Day that Sucked - Well Semi-Sucked

My day sucked. It wasn't horrible end in tears kind of day but I am glad it is over. My whole big plan to go in, get my report done, and go home early went to shit. I did get my report done by noon, but by that time MJ is having nap time at daycare. I figured, why pick her up while she is sleeping, right??

Since I wasn't swamped busy at work I figured I would take a actual lunch hour and go and get all signed up for my gym membership (I signed up over the phone as I was four hours away at my parents but wanted to get in on the deal). I just wanted to confirm the childcare when the membership coordinator guy looked at me with a lost look in his eyes - there is no childcare at this location at the present time. The gym in the north end of the city has childcare but that is a 20 to 30 minute drive. Sorry no sale. They did refund my sign up fee with no hassle. This does however leave me with no gym. I guess I will have to get motivated by myself. I have gained this week so I better start soon.

Daycare called at 3:00 pm letting me know MJ's temp was about 101.5. I gave them permission to give her Tylenol and told them I would pick her up early. Due to the mass confusion of the work day I left a whole 10 minutes early. One of my bosses kept asking for things and it didn't feel right leaving (to his credit I didn't tell him I had a sick kid, he had way bigger problems today). Not like it really mattered, when I picked up MJ she was fine, running and playing with the best of them. Regardless, I felt like a poppy mommy, I know I am not but trying to leave work and knowing I couldn't I sure felt like it.

So on top of all of this, one of the ladies I worked with kept telling me how bad I looked cause I looked so tired. Wow, there is kindness for you. Some people need to be kicked in the shins - hard!! When has it become acceptable to tell someone they look like shit? Okay, I do look tired today but that is so beyond the point.

On that note, I am off to bed. Hopefully I will be up running at some ungodly early hour. I do love my life, I really do, just not at this very moment. I will again tomorrow.

Moi

My Baby is Back

My baby is home!!! Grandma brought MJ home on Friday and I never thought I could make it through the week. Many times I wanted to go get her but what stopped me was the countless thank yous I got from my dad every time I called to check in on her (which was a mildly obsessive amount). He would answer the phone with multiple thank yous. It was very touching. Of course I know my parents love her but I never realized just how much they missed her. So I think that she will spend a week away from me again for the simple fact that everyone enjoyed themselves so much (with the exclusion of me).

I have talked to another single mommy friend of mine who has shared custody with her ex and who takes her daughter a week at a time frequently. She is very wise and gave me the advise to enjoy the time away by doing things you normally can't do, like trips to Walmart at 8 pm, hanging out with friends or, do I dare say, even go on a date or two.

I wish I could have enjoyed my time away from MJ a bit more but I was knocked flat on my ass with the flu. I slept 18 hours in a 24 hour period. I am still not feeling perfect (still really tired) but at least I know I am on the mend. It was a blessing MJ wasn't here for me to infect.

There has been a progress update between myself and my ex. The few conscious hours when I was sick from work to write him a goodbye letter. Now I know that may sound stupid but I needed him to know how I felt for me to start the healing process of getting over him once again. Even though I love him, I know we are not good together. I would rather have him be a great father to MJ than a shitty husband to me (cause we all know a shitty husband usually means a shitty father and a very unhappy household). What was frustrating was that I poured my heart out and he barely responded... three whole sentences, none of which actually acknowledged my feeling but rather bitched about how I didn't call him so he could talk to HIS daughter. That is a great thing, shows my that we are not meant to be - helps me move on.

I went to a fantastic wedding on Saturday that renewed my faith in love. I will find it. I deserve it. My life will work out. I know it.

Moi

I Am So Lonely

I made a choice this weekend that I am nervously regretting at this very moment. To save MJ some serious miles in her car seat in the next two weekends, I opted for my parents to keep her for a week. It will be seven days till I see my beautiful little girl again. That is almost double the amount of time I have ever spent away from her. They only thing stopping me from making the eight hour drive to pick her up and bring her home is the happiness of my parents. They are ecstatic to have her.

It has been a day and a half since I have seen her and miss her so much. I have called four three times and she/grandma has called me once.

I have no idea what I am going to do without her, but I guess I will figure it out.

Moi

It Certainly was a Spooktacular Weekend

So the ex came down to take MJ trick or treating. He came on down on Friday and was suppose to stay the whole weekend. I was thrilled, to get a weekend of duel parenting would like having a weekend off. I made a bunch of plans for Saturday night and Sunday.

Friday went fine. The ex even brought MJ to my work to show her off and my bosses even commented on how nice he was being. (Not a big surprise there, he is nice just not nice to date.) We had supper, but Izzy to bed, watched some TV and went to be without incident. I even told him I was dating, no one in particular but a few guys in general and he was fine with all of it.

On Saturday we were out shopping when my phone rang, it was my date for the night confirming plans. When I hung up the ex was pissed, how dare I talk on the phone when I was suppose to be giving him directions (everything started going down hill from there). When we got back home, he informed me that he was going home that evening. FUCK. I had a date for Saturday night, I was going running with the girls on Sunday and another date Sunday afternoon. I made all these plans cause he was suppose to be there and now that he knew I was going on a date he was off faster than a prom dress. I tried my sitter but alas, she was already booked.

I asked him to stay but he said he girlfriend is really jealous of me and doesn't want him spending too much time here (I read not spending time with his daughter) and furthermore, he was not sticking around to babysit while I was out on a date. Pardon, while you were boning your current girlfriend, who the heck did you think was 'babysitting' MJ - ghosts???

I called my sister to bitch and she has come up with a wonderful solution (maybe). To get some me time, I let MJ spend a few weeks with her. I am going to see her next weekend and will come home on Tue say. I would pick her up on the 23rd - so that is 11 days being MJ free. I am really liking this idea but I don't know. I have only ever been away from her for three days so I am not sure how to do this. Help me out, how to you give control of your daughter. I am conflicted to say the least. I would love not to be a mom for a while but she would be 7 hours away (one way) so its not like I could just pop over to see how she is doing.

My November is crazy and not having a child would be so much easier. Oh well, we have lots of details to work out before it could happen, but I think if all works out I may go with it. How many times do you get this kind of offer.

Moi