Trying Not to be the Bitchy Ex

I am sitting here waiting... Waiting for the ex to show up so I can get on with my day. He has not seen MJ since her birthday party (over a month ago) and they are going to have their Christmas celebration today. Since he still won't give me his address or child support all visits happen at my house (yes a little controlling but hey I got to be me). Anyway, it is 10:30 am and still no baby daddy. No call. No nothing.

I decided that I should start treating the ex more like a daddy and less like an uncle - read he takes care of her and not just come to visit. In attempts to make this happen I have planned a mommy day of things I cannot really enjoy doing with MJ in tow. Extravagant things like shopping and... well okay, I only have shopping planned (mind you all budgeted shopping) for today but that is okay cause I love to shop and doing it alone is like heaven.

In attempts not to be a controlling bitch of an ex I have not called or texted the ex to find out where his sorry ass is. Mind you I probably should cause last week he was suppose to spend the day with our daughter and never called to say he wouldn't be here. I am getting anxious but am trying not to let it show. So I will just sit here and stew and angrily write on my blog in attempts not to take it all out of the no good baby daddy if he decides to show up.

On a more positive note, I am already showered, dressed (including a bra) and raring to go on my day with my house cleaned. Much better start to the day compared to yesterday. MJ is still in her Pj's but I am thinking that can be daddy's job to accomplish if/when he gets here.

Oh well, I cannot control anything but myself right.

Moi

Oh Me Oh Me Oh My

I really should be doing something productive... Doing crafts to expand my toddlers mind, planning my weight watcher friendly menu for the upcoming week and making a coordinating shopping list, cleaning my home and doing laundry, or the ever popular shovelling f*%king snow.


I am trying to say that I should be doing something instead of sitting in my pj's at 1:23 in the afternoon playing on my laptop while my little princess watches Dora. We just finished a fabulous lunch of kindersurprises, popcorn and ice cream. The worst thing is that that isn't the least productive part of my day... that would be when I realized I had the HBO series True Blood on my Movie on Demand channel (it is a kick butt show about vampires) and starting watching the first episode while the terror was upstairs playing. I hear a bunch of noises and she brought down some 'treasures'. I have come to the conclusion from what was dragged downstairs that my top floor is a disaster but I have no inclination to go up to survey the damages.

I am writing today off - screw it. I do have some goals I would like to accomplish today including the following:

1. Put on a bra - I know, every lofty ambitions.
2. Make one nutritious meal. I am thinking scrambled eggs and cut up apples.
3. Do a semi-tidy. The ex is coming tomorrow and I should have a resemblance that I don't allow his child to live in squalor.
4. Write a complaint letter to Skinny Cow. My carmel bar was horribly freezer burnt.
5. Peal myself off the couch. Preferably before 5pm.
6. Turn off the laptop.

I feel better with goal.

Ambitiously your,

Moi

I Love Being a Mom but...

My post is a little random and skips around a bit but I am a bit sleep deprived and just spilled out my feelings.

Ok I do love being a mom but this single mom with no family or good friends in the area is really starting to suck. If I hear one more time how being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world (someone told me I actually had it easy) I am going to slap someone. Ok, I know being a stay at home mom is hard work and I envy and admire those who are fortunate enough to do it but being a single mommy who works full time is no cake walk.

I love my daughter and I love my job but between the hours of 5 to 6:30 pm I don't really like either. Because I have to work till 5 by the time I get MJ home she is a bitch (I know she is only two but come on at times she is awful) because she is so hungry. If I don't have supper on the table in 10 minutes or less, it is horrible. I have gotten pretty good at the whole process and even have appetizer some nights (like crackers and maybe even some cheese) but since starting work after a two week absence it has not been a good time. MJ is not getting as much sleep as she did on holidays and it is starting to show.

I am frustrated. I admit that. But what happened today makes me angry. On top of not having a bad start to the week with MJ, I was totally shafted by one of the girls I work with. I was talking with some of the girls about I never get to go out in my new city and how we should plan for a ladies movie night. One of the ladies said we should do a weekend brunch and matinee. I got excited and suggested this Sunday cause the ex is coming to give MJ her Christmas present and see Bride Wars. Everyone was really excited and the time worked for everyone.

So I am super pumped. So I checked into day so see if we had some firm dates and times and got some bad news... another single mommy who used to work in the office was invited along (no problem) but because she has her little boy on Sunday they changed the day to Saturday. FUCK!! I have no sitter for Saturday and this outing was using all of my entertainment budget for the month (thanks for the budgeting tips Tyler) and slightly dipped into my food budget (like $3 so I didn't feel that bad). However, I cannot afford the extra $30 to $40 for a sitter.

Needless to say I was a little pissed. I understand flexing our plans to help out another person (I am not totally selfish) but because they changed plans, I can no longer go! I am the one who suggested it. The upside is that I can splurge on groceries this week and buy bran name soup instead of no name. Lol

I realize that the week isn't going well and this doesn't make it any better. I know I am fortunate and am thankful for what I have but I can't help but wonder in my sad pity party state, when will things start to pick up. I am looking at MJ starting some activities and am looking into joining a church to meet some like people which I hope will help with the friends part.

Thanks for listening to my pathetic story. I promise next time I will drink more (or at least start drinking) before posting so it will be a little more upbeat!!

Sadly,
Moi

My Life in Excess

I have come to the harsh realization that I live my life in the land of excess. In almost all areas of my life, I full fill myself with crap!!

My little sister is pregnant (yippee) and has asked for me to donate all my old maternity clothes. Since I will not be pregnant for a long time and they are short on money, I have no problem helping out. To get to the box of mat clothes I had to go through some clothes I bought for MJ for future use. OMG, I had bought so much clothing for my two year old daughter she will not wear half of it. (I would like to take a minute to explain that 95% of this excess is used clothes I have bought in a lot sale off of eBay or at consignment stores.) I realized half my boxes under the stair were clothes MJ had grown out of and that was with giving about 6 BOXES of clothes to the local children's shelter.

I was shaking my head at myself when I opened another box to find two pairs of bran-spanking new Uggs. Yes that is right, never worn Uggs. (I bought them direct from China for cheap last winter and they were too small and I always thought I would sell them but alas did not.) I have three Rubbermaid totes of clothes that do not fit me (my skinny clothes that I am hoping to fit into again) and a closet full of clothes that do fit.

Feeling like I should tighten my belt a bit I planned out my meals for this week. Before I went grocery store (see I am trying) I went to look in my freezer to see what I had in it am disgusted to say, I needed nothing. I have a freezer full of food - a small freezer (in my honesty I am trying not to feel horrible about myself). I went to looked in my fridge freezer and things fell out. So I went through my recipe books and figured out what I could make without having to buy more. I went to the grocery store and bought 80% fresh produce (there were some awesome sales that I could not pass up - I mean like $0.37 Dora and Princess canned pasta - a single mommy's dream).

So I have my meal plan which should keep my on my weight loss track right? F&%k no!! I cannot believe what crap I will stick in my mouth and what ridiculous excuses I will use not to get my ass on my treadmill (yes did I mention I have a $2000 treadmill (I got it half price on an excelled sale so I spend under a grand) which sits close to ideal in my basement. I am so scared to step on the scale cause I have lumps and bumps where I didn't a couple of months ago.

I am doing up a budget next because I also got my visa bill today, those purchases were not paid by cash. No more purchases other than necessities (and no a new shirt does not count as necessary). I will look into selling my items that are no longer needed and start using the items I should use (see treadmill).

If any one has any advise how I can stop living like a glutton, please, show me the light!!!

Desperately yours,
Moi

The Shovelling Queen is Home

Happy New Year to everyone. Wow 2009. My year has not been off to the best start but I am liking the way it is headed.

I came home today after a wonderful 10 day absence. I spent a fabulous holiday in my home town with family and friends. Nothing too busy but it was a great time. It was a good and glutenous Christmas and new years.

My three and a half hour drive was uneventful until I was half an hour from home. This is when the skies opened up and the snow started coming. Now I am a very seasoned winter driver so this is nothing new to me but it made the trip a little un-enjoyable.

I came home to snow, snow and more snow. Which meant that even before I began to unpack my fully loaded truck (and no I don't mean leather seats and 4x4) I needed to shovel. I was unable to even park in my designated parking spot because of all the snow. I illegally parked in a unloading zone, brought in my beautiful and stinky daughter (yes a wonderfully stinky full diaper was waiting for me) and after and quick diaper change began to shovel. I shovelled my way to my truck and began my duty as a pack mule. It was not as bad as I thought and the job was done relatively easy because of my close parking spot. I was rewarded by yet another stinky diaper (MJ refuses to use the potty so such is my life right now).

I left my truck illegally parked while I thought about unpacking (never did happen) and played with MJ, ate supper (goldfish crackers count as supper right) and put MJ to bed. Now I wasn't worried about a ticket cause since I have been home there has been approximately another 6 inches of snow and I know vehicles don't get tickets in this weather (wrecks the tickets - won't hold up in court). After having calling everyone I could think of in an attempts to procrastinate from shovelling my self into my parking spot I put on my boots.

No, I don't hate snow, I don't dislike shovelling but it was a task. I actually took the Lords name in vain and instantaneously had a ah-ha moment. I have been wanting the motivation to kick start my fitness routine and hear I was shovelling snow. Yes, I was doing physical fitness!! Now I know Jesus has much better things to worry Himself over than the size of my ass but it made me giggle. I should be thankful for my blessings and not find a way to be a negative Nora.

So I am thankful for the snow as I know it is going to be a wonderful day tomorrow. After shovelling again, I am taking MJ to a nearby park that I am hoping will be well populated in spite of the snow so that MJ and I can play. She LOVES the snow and will throw it in the air and giggle a giggle that brings a smile to my face for hours if I would let her. It is suppose to be cold out tomorrow so I could always just let her play on the deck for a while too.

I am hoping that my sunny disposition lasts, if it does, 2009 is going to be a wonderful year!!

Optimistically yours,
Moi

PS Did I mention I know have a new requirement for any future boyfriends... They have to own a snow blower. I may be optimistic but I would like to have to have the option of not shovelling snow for an hour.