Oy Vey

July has not been a stellar month for me.  I gained weight.  Not good at all. It is 37 day until the wedding and I cannot get motivated to get in better shape. I need to start but now it seems hopeless.

I am on vacation from work starting today. I am off for 10 days.  I am going to try not to indulge in everything you can when on vacation.  Wish me luck. I have packed my workout stuff to.  I hope to do some running on vacation, even just a bit to start the marathon training that is creeping up in December.

Didn't Feed the Bad Feelings

I had a baaad day yesterday. We have had some big unexpected costs lately in addition to the upcoming wedding. We have been handling everything in stride (minus a couple of small temper tantrums on my part). The major expense has been the truck. My finance was driving the truck when the tire blew. Well there was a lot of damage done when that piece of rubber gave way. Like $3,500 dollars worth of damage. Thankfully insurance covered the cost but there is still the deductable to pay. When the truck was in for servicing we found out the front struts were leaking and we decided to fix those which were a $1,800 touch. Well yesterday they told me the rear levelling compressor is kaput which is another $1,250. (Insert large tantrum here.) After I got the news I had an incredible urge to eat… and eat really bad. Worse, I met a friend at the mall to vent and there was all the horrible mall food calling my name.
Guess what? I resisted the urge. I thought it through and knew I would feel even worse if I ate crappy food to fill the crater of despair that was in me. (Okay, maybe being a bit dramatic but I think we have all had that feel where at the time it is awful and 5 minutes later things are not that bad.) I breathed my was through it and just went on with my day. I didn’t even reward myself for maintaining some level of self control. I just moved on. That was a huge step for me. Hopefully just one of many lessons I will learn on my journey to non-fatness.
I have recommitted to be the best me I can be. It’s been hot as hell here so my workouts have been non-existent but tomorrow is going to start off with a run. I am going to make good decisions and do what I can when I can for exercise. We had central air finally hooked up this week so that will make it easier to work up a sweat too. I may be a chubby bride in 44 days when I say my “I do’s” but I will be well on my way to being a slim and fit wife.

Okay that's Enough of That

So it has been a pretty hard week for me.  My finance had to go tend to his dad who is sick and I was single parenting again.  It wasn't so bad but I miss the adult company more than the parenting help. On top of that one of our vehicles is still in the shop getting repaired and I got the wonderful news the front struts are leaking which essentially means an extra $2,000 to fix.  Oh and then our TV quit working.  The power supply in my specific TV has been know to come loose.  It is about a $500 fix or just slightly more to buy a new one. 

I was having a bit of a pity party for myself until I came to the realization it could be worse. No one is dying, no one is in pain, we are doing just fine. The events of a few days are not meant to punish me for something I did, it is just a course of events I have no control over. It is just life - with its ups and downs.

What I can control is me. I am tired of blaming everything on my inability to take off the pounds. It is my fault, no one else.  Yes, sometimes circumstances are presented but it is how I react to those circumstances that determines what the scale says.  With my new mindset I put in a Jillian workout dvd last night after kiddlet was put to bed. Now I only got through half of it before I gave up (between the countless 'moooooommmmmy!!!!' calling and the animals who wouldn't leave me alone) but what matters is that tonight I will try again and hopefully get thought the whole thing.  Tomorrow we will go on a bike ride with the dog before going to the pool.   I need to start getting more exercise in my life.  Not to mention I have signed up for a half marathon and have no trained - not even a little bit.

I may only have 50 days to my wedding (yikes) but I can still lose some inches and tone my arms till then.  I have time and it can be done.  No I won't be my goal weight by then, but I will be on my way!!!!

Need to get back on track

I need to get back on track so bad.  I can't get out of this funk.  OMG  sooo hard.