teeth than when my child is in the bathtub. Since I has time on my hand I thought I should clean out my medicine cups. Since MJ has been sick lately, I have a lot of sticky medicine cups/measuring containers. My bathroom and medicine is upstairs and my kitchen is downstairs so most of the time the containers end up next to the bathroom sink. The longer you leave children's Tylenol in those little cups, the harder they are to clean.

I figure why waste water when I could just let the cups soak in the tub with MJ. She asked, "What you doooing Mama?" I started to answer that mommy was cleaning up when she just laughed and asked "why you talk funny?" The I realized that talking with the whitening trays made me talking with a big lisp. The she asked "You talk funny cause you do dishes?" What could I do but laugh, give those luscious cheeks a kiss and agree.

The whitening trays made story time a little difficult (totally didn't think that the trays have to be in for 1/2 an hour). But what is a mommy to do. I can either to all those things exclusive of MJ of do those things while she around and love her reaction to what I am doing. I love her explanations of everyday things I do - I especially love how when I go to bathroom with her she tells me make sure to wipe my gargina (she calls hers a vagina but I for some reason have a gargina).

I do slow down and just enjoy my daughter. I couldn't imagine life without being able to watch a sweet little angle as she falls asleep while I sing to her. That being said, I sometimes can't just sit still, plus multitasking is so much more humorous.

Moi

Day that Sucked - Well Semi-Sucked

My day sucked. It wasn't horrible end in tears kind of day but I am glad it is over. My whole big plan to go in, get my report done, and go home early went to shit. I did get my report done by noon, but by that time MJ is having nap time at daycare. I figured, why pick her up while she is sleeping, right??

Since I wasn't swamped busy at work I figured I would take a actual lunch hour and go and get all signed up for my gym membership (I signed up over the phone as I was four hours away at my parents but wanted to get in on the deal). I just wanted to confirm the childcare when the membership coordinator guy looked at me with a lost look in his eyes - there is no childcare at this location at the present time. The gym in the north end of the city has childcare but that is a 20 to 30 minute drive. Sorry no sale. They did refund my sign up fee with no hassle. This does however leave me with no gym. I guess I will have to get motivated by myself. I have gained this week so I better start soon.

Daycare called at 3:00 pm letting me know MJ's temp was about 101.5. I gave them permission to give her Tylenol and told them I would pick her up early. Due to the mass confusion of the work day I left a whole 10 minutes early. One of my bosses kept asking for things and it didn't feel right leaving (to his credit I didn't tell him I had a sick kid, he had way bigger problems today). Not like it really mattered, when I picked up MJ she was fine, running and playing with the best of them. Regardless, I felt like a poppy mommy, I know I am not but trying to leave work and knowing I couldn't I sure felt like it.

So on top of all of this, one of the ladies I worked with kept telling me how bad I looked cause I looked so tired. Wow, there is kindness for you. Some people need to be kicked in the shins - hard!! When has it become acceptable to tell someone they look like shit? Okay, I do look tired today but that is so beyond the point.

On that note, I am off to bed. Hopefully I will be up running at some ungodly early hour. I do love my life, I really do, just not at this very moment. I will again tomorrow.

Moi

Does this Mean I am Bitter and Jaded?? ***UPDATED***

So me and the other half of the free world watched the first black president of the United States Inauguration Ceremony today. I expected to uplifted and inspired by Mr Obama. I wanted to have goosebumps on my arms. I wanted more 'bending the arch of history'. What I got was 'the swill of civil war'.

The speech was depressing. It pointed out what was wrong with the world and with the United States (really, you need to tell us the economy is in the toilet and there is war) and offered little to no solutions. Other than a Clintonesque 'controlling big government' there was little Obama offered in glimmer of hope. Now there were people crying and nodding their head throughout the speech but what was said was a lot of nothingness.

Do not get me wrong, I am not anti-Obama. Far from it. I believe in his drive and determination and think it is wonderful that there is a black President but compared to his speech right after the election, I was disappointed. Does this mean I am bitter and jaded or maybe I expect more from my elected officials in ways of inspiring the masses. (Those who actually know what I do may find this statement funny but I believe a politicians job is to make me feel like everything is not hopeless.)

I guess every asshole is entitled to an opinion, this one is mine.

Bitterly yours,
Moi


*** Watching the inauguration ceremonies tonight and the hope that people have for Obama is very uplifting and inspirational. The hope and joy one person can bring to a nation is magical and amazing. For that I am happy. But why is it that I am more inspired by a dance serenaded by Beyonce that by a Presidential speech??

My Life in Excess

I have come to the harsh realization that I live my life in the land of excess. In almost all areas of my life, I full fill myself with crap!!

My little sister is pregnant (yippee) and has asked for me to donate all my old maternity clothes. Since I will not be pregnant for a long time and they are short on money, I have no problem helping out. To get to the box of mat clothes I had to go through some clothes I bought for MJ for future use. OMG, I had bought so much clothing for my two year old daughter she will not wear half of it. (I would like to take a minute to explain that 95% of this excess is used clothes I have bought in a lot sale off of eBay or at consignment stores.) I realized half my boxes under the stair were clothes MJ had grown out of and that was with giving about 6 BOXES of clothes to the local children's shelter.

I was shaking my head at myself when I opened another box to find two pairs of bran-spanking new Uggs. Yes that is right, never worn Uggs. (I bought them direct from China for cheap last winter and they were too small and I always thought I would sell them but alas did not.) I have three Rubbermaid totes of clothes that do not fit me (my skinny clothes that I am hoping to fit into again) and a closet full of clothes that do fit.

Feeling like I should tighten my belt a bit I planned out my meals for this week. Before I went grocery store (see I am trying) I went to look in my freezer to see what I had in it am disgusted to say, I needed nothing. I have a freezer full of food - a small freezer (in my honesty I am trying not to feel horrible about myself). I went to looked in my fridge freezer and things fell out. So I went through my recipe books and figured out what I could make without having to buy more. I went to the grocery store and bought 80% fresh produce (there were some awesome sales that I could not pass up - I mean like $0.37 Dora and Princess canned pasta - a single mommy's dream).

So I have my meal plan which should keep my on my weight loss track right? F&%k no!! I cannot believe what crap I will stick in my mouth and what ridiculous excuses I will use not to get my ass on my treadmill (yes did I mention I have a $2000 treadmill (I got it half price on an excelled sale so I spend under a grand) which sits close to ideal in my basement. I am so scared to step on the scale cause I have lumps and bumps where I didn't a couple of months ago.

I am doing up a budget next because I also got my visa bill today, those purchases were not paid by cash. No more purchases other than necessities (and no a new shirt does not count as necessary). I will look into selling my items that are no longer needed and start using the items I should use (see treadmill).

If any one has any advise how I can stop living like a glutton, please, show me the light!!!

Desperately yours,
Moi

Ok I am Crazy

I was just watching America's Next Top Model and the commercial came on for Supernatural. There was a line that has me thinking.

"If everyone gets their wish it is chaos."

Maybe what I want is not what I need. Maybe if I got it, it would be chaos.

Just a thought. Time for bed.

Moi