Sunday, June 28, 2009

15 Week Challange

I signed up for Amy's 15 Week Challenge. The basic idea started as a challenge to lose 15 pounds in 15 weeks. I think she is looking to lose her last 15 pounds, but it’s not limited to people who only have 15 pounds to lose. I got 30 and two pounds a week is not unreasonable. Plus she’s going to have food and fitness challenges every week.

Here are my reasons for wanting to do this challenge:

1. I hate to lose. I am a very competitive person, not saying I don't like it when others succeed but I like it when I do more. (I know I am a horrible person but at least I am honest about it.)

2. Amy’s going to have Workout Wednesdays and a Workout Challenge every week – and I’m so looking forward to incorporating some new ideas into my routine.

3. She’s got prizes! (Real, tangible prizes – not just feeling healthy and having a rockin’ bod!)
4. My holidays start in two days and I need motivation not to eat like a pig and lay around like a sloth.
Wish me luck.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

I Am A Better Mommy Than You

Nanna, nanna, booboo! I know you are but what am I.

Okay, I really am not a better mommy but I have been thinking a lot lately about how judgemental I am. I think this all came about since everyone and their dog blogged about John and Kate Gosling the past couple of weeks. I think it is very sad that a family is breaking up. I have gone through my own family breaking up and you can not imagine the pain you feel not being able to stop something that you would do anything to stop. Just thinking about the hurt I felt two years ago brings tears to my eyes. (Please don't feel sorry for me, I am in a better place but its just not the kind of pain that easy to just walk away from.) I think it is very sad but have gotten very protective of the Gosling family because I remember that pain (or more specifically I get protective of Kate because I sympathise with her).

When someone speaks ill of Kate I get mad. Really mad. This women was trying to support a huge family. Would I have taken the path she did by making a living by putting my family on a reality tv show? Maybe? The thought of 8 kids makes my head spin never mind paying the grocery bill for that many hungry little mouths. Did she bust her husbands balls and was a domineering hag? Absolutely but it was who she was. Every family has the dominate person (in some it switches depending on the situation) and Kate was always that person. Did she in any way deserve what she got? Absolutely not!! She was trying her best and doing very well (in my opinion) before this whole fiasco. Yes she got a lot of free stuff from putting her family in the public eye but so does most celebrities.

So here I am defending this crazy lady because we share a common thread (the human experience right?) and the fact is I judge everyone! I will judge the mommy who talks on her cell phone while driving with her child in the back, I judge the mommy who smokes with her child a few feet away, the fat person with nothing but snack foods in her cart - really I judge myself.

I pick the qualities I don't like in myself and magnify them in others. I make snap judgements based on little or no facts. I guess its good I realize that about myself. What I would like is not to dislike anything about myself (part of my journey to be a happy person) and to stop with the judging.

Does any better mommy have any ideas how to stop judging people? Or maybe tell me why you judge people, because I can figure out other people's problems way easier than I can figure out my own.

Judgmentally yours,

Monday, June 22, 2009

Off to a Good Start

I had a great Monday. I ate relatively well (considering that I had birthday pie, cookies, and ice cream sprung on me) and compensated with exercise. I had a non-planned cookie and a small scoop of ice cream but I also walked to and from work, went for a walk at lunch and did some gardening this evening. I only came out 0.5 points in the negative so that is great!

Plus I learned something kinda interesting. I know I live by a bunch of churches but there are four within a fifteen minute walk (and that is only in one direction). I think I am going to start looking at something close to home as there are no EMCC churches where I live (thanks for the tip Tyler).

That's all for now... I plan on getting up at 5 am to do some Jillian Micheal's shredding and need some shut eye.

Still motivated for now,

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me

Today I turn 31 and at the moment I have having many mixed feelings about my birthday. I really don't mind getting older, that much, but I think it is the lack of someone special in my life. I thought that by the time I was in my 30's I would have someone special to share my life with. I do not mean to sound ungrateful cause I have the most beautiful and special child in my life, but I want more. I want it all.

One reasons for my melancholy is that it is raining. In my memory, with the exception of one or two, the weather on my birthday is always beautiful. Another reason is that my baby is gone. My mother just left with my child. I have sent her to spend a week with her grandparents. She is super excited and was not sad at all to leave. I just miss her when she is not her and she is not been well (a story for another time). I am okay with her going cause I remember the time with my grandparents as a child and I would not take that away from my child. I just need to keep myself busy.

Birthdays are a good time to reflect on your life. I look at my life and am happy with most of it. I have a wonderful child, a great family (a distant family but they are there when I need them), a fantastic job (I still am in wonder at where I work) but I am not fulfilled. I moved about a year ago and am finding it hard to connect with people. I have been trying but I think I may need to look at a different group. I think that I need to find more mommy friends. Single friends are great but after not being able to go out any night of the week really separates me from them. I think I did connect with one of the t-ball mommies and we have made plans for a play date so I hope that is a start.

I thought by this time I would be farther along in my goals. I did set some goals before Christmas have a just began work to fulfill one of them. I need to try harder. Things do not just happen because I want them to. You have to work for what you want. I wonderful mommy that I look up to (in case you don't know it, that is you Tyler), writes a wonderful blog that teaches me things about myself almost every time I read it. Anyway, she shared an article about self-discipline that showed me that I need to work on me.

I have decided that this is what my 31st year will be about, making me better. Being the happiest and best person I can be. This is my new goals:

  1. Join a church. I feel that I need to strengthen my relationship with God. A simple way to do this is to join a church. I will do some research and do some visits.
  2. Make more friends. Hard yes but I am hoping doing more activities and joining a church will help with that.
  3. Date more. I have been on a few dates but I am going to date instead of focusing on finding the right one. If a princess has to kiss a few toads, I am okay with that.
  4. Lose 30 pounds. Need to. I refuse to accept being fat. I may not need to lose all 30 but I am not happy at my current weight or look so things need to change.

Wish me luck, I am hoping to have one hell of a year. If anyone has suggestions, please let me know. I am willing to try anything once!

One year older, and so much better.


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Stupid Blog

Okay I have to admit I am a blogging idiot. I really don't know that much about anything on the blogging world if you don't including writing down my random thoughts and hitting publish post. So when my template crashed, I said a few swear words and starting googling (something I am good at).

It has taken me two days but I finally, finally have a semi working blog page that I kinda sorta like. Not exactly what I want but I don't even know how to get that. If anyone has any tips or tricks please let me know. It seriously took me two hours to figure out how to have three columns.


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Not so Bad

Okay maybe I over reacted a tad yesterday. A day with my sweetheart was not horrible. We have had a great time playing and watched a movie. I even got some cleaning and stuff done.

I was scared of the thought of being at home with her. Like most people I know, I seriously question my parenting abilities. Now not at all times but I do not know if I am capable of being a stay at home mommy. I accept my limitations and am very happy that she is in daycare. I wish she didn't have to be in there for as long as she is but overall I am very happy dropping her off in the morning (I am also very happy to pick her up at the end of the day too!)

The thought of being quarantined with her scared me. No external distractions is daunting for most parents. I find myself after day one of imposed exile thinking I can do this. I can do seven days with my sweet princess. I was thinking of ways to escape, all the groceries I had to go buy (not really, I went grocery shopping 3 days ago) and the other things I absolutely needed to get done (yeah returning library books is soooo important). Now I will not be rushing in my two weeks notice to be a stay at home mom but a week of trying it on won't be so bad.

I took MJ into get tested this morning and was told that the results would take at least 5 to 10 day to get back as they have to go to a national lab. Did I mention that I hate to wait? I called in a favour and will have the results tomorrow, Thursday at the latest. Now I realize that people who can't call in favours don't like this but I really love favoritism. It works well for me.


Monday, June 8, 2009

Did you ever feel like the world is against you?

Okay so maybe that is going a bit far as i don't really feel like the world is against me but I am feeling like parts of it are. I am sitting her tonight not even sure how to feel... my beautiful baby may have the H1N1 virus - yes that is right, my little piglet may actually have the swine flu.

Now what I am going to say show how horrible of a mommy I am. The worst part about this whole thing is that if MJ does have the virus it means we are in quarantine for 7 days. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!! Seven days in isolation with a two year old. No parks, no library, no shopping, no movie, no nothing. Me and my child in our house for 168 hours!! This thought terrifies me.

Some germy little snot nose child (okay he really isn't that bad) at my daughter's daycare has tested positive for the virus and when I picked up MJ today she had a fever of 103 and smelled like vomit. When I asked her why she replied, "Cause I puked in my mouth and swallowed it!" Nice. When I got her home I also discovered she has diarrhea and a horrible diaper rash. I talked to a friend of mine and he confirmed that I should take her in to get tested in the morning or if I had a had a death wish, I could always take her to the emergency room tonight.

Oh well, guess it won't be so bad. I do have three bottles of wine and a bottle of vanilla vodka here to numb the pain if the isolation is horrible (for me, not the toddler of course).

Wish me luck at the doctors. Here's hoping for a negative test result!

Hopefully yours,