A Surprisingly Good Weekend

That is how my weekend so far can be summed up as relaxing and great. Now why is this surprising you may ask. Well first, I haven't had a relaxing weekend where I haven't had some kind of commitment in what seems like forever and the second reason it is surprising is cause the ex was here for most of the time.

I asked the ex in desperation to come and take care of our sick daughter and he agreed as he did not have to work. He came up Wednesday night and left yesterday night and we did not fight once. Not one disagreement, not one snide comment, if I didn't know better I would go as far to say that we acted like adults (I am writing this in a state of shock). He even let me sleep in on Saturday morning!!!!

The best thing about having a great weekend is how I feel about it at the end of it all... just happy. I have no longing, no wondering, no desire. I am happy that I could spend the weekend as friends with my ex and our daughter and not think of how wonderful it would be if we were a family all the time. There is no way that this would be a regular occurrence if the ex and I were together all the time but I am certain that this could happen again if we continue to be friends. We did talk about stopping the dinkish behaviour towards one another and for now we are in agreement that being friendly is preferred over being assholes.

The cherry on top is that MJ is finally feeling better. No more temperature or vomiting. Hoping for a stress free week as next weekend I am driving back to my parents house to hold a birthday party for Miss MJ. Travelling is rarely stress free with a two year old.

Moi

My Life is Wonderful

So MJ has been sick (yes again). She had a fever of 102.5 last night. I drugged her into a sleeping coma (not really, it was her bedtime any way) and this morning her temp was down to 98.5. Cool, throw some more Tylenol in her and off to work. I was contemplating staying home with her but alas, everyone is out sick, well one girl is having surgery and the other was super sick yesterday.

About noon, daycare called and MJ's temp was up to 103.3!!! Needless to say I was a little freaked. So I went to another mom in my office (lets call her Cattie) who job is not to answer the phones but who used to do my job so she know what to do. She has made a stink in the past about being pulled to answer the phones but her kid was in the hospital sick not too long ago so I thought I would get some sympathy. No such luck. She told me to find someone else cause she was busy!!!!

So I called a friend in another office to see if she could come down and help out. She said she would have to okay it with her boss but is shouldn't be a problem. At this point I BURST into tears. I was worried and frustrated. I pulled it together, apologized, and told her to let me know as soon as she could.

I emailed my boss to let her know what was going on and to ask the okay to pull in someone else. I started to put my stuff away (I was leaving no matter what, just didn't know when.) The Cattie came up and apologized for brushing me off and told me to go. (I checked my email and had to giggle a bit. My boss had no problem with my leaving, of course, but that she was directing Cattie to drop what she was doing immediately and come answer the phones so I could leave.)

So off I went to wait in the walk in clinic for 2.5 hours. Why I didn't call my doctor to see I could get into see her before I left the office is beyond my comprehension. Anywhooo.... My child has slapping disease!!! Well that is what they think it is anyway. Not a big deal unless I was pregnant. So I think she will be staying home for at least tomorrow. Not sure yet how I am going to pull that off, I am going to call the sick girl to see how she is feeling and if not, I can as the ex to come and help out. If not, I could always go in for a bit to work with a sick kid.

Why is being a single mom so much wonder and joy!!! It is not so bad, I have re-drugged her up and she is wonderfully happy watching Mickey Mouse for the fourth time since we got home which is why I have some spare time to blog. Best part is fifths disease (another name for slapping disease) is a viral infection which means MJ has no appetite so no having to cook supper for this momma tonight!!! (See, there is always a silver lining if you look close enough.)

Moi

Goals Were Meant to be Broken??

OK, so I need a serious kick in the ass!!! I cannot make myself exercise. All I want to eat is fattening food. I am sick of my fat self. I promised myself to run three days a week and I am shameful to report that I have not ran one step since I made that promise. What I am thinking. I know I need to loose weight and I know I need to get my ass moving to do it but I just seem to want to sleep instead of get up to run. Heaven forbid if I actually exercise at night.

In a little bit of a saving grace, even though I want to eat nothing but fattening I have showed some control. I am trying to stay within my points and I have been successful to a point (some days). Did you know that six jujubes are only 2 points. Six jujubes can be six sweet little snacks the whole day long!!!

I am going to try harder. I need to loose weight for myself. There is no way I am reaching my 15 pound weight loss by Christmas. So now my new goal is to lose 15 pounds by New Years. What the hell, goals were meant to be broken right??

Moi

My Baby is Back

My baby is home!!! Grandma brought MJ home on Friday and I never thought I could make it through the week. Many times I wanted to go get her but what stopped me was the countless thank yous I got from my dad every time I called to check in on her (which was a mildly obsessive amount). He would answer the phone with multiple thank yous. It was very touching. Of course I know my parents love her but I never realized just how much they missed her. So I think that she will spend a week away from me again for the simple fact that everyone enjoyed themselves so much (with the exclusion of me).

I have talked to another single mommy friend of mine who has shared custody with her ex and who takes her daughter a week at a time frequently. She is very wise and gave me the advise to enjoy the time away by doing things you normally can't do, like trips to Walmart at 8 pm, hanging out with friends or, do I dare say, even go on a date or two.

I wish I could have enjoyed my time away from MJ a bit more but I was knocked flat on my ass with the flu. I slept 18 hours in a 24 hour period. I am still not feeling perfect (still really tired) but at least I know I am on the mend. It was a blessing MJ wasn't here for me to infect.

There has been a progress update between myself and my ex. The few conscious hours when I was sick from work to write him a goodbye letter. Now I know that may sound stupid but I needed him to know how I felt for me to start the healing process of getting over him once again. Even though I love him, I know we are not good together. I would rather have him be a great father to MJ than a shitty husband to me (cause we all know a shitty husband usually means a shitty father and a very unhappy household). What was frustrating was that I poured my heart out and he barely responded... three whole sentences, none of which actually acknowledged my feeling but rather bitched about how I didn't call him so he could talk to HIS daughter. That is a great thing, shows my that we are not meant to be - helps me move on.

I went to a fantastic wedding on Saturday that renewed my faith in love. I will find it. I deserve it. My life will work out. I know it.

Moi

I Am So Lonely

I made a choice this weekend that I am nervously regretting at this very moment. To save MJ some serious miles in her car seat in the next two weekends, I opted for my parents to keep her for a week. It will be seven days till I see my beautiful little girl again. That is almost double the amount of time I have ever spent away from her. They only thing stopping me from making the eight hour drive to pick her up and bring her home is the happiness of my parents. They are ecstatic to have her.

It has been a day and a half since I have seen her and miss her so much. I have called four three times and she/grandma has called me once.

I have no idea what I am going to do without her, but I guess I will figure it out.

Moi