Sunday, January 15, 2012

Depression... Well that's not helping anything

I have come to the realization that I may be suffering from depression. It would not be the first time and I don't think anyone would judge me for being depressed but it doesn't negate the fact that depression sucks.

It is weird though, even though I think I am suffering from depression, I am still happy. I try to be upbeat and not look at the negative. I know I am fortunate in my life but that doesn't help sometime. Those times, I find myself sitting on the couch way past my bedtime watching very bad TV not wanting to get up to take the stairs to go to bed. Because I wait so long to go to sleep, I rarely get ready for bed (washing my face, brushing my teeth). Because I go to bed late I tend to press snooze too many times and half the times don't shower in the morning.

As a result of not taking care of myself my face is breaking out which makes me feel worse about myself. Sleeping in also makes eating a good breakfast and packing a proper lunch a lot harder.It is hard on me and it is hard on my daughter. I don't have as much patience and I am harder on her. I also let her do things like watching too much TV so I to can just sit on the couch and not do anything. 

Depression is vicious circle. The lazier, the more depressed I get.  The more depressed I get the lazier I get. I need this to stop. I can't keep doing this. Unlike last time, I don't want to go on medication like last time.  They were helpful last time but I do want to try this on my own. If it doesn't work, may go the pharmaceutical route again.

I plan on setting a few goal this week to try and improve my situation. My goals are:

  1. Be in bed at 10 pm each night. (I think sleep is key for so many things)
  2. Exercise 4 times this week for at least 30 minutes.  Even if this is walking (not running) on my treadmill I need to get moving.
  3. Pack my lunch and breakfast at night when I am done supper.  I do plan on getting a jump on this by making a big pot of soup today and dividing it up into individual bowls.
  4. Shower at least 5 out of 7 days this week.
Lofty goals I know but I think if I set them too big I will fail.  If I fail, I feel worse about myself and we all know how that goes.

I am also going to try and blog more. Even if no one reads my blog, I feel it keeps my accountable. Part of my problem is that I have had trouble connecting with my friends again since the breakup and don't have anyone to talk to. This is totally my fault for not reaching out.

I hope everyone out there has a wonderful week.  I know I am going to try to.