Wednesday, September 30, 2009

At Least I am Not 176.5

Okay so I am not proud of my October 1st weigh in weight. It is totally my fault. I started out strong and then slipped, got back on track and then slipped again. Slept in instead of getting up and exercising, sat on my ass after MJ went to bed instead of getting a move on. Although I have been in the Biggest Loser 2009 weight loss challenge for 30 days I have only been trying for 17 days max. Due to all of this my new weight is 173.

I have come to a realization, yes I am a very slow learner, weight loss is not a zero sum game. If you fuck up one day, do not leave the bad stuff behind you and just start anew. You work your ass off the next day to make up for the mistakes you have made. If you want to eat bad, or just slip up - get off your ass and exercise, make it up to yourself.

I had a bad day yesterday and to make myself better I ate two mini-chocolate bars and a box of smarties. I was pissed that I made the mistake so I got up this morning for my 30 minutes on the treadmill and then went for a 45 minute walk at lunch today. From this point forward, I am going to either earn or make up for my mistakes.

What really makes me bad about my weigh in is that when I weighed myself on Monday (as my ww regime) I was 171.5. Now I realize that weight is easy to fluctuate but I really wish I was posting a lower weight picture. But I am not, so I will own this weight in a hope of not having to own it for much longer. I am trying to plan a hot holiday for January and I figured out on my walk today that is 14 weeks away - enough time to loose at least 24 pounds and put me below the 150 mark. Yes I have to go through Thanksgiving and Christmas but if I want to feel good about myself on the beach, that is what I need to do.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Back on Track - Almost

So I have done most of my goal that I set. I did not get up at 6:30 am yesterday to run on my treadmill, I was up at 6:13 am cause my lovely daughter woke my from my peaceful slumber. I did run though, I got her settled in front of the TV to watch a movie and got a move on. Today, the pawning of my child didn't work out so well (she is vomiting) and the weather SUCKS so no outdoor workout for me but to supplement, I plan on doing my Jillian workout after my daughter goes to bed.

I went to the farmers market yesterday and bought a bunch of yummy garden veggies and only one little goody. (I shared a rice krispie square with my daughter - considering the uber Delicious good I could have chosen, I showed tremendous strength.) So today I am using the crappy weather and my yummy veggies get some cooking done today. Since last night I have made:

- borscht (only 2 points)
- jambalaya (6 points)
- steel cut oats (3.5 points)
- cheese, bacon and dill scones (4 points)
- Chicken n' Stuffing stir fry (5 points)

All of this and I am making pumpkin ravioli tonight for supper. My kitchen is a mess but I have breakfast, lunch and supper cooked and portioned out for the next week.

I am ready to make this week better than last week. No more random eating of crap. The only thing I will be doing more of this week is getting of my ass and exercising.


Friday, September 25, 2009

What is Wrong with Me??

I know how to lose weight. I know what I have to do, what to eat, how much to work out. My problem is that except for Monday this week, I have disregarded that fact completely. I have over eaten and under-exercise for four days this week, so much so, my pants were tight when I put them on this morning.

I am ridiculous!!! I don't even justify my choices with shitty excuses - I just know what I am putting in my mouth is bad (or in excess) and I just put it in. I have my alarm set to run in the morning and I either turn off my exercise alarm (I have two alarms, one for working out, one for regular) before I go bed or get up, know I should haul my ass out of bed and turn it off and go back to sleep.

It stops now. I will not be sleeping in tomorrow. Rather I am getting up at 6:30 am to run on my treadmill. I will also try to pawn off my child to be able to go for a outdoor run on Sunday. I will not eat anything that is not pre-entered into my weight watchers online tracker. I do not deserve any treats, this isn't punishment, this is life. I do not want to be fat anymore. The way to do that is either through major surgery (not an option) or through commitment and hard work. I have to do this. I need to.


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Trying to Cleanse

Like most people I have way too much shit in my life. Too much food, too much shopping (or too much spending), too much negativity in my life - just too much. I am working on getting the bad stuff out and replacing it with the good stuff.

I have begun the house cleanse. I am going through all my stuff and getting rid of the excess. About two months ago, I cleaned out my closet and got rid of all of my fat clothes. (I am hoping to do that again in a few months when my now cloths are hopefully way too big.) Now I am trying to do it with everything - a bit at a time. I am selling some thing (almost $300 worth so far) and giving away others (seven garbage bags since September 1). I am trying not to just throw it away just because I no longer want it. The more I clean and cleanse, the more empowered I feel and less I want to shop.

I did take a night off of my 30 minute a day challenge to clean my house. I have been cleansing so much lately I have let the cleaning slide. I know have a clean house and feel so much better. I am very anal that way!


Sunday, September 20, 2009

Tomorrow Isn't Going to be Pretty

Well tomorrow is going to be a LONG day. I am volunteering after work so my regular 8 hour day is going to be a 13 hour day. Like most volunteering gigs, there is going to be plenty of crap snack food around. When I get tired, I like to eat.

I have a semi plan. Just eat a good supper and DO NOT eat the crap. I will allow myself diet pop and maybe, depending on time, an Awake Tea Misto with sugar free vanilla from Starbucks. I may or may not go for my mid-day exercise (long day and all) but other than that I really don't see any reason to go nuts on the food.

Other than yesterday, I have been getting my daily exercise - but I did shop most of the day with my mom, so I guess I got a Carrie workout. I also have my menu plan for this week, even better, I have the weekend almost planned to so I don't rely on whatever.

Going to bed now, I am going to need all the sleep I can get to make it through tomorrow.


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Great Day

I had a great day today but still have an immense craving for a Carmel Dipps bar.

Today I ate within my points limit (and I recorded everything, even the two measly almonds I ate for a stinken 0.5 of a point), stuck to my meal plan and ran/walked at lunch. My run at lunch was fabulous, I bet I doubled what I ran yesterday and other than being incredibly sweaty I felt great. One bad thing is that I am starting to run in super hot weather at mid-day. Oh well, when it cools off, it will only get better. I didn't eat my activity points, I am saving it to make up for my apple pie splurge on Monday.

I have likened my love a food to an addiction before. Like any good addict, it takes a while to get the crap out of my system. I am seriously craving bad food. I have been trying to justify eating just a bit of crap but am trying not to give in because I know I can't just have a bit. It is a very slippery slope with me and junk food. After detoxing (not an actual detox but more of a no junk detox), I am able to have just a bit but until that time, I am scared to start. This is why all I can think about is the Carmel Dipps bar. It is sugary crap covered in chocolate that I so want but am holding out on till I get over the hump. For the past two days I pick it up, look at it, think about opening and then put back. I don't even want to say, if I eat healthy for a week I can have it because I need to stop rewarding myself with food.

Oh well, wish me luck for tomorrow. I have a coworkers farewell lunch at a restaurant. I planned the whole thing so I have to go. This means that there will be a bad meal and no lunch run. I do have a plan to counteract this by going on a big walk with the daughter in her stroller after work should help. (We are planning for a two hour walk which should help.) Plus, I am not going to order whatever I want at lunch - I will keep it sensible.

I am off to go check on the other Biggest Loser bloggs. I am hoping everyone is doing well and is trying to make life changes and not just lose a few pounds.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I Ran Today

Running for me is not that astonishing. I used to run a far bit. That being said, I have not run for a long time. I have been trying to get back into it but every time I plan to run, I always have an excuse not to (I don't want to wake up an hour early to do it, I don't want to run at lunch at get all sweaty, its too late and I am tired).

Today, I was suppose to walk at lunch with a coworker. Something came up on her end and I thought, oh well, I will just go out by myself. I changed out of my work clothes, slapped on my runners and put on my ipod and off I went. Me plan was to just walk but I spend the last 20 minutes before lunch reading some of the other Biggest Loser competition blogs. About half way through my walk I came upon a large women running. Now the women was at least 75 pounds heavier than me and was breathing pretty hard. I was inspired and started off in a jog. I didn't get very far the first time, but after a quick break, I started again. As soon as I got into a good rhythm, I remembered how much I love to run.

Being reminded of how good I feel exercising, I am going to set a new goal for myself. On top of trying to menu plan healthy alternatives, I am going to try for at least 30 minutes of physical activity a day. Please, feel free to ask what I am doing as sometimes shame does keep me motivated. :)

Bad thing about trying to clean up my eating habits this week is that I am going through bad food withdrawals right now. I keep trying to go eat bad things and then stop myself. I know this will pass in a week or so but the first couple of days is so hard. I did have a snack size kit kat today but other than gum it has been all healthy, homemade food for me. What got me through the day was my eggs and bacon meal I planned for supper. I love eggs and bacon and knew I could only have it if I didn't slip today. I did it and because I didn't have stupid crap, I even allowed myself one extra slice of bacon (yes real bacon, none of that imitation turkey shit).

All in all a good day. Yeah me!!


Monday, September 14, 2009

The Week is Planned

I am a planner. No I didn't plan to be fat but I can honestly say I am fat cause I didn't have a plan not to be. When I don't plan, I over eat and under exercise. I won't lie, if I could be skinny by sitting on the couch, watching bad tv and eating poutine I would be waif thin. Unfortunately, when I do that, my ass gets bigger. To counteract the growing, I have a plan for spread.

I have menu planned for the week. It is an easy and actually not that expensive menu that uses up a lot of stuff I already have. I find when I am all planned out, it is much easier to stay on track and even plan where to use your bonus points. Plus, everything is already entered into my ww online tool so I know what my snacking potential for everyday. I have between 5 to 10 snacking points (yes 10) to random eat.

I really try not to go into my 'weekly points' but if I find something that is truly delectable that is a limited time offer, I will dip in. I will plan for chocolate (I use activity points to counter balance my chocolate addiction) but if I have a plan, I won't use my precious points on a kitkat. With all of my careful planning, I made the informed decision to dip into my extra points and I did it for the the most decadent pie I have ever eaten. No regrets. It was homemade apple pie with apples that were grown in a backyard. It was picture perfect and the smell was almost too good to eat it - almost but not quite. It was 10 points of heaven. Because of it, I worked out tonight and hope to get my ass in gear tomorrow to hope on the treadmill.

My week is off to a great start, it better keep going, as all my pants are getting tight and if I don't start losing soon, I don't know what I will do.


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Oh Crap

Being an emotional eater means these past two days sucked!!! I controlled my eating for my wonderful friend weekend (okay I totally over indulged in the alcohol department but one I was good on one account) but have been struggling since I went back to work on Tuesday.

Work has been stupid nuts and I have been sleep deprived as MJ has been sick. I thought at first she had chicken pox but luckily she is just randomly allergic to something and my dumb ass doctor won't send her to get allergy testing (I am in the process of finding a new doctor). She wakes up screaming cause she is so itchy. As a result, I am uber tired making the little things harder to deal with. I have been trying to get more exercise but honestly can't get it up to do more than walk at lunch.

Hopefully tonight will be the night to get some sleep. If not, tomorrow means I will try the allergy medication the pharmacist recommended that will knock her out for the night. I feel guilty drugging my child but if I don't get some sleep soon I may have to take a day off of work just to be able to send her to daycare so that I can get some sleep.

Wish me luck, hopefully tonight will be the night for 8 full hours of sleep.


Friday, September 4, 2009

Companies Coming

A really good friend of mine is coming with her two little girls for a visit this weekend. She has never come visit me in my new house, which makes this visit exciting for me. Even more fun is that we are going to the Labour Day Classic!! My super fabulous babysitter is back (she moved home for the summer) and I have suckered her into watching all three kids (that would be three children under the age of three). It is going to be a fabulous long weekend.

One big draw back, is that it is probably going to be a super fabulously fattening weekend. I know, I know, there are always 'better' choices to make. I am going to sit down and do some menu planning and try to make healthy meal choices which will not be hard as I am planning to do bbq'ing this hot, hot labour day weekend. However a day at the football field on a hot, hot day mean a lot of empty liquid calories consumed.

I rarely drink and actually go out even less so I really don't want to waste this wonderful opportunity to be a lush with a great friend as I have been doing good this week. Oh well, a planned fall of the wagon is better than falling off and staying off right? Plus, I am going to see if I my wonderful friend will let me go for an outdoor run all by myself and watch my little one. I am thinking she will cause she is great.

I will check in on Monday and let you know how it went.


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Biggest Loser 2009

Okay, once again my weight has gotten out of control. This ridiculous. As most women I know, weight is a constant struggle with me. In an attempt to get me motivated, I have joined another weight loss challenge, Biggest Loser 2009. The rules are easy and it involves money (paying and winning).

We only weigh in once a month so to start it all off, we needed to take a picture of us on a digital scale. I was going to wait until morning to step on the scale but figured, fuck it, I weigh what I weigh. I just about cried. At the end of June my weight was 161.5 pounds. I just stepped on the scale and I am now 176.5. My feet even look fat in the picture.

I have been eating uncontrollably lately and have been doing zero exercise so I shouldn't be too surprised. Still feels like a punch to the stomach. Why is weight so hard to lose and so easy to put back on.
Wish me luck. It starts now!!!