Some Bad News on a Good Day

My mom called me today at work, my mom never calls me at work so I knew it was serious. My grandmother is sick, not like normal, hi I am 87 years old sick... More like, getting a pacemaker installed sick. She has never been one to take her medication (she is suppose to be on blood thinners since she has had two strokes) and it has been very tough on her heart. Her fluids back up and her heart has to work that much harder.

Right now my baba is in the hospital awaiting her surgery and I am 3 hours (give or take) away worrying that she will never wake up. I knew this day would come (she is 87, not exactly a spring chicken) but am torn between sadness and anger. Sadness cause my baba may die, anger cause if she would have listened to the doctors she probably wouldn't be here.

My MJ loves her baba. She really does. When we pull up to her apartment, she start screaming to baba that she is coming (my baba lives on the 5th floor, in no way with in yelling range). She dances to the door and runs into see her. I partially named MJ after baba. MJ's middle name (Marusya - Mary in Ukrainian) is my baba's first name.

The weird thing is, all these sad thoughts makes me think of my ex. My baba's surgery is in the same city where my ex lives. I have let him know what is going on so when we go see her this week, there can be someone at the hospital to look after her (if I am even allowed to bring her in, if not he can watch her). He was great, saying he would take time off of work if that is what I needed. Now I am thinking it will be nice to have him there in case anything bad happens. (I am attributing these feelings to the sadness I am feeling for my baba.)

Side note: I am such an emotional eater, I have eaten everything placed in front of me. Need to run tomorrow and every other day this week to make up for this binge day.

Pray for my baba please. No matter what happens, it will be okay.

Moi