Feeling Defeated

I need to get on track.  I need to not defeat myself.  I need to get it together.

A huge fault of mine is that I let time slip away.  I will to it tomorrow, next week, who cares when as long as its not now.  This is a bad quality in me.

I leave tomorrow for a short vacation which will involve a bathing suit.  Not looking forward to baring all on the beach. Not much I can do about this weekend but I will be taking a week in August to spend at the beach and I can do something about looking better then. 

Ever Feel Like A Failure

Did you ever just have a poor pity me day? Today was that day for me. (Funny cause Tuesday was my birthday and it was a fabulous day.) There is way too much going on in my life and I feel I am not succeeding at any thing.

I am a person who like to win, who needs those successes in my life.  When I don't succeed, I truly take it personally.  I am not superwomen but yet hold myself to those superwomen ideals. I have come to the realization that I need to let some things go. By letting this go I will be able to focus on what is really important to me in the short term.

First I am going to start running.  I really miss it - the freedom, the ability to sleep and the me time. I am not going to start next Monday or when the weather get better.  I am starting tomorrow.

Also tomorrow, I am dropping my master class. It came way to quick and I am no where ready for it. Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.  Thinking about postponing the class makes me happy.  I am all about making me happy.

Our beautiful dog will be finding a new home.  I am in the process of finding her one. I am not in a rush to give her away but I am looking.  I went to one house tonight but I am unsure about the location (it is in a bad neighbourhood).  There is hope of finding her a home on an acreage with another dog.  Cross your fingers for me, I am hoping that will be her new forever home.

I need to concentrate on wedding planning. I feel like I have just let it go and it is coming quick. 

Tomorrow I am going to step on the scale for the first time in a week.  It is a scary prospect.  I have been trying to eat well but don't think I have always been successful at it.  Back on track tomorrow and food tracking. I am also going to looking into the options for my health care flex spending account to see what I can access. 

Happy Father's Day to All

Happy father's day to all the wonderful father's and mommydaddy's out there. 

I am a bit behind on the blogging front.  It has been a crazy busy week but I am trying to stay on track.  There have been a couple of bad eating days but have been staying on track.  I just need to add some exercise to the mix and I will be rocking. 

Hope everyone is having a fabulous day and has not be drown out by the rain or eaten by mosquitoes. 

A Week In and Not Doing the Best

A week into the competition and I have had little progress. It is very frustrating. I haven’t been the most stringent to eating well as I am under tremendous stress in my life. I am a stress eater and have been keeping that under control but when I am stressed I hold onto weight, especially water weight. I need just to learn to let go.


The wedding planning is going wonderfully, we are a bit over budget but I almost expected that. I am going to be a bit more cost conscious and start tracking the wedding spending so I feel more in control. There is a part of the planning that is really starting to bug me – my family, and especially my mom’s, total lack of enthusiasm. They seem to want to fight me on the choices I make and then when I ask their opinion there response is ‘well it’s your wedding, do whatever you want’. Urrrggg!!!! What is really upsetting me is when I asked my mom if she wanted to come wedding dress shopping her response was less than stellar, “Well maybe, depends if I am busy that day.” I just went by myself. I got a beautiful dress that I am in love with but I really wanted to have a different experience.

On top of the wedding, I have decided to become a Stella & Dot Stylist. Probably not the best time in my life to begin a small business but I figures what the hell. I talked to a bunch of my friends before hand who were all super pumped to have a trunk show and now that I have made the financial commitment no one (and I mean no one) wants anything to do with it. It really is wonderful jewelry (it has been featured in In Style and is going to be in Vogue in the fall). (Side note, if anyone really wants to have a trunk show, please let me know.)

Oh, did I mention that I am signed up to take another Masters class in July. Eff. Why do I do this to myself? I have a big assignment due before the class starts and I haven’t bought the books yet. I need to either go buy the books or drop the class. I really need to take a class this summer to be able to graduate on my schedule but something has to give soon I think or I am going to go nuts!!!

For all my weight loss competition buddies, I am sorry for the lack of comments on my behalf. I am normally not a deadbeat but I have been crazy busy and for some reason can’t comment on any blog that isn’t a BlogSpot blog. (If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.)

New Competition

As I previously stated I am starting a new weight loss competition today to help in the motivation to lose weight for the wedding.  I am excited.  I started to watch what I eat last week and I am already down two pounds!!!  When I took the pictures last night I couldn't believe how lumpy I looked.  Pictures really don't lie.  Time to start toning up.

I am also exciting to start training for my half marathon in December.  The thought of running 13.1 miles no longer scares the shit out of me cause I know I have done it once already and didn't die.  I want to crush my time of just under 3 hours which I think is obtainable since I won't be fighting the hills of San Francisco 80% of the time. 

I am kind of bummed.  A friend of mine started Ideal Protein this week. My sister is also on IP.  After much household discussion, we decided that $85 a week for their packaged food was too much for our budget (with the upcoming wedding and a masters degree to pay for) so it was decided I just had to do on my own (well at least without the help of a weight loss clinic).  What I like about this plan is essentially you eat their food.  It is Atkins with prepackaged food.  What I don't like about the plan is that it is packaged food.  Icky, all those chemicals in your body can't be good for it.

I am going to do it on my own.  I am going to eat right and exercise.  A novel concept that works.

Good luck to my fellow competitor and to all of those trying to lose a few pounds before bathing suit season.