Did you ever feel like the world is against you?

Okay so maybe that is going a bit far as i don't really feel like the world is against me but I am feeling like parts of it are. I am sitting her tonight not even sure how to feel... my beautiful baby may have the H1N1 virus - yes that is right, my little piglet may actually have the swine flu.

Now what I am going to say show how horrible of a mommy I am. The worst part about this whole thing is that if MJ does have the virus it means we are in quarantine for 7 days. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!! Seven days in isolation with a two year old. No parks, no library, no shopping, no movie, no nothing. Me and my child in our house for 168 hours!! This thought terrifies me.

Some germy little snot nose child (okay he really isn't that bad) at my daughter's daycare has tested positive for the virus and when I picked up MJ today she had a fever of 103 and smelled like vomit. When I asked her why she replied, "Cause I puked in my mouth and swallowed it!" Nice. When I got her home I also discovered she has diarrhea and a horrible diaper rash. I talked to a friend of mine and he confirmed that I should take her in to get tested in the morning or if I had a had a death wish, I could always take her to the emergency room tonight.

Oh well, guess it won't be so bad. I do have three bottles of wine and a bottle of vanilla vodka here to numb the pain if the isolation is horrible (for me, not the toddler of course).

Wish me luck at the doctors. Here's hoping for a negative test result!

Hopefully yours,
Moi

I Love Being a Mom but...

My post is a little random and skips around a bit but I am a bit sleep deprived and just spilled out my feelings.

Ok I do love being a mom but this single mom with no family or good friends in the area is really starting to suck. If I hear one more time how being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world (someone told me I actually had it easy) I am going to slap someone. Ok, I know being a stay at home mom is hard work and I envy and admire those who are fortunate enough to do it but being a single mommy who works full time is no cake walk.

I love my daughter and I love my job but between the hours of 5 to 6:30 pm I don't really like either. Because I have to work till 5 by the time I get MJ home she is a bitch (I know she is only two but come on at times she is awful) because she is so hungry. If I don't have supper on the table in 10 minutes or less, it is horrible. I have gotten pretty good at the whole process and even have appetizer some nights (like crackers and maybe even some cheese) but since starting work after a two week absence it has not been a good time. MJ is not getting as much sleep as she did on holidays and it is starting to show.

I am frustrated. I admit that. But what happened today makes me angry. On top of not having a bad start to the week with MJ, I was totally shafted by one of the girls I work with. I was talking with some of the girls about I never get to go out in my new city and how we should plan for a ladies movie night. One of the ladies said we should do a weekend brunch and matinee. I got excited and suggested this Sunday cause the ex is coming to give MJ her Christmas present and see Bride Wars. Everyone was really excited and the time worked for everyone.

So I am super pumped. So I checked into day so see if we had some firm dates and times and got some bad news... another single mommy who used to work in the office was invited along (no problem) but because she has her little boy on Sunday they changed the day to Saturday. FUCK!! I have no sitter for Saturday and this outing was using all of my entertainment budget for the month (thanks for the budgeting tips Tyler) and slightly dipped into my food budget (like $3 so I didn't feel that bad). However, I cannot afford the extra $30 to $40 for a sitter.

Needless to say I was a little pissed. I understand flexing our plans to help out another person (I am not totally selfish) but because they changed plans, I can no longer go! I am the one who suggested it. The upside is that I can splurge on groceries this week and buy bran name soup instead of no name. Lol

I realize that the week isn't going well and this doesn't make it any better. I know I am fortunate and am thankful for what I have but I can't help but wonder in my sad pity party state, when will things start to pick up. I am looking at MJ starting some activities and am looking into joining a church to meet some like people which I hope will help with the friends part.

Thanks for listening to my pathetic story. I promise next time I will drink more (or at least start drinking) before posting so it will be a little more upbeat!!

Sadly,
Moi

How is a Good Day Bad

Ok first I would like to say yesterday I was an uber Moi all around. I rocked the casaba at work, came home and had supper on the table (an organic tofu, mushroom and spinach casserole and Cuban flavoured green beans), eaten and dishes done all before 6. There was only a half an hour of cartoon watched and then me and MJ made an pompom jack-o-lantern, coloured, and played before having a bath and going to bed. I then made my wonderfully terrifically nutritious lunch for the next day and went to bed. (Ok, I must admit, I so wanted to blog my absolute perfectness but wanted to get to bed so that I could get up to run.)

I did get up to run and work was awesome (great stuff happening at work). But I abandoned my great lunch for a not so healthy souvlaki on a bun and french fries. Then, since I was still full from lunch come supper time, me and MJ had popcorn twists for supper while we vegged in front of the TV watching cartoons. Oh why do I feel so much better about myself when I am perfect.

I really like being perfect, I seriously crave it. I will vacuum my floor like 4 times a week so I can feel better (I know a sickness). But for some reason when it comes to working out to make myself more perfect, I cannot do it. I cannot force myself to workout enough to loose the ass I put on when I was pregnant. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I am contemplating hiring a sitter to pick up my daughter from daycare to watch her while I pay someone to make me sweat off my excess fat. Is this a sane idea??? My thought is it may be. I will miss the witching hour and get the sweetness she has to offer.

I will save some dysfunction of my life for tomorrow, trust me I have lots!!!