What is Wrong with Me??? Please don't answer that....

First off I need to confess I have fallen off the weight watcher wagon. Well, to be 100% truthful, I have jumped off the wight watcher wagon and ran yelling and screaming in the other direction. For the past two weeks, I have barley kept track of anything I have eaten, to make matters worse I ate horribly last week, and ate bad lunches everyday. OK, so if I am being honest I must let you know I ate out every day last week.


I stepped on the scale to day and my weight was astronomically high. So high I am too embarrassed to actual write it. You would think the number itself would shock me into eating well for the rest of the day. Oh gosh no, diet starts tomorrow. I continued to eat like crap for the rest of the day. I have no self control. None. I am not hungry but keep cramming food into my mouth. This is going to stop. It has too. This is getting to the point of ridiculous!!


I went on a date this week. It was with Mr. Man. I have barely spoke to him since. I don't think we click. It wasn't exactly a bad date but it wasn't a wonderful one either. He is a little rough around the edges and does think a lot of himself. Why is it so hard to find Mr. Perfect with little to no effort on my part? I think I will give him another chance. Why not, not like my dating calendar is full right?

Boringly yours,
Moi

My Life is Hardly Fair

So I am sitting her laughing cause there is nothing else to do right now. So the ex came to visit for the weekend. It was nice cause he hasn't seen MJ for over a month. What makes the visit so funny is that as of this moment, which is 8:30 pm on a Saturday night, is that the ex is out having drinks with friends and I am sitting in my living room catching up on PVR`d television shows. What makes it even funnier is that he took keys just in case he is out really late.

What the fuck.

Oh well. Since the ex is unreliable, I never made plans for tonight cause every time I have in the past, he always bails. I am not that mad, really... I am astonished that he is going out. Not asking if its okay, just telling me. Is it too late to change the locks...

The reason I am not mad is I had a great day! It was MJ`s first swimming lesson this morning and she did fabulous. More importantly, after a chat with the ex, it was decided that child support will once again start in two weeks. He just started a new job and his first full paycheck will be in two weeks. Home reno`s here I come. I spent the afternoon in Home Depot dreaming on new counter tops and flooring.

Moi

Me Thinks Me Multitask too Much But it is so Funny When I Do

I am positive I am not the only person who cannot find enough hours in a day. Well there are enough hours but then your throw in that pesky sleep thing and bomb - a third of your life is down the tubes. So like many people I tend to do more than one thing at a time, currently I am watching TV, blogging and waiting for my sister to call me back.


One of the best times I find for multitasking is MJ's bath time. I know I can't leave her alone but it is not like I have to sit and hold her head above water. I use this time to do such mundane tasks as putting away laundry (I am never more than 10 feet from her and she is a talker in the tub and if she is talking she is not drowning), cleaning the bathroom, plucking my eyebrows (I would look like Erin from Sesame Street if it wasn't for bath time), or other various activities.


Since I stopped smoking, I decided it was time to time to whiten my teeth. I have a professional whitening kit from the dentist last year and still have tonnes of the bleaching solution left. I figured what better time to whiten my teeth than when my child is in the bathtub. Since I has time on my hand I thought I should clean out my medicine cups. Since MJ has been sick lately, I have a lot of sticky medicine cups/measuring containers. My bathroom and medicine is upstairs and my kitchen is downstairs so most of the time the containers end up next to the bathroom sink. The longer you leave children's Tylenol in those little cups, the harder they are to clean.

I figure why waste water when I could just let the cups soak in the tub with MJ. She asked, "What you doooing Mama?" I started to answer that mommy was cleaning up when she just laughed and asked "why you talk funny?" The I realized that talking with the whitening trays made me talking with a big lisp. The she asked "You talk funny cause you do dishes?" What could I do but laugh, give those luscious cheeks a kiss and agree.

The whitening trays made story time a little difficult (totally didn't think that the trays have to be in for 1/2 an hour). But what is a mommy to do. I can either to all those things exclusive of MJ of do those things while she around and love her reaction to what I am doing. I love her explanations of everyday things I do - I especially love how when I go to bathroom with her she tells me make sure to wipe my gargina (she calls hers a vagina but I for some reason have a gargina).

I do slow down and just enjoy my daughter. I couldn't imagine life without being able to watch a sweet little angle as she falls asleep while I sing to her. That being said, I sometimes can't just sit still, plus multitasking is so much more humorous.

Moi

Day that Sucked - Well Semi-Sucked

My day sucked. It wasn't horrible end in tears kind of day but I am glad it is over. My whole big plan to go in, get my report done, and go home early went to shit. I did get my report done by noon, but by that time MJ is having nap time at daycare. I figured, why pick her up while she is sleeping, right??

Since I wasn't swamped busy at work I figured I would take a actual lunch hour and go and get all signed up for my gym membership (I signed up over the phone as I was four hours away at my parents but wanted to get in on the deal). I just wanted to confirm the childcare when the membership coordinator guy looked at me with a lost look in his eyes - there is no childcare at this location at the present time. The gym in the north end of the city has childcare but that is a 20 to 30 minute drive. Sorry no sale. They did refund my sign up fee with no hassle. This does however leave me with no gym. I guess I will have to get motivated by myself. I have gained this week so I better start soon.

Daycare called at 3:00 pm letting me know MJ's temp was about 101.5. I gave them permission to give her Tylenol and told them I would pick her up early. Due to the mass confusion of the work day I left a whole 10 minutes early. One of my bosses kept asking for things and it didn't feel right leaving (to his credit I didn't tell him I had a sick kid, he had way bigger problems today). Not like it really mattered, when I picked up MJ she was fine, running and playing with the best of them. Regardless, I felt like a poppy mommy, I know I am not but trying to leave work and knowing I couldn't I sure felt like it.

So on top of all of this, one of the ladies I worked with kept telling me how bad I looked cause I looked so tired. Wow, there is kindness for you. Some people need to be kicked in the shins - hard!! When has it become acceptable to tell someone they look like shit? Okay, I do look tired today but that is so beyond the point.

On that note, I am off to bed. Hopefully I will be up running at some ungodly early hour. I do love my life, I really do, just not at this very moment. I will again tomorrow.

Moi

So Much to Say

I have been so busy this last week I am not sure what to say...

Work is going fabulous, I really love my job. It is such a busy week too, at a busy time a year. So as Murphy's law would have it, my little pumpkin is sick. I think she has the flu. She has been going to sleep at 6:30 pm for the past two nights. She has the shakes and is very listless. The best part is when I checked on her last night she has vomited allover her self and her bed. I actually had to shower her cause of all the vomit in her hair. I took her to daycare today cause she was so not sick. When I picked her up she was lying on the couch saying how 'icky' she felt. She has about 5 grapes for supper and a sip of juice. I really wish I could stay home tomorrow with her but I have just gotten an assignment from my boss as a test to see if I can handle the work (if I can prove myself, I can get a promotion and a big raise).

I am torn. A good mommy takes care of her child. But does that mean staying home with her when she has the flu or being a good provider. I am hoping it is a mix of both. So my plan is to go into work, finish the report and then take off early if I can to spend some time with her. Crap, being a parent is not easy is it.

So I have been looking for an exercise class to take to get my ass in shape. Nothing seems to work in with my schedule or the class is expensive and I can't justify the class on top of the child care I would have to pay for. So there is a new gym opening up in my area (kind of, it is close) and they were running a super good deal for $7 a week. Awesome except for there is a $300 sign up fee and a two year contract. I signed up anyway. I figured it out and considering everything, if I go three times a week, that is only $3.50 a visit and exercise classes and childcare is included. I can't beat that price so I went with it. I have two weeks to cancel if I choose so I am still thinking it over.

Gotta run, trying to finish my report at home, the parts I can.

Moi

I am Drained

I had another crappy allergy attack today. I love it how everyone gives me advice and diagnosis me when I break out. So far I am allergic to cats (because I walked by a cat on Sunday), to having a viral infection (don't ask), to coming down with the flu (not even sure). One of the ladies I work with actually want to take pictures of the hives in case the allergist I have been referred to doesn't believe me (I work with weird people).

Bad thing about the attacks is that I take antihistamines that make me feel like shit. I can breath when I take them but I just want to sleep. So that means, I am going to bed in like 20 minutes. I wanted to tell you about my plans for the weekend, the good news I got and Mr. Man but that will have to wait, I can barely keep my eyes open.

So very tired.

Moi

Excuse Me? You Vagina is Showing

I am not too sure how many people actually read my blog but if you have been following my blog you know I have a potential date on the horizon. I should correct that statement I had a potential date on the horizon. That was until I pointed out that Mr Big Man was being a big baby! Okay so I know I am a bitch but I was being truthful.


Let me start from the beginning...


My prospective date (now to be know as Mr Man) travels a lot for his job. Eight months out of the year, he is gone for every second week, sometimes more. To be honest when I heard this I actually got excited, I love my me time and if I had a boyfriend who was gone half the time, I would get that. (Most guys say they aren't clingy but are!) Anywho, I told him the truth that his travelling wouldn't bother me as I am not that kind of girl and he said that is good as most girls get jealous.

Truthfully, it doesn't bother me. I am not the sit by the phone kinds gal. Honestly, I only miss having a boyfriend when I need boy things done (yes I know I am horrible). I do want a man in my life but don't need someone to make me whole but rather I would like someone to compliment what I already have. I know that this my lack of adoration is not what most men are looking for but I already have a number one in my life.

So Mr Man texted me today to see if I missed him. Having just suffered through a terrible two melt down, I answered back that it was hard to miss anyone when chasing after a two year old. His big boy answer, was 'ouch'. I responded 'really?' That was two hours ago and I haven't heard from him since.

Okay, I know I was a little harsh but come on!! I barely know the guy am I suppose to text my undying love to him after I haven't talked to him for an hour? (No I do not have a penis so please don't ask.) Ever since becoming a mom, and especially since being left by the ex, I have become a little hard around the edges when it comes to relying on others. I don't. I know I am the shit show and am fine with that. I am very self sufficient, which is what Mr. Man said he liked about me.

Now how do I balance. I know men want to be adored, put on a pedestal and respected above all else. I adore and put MJ on a pedestal, there is no room for a man up there with her. Yes, your relationship is suppose to come before anything else but what happens when you have to establish that relationship after your child is already here. (Yes, this is partially my fault for not following the natural order of things but there is nothing I can do know.)

I really don't want to be that girl who sits by the phone missing her boyfriend. I have been that girl and was not really happy doing it. How do I be a strong independent women who is desirable to men? I would like to have someone in my life but how do I not put my daughter first?

Now another question, I like this guy, what should do? I am not a very humble person to tuck my tail between my legs. I don't know if I should. I do believe that if something is meant to be it will be but also that if you want something you have to work for it. Fuck. Why can't life be easy.

Humbly yours,
Moi

Climbing Back on the WW Wagon Again

I have eaten horrible for the last week. I always start the day off with the plan (eating wise) and then something or nothing happens and I switch mid-gear. I fell hopeless. I know I am not but am in a bit of a funk. I didn't eat that horrible today and will eat even better tomorrow.

In addition to the crapola eating, I have broken out twice in hives. It is some kind of food allergy (I am hoping I am allergic to the fattening food as that may serve as good motivation). I have broken out twice in less than a week and it is disgusting. I have a appointment to go to the doctor and hopefully I get referred to an allergist.

That is it for now... I have more to say but have no energy to say it.

So I Have Been Chaging My Life

After some reflection I decided that my life needed some changing. Now this is change I have spoken of, boring budgeting, not living in excess. The changes I have made are helping. I have more money at the end of the month (well not really, all extra money goes onto my visa in hopes of paying it off), I have not smoked in almost two weeks, I have been losing weight and I am happier.

I am also starting to put myself out there. I have MJ signed up for some toddler classes (swimming and t-ball) to meet some other mommy types and I have a tentative date for next weekend (yes Mr Talk About Sex Guy). I am starting to make some friends in my new city and am looking forward to some social activity.

Budgeting is going well, it a totally different mindset. It is not, oh boy I like that, it is the, do I really need it, do I need it now, could purchasing it wait till later, will it go on a better sale. Not really instant gratification but instant gratification is what got me into my financial mess. Now the boo bad news, I need new tires. I should be able to focus the majority of my fiances to that wonderfully exciting tires. Whoo hoo!!! Can't wait to shop for those.

Quitting smoking is still going so-so. I crave at times like the dickens but I do believe that not smoking makes me a bet mom. I don't take smoke breaks and my temper is easier to control without smoking.

I hope this all can continue and it will with more than one date thrown in.

Moi