So Much for Being Good All Week

Well I have eaten well most of this past week, I have had to skim some of my bonus points but have stayed well within range - until today. OMG I have eaten like a glutton and it hasn't even been good food. I have had goldfish crackers, crappy food court fries, popcorn twists, Kraft dinner, hot dogs, etc (well there isn't much more but its like suckers and candy).

I have no idea how many points I consumed today and truthfully do not want to find out. I am somewhat accountable as I enter 40 points for today. I figured that should about cover it.

I am meal planning tonight. I have a great plan in mind for the next week. I need to get back on track. Although I must say that one off day is better than an off week or month.

Moi

Great Weight Watcher Day

So today was a great weight watcher day!! Well almost... funny cause I should have eaten an extra 6 points but couldn't if I tried - and that is with having a 8 point super filling supper!! (I do apologize for the amount of exclamation points but omg - today is a good day.)

So this was my meals today.... (sorry if I knew how to hyperlink my recipes I would)

Breakfast
Fiber One Oats and Chocolate Bar - 2 point
1 orange - 1 point

Lunch
Asian Zero Point Soup (I had a double serving so it is was one point) - 1 point
Butter Flavoured Rice Cakes (2) - 1 point

Supper
Chicken Breast - 3 points
Couscous Salad - 4 points
Soy Green Beans - 1 point

Snacks
Yogurt - 1 point
Riessen Candy (2) - 2 points
Lifesaver Candy (4) - 1 point


Yes a whole day of eating for 17 points. And I am totally full. Oh I should admit that I had one small bite of cake but I am not counting it as it was less than an 1/8th of a piece. You shouldn't have to count anything when it is less than an 1/8th of it.

I know I should eat more but I can't. I am on a euphoric high cause I can still have five points if I want to (if I was actually hungry) but I am not, so I am not going to eat!!!

So fulfilled,
Moi

Dating - Sort Of...

In an attempt no to die alone, I online date. Being a single mom in a new city, 'getting out there' is hard. Heck, even when I had a live-in babysitter, getting out to meet men was hard. Online dating is a safe alternative to trying to meet someone in a bar (at least I am sober online).

So what happens is that a conversation is struck up on the dating site and then eventually moves to msn, where it suddenly dies there!! Not that I never go on msn but it just seems like I am never online when any of the men I am interested are on. So I am very leery to give out my msn for the simple fact that is where the relationship dies. I will usually get a message 2 months after I originally gave out my msn address asking who I am and where do they know me from.

So there is one guy I have been talking with that I have been fortunate enough to actually have a few conversations with who doesn't make me want to run screaming from the room. He is two years older than me and he has a two year old son. He wanted to take our relationship to the next level - yes that is right, we are now facebook friends. But there is one problem (well more than one but only one that doesn't make me look shallow) he is kind of dumb. Not really stupid, but I do have to explain myself a lot. This is not a deal breaker, I will give him a real life chance before judging him online.

Why is it so hard to find a good guy? Why can't I find that special man that I click with that is perfect in every way. I know he is out there.

Longingly yours,
Moi

PS. Do you know a piece of store bought cake with icing has 7 WW points. I had to make a Asian zero point soup for supper just to even out a piece of cake that wasn't even all that good. Dam knowing the nutritional value of everything you eat!!!

I Was Handed Shit Today

I am not talking metaphorically, like my day was bad blah blah blah. I was handed actual poop today - like the kind that comes out of a bum.

I have learned a great new toilet training tip, just leave the child without a diaper, without a pull up, no underwear nothing, and my child will go pee on the potty. This was learnt a bit by mistake but it works. So when we are home alone it is pantless Sunday all day (or whatever day it is).

My wonderful child was playing quietly upstairs while I was making supper. She came down the stairs carrying something brown and threw it in the garbage. I did a double take and asked what she was doing. Of course my wonderful child answered cheerfully 'that poo mommy' (WTF????) 'there is more upstairs.' She the proceeded to run up the stairs ahead of me (imagery here, she didn't wipe her ass at all) pointing to the two little poops on the stairs. I followed her into the spare room where she was proudly standing holding out in her little hand a nice round nugget of shit!!! 'Here you go mommy!!' she happily said and turned to run away, leaving my holding shit.

I really do love my life.

Shitty yours,
Moi

PS No worries on the ex front. Dink never showed up. I should know better. Even worse, he never called MJ to tell her, just sent me a text and turned off his phone.

A Good Day Turned Bad

I had a wonderful day today. One it was Friday so there is always a silver lining to the day knowing that you don't have to work the in less than 24 hours. But other than that it was a great - I set myself up for a raise/promotion (maybe, keep your fingers crossed for me), got all the work done that I needed and even got to leave 10 minutes early.

The ex is suppose to come for a visit this weekend so I called him so that he could talk to his daughter and to firm up the details. We talked for a while when he dropped the bomb on me. He was coming up with his girlfriend. The snake slipped it into the end of the conversation when MJ was acting up, knowing I would be unable to talk about it more. Apparently, his girlfriend (we'll call her Betty) has some work to do in fine city so they will come down on Sunday and then spend the day with MJ on Monday. I am not sure exactly how much actual time she will be spending in my home cause I had to go (partly cause I was going to start yelling and partly cause MJ already was).

Now calm and rational are not two words I would ever use to describe myself but come on. I am sure Betty is a wonderful person but truly I don't want to meet her. This is for many reasons (for a recap of one reason please refer to It Certainly was a Spooktacular Weekend). But now I am freaking out cause I am going to have to meet her. (Do you think it is possible to lose 20 pounds in two days?? Anyone have a tapeworm I can borrow?) I have to fanatically clean my house (I am just that way, its a sickness) and be perfect for when the fucking happy couple show up on Sunday, around noon. I am sorry, I just don't want the bitch in my house until I am happily married, with perfect hair and a gorgeous body (yes I am shallow and vain).

The worst part of this whole thing is that the ex wanted to start talking about getting back together!!! Now I do know she has to work but if she will be spending most of her time her, that is totally out of my comfort zone. He has been hinting at it for a while and it is usually on the back of my mind so I asked him point blank one day if he wanted to get back together (a couple of weeks ago) and he said yes but would rather discuss it in person. I have not even talked to him on the phone since then and now this.

My life is weird. I love it but it is weird.

I got to go now. Time to wash and wax the kitchen floor now that the oven is cleaned. Do you think 39 hours is enough time to paint the house??

Anxiously yours,
Moi

A Doughnut Has 8 F*#king Points

So I was doing so good on my lifestyle change (read weight watcher plan) and then today hit!!! Since I have been budgeting and meal planning I have been cooking once and eating like 3 or 4 times. Today I was sick of eating leftovers and bought lunch. It wasn't a bad lunch (quesadilla) and I was well within my points range until the f*#king doughnut.

How bad can one little piece of fried dough be for a person you may ask??? Really bad. More points for one doughnut that I had for breakfast and two snacks put together!! And I didn't even take the one with sprinkles!!! Because I had a stupid 8 point doughnut for a snack I had to make a 2 point soup for supper. But on the plus side - my soup was delicious and super easy.

I am going to get up early tomorrow to run (aka walk run). I need to keep up the good work. I cannot allow myself to slip into the abbey of fatness.

Moi

Does this Mean I am Bitter and Jaded?? ***UPDATED***

So me and the other half of the free world watched the first black president of the United States Inauguration Ceremony today. I expected to uplifted and inspired by Mr Obama. I wanted to have goosebumps on my arms. I wanted more 'bending the arch of history'. What I got was 'the swill of civil war'.

The speech was depressing. It pointed out what was wrong with the world and with the United States (really, you need to tell us the economy is in the toilet and there is war) and offered little to no solutions. Other than a Clintonesque 'controlling big government' there was little Obama offered in glimmer of hope. Now there were people crying and nodding their head throughout the speech but what was said was a lot of nothingness.

Do not get me wrong, I am not anti-Obama. Far from it. I believe in his drive and determination and think it is wonderful that there is a black President but compared to his speech right after the election, I was disappointed. Does this mean I am bitter and jaded or maybe I expect more from my elected officials in ways of inspiring the masses. (Those who actually know what I do may find this statement funny but I believe a politicians job is to make me feel like everything is not hopeless.)

I guess every asshole is entitled to an opinion, this one is mine.

Bitterly yours,
Moi


*** Watching the inauguration ceremonies tonight and the hope that people have for Obama is very uplifting and inspirational. The hope and joy one person can bring to a nation is magical and amazing. For that I am happy. But why is it that I am more inspired by a dance serenaded by Beyonce that by a Presidential speech??

PS I Love You

On my movies on demand channel there are a tonne of new movies that I want to see. Since I have no life and nothing else to do, I decided that I will watch one last night. Everyone has always raved about PS I Love You (yes I know it will make me cry) so I decided why not. I cried and cried and cried. The movie made me feel bad about myself - how horrible of the movie. I never had anyone who loved me that much to write letters. Yes I know, even those of you with wonderful attentive husbands that you hope would write letters but that isn't the point as I don't even have a husband to question.

So to continue the feeling good about myself I decided it was a good idea after inhaling a bowl of butter popcorn to step on the scale. Hey might as well find out how fat I am on top of having no one to love me right?? I stepped on the scale and guess what... I am down 4.5 pounds!!!! (PS I love you scale.) I have been watching what I eat (sort of) and trying to drink more water but almost 5 pounds is amazing for me. Now that may not have all been in one week but it has been in two. I just went and stepped on the scale (to make sure last night wasn't a fluke) and I am down another 1.5 pounds from last night!!! I know that may be a fluke but I am super pumped, at least it wasn't 1.5 pounds upwards right?

This lovely unexpected accomplishment is not going to be in vain. I have planned out healthy suppers all week and am going to find out the points for each and coordinate a lunch and breakfast to go with so I am well within my points range. I am also going to try and start working out a little this week. The goal for this week is three workout sessions of at least 30 minutes. I will start slow and work my way up.

I am so excited. If this keeps up, I promise I will even post my actually weight in two weeks. If I lose another five pounds from what I weighted this morning, in two weeks I promise, my actual weight will appear on this blog for all to read. (The thought makes my stomach turn but I need to be accountable right??)

Surprisingly happily yours,
Moi

Decisions, Decisions

Just when you think that life is good the way it is, a seemingly easy decision comes along that makes you shake your head. It seems like an easy decision on the surface, but the more you think about it the less you know what to do - and these are the easy decisions in life.

I have been trying to get MJ into this other daycare since I moved here four months ago. Not because I dislike where she is now but just somewhere with better hours. I work 8 to 5 and the daycare she is now is open 7:30 to 5:30. There are times when I need to work past 5, not a lot of times but when I need to work overtime, I need to be there.

So I get the call from the other daycare yesterday. There is a spot open for February 2nd. I went today for an interview. The new daycare is attached to a school which would make the transition into school simple. The hours are better - they are open 7 to 6, an extra hour a day which would be huge when I need it. Now the downside - it is $70 more per month. For a single mom who is not currently receiving child support that is a lot of money.

When I went to pick up MJ from her current daycare after work I spoke to her main daycare provider and found out that I need to give a full months notice - that would be the earliest I could get out (unless there is someone to take my spot) would be March 1st.

Now MJ really loves the daycare she is in now. I am not too worried about the transition cause she adapts well to new situations. But I am torn what to do. I have changed so much in her life in a short time, should I do it again? Please, if anyone has any kind of advice, please let me know.

Moi

Online Dating Sucks

I logged onto my online dating profile today to check my messages. So I have a message from a new guy, thinking, mmm, maybe not a loser. So very wrong. He wanted to 'hook-up for a night of passion and excitement'. If he had posted his pic I would have it all over the internet. The best part of the guy - he was married!! I responded that I hope he gets all the penicillin he needs to clean up the STD's he probably has and his wife finds out what a loser he is.

It is not like I have had only bad online experiences - there have been some good (well okay) experiences but I have to wonder are there any good guys left. Once you are over 30 and single is there any hope? Are there only loser left? Are you just another lonely single loser? (Okay I have to say feeling a bit like Carrie here.)

Online dating sucks but what other options are there? Go trolling for men with MJ in tow. Its hard to be single but I am out of other options.

Moi

PMS'ing Over!!

Ok, so Monday was a great/bad day. I was all emotional and bitchy starting on Friday and couldn't figure out why. Then bingo - i got my period on Monday!! See when you don't have sex (pitiful) you don't worry about when your period comes and goes. Realistically, if I don't get my period, hold onto your horses sweethearts the second coming is hear and God will take care of me!! lol

Life always looks better when PMS is over. Not since high school have I PMS'ed this bad. Everything pissed me off. So it didn't help when the ex showed up at 1 pm - yes, that means he didn't show up 'sometime in the morning' as promised. I realize now that it wasn't so bad. I still got all my shopping done and he helped with housework!!!! I came home to have folded laundry and a cleaned out dishwasher. I know this may not seem like much to you but on Sunday (PMS max day) I was so happy I cried. I don't mean like eyes brimming with tears, I mean full on sobbing, snot running down my face bawling. I was pitiful.

Not that Monday was a fabulous day by any means. Not only did aunt flow come to visit but I was sick - horrible retching sick. Second time with the flu this year (well this flu year anyway). So I dropped MJ off at daycare (hey I am not stupid, I will put up with the pain of leaving the house in -35 weather so that someone else can care for my child when I am sick) and went home to bed. I got a hot water bottle for my tummy and a cold cloth for my head, some Advil for the cramps and went to bed. Well laid on the couch and watched Zohan (funny shit). Not a productive day but a I was glad to get everything over with at once.

It is now Tuesday and all is right with the world. Well not perfect but a lot better. It is amazing that the loss of some blood and vomit will do the body good.

Moi

Trying Not to be the Bitchy Ex

I am sitting here waiting... Waiting for the ex to show up so I can get on with my day. He has not seen MJ since her birthday party (over a month ago) and they are going to have their Christmas celebration today. Since he still won't give me his address or child support all visits happen at my house (yes a little controlling but hey I got to be me). Anyway, it is 10:30 am and still no baby daddy. No call. No nothing.

I decided that I should start treating the ex more like a daddy and less like an uncle - read he takes care of her and not just come to visit. In attempts to make this happen I have planned a mommy day of things I cannot really enjoy doing with MJ in tow. Extravagant things like shopping and... well okay, I only have shopping planned (mind you all budgeted shopping) for today but that is okay cause I love to shop and doing it alone is like heaven.

In attempts not to be a controlling bitch of an ex I have not called or texted the ex to find out where his sorry ass is. Mind you I probably should cause last week he was suppose to spend the day with our daughter and never called to say he wouldn't be here. I am getting anxious but am trying not to let it show. So I will just sit here and stew and angrily write on my blog in attempts not to take it all out of the no good baby daddy if he decides to show up.

On a more positive note, I am already showered, dressed (including a bra) and raring to go on my day with my house cleaned. Much better start to the day compared to yesterday. MJ is still in her Pj's but I am thinking that can be daddy's job to accomplish if/when he gets here.

Oh well, I cannot control anything but myself right.

Moi

Oh Me Oh Me Oh My

I really should be doing something productive... Doing crafts to expand my toddlers mind, planning my weight watcher friendly menu for the upcoming week and making a coordinating shopping list, cleaning my home and doing laundry, or the ever popular shovelling f*%king snow.


I am trying to say that I should be doing something instead of sitting in my pj's at 1:23 in the afternoon playing on my laptop while my little princess watches Dora. We just finished a fabulous lunch of kindersurprises, popcorn and ice cream. The worst thing is that that isn't the least productive part of my day... that would be when I realized I had the HBO series True Blood on my Movie on Demand channel (it is a kick butt show about vampires) and starting watching the first episode while the terror was upstairs playing. I hear a bunch of noises and she brought down some 'treasures'. I have come to the conclusion from what was dragged downstairs that my top floor is a disaster but I have no inclination to go up to survey the damages.

I am writing today off - screw it. I do have some goals I would like to accomplish today including the following:

1. Put on a bra - I know, every lofty ambitions.
2. Make one nutritious meal. I am thinking scrambled eggs and cut up apples.
3. Do a semi-tidy. The ex is coming tomorrow and I should have a resemblance that I don't allow his child to live in squalor.
4. Write a complaint letter to Skinny Cow. My carmel bar was horribly freezer burnt.
5. Peal myself off the couch. Preferably before 5pm.
6. Turn off the laptop.

I feel better with goal.

Ambitiously your,

Moi

I Love Being a Mom but...

My post is a little random and skips around a bit but I am a bit sleep deprived and just spilled out my feelings.

Ok I do love being a mom but this single mom with no family or good friends in the area is really starting to suck. If I hear one more time how being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world (someone told me I actually had it easy) I am going to slap someone. Ok, I know being a stay at home mom is hard work and I envy and admire those who are fortunate enough to do it but being a single mommy who works full time is no cake walk.

I love my daughter and I love my job but between the hours of 5 to 6:30 pm I don't really like either. Because I have to work till 5 by the time I get MJ home she is a bitch (I know she is only two but come on at times she is awful) because she is so hungry. If I don't have supper on the table in 10 minutes or less, it is horrible. I have gotten pretty good at the whole process and even have appetizer some nights (like crackers and maybe even some cheese) but since starting work after a two week absence it has not been a good time. MJ is not getting as much sleep as she did on holidays and it is starting to show.

I am frustrated. I admit that. But what happened today makes me angry. On top of not having a bad start to the week with MJ, I was totally shafted by one of the girls I work with. I was talking with some of the girls about I never get to go out in my new city and how we should plan for a ladies movie night. One of the ladies said we should do a weekend brunch and matinee. I got excited and suggested this Sunday cause the ex is coming to give MJ her Christmas present and see Bride Wars. Everyone was really excited and the time worked for everyone.

So I am super pumped. So I checked into day so see if we had some firm dates and times and got some bad news... another single mommy who used to work in the office was invited along (no problem) but because she has her little boy on Sunday they changed the day to Saturday. FUCK!! I have no sitter for Saturday and this outing was using all of my entertainment budget for the month (thanks for the budgeting tips Tyler) and slightly dipped into my food budget (like $3 so I didn't feel that bad). However, I cannot afford the extra $30 to $40 for a sitter.

Needless to say I was a little pissed. I understand flexing our plans to help out another person (I am not totally selfish) but because they changed plans, I can no longer go! I am the one who suggested it. The upside is that I can splurge on groceries this week and buy bran name soup instead of no name. Lol

I realize that the week isn't going well and this doesn't make it any better. I know I am fortunate and am thankful for what I have but I can't help but wonder in my sad pity party state, when will things start to pick up. I am looking at MJ starting some activities and am looking into joining a church to meet some like people which I hope will help with the friends part.

Thanks for listening to my pathetic story. I promise next time I will drink more (or at least start drinking) before posting so it will be a little more upbeat!!

Sadly,
Moi

My Life in Excess

I have come to the harsh realization that I live my life in the land of excess. In almost all areas of my life, I full fill myself with crap!!

My little sister is pregnant (yippee) and has asked for me to donate all my old maternity clothes. Since I will not be pregnant for a long time and they are short on money, I have no problem helping out. To get to the box of mat clothes I had to go through some clothes I bought for MJ for future use. OMG, I had bought so much clothing for my two year old daughter she will not wear half of it. (I would like to take a minute to explain that 95% of this excess is used clothes I have bought in a lot sale off of eBay or at consignment stores.) I realized half my boxes under the stair were clothes MJ had grown out of and that was with giving about 6 BOXES of clothes to the local children's shelter.

I was shaking my head at myself when I opened another box to find two pairs of bran-spanking new Uggs. Yes that is right, never worn Uggs. (I bought them direct from China for cheap last winter and they were too small and I always thought I would sell them but alas did not.) I have three Rubbermaid totes of clothes that do not fit me (my skinny clothes that I am hoping to fit into again) and a closet full of clothes that do fit.

Feeling like I should tighten my belt a bit I planned out my meals for this week. Before I went grocery store (see I am trying) I went to look in my freezer to see what I had in it am disgusted to say, I needed nothing. I have a freezer full of food - a small freezer (in my honesty I am trying not to feel horrible about myself). I went to looked in my fridge freezer and things fell out. So I went through my recipe books and figured out what I could make without having to buy more. I went to the grocery store and bought 80% fresh produce (there were some awesome sales that I could not pass up - I mean like $0.37 Dora and Princess canned pasta - a single mommy's dream).

So I have my meal plan which should keep my on my weight loss track right? F&%k no!! I cannot believe what crap I will stick in my mouth and what ridiculous excuses I will use not to get my ass on my treadmill (yes did I mention I have a $2000 treadmill (I got it half price on an excelled sale so I spend under a grand) which sits close to ideal in my basement. I am so scared to step on the scale cause I have lumps and bumps where I didn't a couple of months ago.

I am doing up a budget next because I also got my visa bill today, those purchases were not paid by cash. No more purchases other than necessities (and no a new shirt does not count as necessary). I will look into selling my items that are no longer needed and start using the items I should use (see treadmill).

If any one has any advise how I can stop living like a glutton, please, show me the light!!!

Desperately yours,
Moi

The Shovelling Queen is Home

Happy New Year to everyone. Wow 2009. My year has not been off to the best start but I am liking the way it is headed.

I came home today after a wonderful 10 day absence. I spent a fabulous holiday in my home town with family and friends. Nothing too busy but it was a great time. It was a good and glutenous Christmas and new years.

My three and a half hour drive was uneventful until I was half an hour from home. This is when the skies opened up and the snow started coming. Now I am a very seasoned winter driver so this is nothing new to me but it made the trip a little un-enjoyable.

I came home to snow, snow and more snow. Which meant that even before I began to unpack my fully loaded truck (and no I don't mean leather seats and 4x4) I needed to shovel. I was unable to even park in my designated parking spot because of all the snow. I illegally parked in a unloading zone, brought in my beautiful and stinky daughter (yes a wonderfully stinky full diaper was waiting for me) and after and quick diaper change began to shovel. I shovelled my way to my truck and began my duty as a pack mule. It was not as bad as I thought and the job was done relatively easy because of my close parking spot. I was rewarded by yet another stinky diaper (MJ refuses to use the potty so such is my life right now).

I left my truck illegally parked while I thought about unpacking (never did happen) and played with MJ, ate supper (goldfish crackers count as supper right) and put MJ to bed. Now I wasn't worried about a ticket cause since I have been home there has been approximately another 6 inches of snow and I know vehicles don't get tickets in this weather (wrecks the tickets - won't hold up in court). After having calling everyone I could think of in an attempts to procrastinate from shovelling my self into my parking spot I put on my boots.

No, I don't hate snow, I don't dislike shovelling but it was a task. I actually took the Lords name in vain and instantaneously had a ah-ha moment. I have been wanting the motivation to kick start my fitness routine and hear I was shovelling snow. Yes, I was doing physical fitness!! Now I know Jesus has much better things to worry Himself over than the size of my ass but it made me giggle. I should be thankful for my blessings and not find a way to be a negative Nora.

So I am thankful for the snow as I know it is going to be a wonderful day tomorrow. After shovelling again, I am taking MJ to a nearby park that I am hoping will be well populated in spite of the snow so that MJ and I can play. She LOVES the snow and will throw it in the air and giggle a giggle that brings a smile to my face for hours if I would let her. It is suppose to be cold out tomorrow so I could always just let her play on the deck for a while too.

I am hoping that my sunny disposition lasts, if it does, 2009 is going to be a wonderful year!!

Optimistically yours,
Moi

PS Did I mention I know have a new requirement for any future boyfriends... They have to own a snow blower. I may be optimistic but I would like to have to have the option of not shovelling snow for an hour.