I Miss My Friends More When I See Them

Ten months ago I moved to a different city for an amazing job. I needed to move, to shake thing up and to stand on my own two feet (I was living very happily in my parents basement). I struggled with moving because it meant leaving all my friend and family behind but it was an opportunity I could not pass up.

The first couple of months I came back to visit a lot. I hate to say it, but coming back for a visit got old fast. I really hate the drive and it felt like I wasn't making my new town home. I put MJ in a few activities and have not visited since March. I didn't feel that bad about it cause other than the occasional phone call from my grandma, no one really seemed to miss me (okay that may be a lie, everyone says they missed me but no one took the time out to say it when I was away).

Anyhoo.... I am back for my summer holiday. I love summer and I love the beach. To help celebrate this, I took 20 consecutive days off to help celebrate this fact. I went home (as I always have and probably always will consider where I grew up home) for visit. The trip so far has been enlightening and I am only on day 3.

Honestly, I take my mother for granted at times. As a single mom, when she is around I rely on her heavily as a free nanny service. Not fair on my part, but she offers and loves it. So it was tragic when today she up and quit. My little sister's water broke so she hopped in her car for the 10 hour drive to be at her side. Okay, I know that me and my child are no competition for a new newborn grandchild but I now have to plan my events a little more carefully. On the other hand, I am totally pumped to have a new niece or nephew on the way!!

Today I spent the day with my oldest friend out at the lake. It was really weird cause we struggled with things to talk about. We never do that. We had not seen or talked to each other for so long that we didn't even know what to say. This is also compounded with my job not being the best job to share what is happening at work had many a lull in the conversation. I was a little hurt that she made plans to go out to have drinks with a bunch of her friends after I left without asking if I wanted to join.

Everyone I have seen since I have been back (and weirdly that has been a lot), I don't know what to say. After the obligatory, 'So, have you found a man?' question, the conversation dies. (Total side bitch but I have an AMAZING life, fantastic job, wonderful child and all everyone cares about is if I am dating seems a little pathetic. I seriously want to ask if they are having martial troubles or getting what they need in the sack. It is not so much the quest9ion but the utter look of disappointment on their faces when I say no that makes me want to make them as uncomfortable.) I feel like an outsider that no longer fits into the groups I so seamlessly used to fit into. That feeling makes me miss my friends more now that I have seen them than before when I had not even talked to them in a couple of months.

I know its a fact of life and it is hard to stay friends, especially over long distances. I know it is bound to happen with some people but it still hurts. Maybe my mood will brighten when the sun comes out tomorrow (please break into song here) but until then I am off to soak my sorrows in the bath and give myself a home pedicure.

Moi