Tuesday, October 28, 2008


Oh, quick update... My baba had her surgery and so far so good. I think me and MJ will go see her tomorrow. Depends on how she is feeling. Thanks to those who said a prayer for her.


PS. I seriously think I am possessed by June Cleaver. I have brownies and cookies cooling as we speak (11 pm) and was thinking I should make some fresh baked bread for tomorrow.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Some Bad News on a Good Day

My mom called me today at work, my mom never calls me at work so I knew it was serious. My grandmother is sick, not like normal, hi I am 87 years old sick... More like, getting a pacemaker installed sick. She has never been one to take her medication (she is suppose to be on blood thinners since she has had two strokes) and it has been very tough on her heart. Her fluids back up and her heart has to work that much harder.

Right now my baba is in the hospital awaiting her surgery and I am 3 hours (give or take) away worrying that she will never wake up. I knew this day would come (she is 87, not exactly a spring chicken) but am torn between sadness and anger. Sadness cause my baba may die, anger cause if she would have listened to the doctors she probably wouldn't be here.

My MJ loves her baba. She really does. When we pull up to her apartment, she start screaming to baba that she is coming (my baba lives on the 5th floor, in no way with in yelling range). She dances to the door and runs into see her. I partially named MJ after baba. MJ's middle name (Marusya - Mary in Ukrainian) is my baba's first name.

The weird thing is, all these sad thoughts makes me think of my ex. My baba's surgery is in the same city where my ex lives. I have let him know what is going on so when we go see her this week, there can be someone at the hospital to look after her (if I am even allowed to bring her in, if not he can watch her). He was great, saying he would take time off of work if that is what I needed. Now I am thinking it will be nice to have him there in case anything bad happens. (I am attributing these feelings to the sadness I am feeling for my baba.)

Side note: I am such an emotional eater, I have eaten everything placed in front of me. Need to run tomorrow and every other day this week to make up for this binge day.

Pray for my baba please. No matter what happens, it will be okay.


Saturday, October 25, 2008

The Winds they are a Blowing

The winds are a blowing and I am hoping they are bringing change. Well not that much change, I am enjoying my life just want some slight alterations.

I am very disappointed today. I was suppose to have my new after hours sitter come over for a trial run for a couple of hours today (I already had her come over for an interview) and she never showed. I have called her house and left a message and nothing. I am willing to give her another chance (out of desperation) but come on - who doesn't just not show up. I have a lead on another sitter so cross your fingers and wish me luck.

On a brighter note, there is another dating prospect on the horizon. We met online and have been chatting briefly here and there and the past two nights we had a chance to really talk. He is really nice and level headed (other than he doesn't believe in diamonds cause of all the damage they have caused). He works a lot, but we are trying to coordinate a date for next weekend (when MJ's Dad will be here). I have also given him my cell number to call me when he is free (not something I normally do). Thinking of him makes me smile, that's a good sign.

I need to run, off to make a fabulous dinner of eggplant parmigiana that is only three points a serving!! Good thing too, I went to Red Lobster for lunch, extravagant but totally worth it.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I want to stroke something and it certainly isn't your ego

Ok, this is my rant and it is a little long so poor yourself a cup of joe and sit back and enjoy the bitch...

Boys suck ass in way too many ways to mention right now. How is it that 3 of them can piss me off beyond belief in one fucking night. (There will probably be a few f-bombs in this post, not apologizing, just letting you know.) And its because it was all in one night that I am so mad.

Just to recap my dating life, I had an ex that I have recently had sex with and two prospective dates (there has been day dates with both but not to the actual dating level yet). This was before 6 pm tonight.

At 6:03 pm Mr Football sends me a text. (A little background... we have went to lunch once about three weeks ago but since he lives out of town and isn't moving back for a few months it has been really hard to arrange a second date considering that I only have one popular babysitter. Anyway, this past weekend Mr Football invited me out like three times, each time with little warning so I had to decline. I explained that I can't spontaneously go out and if he wanted to do something he would have to let me know with some notice. ) He is upset that I seem 'distant' and he was wondering if I really wanted to date him cause he was 'serious' about dating me. Fuck off. I was serious until you stared acting like a whinny bitch. I don't want to get serious. I want to date.

So then I am talking to my little sister and tell her about the whole my ex is dating before me (I did leave out the embarrassing sex incident - that I will only share with you). Anywhoo.... I told her I was so much prettier and she told me to send a pic of the new girlfriend. So I go on facebook to steal her image and her status was something about going out on Saturday. Something made me look and her birthday was October 18th. (Background, my ex was suppose to come up this weekend but he was sooo broke. Him not coming up means no one to watch MJ, meaning no date for mama this weekend.) Now I am even more pissed. He lied to me to go out with his little scanky bitch. FUCK FUCK. Oh and, cause MJ wanted to talk to him I called him to leave a message, blah, blah, when I finally did get a hold of him he said he was working all weekend. No he was getting drunk birthday sex.

So when Mr Cute called I shouldn't have even picked up the phone. Now Mr Cute is ubuer cute (hence the nickname), he is 26, a personal trainer and goes to university part time. After some pretty good flirting I asked what he was taking in school (just not a subject we had broached yet). He told me economics but he wasn't doing so well. I told him I loved econ and could help if he needed. I used to tutor econ in university. He said maybe. I asked him what classes he was taking and he said the 100 level. I told him not to worry, they got easier and I got way higher marks in my 400 level courses than in my 100. He seemed a little stunned and got really quite, letting me go shortly after.

For Mr Football - I am not going to drop my life and drag my daughter across town (for lack of a babysitter) cause you want to see me this very moment. And no, I am not letting you come over to my house with a sleeping daughter upstairs cause you couldn't be bother to plan an actual date with me.

For me Ex - Buck up and be a man and a father. I understand the need for another girlfriend, but don't lie to me. This is time with your daughter. (I need to admit, to be a bitch I cancelled this weekend between the two of them. I feel justified and I really don't care.)

For Mr. Cute - You know what, I am not that girl who puts herself in a corner to make other look better. I am the star of the fucking show and if you want to be with me you better fucking get used to it. Yes, I do let people shine in their accomplishments, but am not going to hide the fact that I am smart and accomplished.

Ok, I know I am over reacting but come on, all in one night makes you loose it a bit. I am going to bed now. Need to run tomorrow. Everything always looks better after running.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

How is a Good Day Bad

Ok first I would like to say yesterday I was an uber Moi all around. I rocked the casaba at work, came home and had supper on the table (an organic tofu, mushroom and spinach casserole and Cuban flavoured green beans), eaten and dishes done all before 6. There was only a half an hour of cartoon watched and then me and MJ made an pompom jack-o-lantern, coloured, and played before having a bath and going to bed. I then made my wonderfully terrifically nutritious lunch for the next day and went to bed. (Ok, I must admit, I so wanted to blog my absolute perfectness but wanted to get to bed so that I could get up to run.)

I did get up to run and work was awesome (great stuff happening at work). But I abandoned my great lunch for a not so healthy souvlaki on a bun and french fries. Then, since I was still full from lunch come supper time, me and MJ had popcorn twists for supper while we vegged in front of the TV watching cartoons. Oh why do I feel so much better about myself when I am perfect.

I really like being perfect, I seriously crave it. I will vacuum my floor like 4 times a week so I can feel better (I know a sickness). But for some reason when it comes to working out to make myself more perfect, I cannot do it. I cannot force myself to workout enough to loose the ass I put on when I was pregnant. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I am contemplating hiring a sitter to pick up my daughter from daycare to watch her while I pay someone to make me sweat off my excess fat. Is this a sane idea??? My thought is it may be. I will miss the witching hour and get the sweetness she has to offer.

I will save some dysfunction of my life for tomorrow, trust me I have lots!!!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Just Me

Today was a boring and mundane day in the life as Moi. I baked four casseroles, shampooed my rugs, cleaned my bathrooms, made a semi-meal plan for next week and did some laundry. I could have went out tonight but Mr R let me know too late and I could not find a sitter. He said I could bring MJ with me but that would be way too awkward, not to mention I had already put her to bed.

Good news on the social life side, I have an interview with another sitter, so bonus there. And I have my mom coming down next week so I can go on a date next week for sure. My mom coming for a visit will also mean the ex won't be coming which means no chance for nookie (not something I really want to happen again).

As for my weight loss this week was a bust but once again there is a silver lining. Because I am tired of my own excuses, I have made enough food for a whole week of suppers AND made a meal plan so I don't have to wonder what I am going to eat. Now I need to stop snaking badly and start exercising again. The exercising is going to be a tough one but I know I can do it. I am committed to running three times next week, I also hope to do some other activity.

Healthy living starts tomorrow (I promise). I need to make one more casserole and need some eggplant to do it so me and MJ are going to walk the 5 kilometers to and from the closets grocery store. (Well I will walk, MJ will ride in the stroller.)

Wish me luck!! I am going to get on the right track if its going to kill me.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sleeping with the Enemy

Ok, since I only have one blog reader that I am aware of I will steal her blogging title cause it is a perfect fit to my entry.

I have a the weirdest 24 hours that I have had in a while. As previously reported, I chewed out my ex for his lack of parental skills. So Monday night I got a text from him asking if we were 'okay'. I called him and the conversation ensued... I told him I was pissed but that didn't matter cause he would have to earn my trust back. We left it at we will discuss this next time he comes for a visit.

WELL...I get a phone call at 4 am from him. He is at my door!! (Please keep in mine we live two and a half hours apart.) I let him in and he tells me he misses MJ and wanted to apologize for being such an ass. I am so tired at this point. We go to be and you will never guess what happens next (please see title for clue).

I cannot believe I slept with my ex again. I blame it partially on not having sex in almost 10 months and being sleep deprived. Of course it was wonderful (it was better than wonderful) we never had any problems in the bedroom.

He stayed the day to spend it with MJ and we ended up having sex two more times. (I cannot think of an excuse now but hope to come up with one shortly.) Before you think of me too badly, at least the child was sleeping for both times of copious fun.

That was my weird day.

On a lighter note, I think I may have a date with a football player this weekend!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Election Day

So today was a weird and wonderful election day for me.

First off work was fabulous. The longer I am there the more I love my job. I got one huge project and one minor one but they are fabulous. They are not exactly what I dreamed of doing but at least I am heading in the right direction... fabulous takes a while to become perfect right??

Now for the weird part... I had a big talk with my ex and he is being impossible. He says he wants to get back together but just for the sex. And then he tells me he misses dating me but doesn't want to get back together. He had a couple of drinks in him so who knows but it is just frustrating.

On the dating scene I had a great talk with a prospect... he is only 26 but uber cute. Is it bad to date someone who is university when you have been done for 5 years. He seems like fun and maybe that is what I need in my life. Plus its not like I am marrying him.

I actually stayed on points today. Going to run tomorrow morning. I didn't weigh myself this week, a little scared after last week. It will start to happen again - I know it. Plus I really want to give my old fat clothes to my ex's girlfriend (just to be a bitch). Gotta love me.


Monday, October 13, 2008

What the F&$k Monday

OK, so today is Thanksgiving and I do have a tonne to be thankful for. I have a wonderful daughter, fabulous family and friends and live a comfortable life. So I really don't want to bitch but it is so much fun!!

So MJ's daddy came to see her for a visit and it was a visit for the books. He let me know that he was moving in with his girlfriend. Yes he has a girlfriend before me (annoying enough) but even more infuriating, he is moving in with her. A little background here, he has not seen his child since the middle of July because he has been so 'busy' but yet he has found the time to stick his dick into some girl. (And I do mean girl, she is 26 years old, I creeped her on facebook. Don't judge me, she had a open profile.)

So I freaked, I lost it. I let him know there was no weekends away with MJ until I see the place she will be at and his new girlfriend. I actually threatened to take his name off MJ's birth certificate if he continued being an absentee father. I almost made him cry.

Now I am thinking, f&$k, I am stuck with my ex for visits. I am really wanting to go on some dates and having MJ's dad watching her would be a perfect time BUT now he will be at my house when I leave on my date and come back. I think it will be worth the awkwardness of it all.

As for my diet, it starts again tomorrow. Gosh I love Thanksgiving fixins!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Wednesday Lulls

It is now Wednesday and I am so tired. Work has been wonderful, but rather long so far this week. My child, MJ (which is short for Moi Junior) was a terror since I picked her up from daycare. Oh well, the night is young and I am going to go to bed early, there are miles to be run tomorrow.

Speaking of weight loss, my fresh start on WW was shot to shit on Monday due to birthday cake and a cheeseburger. Why do I do this?? At least I only ate 1/2 a piece of cake, got soup instead of fries and didnt eat my bun. Hey its all about smarter choices. I went for a great run yesterday, and am going to go again tomorrow (hence the early night tonight).

I got some great news tonight too. I am getting child support again tonight. MJ's dad has not given my any child support since Christmas and before that it was sparatic at best. Now I am getting another payment and the last one was last week!! He want to make up for not being there which makes me happy.

Well that's it for me tonight. I will try to write more.


Monday, October 6, 2008

My First Blog Entry

So this is me... for better or worse. I am not a superstar I am just a little moi, okay so an above average sized moi but that is something I am trying to change. I have just moved to a bran new city, away from all my family, with my daughter for a fantastic new job.

I love my life but there is some room for improvement. I have started dating after a slump (I won't even comment on how long its been cause it just depresses me). My ex has a date (how annoying) and I hate to be outdone. How can he get a date before me... it just doesn't seem fair. So I am throwing myself into the dating world. It is my bloggy promise to go on at least 4 dates before Halloween.

I am also on a weightloss journey, hopefully one that picks up speed soon. On that note I am back on the weight watcher bandwagon after a way too long intermission and have began running again. I am finding it hard to exercise cause I have to do it at home all by myself and motivation is not a strong suit with me. But if I want to lose the weight its what I am going to have to do. I want badly to be a size 8 (smaller if possible) but I want to look good again and feel good about myself naked. (This ties into the whole dating thing, if I feel sexy, others will think I am sexy.)

Thats it from me for now. Hope to post again soon.