Day that Sucked - Well Semi-Sucked

My day sucked. It wasn't horrible end in tears kind of day but I am glad it is over. My whole big plan to go in, get my report done, and go home early went to shit. I did get my report done by noon, but by that time MJ is having nap time at daycare. I figured, why pick her up while she is sleeping, right??

Since I wasn't swamped busy at work I figured I would take a actual lunch hour and go and get all signed up for my gym membership (I signed up over the phone as I was four hours away at my parents but wanted to get in on the deal). I just wanted to confirm the childcare when the membership coordinator guy looked at me with a lost look in his eyes - there is no childcare at this location at the present time. The gym in the north end of the city has childcare but that is a 20 to 30 minute drive. Sorry no sale. They did refund my sign up fee with no hassle. This does however leave me with no gym. I guess I will have to get motivated by myself. I have gained this week so I better start soon.

Daycare called at 3:00 pm letting me know MJ's temp was about 101.5. I gave them permission to give her Tylenol and told them I would pick her up early. Due to the mass confusion of the work day I left a whole 10 minutes early. One of my bosses kept asking for things and it didn't feel right leaving (to his credit I didn't tell him I had a sick kid, he had way bigger problems today). Not like it really mattered, when I picked up MJ she was fine, running and playing with the best of them. Regardless, I felt like a poppy mommy, I know I am not but trying to leave work and knowing I couldn't I sure felt like it.

So on top of all of this, one of the ladies I worked with kept telling me how bad I looked cause I looked so tired. Wow, there is kindness for you. Some people need to be kicked in the shins - hard!! When has it become acceptable to tell someone they look like shit? Okay, I do look tired today but that is so beyond the point.

On that note, I am off to bed. Hopefully I will be up running at some ungodly early hour. I do love my life, I really do, just not at this very moment. I will again tomorrow.

Moi

This Is It, I Think I May Vomit

Okay, so two weeks ago, I said that if my weight loss continued, I would post my weight for all the web to see. Well my weight loss has not continued as the master speed that I had hoped but I think it is time I became accountable for my fat ass.

Please keep in mind, that I have not been this skinny since before I was pregnant, which was almost three years ago... the weight I am at now is approximately the weight I was when I got pregnant. Now I am 5'3" but carry weight really well (I have been told so by medical professionals).

Now, well as of this morning, my weight is 164.5 pounds. I so want to delete this post and pretend like it never happened but I will not do that, I can't do that. Doing that will keep me fat.

I know I want to lose more weight, I need to. The problem is that my 'idea weight' is 135 which means I have 30 more pounds to go. That is a lot of weight. Even when I was working out four days a week for 2 hours of day I could barely get below 150 (mind you I ate whatever I wanted to). The upper end of my 'ideal weight' is 141 but really, that is only six pounds - which means still another 25 pounds to lose. For those keeping track, I need to lose more weight now than I have in total in my over a year of trying to lose.

I will do this. I got up to run this morning and will get up to run again tomorrow. Plus, my new Jillian Shred dvd is waiting at the post office for me (with my true blood books) and I heard they are awesome for shredding down your ass.

My main plan is to get my eating under control by pure boredom. Sort of. I plan to have a similar breakfast and lunch everyday and then have some selection items at supper. I have read a lot of other people`s menus and the most successful eat to live not live to eat. I need to change my mind set to change the size of my thighs. Plus, if I meal plan well, that means no eating out which is easier on my pocketbook (which is another thing I need to work on).

Wish me luck on my quest. I am really wanting to have lost 10 pounds by the time I go to see my sister in four weeks (realistic right) cause shopping in her city is soooo much better than here.

Honestly yours,
Moi

PS I Love You

On my movies on demand channel there are a tonne of new movies that I want to see. Since I have no life and nothing else to do, I decided that I will watch one last night. Everyone has always raved about PS I Love You (yes I know it will make me cry) so I decided why not. I cried and cried and cried. The movie made me feel bad about myself - how horrible of the movie. I never had anyone who loved me that much to write letters. Yes I know, even those of you with wonderful attentive husbands that you hope would write letters but that isn't the point as I don't even have a husband to question.

So to continue the feeling good about myself I decided it was a good idea after inhaling a bowl of butter popcorn to step on the scale. Hey might as well find out how fat I am on top of having no one to love me right?? I stepped on the scale and guess what... I am down 4.5 pounds!!!! (PS I love you scale.) I have been watching what I eat (sort of) and trying to drink more water but almost 5 pounds is amazing for me. Now that may not have all been in one week but it has been in two. I just went and stepped on the scale (to make sure last night wasn't a fluke) and I am down another 1.5 pounds from last night!!! I know that may be a fluke but I am super pumped, at least it wasn't 1.5 pounds upwards right?

This lovely unexpected accomplishment is not going to be in vain. I have planned out healthy suppers all week and am going to find out the points for each and coordinate a lunch and breakfast to go with so I am well within my points range. I am also going to try and start working out a little this week. The goal for this week is three workout sessions of at least 30 minutes. I will start slow and work my way up.

I am so excited. If this keeps up, I promise I will even post my actually weight in two weeks. If I lose another five pounds from what I weighted this morning, in two weeks I promise, my actual weight will appear on this blog for all to read. (The thought makes my stomach turn but I need to be accountable right??)

Surprisingly happily yours,
Moi

My Life in Excess

I have come to the harsh realization that I live my life in the land of excess. In almost all areas of my life, I full fill myself with crap!!

My little sister is pregnant (yippee) and has asked for me to donate all my old maternity clothes. Since I will not be pregnant for a long time and they are short on money, I have no problem helping out. To get to the box of mat clothes I had to go through some clothes I bought for MJ for future use. OMG, I had bought so much clothing for my two year old daughter she will not wear half of it. (I would like to take a minute to explain that 95% of this excess is used clothes I have bought in a lot sale off of eBay or at consignment stores.) I realized half my boxes under the stair were clothes MJ had grown out of and that was with giving about 6 BOXES of clothes to the local children's shelter.

I was shaking my head at myself when I opened another box to find two pairs of bran-spanking new Uggs. Yes that is right, never worn Uggs. (I bought them direct from China for cheap last winter and they were too small and I always thought I would sell them but alas did not.) I have three Rubbermaid totes of clothes that do not fit me (my skinny clothes that I am hoping to fit into again) and a closet full of clothes that do fit.

Feeling like I should tighten my belt a bit I planned out my meals for this week. Before I went grocery store (see I am trying) I went to look in my freezer to see what I had in it am disgusted to say, I needed nothing. I have a freezer full of food - a small freezer (in my honesty I am trying not to feel horrible about myself). I went to looked in my fridge freezer and things fell out. So I went through my recipe books and figured out what I could make without having to buy more. I went to the grocery store and bought 80% fresh produce (there were some awesome sales that I could not pass up - I mean like $0.37 Dora and Princess canned pasta - a single mommy's dream).

So I have my meal plan which should keep my on my weight loss track right? F&%k no!! I cannot believe what crap I will stick in my mouth and what ridiculous excuses I will use not to get my ass on my treadmill (yes did I mention I have a $2000 treadmill (I got it half price on an excelled sale so I spend under a grand) which sits close to ideal in my basement. I am so scared to step on the scale cause I have lumps and bumps where I didn't a couple of months ago.

I am doing up a budget next because I also got my visa bill today, those purchases were not paid by cash. No more purchases other than necessities (and no a new shirt does not count as necessary). I will look into selling my items that are no longer needed and start using the items I should use (see treadmill).

If any one has any advise how I can stop living like a glutton, please, show me the light!!!

Desperately yours,
Moi

Goals Smoals

I am a little sad today. Well not sad so much as disappointed in myself. It is exactly three months since I have moved and things have not been going to my master plan (realizing that my master plan was a little unrealistic).

Goal I have not reached:

Be dating. By this time, I expected men in my new city to realize the wonderfulness that is me and be banging down my door in hopes to spend a few minutes with me. (OK so I have had a few people asked me out but no actual dates came about.)

Lose 20 pounds. Does gaining seven and losing six count? I really don’t care if its 10 days till Christmas, my weight loss is starting (AGAIN) today. One good thing about being slow at work for the holidays is that I can plan my point menu at work. I have up to Wednesday done.

Home renovations. Other than the few things my dad did when I first moved in, I have done nothing to improve the appearance of my home. I wanted to paint, put up new mouldings and interior doors, and maybe even decorate. As I look at my visa balance it may be a blessing in disguise that this task hasn’t been started.


Now don’t worry about me. I am not anywhere close to actually feeling too badly. These are all things that can be fixed. I can change my life to head towards my goals. Give me another three months and I could be dangerous!!

Moi

How is a Good Day Bad

Ok first I would like to say yesterday I was an uber Moi all around. I rocked the casaba at work, came home and had supper on the table (an organic tofu, mushroom and spinach casserole and Cuban flavoured green beans), eaten and dishes done all before 6. There was only a half an hour of cartoon watched and then me and MJ made an pompom jack-o-lantern, coloured, and played before having a bath and going to bed. I then made my wonderfully terrifically nutritious lunch for the next day and went to bed. (Ok, I must admit, I so wanted to blog my absolute perfectness but wanted to get to bed so that I could get up to run.)

I did get up to run and work was awesome (great stuff happening at work). But I abandoned my great lunch for a not so healthy souvlaki on a bun and french fries. Then, since I was still full from lunch come supper time, me and MJ had popcorn twists for supper while we vegged in front of the TV watching cartoons. Oh why do I feel so much better about myself when I am perfect.

I really like being perfect, I seriously crave it. I will vacuum my floor like 4 times a week so I can feel better (I know a sickness). But for some reason when it comes to working out to make myself more perfect, I cannot do it. I cannot force myself to workout enough to loose the ass I put on when I was pregnant. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I am contemplating hiring a sitter to pick up my daughter from daycare to watch her while I pay someone to make me sweat off my excess fat. Is this a sane idea??? My thought is it may be. I will miss the witching hour and get the sweetness she has to offer.

I will save some dysfunction of my life for tomorrow, trust me I have lots!!!