I Am A Women With A Plan

I am not going to lie, it’s been a slow day at work. My boss actually laughs at me when I tell her I have nothing to do cause she says it’s my own fault for being so efficient. Regardless, unless I am in my pj’s I hate to waste the day away (I have tried, I am not allowed to wear my pj’s to work, but I can wear my awesome size 10, newly acquired for $6.97 Superstore dress pants!!) I decided to think of ways to help accelerate my weight loss and maybe work in quitting smoking at the same time.

I am a very goal focused person and find it hard to just do something, I need a purpose. This is why folding and putting away laundry is such a task for me, it is already clean and out of sight in the basement, why bother dragging it upstairs??

Then it came to me – running a half marathon, maybe. I thought, screw it, it is a goal I can work towards even if I have to put off the timeline. There is a half marathon that will not be that far away on May 24th, which is 15 weeks away, plenty of time to train. There is also one in the City I used to live in on May 17th, which is also doable. The training program I found is a 12 week program so I figure if I can complete that I would just re-do the last couple weeks of training and presto – run a half marathon. Now if I am fall behind on my training, there is a race in my city in September that I could always do and tonnes of 5 and 10K races in the summer to keep me motivated.

I am going to start training tonight. I am thought about doing a half marathon last year but got really sick and couldn’t run at all which hampered my training and I was nowhere near ready for it so I pussied out. This time I have a backup plan – or a backup race I should say – so that it won’t be that hard if I get sick again.

Also, I was thinking, if I can do the half in May, maybe, just maybe, I can pull of another half in September or maybe even a full. I am getting excited just thinking of all the possibilities. I don’t want to disappoint myself by not sticking to the program.

I am giving myself one more week of smoking and then next week, done like dinner. (Grandma is taking MJ next week so I figured try to quit smoking while I don’t have a toddler to annoy me is a good thing. Sidebar: I love my child more than life itself but come on. She has a weird knack for driving my up the wall!!) Plus with my angel gone I have more me time to get on track with the training. If I can’t do it without drugs, my drug plan kicks in as of April 1 and I will go back on champix which worked like a charm last time I quit smoking. See Plan A and Plan B – hard to mess up to plans.

I am not going to make a huge deal of this and I am not going to tell anyone until I am ready for the race. Well other than everyone who reads my blog but really even though I love the four people who do, its not like I am shouting it from the rooftops.

Moi

This Is It, I Think I May Vomit

Okay, so two weeks ago, I said that if my weight loss continued, I would post my weight for all the web to see. Well my weight loss has not continued as the master speed that I had hoped but I think it is time I became accountable for my fat ass.

Please keep in mind, that I have not been this skinny since before I was pregnant, which was almost three years ago... the weight I am at now is approximately the weight I was when I got pregnant. Now I am 5'3" but carry weight really well (I have been told so by medical professionals).

Now, well as of this morning, my weight is 164.5 pounds. I so want to delete this post and pretend like it never happened but I will not do that, I can't do that. Doing that will keep me fat.

I know I want to lose more weight, I need to. The problem is that my 'idea weight' is 135 which means I have 30 more pounds to go. That is a lot of weight. Even when I was working out four days a week for 2 hours of day I could barely get below 150 (mind you I ate whatever I wanted to). The upper end of my 'ideal weight' is 141 but really, that is only six pounds - which means still another 25 pounds to lose. For those keeping track, I need to lose more weight now than I have in total in my over a year of trying to lose.

I will do this. I got up to run this morning and will get up to run again tomorrow. Plus, my new Jillian Shred dvd is waiting at the post office for me (with my true blood books) and I heard they are awesome for shredding down your ass.

My main plan is to get my eating under control by pure boredom. Sort of. I plan to have a similar breakfast and lunch everyday and then have some selection items at supper. I have read a lot of other people`s menus and the most successful eat to live not live to eat. I need to change my mind set to change the size of my thighs. Plus, if I meal plan well, that means no eating out which is easier on my pocketbook (which is another thing I need to work on).

Wish me luck on my quest. I am really wanting to have lost 10 pounds by the time I go to see my sister in four weeks (realistic right) cause shopping in her city is soooo much better than here.

Honestly yours,
Moi

PS I Love You

On my movies on demand channel there are a tonne of new movies that I want to see. Since I have no life and nothing else to do, I decided that I will watch one last night. Everyone has always raved about PS I Love You (yes I know it will make me cry) so I decided why not. I cried and cried and cried. The movie made me feel bad about myself - how horrible of the movie. I never had anyone who loved me that much to write letters. Yes I know, even those of you with wonderful attentive husbands that you hope would write letters but that isn't the point as I don't even have a husband to question.

So to continue the feeling good about myself I decided it was a good idea after inhaling a bowl of butter popcorn to step on the scale. Hey might as well find out how fat I am on top of having no one to love me right?? I stepped on the scale and guess what... I am down 4.5 pounds!!!! (PS I love you scale.) I have been watching what I eat (sort of) and trying to drink more water but almost 5 pounds is amazing for me. Now that may not have all been in one week but it has been in two. I just went and stepped on the scale (to make sure last night wasn't a fluke) and I am down another 1.5 pounds from last night!!! I know that may be a fluke but I am super pumped, at least it wasn't 1.5 pounds upwards right?

This lovely unexpected accomplishment is not going to be in vain. I have planned out healthy suppers all week and am going to find out the points for each and coordinate a lunch and breakfast to go with so I am well within my points range. I am also going to try and start working out a little this week. The goal for this week is three workout sessions of at least 30 minutes. I will start slow and work my way up.

I am so excited. If this keeps up, I promise I will even post my actually weight in two weeks. If I lose another five pounds from what I weighted this morning, in two weeks I promise, my actual weight will appear on this blog for all to read. (The thought makes my stomach turn but I need to be accountable right??)

Surprisingly happily yours,
Moi

My Life in Excess

I have come to the harsh realization that I live my life in the land of excess. In almost all areas of my life, I full fill myself with crap!!

My little sister is pregnant (yippee) and has asked for me to donate all my old maternity clothes. Since I will not be pregnant for a long time and they are short on money, I have no problem helping out. To get to the box of mat clothes I had to go through some clothes I bought for MJ for future use. OMG, I had bought so much clothing for my two year old daughter she will not wear half of it. (I would like to take a minute to explain that 95% of this excess is used clothes I have bought in a lot sale off of eBay or at consignment stores.) I realized half my boxes under the stair were clothes MJ had grown out of and that was with giving about 6 BOXES of clothes to the local children's shelter.

I was shaking my head at myself when I opened another box to find two pairs of bran-spanking new Uggs. Yes that is right, never worn Uggs. (I bought them direct from China for cheap last winter and they were too small and I always thought I would sell them but alas did not.) I have three Rubbermaid totes of clothes that do not fit me (my skinny clothes that I am hoping to fit into again) and a closet full of clothes that do fit.

Feeling like I should tighten my belt a bit I planned out my meals for this week. Before I went grocery store (see I am trying) I went to look in my freezer to see what I had in it am disgusted to say, I needed nothing. I have a freezer full of food - a small freezer (in my honesty I am trying not to feel horrible about myself). I went to looked in my fridge freezer and things fell out. So I went through my recipe books and figured out what I could make without having to buy more. I went to the grocery store and bought 80% fresh produce (there were some awesome sales that I could not pass up - I mean like $0.37 Dora and Princess canned pasta - a single mommy's dream).

So I have my meal plan which should keep my on my weight loss track right? F&%k no!! I cannot believe what crap I will stick in my mouth and what ridiculous excuses I will use not to get my ass on my treadmill (yes did I mention I have a $2000 treadmill (I got it half price on an excelled sale so I spend under a grand) which sits close to ideal in my basement. I am so scared to step on the scale cause I have lumps and bumps where I didn't a couple of months ago.

I am doing up a budget next because I also got my visa bill today, those purchases were not paid by cash. No more purchases other than necessities (and no a new shirt does not count as necessary). I will look into selling my items that are no longer needed and start using the items I should use (see treadmill).

If any one has any advise how I can stop living like a glutton, please, show me the light!!!

Desperately yours,
Moi

Some Clarity

So I now have some clarity in my life. I talked to a wonderful, wise, beautiful friend last night and she made me see somethings that I know have been true but she forces me to say them. When you say stuff out loud and admit it to someone else it somehow becomes more true.

As much as I hate to admit it, I still love my ex. This complicates everything. I mean not just love him cause he is the father of my daughter, but love him like want to be with him. When we work, we are fabulous, when we don't, it is horrible. If we could cut out the bullshit, it would be wonderful. I just don't think that will ever happen. I need to work through this. If anyone out there knows how, please, please, please help me. I will try anything.

I am a very controlling person, especially when it comes to MJ. I am not trusting. I think it is because of this coupled with the lack of responsibility on her father's part that I have issues with him taking her to his girlfriends for the weekend. I am punishing for not being there in the past. This is not very fair of me, but you know what, life isn't fair. It isn't fair that I am a single mom when I never wanted to be. It isn't fair that MJ used to cry for her daddy when he wouldn't even pick up the phone to talk to her.

I am going to run tomorrow. I have issues. But life is getting better. Hopefully I will see everything clearly soon.

Moi