I Had a Break Down - Now You Are in for Some Trouble!!!

I am not sure what happened this weekend. It started out really good and slid into really bad pretty quick. Now I must say my binge this weekend is nothing of binges of the past but considering I am trying hard it was discouraging. On top of it, I didn't exercise cause I was being a lazy sloth!!

Actually I know exactly what happened, I was told that my raise that I was suppose to get wasn't coming because of the poopy economy and the couple of people who keep saying they will take MJ so I can have some me time pulled out at the last weekend so my relaxing Saturday was shot to shit. I get tired of being a single mommy in a city that none of my family live in so that if I ever want to do something without MJ I have to pay someone.

Monday came and although I didn't exercise, I did eat really well. I didn't put crap into my body but was still being Eeyore about my life (oh so glum, nothing will ever be good). Like many people, I get down on myself at times. I stopped myself yesterday from eating myself into feeling worse which is a step in the right direction.

This morning, thanks to Karilynn I dragged my ass out of my warm and cozy bed at 5 am (okay, so it was more like 5:10) and got on my treadmill. I told myself, it doesn't matter if you crawl, you are doing 30 minutes. As my mind cleared and the music on my ipod picked up, I did run. As I ran I began to think, there are many things in my life I like, there are many that I don't. There are certain things in my life I can change and certain things I have no control over. I started going through my list of what I don't like about my life and I can change and I am sure it is no surprise to anyone that I came to the realization that I don't want to be fat anymore. I kept saying it and saying it and began to cry.

I want immediate results. I want to be thin now. I know that it isn't possible and I have a lot of work to do. One great thing about this choice though is that when I get stressed about what I can't change in my life, I can exercise and help get closer to my goal. Losing weight really isn't that hard, eat less and exercise more. Become accountable for what you put in your body and sweat your ass off.

Come on Biggest Loser contenders, make me work for it. This is not going to be a 3 pound weight loss month. I want that $100 prize money. I have my eye on a pair of boots that are going to look great on my sculpted calves!!!

Where Have All the Good Men Gone

So I have been trying lately to put myself out there in the dating world. It is hard but I am trying. I even told a group of ladies from work they are free to set me up with anyone they think would be good for me (I guaranteed one date, no more no less). The ladies seemed very excited with the prospect but as that was only a couple of days ago, no new leads yet.

I have been dabbling in the online thing again out of a lack of any other options. I met a really nice guy - really nice. He is respectful (in law enforcement), patience, good conversationalist, kind and good looking. He was previously married but ended the marriage almost a year ago due to a cheating wife (and they are still friends). We went out for drinks and had a great time. He said he would call but when he did I was having lunch with my daughter so when I called him back a couple of days later he said he was glad I called. We had a great chat (an hour and a half) and he admitted that he didn't think I was going to call him back but really wanted to pursue a second date. We ended the call with him saying he will definitely call me in a few days.

That was over a week ago. I debated what to do. This guy is nice and has told me he likes me too so without trying to appear desperate (I am not desperate yet) I called him. He was not home so I left a brief message to call me. Now I am confused. I have a sinking feeling that there will be no call back and there will be no second date. So why fake interest??

Dating seems really hard. I know this line sounds old but all the good ones seem to be taken - well the good ones who are my age at least. I am trying to be open to possibilities, I truly am. I am not even that frustrated yet as I haven't really been in the dating market whole hearted for very long.

Well tomorrow is another day. If he doesn't call, he doesn't call. There are bigger problems in the world than that.

Moi

Kids Say the Darnedest Things and Mommy Plan to Eat the Strangest

My beautiful daughter and I were eating lunch today and she dropped a piece of apple onto the floor. She looked at me, cocked her pigtailed head and said, "Oh shit."

Yes it is bad when your child swears but it is also a little funny. I explained to her that was a word only mommy's used and maybe she should try to find one more suited to little ladies like dang or oh no. She looked me square in the eyes and said, "Shit sounds better."

Lesson learned, no more potty mouth. Words for mommy don't fly in my house apparently. Lesson learned.

Since summer is upon us, I am endeavoring to jump start my weight loss, not only for the fact to look good on the beach but also to help control the eating out spending. A friend of mine goes to a trainer who has her on a food detox program to ride her body of all the sugar, salt and processed crap (notice I didn't say shit) that our body craves. The first week of the cleanse apparently sucks cause you want all the bad stuff but if you stick to it, it gets much easier.

You essentially eat the same thing every day. Every two to three weeks you get a new menu that adds in new foods. Here is my menu:

Meal 1:
3/4 cup egg whites
1 cup oatmeal

Meal 2:
Protein shake
1 apple

Meal 3:
3 oz chicken breast
1 cup rice
1/3 cup salsa

Meal 4:
Protein shake
2 rice cakes

Meal 5:
3 oz lean meat (chicken, tuna, buffalo, turkey)
1 cup carrots

Meal 6:
1 cup low sodium cottage cheese
1/2 cup cucumbers

You also need to drink between 3 to 4 liters of water a day.

I began today and it isn't all bad. I did not have my meal two at all and was totally stuffed after breakfast and lunch. There is more than enough food to keep a person going. The food combination seem a little strange but what can I do. I need to loose weight.

Wish me luck - again.

Moi

This Is It, I Think I May Vomit

Okay, so two weeks ago, I said that if my weight loss continued, I would post my weight for all the web to see. Well my weight loss has not continued as the master speed that I had hoped but I think it is time I became accountable for my fat ass.

Please keep in mind, that I have not been this skinny since before I was pregnant, which was almost three years ago... the weight I am at now is approximately the weight I was when I got pregnant. Now I am 5'3" but carry weight really well (I have been told so by medical professionals).

Now, well as of this morning, my weight is 164.5 pounds. I so want to delete this post and pretend like it never happened but I will not do that, I can't do that. Doing that will keep me fat.

I know I want to lose more weight, I need to. The problem is that my 'idea weight' is 135 which means I have 30 more pounds to go. That is a lot of weight. Even when I was working out four days a week for 2 hours of day I could barely get below 150 (mind you I ate whatever I wanted to). The upper end of my 'ideal weight' is 141 but really, that is only six pounds - which means still another 25 pounds to lose. For those keeping track, I need to lose more weight now than I have in total in my over a year of trying to lose.

I will do this. I got up to run this morning and will get up to run again tomorrow. Plus, my new Jillian Shred dvd is waiting at the post office for me (with my true blood books) and I heard they are awesome for shredding down your ass.

My main plan is to get my eating under control by pure boredom. Sort of. I plan to have a similar breakfast and lunch everyday and then have some selection items at supper. I have read a lot of other people`s menus and the most successful eat to live not live to eat. I need to change my mind set to change the size of my thighs. Plus, if I meal plan well, that means no eating out which is easier on my pocketbook (which is another thing I need to work on).

Wish me luck on my quest. I am really wanting to have lost 10 pounds by the time I go to see my sister in four weeks (realistic right) cause shopping in her city is soooo much better than here.

Honestly yours,
Moi

The Shovelling Queen is Home

Happy New Year to everyone. Wow 2009. My year has not been off to the best start but I am liking the way it is headed.

I came home today after a wonderful 10 day absence. I spent a fabulous holiday in my home town with family and friends. Nothing too busy but it was a great time. It was a good and glutenous Christmas and new years.

My three and a half hour drive was uneventful until I was half an hour from home. This is when the skies opened up and the snow started coming. Now I am a very seasoned winter driver so this is nothing new to me but it made the trip a little un-enjoyable.

I came home to snow, snow and more snow. Which meant that even before I began to unpack my fully loaded truck (and no I don't mean leather seats and 4x4) I needed to shovel. I was unable to even park in my designated parking spot because of all the snow. I illegally parked in a unloading zone, brought in my beautiful and stinky daughter (yes a wonderfully stinky full diaper was waiting for me) and after and quick diaper change began to shovel. I shovelled my way to my truck and began my duty as a pack mule. It was not as bad as I thought and the job was done relatively easy because of my close parking spot. I was rewarded by yet another stinky diaper (MJ refuses to use the potty so such is my life right now).

I left my truck illegally parked while I thought about unpacking (never did happen) and played with MJ, ate supper (goldfish crackers count as supper right) and put MJ to bed. Now I wasn't worried about a ticket cause since I have been home there has been approximately another 6 inches of snow and I know vehicles don't get tickets in this weather (wrecks the tickets - won't hold up in court). After having calling everyone I could think of in an attempts to procrastinate from shovelling my self into my parking spot I put on my boots.

No, I don't hate snow, I don't dislike shovelling but it was a task. I actually took the Lords name in vain and instantaneously had a ah-ha moment. I have been wanting the motivation to kick start my fitness routine and hear I was shovelling snow. Yes, I was doing physical fitness!! Now I know Jesus has much better things to worry Himself over than the size of my ass but it made me giggle. I should be thankful for my blessings and not find a way to be a negative Nora.

So I am thankful for the snow as I know it is going to be a wonderful day tomorrow. After shovelling again, I am taking MJ to a nearby park that I am hoping will be well populated in spite of the snow so that MJ and I can play. She LOVES the snow and will throw it in the air and giggle a giggle that brings a smile to my face for hours if I would let her. It is suppose to be cold out tomorrow so I could always just let her play on the deck for a while too.

I am hoping that my sunny disposition lasts, if it does, 2009 is going to be a wonderful year!!

Optimistically yours,
Moi

PS Did I mention I know have a new requirement for any future boyfriends... They have to own a snow blower. I may be optimistic but I would like to have to have the option of not shovelling snow for an hour.