Sunday, December 21, 2008

Oh My, I Think I am a Grinch and a Bitch

I was reading all the updates on facebook when I came across this story about my sister-in-law twice removed. (We were both married to brothers who neither of us our with anymore.) I will let you read the story so you can form an unbiased opinion of the situation and then I will tell you my reaction.

(First you should know my ex-sister-in-law works three jobs and gets little to no financial support from her ex-husband. She is always mentioning to me how broke she is.)

So here I am not in the Christmas spirit, and had decided that I wasn't celebrating Christmas this year. Earlier this week, Kathy (my awesome Daycare lady), asked how my preparations for Christmas was coming. I said " I'm not doing Christmas this year cus I can't really afford it, and Chloë is young enough that she's not going to realize that she has missed one with me, and She has Grama's and Grampa's and Aunts and Uncles who are getting her things so she's not going to know if I don't get her anything."

So here is Friday and I'm not having a good day at work cus of supposed to be doing one thing but doing another (which i don't mind cus I"m helping out), and realize that i need to stay about 2 hours extra. So I call Darian and tell him he has to pic up Chloë from daycare, Call Kathy and tell her that I'm working late and that Darian will pick her up. A few minutes later Jim (my big boss) calls and tells me that I can't work late tonight that i have to go home. So I make sure ppl know what their doing and go. WELL Traffic was insane today, it took me about 45 mins to get from the airport to daycare, which normally takes me 7 mins.

When i get to daycare Nicole (my mini boss) is there (cus her kids go to daycare there too), and that's not out of the ordinary. But then Kathy asks me if I needed help this Christmas, and I say no I"m okay, I don't need the help, but thank you for the offer. She asked again. And I say no thank you. well she looks at me, and with that angry mom voice (which is kinda scary) Said "well too bad", and Jim (the big boss man) comes out of the kitchen and then I saw all the presents sitting on the table. Kathy said they were all for Chloë and me, and that at her jam last night had raised money for me, and that a lot of ppl donated gifts, and food, and gift cards for food, and I was crying and so was everyone else. (here I go crying again while writing this)

I just can't believe that she did all that in like 3 day's. Thank you everyone who helped out, all the little Elves who did the behind the scene things.Thank you Jim and Nicole for being awesome bosses, and being great to work for.And Thank you Kathy, for doing this for me and Chloë, and staying up till 4 am to wrap presents, and for being an amazing woman. Had you asked me to help out for someone else in need I totally would have. But I would have never expected something like this for me. *HUGS and Luvs*Merry Christmas everyone.

Okay, so my first thought is, why the fuck would you cancel your Christmas with a child who is not even two because you can't buy presents? I am grateful that my ex-sister-in-law got some needed relief at a stressful time in the year but please, are you trying to teach your child to worship store bought gifts??

For MJ, since I realize how much crap she is going to get from everyone, is not getting a Christmas present for me. I have bought her a Santa present but that is only cause we will be spending Christmas with my nephew who will notice if Santa doesn't bring MJ one. I bought her a couple of necessities (read underwear, toothpaste and a couple of snakes foods she likes) for her stalking and that is it. I also know not to expect anything from MJ for Christmas except for hug, kisses and a tantrum over not getting enough cookies.

For actual Christmas celebrations, we have made Christmas type crafts, baked cookies, and I am trying to teach her about the story of Jesus being born in a manger. (If anyone has help on the last one please let me know. Maybe I need to take her to a farm.) I stress to her what we are GIVING for Christmas and have told her repeatedly the only thing to EXPECT for Christmas is to spend time with family.

Am I wrong here... Do you cancel Christmas because you can't afford the presents?? Am I wrong in my Grinch like feelings? What does everyone out there think

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Okay, So I Am A Bitch

So I always knew I had bitchy moments, who doesn't. Even my most saintliest of friends (and I do have a few) say and/or do bitchy things once in a blue moon. I never considered myself the bitchy ex-wife though (okay so technically I was never married but we were together for 6 years and had a kid).

One of the ladies I work with is going through a tough patch right now. She and her new boyfriend both have kids with a person they have gotten a divorce from. Anywhoo, everyone was discussing how unreasonable her boyfriend's ex-wife was being. Everyone in the room was shocked and appalled at the behaviour of this women, they could not believe her demands and how she wanted to control the situation. I listen to the stories and though "fuck, she sounds like me!!" Now there are differences between the two situations, but the similarities were close enough.

I happened to mention this to the ladies discussing the situation how I thought maybe I was a bitch and one of the women said "you are one act I would hate to follow." Oops. I never thought I was that bad. Oh well. To tell you the truth, its not like I am going to change anytime soon. The ex is rather irresponsible and he has a lot of proving to do to me before I let him have unlimited parenting rights. (I could go on and on about the irresponsibility of my ex but really I just get angry talking about it.)

So, I guess I am a bitchy ex-wife. I will wear it as a badge of honour. I know this will probably make Tyler sad but I am a happier person for being an ex-wife. I got the best of my ex by getting MJ and am no longer constantly fighting with the one I am suppose to love and support.

Love the ever bitchy Moi

Monday, December 15, 2008

Goals Smoals

I am a little sad today. Well not sad so much as disappointed in myself. It is exactly three months since I have moved and things have not been going to my master plan (realizing that my master plan was a little unrealistic).

Goal I have not reached:

Be dating. By this time, I expected men in my new city to realize the wonderfulness that is me and be banging down my door in hopes to spend a few minutes with me. (OK so I have had a few people asked me out but no actual dates came about.)

Lose 20 pounds. Does gaining seven and losing six count? I really don’t care if its 10 days till Christmas, my weight loss is starting (AGAIN) today. One good thing about being slow at work for the holidays is that I can plan my point menu at work. I have up to Wednesday done.

Home renovations. Other than the few things my dad did when I first moved in, I have done nothing to improve the appearance of my home. I wanted to paint, put up new mouldings and interior doors, and maybe even decorate. As I look at my visa balance it may be a blessing in disguise that this task hasn’t been started.

Now don’t worry about me. I am not anywhere close to actually feeling too badly. These are all things that can be fixed. I can change my life to head towards my goals. Give me another three months and I could be dangerous!!


Friday, December 12, 2008

Hello Again

I am wondering how that someone who basically has no life outside of work is too busy to write on her blog... Well that is not entirely true, I have had some social action in my life as of late (no actual dates mind you) but nothing that exciting.

Other than all the fun the flu brings the only thing to note is my ex has spent the last week at my house. He came up last Sunday when I had the flu (it was awful horrible stuff) and in a moment of weakness I asked him to come and help. He did and I do appreciate it but now he won't be going home till this Sunday and living with someone is driving my fucking crazy!!! He is only staying to take care of MJ so I can go to my Christmas party tomorrow night but I kinda want him gone. The reason he is here so long is that first I was sick, then MJ was sick, then he got sick and now its Friday and we agreed he would watch the kidlette tomorrow so I cannot really ask him to drive 2.5 hours back to where he lives just to turn around and drive back for tomorrow. (I would like to report that there has been no sex between me and the ex, a fact that I am proud of, he asked about it but that is always a bad road to go down.)

Well that is it for now. I will give a better post once he leaves and report on my party tomorrow and my potential dating action!!


Sunday, November 30, 2008

A Surprisingly Good Weekend

That is how my weekend so far can be summed up as relaxing and great. Now why is this surprising you may ask. Well first, I haven't had a relaxing weekend where I haven't had some kind of commitment in what seems like forever and the second reason it is surprising is cause the ex was here for most of the time.

I asked the ex in desperation to come and take care of our sick daughter and he agreed as he did not have to work. He came up Wednesday night and left yesterday night and we did not fight once. Not one disagreement, not one snide comment, if I didn't know better I would go as far to say that we acted like adults (I am writing this in a state of shock). He even let me sleep in on Saturday morning!!!!

The best thing about having a great weekend is how I feel about it at the end of it all... just happy. I have no longing, no wondering, no desire. I am happy that I could spend the weekend as friends with my ex and our daughter and not think of how wonderful it would be if we were a family all the time. There is no way that this would be a regular occurrence if the ex and I were together all the time but I am certain that this could happen again if we continue to be friends. We did talk about stopping the dinkish behaviour towards one another and for now we are in agreement that being friendly is preferred over being assholes.

The cherry on top is that MJ is finally feeling better. No more temperature or vomiting. Hoping for a stress free week as next weekend I am driving back to my parents house to hold a birthday party for Miss MJ. Travelling is rarely stress free with a two year old.


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

My Life is Wonderful

So MJ has been sick (yes again). She had a fever of 102.5 last night. I drugged her into a sleeping coma (not really, it was her bedtime any way) and this morning her temp was down to 98.5. Cool, throw some more Tylenol in her and off to work. I was contemplating staying home with her but alas, everyone is out sick, well one girl is having surgery and the other was super sick yesterday.

About noon, daycare called and MJ's temp was up to 103.3!!! Needless to say I was a little freaked. So I went to another mom in my office (lets call her Cattie) who job is not to answer the phones but who used to do my job so she know what to do. She has made a stink in the past about being pulled to answer the phones but her kid was in the hospital sick not too long ago so I thought I would get some sympathy. No such luck. She told me to find someone else cause she was busy!!!!

So I called a friend in another office to see if she could come down and help out. She said she would have to okay it with her boss but is shouldn't be a problem. At this point I BURST into tears. I was worried and frustrated. I pulled it together, apologized, and told her to let me know as soon as she could.

I emailed my boss to let her know what was going on and to ask the okay to pull in someone else. I started to put my stuff away (I was leaving no matter what, just didn't know when.) The Cattie came up and apologized for brushing me off and told me to go. (I checked my email and had to giggle a bit. My boss had no problem with my leaving, of course, but that she was directing Cattie to drop what she was doing immediately and come answer the phones so I could leave.)

So off I went to wait in the walk in clinic for 2.5 hours. Why I didn't call my doctor to see I could get into see her before I left the office is beyond my comprehension. Anywhooo.... My child has slapping disease!!! Well that is what they think it is anyway. Not a big deal unless I was pregnant. So I think she will be staying home for at least tomorrow. Not sure yet how I am going to pull that off, I am going to call the sick girl to see how she is feeling and if not, I can as the ex to come and help out. If not, I could always go in for a bit to work with a sick kid.

Why is being a single mom so much wonder and joy!!! It is not so bad, I have re-drugged her up and she is wonderfully happy watching Mickey Mouse for the fourth time since we got home which is why I have some spare time to blog. Best part is fifths disease (another name for slapping disease) is a viral infection which means MJ has no appetite so no having to cook supper for this momma tonight!!! (See, there is always a silver lining if you look close enough.)


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Goals Were Meant to be Broken??

OK, so I need a serious kick in the ass!!! I cannot make myself exercise. All I want to eat is fattening food. I am sick of my fat self. I promised myself to run three days a week and I am shameful to report that I have not ran one step since I made that promise. What I am thinking. I know I need to loose weight and I know I need to get my ass moving to do it but I just seem to want to sleep instead of get up to run. Heaven forbid if I actually exercise at night.

In a little bit of a saving grace, even though I want to eat nothing but fattening I have showed some control. I am trying to stay within my points and I have been successful to a point (some days). Did you know that six jujubes are only 2 points. Six jujubes can be six sweet little snacks the whole day long!!!

I am going to try harder. I need to loose weight for myself. There is no way I am reaching my 15 pound weight loss by Christmas. So now my new goal is to lose 15 pounds by New Years. What the hell, goals were meant to be broken right??


Sunday, November 23, 2008

My Baby is Back

My baby is home!!! Grandma brought MJ home on Friday and I never thought I could make it through the week. Many times I wanted to go get her but what stopped me was the countless thank yous I got from my dad every time I called to check in on her (which was a mildly obsessive amount). He would answer the phone with multiple thank yous. It was very touching. Of course I know my parents love her but I never realized just how much they missed her. So I think that she will spend a week away from me again for the simple fact that everyone enjoyed themselves so much (with the exclusion of me).

I have talked to another single mommy friend of mine who has shared custody with her ex and who takes her daughter a week at a time frequently. She is very wise and gave me the advise to enjoy the time away by doing things you normally can't do, like trips to Walmart at 8 pm, hanging out with friends or, do I dare say, even go on a date or two.

I wish I could have enjoyed my time away from MJ a bit more but I was knocked flat on my ass with the flu. I slept 18 hours in a 24 hour period. I am still not feeling perfect (still really tired) but at least I know I am on the mend. It was a blessing MJ wasn't here for me to infect.

There has been a progress update between myself and my ex. The few conscious hours when I was sick from work to write him a goodbye letter. Now I know that may sound stupid but I needed him to know how I felt for me to start the healing process of getting over him once again. Even though I love him, I know we are not good together. I would rather have him be a great father to MJ than a shitty husband to me (cause we all know a shitty husband usually means a shitty father and a very unhappy household). What was frustrating was that I poured my heart out and he barely responded... three whole sentences, none of which actually acknowledged my feeling but rather bitched about how I didn't call him so he could talk to HIS daughter. That is a great thing, shows my that we are not meant to be - helps me move on.

I went to a fantastic wedding on Saturday that renewed my faith in love. I will find it. I deserve it. My life will work out. I know it.


Sunday, November 16, 2008

I Am So Lonely

I made a choice this weekend that I am nervously regretting at this very moment. To save MJ some serious miles in her car seat in the next two weekends, I opted for my parents to keep her for a week. It will be seven days till I see my beautiful little girl again. That is almost double the amount of time I have ever spent away from her. They only thing stopping me from making the eight hour drive to pick her up and bring her home is the happiness of my parents. They are ecstatic to have her.

It has been a day and a half since I have seen her and miss her so much. I have called four three times and she/grandma has called me once.

I have no idea what I am going to do without her, but I guess I will figure it out.


Friday, November 14, 2008

My wonderful friend Barb at SPOTLIS tagged me in a meme Monday (okay so I am a little slow), I figured I should answer, so here I go...

A) Four places I go over and over: daycare, work, playground, grocery store

B) Four people who e-mail me regularly: Facebook, people at work (all depends on the day), sister, hungry girl newsletter (awesome btw)

C) Four of my favourite places to eat: Red Lobster, the Keg (or any really good steakhouse), taco del mar, my mommy's house (she will cook ANYTHING I want to eat)

D) Four places you’d rather be: on a warm beach, accepting my lottery winnings (sry Agent, I stole yours), at Disney Land/World introducing MJ to Mickey Mouse (she would love it), other than that, I am really happy with my life, I am where I want to be most days

E) Four TV shows I could watch over and over: Grey's Anatomy, America’s Next Top Model, the Hills, Desperate Housewives

F) Four people I think will respond: I am not big into making someone do something (despite what my ex-boyfriends say about me), if you want to continue on, please do.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Somethings I am Trying

So I am back from my sister's and I had a wonderful time. Well kind of. I had a fabulous time with my sister and even got some Christmas shopping done (well I bought myself a bunch of presents, does that count). The big downside, my child was sick. I don't mean running nose sick I mean wake up with a terrible fever, woke up violently shaking, puke on the airplane, sick. (Oh, I just need to mention I have no idea how high a temperature as my sister doesn't have a thermometer, guess what she is getting for Christmas.) She is better now, sort of. She is on the mend at least, what more can a mommy ask for.

So I tried something interesting. I got IPL laser hair removal done. OMG, it was fabulous. Same price as waxing (about for the body parts I got done) and I am now on my way to being hairless in two areas of my body. The best part is that it is less painful than waxing. Fantastic!!

I have not ran in over a week. That is okay because I have been tired due to the sick kid (see above). Sunday starts a new weight watcher week, and I am going to be faithful cause there is something else I am going to try - setting goals and sticking to them. I am writing them down so I am accountable for them:

  1. I will lose 15 pounds by Christmas. This is not unrealistic. There is 7 weeks to go.
  2. I will not gain my weight back over the Christmas break.
  3. I will run Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of every week. I will start with 30 minutes and work my way up.
  4. I will work out two other days a week. I have a bunch of workout DVDs and I will begin to use them.
  5. I will try to go to bed by 10 pm. This means no more computer past 9:30 pm. Once I get on the computer, I can't get off. I am glued to it like crack.

Now a little update of Mr. Ex. When he really wants to push my buttons, he ignores me and won't talk to me. Guess what else I am trying? I am using his medicine on him. I may not have figured out what to do about my feelings for him but I need him to see that you just can't ignore his daughter. When MJ was sick, a fact that was rarely acknowledged. I know its childish, but I really don't care.

That is it for now. Time to start getting ready for bed.


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Ok I am Crazy

I was just watching America's Next Top Model and the commercial came on for Supernatural. There was a line that has me thinking.

"If everyone gets their wish it is chaos."

Maybe what I want is not what I need. Maybe if I got it, it would be chaos.

Just a thought. Time for bed.


Some Clarity

So I now have some clarity in my life. I talked to a wonderful, wise, beautiful friend last night and she made me see somethings that I know have been true but she forces me to say them. When you say stuff out loud and admit it to someone else it somehow becomes more true.

As much as I hate to admit it, I still love my ex. This complicates everything. I mean not just love him cause he is the father of my daughter, but love him like want to be with him. When we work, we are fabulous, when we don't, it is horrible. If we could cut out the bullshit, it would be wonderful. I just don't think that will ever happen. I need to work through this. If anyone out there knows how, please, please, please help me. I will try anything.

I am a very controlling person, especially when it comes to MJ. I am not trusting. I think it is because of this coupled with the lack of responsibility on her father's part that I have issues with him taking her to his girlfriends for the weekend. I am punishing for not being there in the past. This is not very fair of me, but you know what, life isn't fair. It isn't fair that I am a single mom when I never wanted to be. It isn't fair that MJ used to cry for her daddy when he wouldn't even pick up the phone to talk to her.

I am going to run tomorrow. I have issues. But life is getting better. Hopefully I will see everything clearly soon.


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Running is a weird and wonderful thing. It is the one place where I can go to get clarity – okay not really a place but just go with me on this one please. Just my thoughts, my limits and me. Even though I have music blasting, I can think and come to some conclusions in my head, work out some inner turmoil that I am feeling.

Now you may ask why I wouldn’t run everyday. Easy answer – I am lazy. That and I run first thing in the morning, which equates to getting my ass out of bed at 5 am. However, when I do run, it makes my whole day better (usually). I feel better, have more energy and can look at the world from a more positive place. (read less bitchy).

I ran this morning. I ran for 35 minutes. I wish I could have ran for longer. I have many things to work out. I will be running more tomorrow. One good thing is that if I stay conflicted, I keep running.

I have decided MJ is my child. I know what is best for her and I am not going to let others try to push me around when it comes to her – not her father, her auntie, her grandma, no one.
As much as I would love some me time, she stays with me. My sister is a darling but I don’t think I can do a two weeks away from my child. If boys don’t understand that I am a single mom and there is huge responsibilities that come along with that they can just go away. They need to understand that the number one person in my life is MJ, she comes before everything, even me.

I don’t want her spending the weekend with her dad, his girlfriend and Oscar the pug (she is staying with her grandma thank you very much). Even though he will not say if they are living together, (I believe it to be so but he says no) its not going to be a family weekend. I have not met her or her little dog (I am having Wizard of Oz Wicked Witch of the West complex right now) and until I do sleepovers are unacceptable. If I was not firm on this before, his insistence to meet my date before MJ does solidifies it.

Ok, it was only 35 minutes. Hope to update on more inner conflict resolution tomorrow.


Sunday, November 2, 2008

It Certainly was a Spooktacular Weekend

So the ex came down to take MJ trick or treating. He came on down on Friday and was suppose to stay the whole weekend. I was thrilled, to get a weekend of duel parenting would like having a weekend off. I made a bunch of plans for Saturday night and Sunday.

Friday went fine. The ex even brought MJ to my work to show her off and my bosses even commented on how nice he was being. (Not a big surprise there, he is nice just not nice to date.) We had supper, but Izzy to bed, watched some TV and went to be without incident. I even told him I was dating, no one in particular but a few guys in general and he was fine with all of it.

On Saturday we were out shopping when my phone rang, it was my date for the night confirming plans. When I hung up the ex was pissed, how dare I talk on the phone when I was suppose to be giving him directions (everything started going down hill from there). When we got back home, he informed me that he was going home that evening. FUCK. I had a date for Saturday night, I was going running with the girls on Sunday and another date Sunday afternoon. I made all these plans cause he was suppose to be there and now that he knew I was going on a date he was off faster than a prom dress. I tried my sitter but alas, she was already booked.

I asked him to stay but he said he girlfriend is really jealous of me and doesn't want him spending too much time here (I read not spending time with his daughter) and furthermore, he was not sticking around to babysit while I was out on a date. Pardon, while you were boning your current girlfriend, who the heck did you think was 'babysitting' MJ - ghosts???

I called my sister to bitch and she has come up with a wonderful solution (maybe). To get some me time, I let MJ spend a few weeks with her. I am going to see her next weekend and will come home on Tue say. I would pick her up on the 23rd - so that is 11 days being MJ free. I am really liking this idea but I don't know. I have only ever been away from her for three days so I am not sure how to do this. Help me out, how to you give control of your daughter. I am conflicted to say the least. I would love not to be a mom for a while but she would be 7 hours away (one way) so its not like I could just pop over to see how she is doing.

My November is crazy and not having a child would be so much easier. Oh well, we have lots of details to work out before it could happen, but I think if all works out I may go with it. How many times do you get this kind of offer.


Tuesday, October 28, 2008


Oh, quick update... My baba had her surgery and so far so good. I think me and MJ will go see her tomorrow. Depends on how she is feeling. Thanks to those who said a prayer for her.


PS. I seriously think I am possessed by June Cleaver. I have brownies and cookies cooling as we speak (11 pm) and was thinking I should make some fresh baked bread for tomorrow.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Some Bad News on a Good Day

My mom called me today at work, my mom never calls me at work so I knew it was serious. My grandmother is sick, not like normal, hi I am 87 years old sick... More like, getting a pacemaker installed sick. She has never been one to take her medication (she is suppose to be on blood thinners since she has had two strokes) and it has been very tough on her heart. Her fluids back up and her heart has to work that much harder.

Right now my baba is in the hospital awaiting her surgery and I am 3 hours (give or take) away worrying that she will never wake up. I knew this day would come (she is 87, not exactly a spring chicken) but am torn between sadness and anger. Sadness cause my baba may die, anger cause if she would have listened to the doctors she probably wouldn't be here.

My MJ loves her baba. She really does. When we pull up to her apartment, she start screaming to baba that she is coming (my baba lives on the 5th floor, in no way with in yelling range). She dances to the door and runs into see her. I partially named MJ after baba. MJ's middle name (Marusya - Mary in Ukrainian) is my baba's first name.

The weird thing is, all these sad thoughts makes me think of my ex. My baba's surgery is in the same city where my ex lives. I have let him know what is going on so when we go see her this week, there can be someone at the hospital to look after her (if I am even allowed to bring her in, if not he can watch her). He was great, saying he would take time off of work if that is what I needed. Now I am thinking it will be nice to have him there in case anything bad happens. (I am attributing these feelings to the sadness I am feeling for my baba.)

Side note: I am such an emotional eater, I have eaten everything placed in front of me. Need to run tomorrow and every other day this week to make up for this binge day.

Pray for my baba please. No matter what happens, it will be okay.


Saturday, October 25, 2008

The Winds they are a Blowing

The winds are a blowing and I am hoping they are bringing change. Well not that much change, I am enjoying my life just want some slight alterations.

I am very disappointed today. I was suppose to have my new after hours sitter come over for a trial run for a couple of hours today (I already had her come over for an interview) and she never showed. I have called her house and left a message and nothing. I am willing to give her another chance (out of desperation) but come on - who doesn't just not show up. I have a lead on another sitter so cross your fingers and wish me luck.

On a brighter note, there is another dating prospect on the horizon. We met online and have been chatting briefly here and there and the past two nights we had a chance to really talk. He is really nice and level headed (other than he doesn't believe in diamonds cause of all the damage they have caused). He works a lot, but we are trying to coordinate a date for next weekend (when MJ's Dad will be here). I have also given him my cell number to call me when he is free (not something I normally do). Thinking of him makes me smile, that's a good sign.

I need to run, off to make a fabulous dinner of eggplant parmigiana that is only three points a serving!! Good thing too, I went to Red Lobster for lunch, extravagant but totally worth it.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I want to stroke something and it certainly isn't your ego

Ok, this is my rant and it is a little long so poor yourself a cup of joe and sit back and enjoy the bitch...

Boys suck ass in way too many ways to mention right now. How is it that 3 of them can piss me off beyond belief in one fucking night. (There will probably be a few f-bombs in this post, not apologizing, just letting you know.) And its because it was all in one night that I am so mad.

Just to recap my dating life, I had an ex that I have recently had sex with and two prospective dates (there has been day dates with both but not to the actual dating level yet). This was before 6 pm tonight.

At 6:03 pm Mr Football sends me a text. (A little background... we have went to lunch once about three weeks ago but since he lives out of town and isn't moving back for a few months it has been really hard to arrange a second date considering that I only have one popular babysitter. Anyway, this past weekend Mr Football invited me out like three times, each time with little warning so I had to decline. I explained that I can't spontaneously go out and if he wanted to do something he would have to let me know with some notice. ) He is upset that I seem 'distant' and he was wondering if I really wanted to date him cause he was 'serious' about dating me. Fuck off. I was serious until you stared acting like a whinny bitch. I don't want to get serious. I want to date.

So then I am talking to my little sister and tell her about the whole my ex is dating before me (I did leave out the embarrassing sex incident - that I will only share with you). Anywhoo.... I told her I was so much prettier and she told me to send a pic of the new girlfriend. So I go on facebook to steal her image and her status was something about going out on Saturday. Something made me look and her birthday was October 18th. (Background, my ex was suppose to come up this weekend but he was sooo broke. Him not coming up means no one to watch MJ, meaning no date for mama this weekend.) Now I am even more pissed. He lied to me to go out with his little scanky bitch. FUCK FUCK. Oh and, cause MJ wanted to talk to him I called him to leave a message, blah, blah, when I finally did get a hold of him he said he was working all weekend. No he was getting drunk birthday sex.

So when Mr Cute called I shouldn't have even picked up the phone. Now Mr Cute is ubuer cute (hence the nickname), he is 26, a personal trainer and goes to university part time. After some pretty good flirting I asked what he was taking in school (just not a subject we had broached yet). He told me economics but he wasn't doing so well. I told him I loved econ and could help if he needed. I used to tutor econ in university. He said maybe. I asked him what classes he was taking and he said the 100 level. I told him not to worry, they got easier and I got way higher marks in my 400 level courses than in my 100. He seemed a little stunned and got really quite, letting me go shortly after.

For Mr Football - I am not going to drop my life and drag my daughter across town (for lack of a babysitter) cause you want to see me this very moment. And no, I am not letting you come over to my house with a sleeping daughter upstairs cause you couldn't be bother to plan an actual date with me.

For me Ex - Buck up and be a man and a father. I understand the need for another girlfriend, but don't lie to me. This is time with your daughter. (I need to admit, to be a bitch I cancelled this weekend between the two of them. I feel justified and I really don't care.)

For Mr. Cute - You know what, I am not that girl who puts herself in a corner to make other look better. I am the star of the fucking show and if you want to be with me you better fucking get used to it. Yes, I do let people shine in their accomplishments, but am not going to hide the fact that I am smart and accomplished.

Ok, I know I am over reacting but come on, all in one night makes you loose it a bit. I am going to bed now. Need to run tomorrow. Everything always looks better after running.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

How is a Good Day Bad

Ok first I would like to say yesterday I was an uber Moi all around. I rocked the casaba at work, came home and had supper on the table (an organic tofu, mushroom and spinach casserole and Cuban flavoured green beans), eaten and dishes done all before 6. There was only a half an hour of cartoon watched and then me and MJ made an pompom jack-o-lantern, coloured, and played before having a bath and going to bed. I then made my wonderfully terrifically nutritious lunch for the next day and went to bed. (Ok, I must admit, I so wanted to blog my absolute perfectness but wanted to get to bed so that I could get up to run.)

I did get up to run and work was awesome (great stuff happening at work). But I abandoned my great lunch for a not so healthy souvlaki on a bun and french fries. Then, since I was still full from lunch come supper time, me and MJ had popcorn twists for supper while we vegged in front of the TV watching cartoons. Oh why do I feel so much better about myself when I am perfect.

I really like being perfect, I seriously crave it. I will vacuum my floor like 4 times a week so I can feel better (I know a sickness). But for some reason when it comes to working out to make myself more perfect, I cannot do it. I cannot force myself to workout enough to loose the ass I put on when I was pregnant. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I am contemplating hiring a sitter to pick up my daughter from daycare to watch her while I pay someone to make me sweat off my excess fat. Is this a sane idea??? My thought is it may be. I will miss the witching hour and get the sweetness she has to offer.

I will save some dysfunction of my life for tomorrow, trust me I have lots!!!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Just Me

Today was a boring and mundane day in the life as Moi. I baked four casseroles, shampooed my rugs, cleaned my bathrooms, made a semi-meal plan for next week and did some laundry. I could have went out tonight but Mr R let me know too late and I could not find a sitter. He said I could bring MJ with me but that would be way too awkward, not to mention I had already put her to bed.

Good news on the social life side, I have an interview with another sitter, so bonus there. And I have my mom coming down next week so I can go on a date next week for sure. My mom coming for a visit will also mean the ex won't be coming which means no chance for nookie (not something I really want to happen again).

As for my weight loss this week was a bust but once again there is a silver lining. Because I am tired of my own excuses, I have made enough food for a whole week of suppers AND made a meal plan so I don't have to wonder what I am going to eat. Now I need to stop snaking badly and start exercising again. The exercising is going to be a tough one but I know I can do it. I am committed to running three times next week, I also hope to do some other activity.

Healthy living starts tomorrow (I promise). I need to make one more casserole and need some eggplant to do it so me and MJ are going to walk the 5 kilometers to and from the closets grocery store. (Well I will walk, MJ will ride in the stroller.)

Wish me luck!! I am going to get on the right track if its going to kill me.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sleeping with the Enemy

Ok, since I only have one blog reader that I am aware of I will steal her blogging title cause it is a perfect fit to my entry.

I have a the weirdest 24 hours that I have had in a while. As previously reported, I chewed out my ex for his lack of parental skills. So Monday night I got a text from him asking if we were 'okay'. I called him and the conversation ensued... I told him I was pissed but that didn't matter cause he would have to earn my trust back. We left it at we will discuss this next time he comes for a visit.

WELL...I get a phone call at 4 am from him. He is at my door!! (Please keep in mine we live two and a half hours apart.) I let him in and he tells me he misses MJ and wanted to apologize for being such an ass. I am so tired at this point. We go to be and you will never guess what happens next (please see title for clue).

I cannot believe I slept with my ex again. I blame it partially on not having sex in almost 10 months and being sleep deprived. Of course it was wonderful (it was better than wonderful) we never had any problems in the bedroom.

He stayed the day to spend it with MJ and we ended up having sex two more times. (I cannot think of an excuse now but hope to come up with one shortly.) Before you think of me too badly, at least the child was sleeping for both times of copious fun.

That was my weird day.

On a lighter note, I think I may have a date with a football player this weekend!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Election Day

So today was a weird and wonderful election day for me.

First off work was fabulous. The longer I am there the more I love my job. I got one huge project and one minor one but they are fabulous. They are not exactly what I dreamed of doing but at least I am heading in the right direction... fabulous takes a while to become perfect right??

Now for the weird part... I had a big talk with my ex and he is being impossible. He says he wants to get back together but just for the sex. And then he tells me he misses dating me but doesn't want to get back together. He had a couple of drinks in him so who knows but it is just frustrating.

On the dating scene I had a great talk with a prospect... he is only 26 but uber cute. Is it bad to date someone who is university when you have been done for 5 years. He seems like fun and maybe that is what I need in my life. Plus its not like I am marrying him.

I actually stayed on points today. Going to run tomorrow morning. I didn't weigh myself this week, a little scared after last week. It will start to happen again - I know it. Plus I really want to give my old fat clothes to my ex's girlfriend (just to be a bitch). Gotta love me.


Monday, October 13, 2008

What the F&$k Monday

OK, so today is Thanksgiving and I do have a tonne to be thankful for. I have a wonderful daughter, fabulous family and friends and live a comfortable life. So I really don't want to bitch but it is so much fun!!

So MJ's daddy came to see her for a visit and it was a visit for the books. He let me know that he was moving in with his girlfriend. Yes he has a girlfriend before me (annoying enough) but even more infuriating, he is moving in with her. A little background here, he has not seen his child since the middle of July because he has been so 'busy' but yet he has found the time to stick his dick into some girl. (And I do mean girl, she is 26 years old, I creeped her on facebook. Don't judge me, she had a open profile.)

So I freaked, I lost it. I let him know there was no weekends away with MJ until I see the place she will be at and his new girlfriend. I actually threatened to take his name off MJ's birth certificate if he continued being an absentee father. I almost made him cry.

Now I am thinking, f&$k, I am stuck with my ex for visits. I am really wanting to go on some dates and having MJ's dad watching her would be a perfect time BUT now he will be at my house when I leave on my date and come back. I think it will be worth the awkwardness of it all.

As for my diet, it starts again tomorrow. Gosh I love Thanksgiving fixins!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Wednesday Lulls

It is now Wednesday and I am so tired. Work has been wonderful, but rather long so far this week. My child, MJ (which is short for Moi Junior) was a terror since I picked her up from daycare. Oh well, the night is young and I am going to go to bed early, there are miles to be run tomorrow.

Speaking of weight loss, my fresh start on WW was shot to shit on Monday due to birthday cake and a cheeseburger. Why do I do this?? At least I only ate 1/2 a piece of cake, got soup instead of fries and didnt eat my bun. Hey its all about smarter choices. I went for a great run yesterday, and am going to go again tomorrow (hence the early night tonight).

I got some great news tonight too. I am getting child support again tonight. MJ's dad has not given my any child support since Christmas and before that it was sparatic at best. Now I am getting another payment and the last one was last week!! He want to make up for not being there which makes me happy.

Well that's it for me tonight. I will try to write more.


Monday, October 6, 2008

My First Blog Entry

So this is me... for better or worse. I am not a superstar I am just a little moi, okay so an above average sized moi but that is something I am trying to change. I have just moved to a bran new city, away from all my family, with my daughter for a fantastic new job.

I love my life but there is some room for improvement. I have started dating after a slump (I won't even comment on how long its been cause it just depresses me). My ex has a date (how annoying) and I hate to be outdone. How can he get a date before me... it just doesn't seem fair. So I am throwing myself into the dating world. It is my bloggy promise to go on at least 4 dates before Halloween.

I am also on a weightloss journey, hopefully one that picks up speed soon. On that note I am back on the weight watcher bandwagon after a way too long intermission and have began running again. I am finding it hard to exercise cause I have to do it at home all by myself and motivation is not a strong suit with me. But if I want to lose the weight its what I am going to have to do. I want badly to be a size 8 (smaller if possible) but I want to look good again and feel good about myself naked. (This ties into the whole dating thing, if I feel sexy, others will think I am sexy.)

Thats it from me for now. Hope to post again soon.