My Penance is my Muffin Top

I have let myself, once again, slide down (or rather up) the weight loss hill. Now I haven't gained since I started this awesome competition but I have put in minimal effort. I have sorta watched what I ate (when I wanted to) and sorta kinda exercised. The effect of this is that my weight loss last competition went out the window which equals tight clothing (I have gotten rid of my then fat clothes). My punishment, I now have clothes that don't fit. Guess what, that is shit. I am pissed at myself and have had enough.

Yes life hasn't been perfect this month, guess what, my life is never perfect. The beauty of my life is the wonderment of the always unexpected. I am not making excuses, I am making a commitment tonight, tomorrow I am getting up and running on my treadmill. Tomorrow night, I am doing one of my workout dvds. No crap to eat tomorrow.

My penance is my muffin top and hopefully it won't be around for too much longer.

Oh its Monday

Its Monday and I feel stuck. I am still at my parents house as my grandmother (or baba) passed away Thursday evening. (Although it is sad, I was with her when she went and it was very quick and very peaceful. She would not have wanted to be sick in any way so, all things considered, this was not as bad as it could have been. She was 85 and lived a great life.) The funeral is on Wednesday so I am here until then and I just want to go home. I want to go to work, I want to take my daughter to daycare, I just want to get back to my regular life. (Okay, I know a little selfish right now but that is what I want.) Plus being at my parents with everyone bringing over sympathy food, I am finding it hard to stick with my clean eating plan.

Oh well, two more days and I will be on the road home. I am going to go to an old boot camp class I used to always go to tonight and maybe a run tomorrow in the park. I am going to have to do that at the minimum to counteract the homemade turkey cutlets and perogies that was brought over for supper tonight (I will start with a big salad but this is Ukrainian food at its finest and I won't get another chance at food like this for a long time.)

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Not Having the Best Day

So I have been sucking this competition so far. I haven't been watching what I eat closely enough and definitely have not been exercising enough. The irony of that, I yelled at my baby daddy for not putting in enough of an effort (umm, maybe that conversation is one I should be having with myself). So I watched the Biggest Loser premier on the weekend and got inspired, I planned my menu, made my soup lunch and planned for a super week. Heck, I even put a hold on the Eat Clean Living book and it came in and I planned to pick it up on Monday night.

Then my world came falling down. My babba is in the hospital in ICU and her kidneys are shutting down. (She is 84 so health problems are to be expected but she was not really that sick until now.) The doctors are not too sure what is wrong with her. There is a mass in her bowels that maybe cancer. They are doing tests and have her on morphine for the time being. I found out Sunday she was in the hospital, Monday I was thinking I should make the drive (four hours home) and today I finally came. I feel horrible because they gave her medication this morning because her kidneys were shutting down and the medication knocks her out. This means that if I would have came back yesterday, I could have actually talked to her and told her how much I love her and how I know in my heart she is going to be okay. I did tell her those things today when I saw her but I couldn't see that twinkle that is always in her eyes.

So I am not having the best day and since I am an emotional eater I gave in today. I ate really bad (even McCrappies). Today is a new day and I am going to enjoy it to its fullest. I am going to make choices that help my chances of being around so that I to can enjoy my great grandchildren for a long time.

I do have to apologize for not posting on anyone else blog lately. I will soon. I need to concentrate on me for right now but give me a couple of days and I will be encouraging everyone to my fullest!!!

The Day Has Come

It’s January 5, 2010 and there are two things happening today. First, the fantastic weight loss competition beings (which I am super excited for an honestly, really need right now). Secondly, I have two beautiful friends right now how are having lap band surgery performed in Tijuana, Mexico. (For those new to my blog, I live in Canada, home of universal health care so the thought of travelling out of country for surgery gives me the creepy crawlers.)

I am not here to bash their choice, that would be unfair and not very nice, but rather I wanted to point out the irony. We will all be trying to lose weight by very different measures. One is reasonable in my mind and the other is reasonable in theirs. I wish them all the luck and success in the world but am scared for them.

Seeing people drawn to those measures renews my commitment to lose my weight the right way. I am currently in a state where I am uncomfortable in my own body and need a serious change. I will post my weight and pictures later so that everyone can see why I need the change but I know that I have to do it, I don’t want to be fat anymore and I don’t want to end up on a operating table in Mexico.

Here we go, good luck to all my fellow competitors. I wish you all success!!!

Note: Here are my pics. I wasn't go to post them until I saw some of the other brave souls lay it on the line. Here they are.

Official weigh in