Some Clarity

So I now have some clarity in my life. I talked to a wonderful, wise, beautiful friend last night and she made me see somethings that I know have been true but she forces me to say them. When you say stuff out loud and admit it to someone else it somehow becomes more true.

As much as I hate to admit it, I still love my ex. This complicates everything. I mean not just love him cause he is the father of my daughter, but love him like want to be with him. When we work, we are fabulous, when we don't, it is horrible. If we could cut out the bullshit, it would be wonderful. I just don't think that will ever happen. I need to work through this. If anyone out there knows how, please, please, please help me. I will try anything.

I am a very controlling person, especially when it comes to MJ. I am not trusting. I think it is because of this coupled with the lack of responsibility on her father's part that I have issues with him taking her to his girlfriends for the weekend. I am punishing for not being there in the past. This is not very fair of me, but you know what, life isn't fair. It isn't fair that I am a single mom when I never wanted to be. It isn't fair that MJ used to cry for her daddy when he wouldn't even pick up the phone to talk to her.

I am going to run tomorrow. I have issues. But life is getting better. Hopefully I will see everything clearly soon.

Moi