Not so Bad

Okay maybe I over reacted a tad yesterday. A day with my sweetheart was not horrible. We have had a great time playing and watched a movie. I even got some cleaning and stuff done.


I was scared of the thought of being at home with her. Like most people I know, I seriously question my parenting abilities. Now not at all times but I do not know if I am capable of being a stay at home mommy. I accept my limitations and am very happy that she is in daycare. I wish she didn't have to be in there for as long as she is but overall I am very happy dropping her off in the morning (I am also very happy to pick her up at the end of the day too!)

The thought of being quarantined with her scared me. No external distractions is daunting for most parents. I find myself after day one of imposed exile thinking I can do this. I can do seven days with my sweet princess. I was thinking of ways to escape, all the groceries I had to go buy (not really, I went grocery shopping 3 days ago) and the other things I absolutely needed to get done (yeah returning library books is soooo important). Now I will not be rushing in my two weeks notice to be a stay at home mom but a week of trying it on won't be so bad.

I took MJ into get tested this morning and was told that the results would take at least 5 to 10 day to get back as they have to go to a national lab. Did I mention that I hate to wait? I called in a favour and will have the results tomorrow, Thursday at the latest. Now I realize that people who can't call in favours don't like this but I really love favoritism. It works well for me.

Moi

Did you ever feel like the world is against you?

Okay so maybe that is going a bit far as i don't really feel like the world is against me but I am feeling like parts of it are. I am sitting her tonight not even sure how to feel... my beautiful baby may have the H1N1 virus - yes that is right, my little piglet may actually have the swine flu.

Now what I am going to say show how horrible of a mommy I am. The worst part about this whole thing is that if MJ does have the virus it means we are in quarantine for 7 days. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!! Seven days in isolation with a two year old. No parks, no library, no shopping, no movie, no nothing. Me and my child in our house for 168 hours!! This thought terrifies me.

Some germy little snot nose child (okay he really isn't that bad) at my daughter's daycare has tested positive for the virus and when I picked up MJ today she had a fever of 103 and smelled like vomit. When I asked her why she replied, "Cause I puked in my mouth and swallowed it!" Nice. When I got her home I also discovered she has diarrhea and a horrible diaper rash. I talked to a friend of mine and he confirmed that I should take her in to get tested in the morning or if I had a had a death wish, I could always take her to the emergency room tonight.

Oh well, guess it won't be so bad. I do have three bottles of wine and a bottle of vanilla vodka here to numb the pain if the isolation is horrible (for me, not the toddler of course).

Wish me luck at the doctors. Here's hoping for a negative test result!

Hopefully yours,
Moi

A Surprisingly Good Weekend

That is how my weekend so far can be summed up as relaxing and great. Now why is this surprising you may ask. Well first, I haven't had a relaxing weekend where I haven't had some kind of commitment in what seems like forever and the second reason it is surprising is cause the ex was here for most of the time.

I asked the ex in desperation to come and take care of our sick daughter and he agreed as he did not have to work. He came up Wednesday night and left yesterday night and we did not fight once. Not one disagreement, not one snide comment, if I didn't know better I would go as far to say that we acted like adults (I am writing this in a state of shock). He even let me sleep in on Saturday morning!!!!

The best thing about having a great weekend is how I feel about it at the end of it all... just happy. I have no longing, no wondering, no desire. I am happy that I could spend the weekend as friends with my ex and our daughter and not think of how wonderful it would be if we were a family all the time. There is no way that this would be a regular occurrence if the ex and I were together all the time but I am certain that this could happen again if we continue to be friends. We did talk about stopping the dinkish behaviour towards one another and for now we are in agreement that being friendly is preferred over being assholes.

The cherry on top is that MJ is finally feeling better. No more temperature or vomiting. Hoping for a stress free week as next weekend I am driving back to my parents house to hold a birthday party for Miss MJ. Travelling is rarely stress free with a two year old.

Moi

My Life is Wonderful

So MJ has been sick (yes again). She had a fever of 102.5 last night. I drugged her into a sleeping coma (not really, it was her bedtime any way) and this morning her temp was down to 98.5. Cool, throw some more Tylenol in her and off to work. I was contemplating staying home with her but alas, everyone is out sick, well one girl is having surgery and the other was super sick yesterday.

About noon, daycare called and MJ's temp was up to 103.3!!! Needless to say I was a little freaked. So I went to another mom in my office (lets call her Cattie) who job is not to answer the phones but who used to do my job so she know what to do. She has made a stink in the past about being pulled to answer the phones but her kid was in the hospital sick not too long ago so I thought I would get some sympathy. No such luck. She told me to find someone else cause she was busy!!!!

So I called a friend in another office to see if she could come down and help out. She said she would have to okay it with her boss but is shouldn't be a problem. At this point I BURST into tears. I was worried and frustrated. I pulled it together, apologized, and told her to let me know as soon as she could.

I emailed my boss to let her know what was going on and to ask the okay to pull in someone else. I started to put my stuff away (I was leaving no matter what, just didn't know when.) The Cattie came up and apologized for brushing me off and told me to go. (I checked my email and had to giggle a bit. My boss had no problem with my leaving, of course, but that she was directing Cattie to drop what she was doing immediately and come answer the phones so I could leave.)

So off I went to wait in the walk in clinic for 2.5 hours. Why I didn't call my doctor to see I could get into see her before I left the office is beyond my comprehension. Anywhooo.... My child has slapping disease!!! Well that is what they think it is anyway. Not a big deal unless I was pregnant. So I think she will be staying home for at least tomorrow. Not sure yet how I am going to pull that off, I am going to call the sick girl to see how she is feeling and if not, I can as the ex to come and help out. If not, I could always go in for a bit to work with a sick kid.

Why is being a single mom so much wonder and joy!!! It is not so bad, I have re-drugged her up and she is wonderfully happy watching Mickey Mouse for the fourth time since we got home which is why I have some spare time to blog. Best part is fifths disease (another name for slapping disease) is a viral infection which means MJ has no appetite so no having to cook supper for this momma tonight!!! (See, there is always a silver lining if you look close enough.)

Moi

Somethings I am Trying

So I am back from my sister's and I had a wonderful time. Well kind of. I had a fabulous time with my sister and even got some Christmas shopping done (well I bought myself a bunch of presents, does that count). The big downside, my child was sick. I don't mean running nose sick I mean wake up with a terrible fever, woke up violently shaking, puke on the airplane, sick. (Oh, I just need to mention I have no idea how high a temperature as my sister doesn't have a thermometer, guess what she is getting for Christmas.) She is better now, sort of. She is on the mend at least, what more can a mommy ask for.

So I tried something interesting. I got IPL laser hair removal done. OMG, it was fabulous. Same price as waxing (about for the body parts I got done) and I am now on my way to being hairless in two areas of my body. The best part is that it is less painful than waxing. Fantastic!!

I have not ran in over a week. That is okay because I have been tired due to the sick kid (see above). Sunday starts a new weight watcher week, and I am going to be faithful cause there is something else I am going to try - setting goals and sticking to them. I am writing them down so I am accountable for them:

1. I will lose 15 pounds by Christmas. This is not unrealistic. There is 7 weeks to go.
2. I will not gain my weight back over the Christmas break.
3. I will run Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of every week. I will start with 30 minutes and work my way up.
4. I will work out two other days a week. I have a bunch of workout DVDs and I will begin to use them.
5. I will try to go to bed by 10 pm. This means no more computer past 9:30 pm. Once I get on the computer, I can't get off. I am glued to it like crack.

Now a little update of Mr. Ex. When he really wants to push my buttons, he ignores me and won't talk to me. Guess what else I am trying? I am using his medicine on him. I may not have figured out what to do about my feelings for him but I need him to see that you just can't ignore his daughter. When MJ was sick, a fact that was rarely acknowledged. I know its childish, but I really don't care.

That is it for now. Time to start getting ready for bed.

Moi