My Life as Moi

Come on Dragon - Bring me Good Luck

2012-01-23T14:13:00.001-06:00

Happy Chinese New Year!!! It is the year of the Dragon and it is believed that the dragon is a symbol of good fortune and power. It symbolized big things to come. On New Year's Day we are not suppose to talk about the past but rather look forward to the future. I was going to write my post on my crappy weekend but not instead I will look forward to the good that is to come.

I am not a firm believer in Chinese astrology but could use the promise of something good to come. (I think we can all use the promise of good to come even if that good is status quo for the lucky some of you out there.) This post is a little different than normal as I lament on my negative thinking as of late. I need to stop being a negative Nora and be the happy person I know I am. I am done crying at red lights (yeah, I know its ridiculous) and relearn life is not that bad. The world does have goodness in it and we should cherish the miracle that is our life.

So my wish for myself as well as for you in this coming year is to have a wondrous year (regardless of which calendar you are on). I hope you have fun all through the year and do work that makes you come alive. I hope you get in the best shape of your life and learn to take better care of yourself. I hope you make a positive difference in the lives of those around. To live the life you want and live it to the fullest, not the way world wants you to live it. I hope you leave the past behind, move ahead and find the balm for any of your scars from the past – in form of love or your own courage. I hope you smile more and spread happiness around.

Depression... Well that's not helping anything

2012-01-15T11:44:00.000-06:00

I have come to the realization that I may be suffering from depression. It would not be the first time and I don't think anyone would judge me for being depressed but it doesn't negate the fact that depression sucks.

It is weird though, even though I think I am suffering from depression, I am still happy. I try to be upbeat and not look at the negative. I know I am fortunate in my life but that doesn't help sometime. Those times, I find myself sitting on the couch way past my bedtime watching very bad TV not wanting to get up to take the stairs to go to bed. Because I wait so long to go to sleep, I rarely get ready for bed (washing my face, brushing my teeth). Because I go to bed late I tend to press snooze too many times and half the times don't shower in the morning.

As a result of not taking care of myself my face is breaking out which makes me feel worse about myself. Sleeping in also makes eating a good breakfast and packing a proper lunch a lot harder.It is hard on me and it is hard on my daughter. I don't have as much patience and I am harder on her. I also let her do things like watching too much TV so I to can just sit on the couch and not do anything.

Depression is vicious circle. The lazier, the more depressed I get. The more depressed I get the lazier I get. I need this to stop. I can't keep doing this. Unlike last time, I don't want to go on medication like last time. They were helpful last time but I do want to try this on my own. If it doesn't work, may go the pharmaceutical route again.

I plan on setting a few goal this week to try and improve my situation. My goals are:

Be in bed at 10 pm each night. (I think sleep is key for so many things)
Exercise 4 times this week for at least 30 minutes. Even if this is walking (not running) on my treadmill I need to get moving.
Pack my lunch and breakfast at night when I am done supper. I do plan on getting a jump on this by making a big pot of soup today and dividing it up into individual bowls.
Shower at least 5 out of 7 days this week.

Lofty goals I know but I think if I set them too big I will fail. If I fail, I feel worse about myself and we all know how that goes.

I am also going to try and blog more. Even if no one reads my blog, I feel it keeps my accountable. Part of my problem is that I have had trouble connecting with my friends again since the breakup and don't have anyone to talk to. This is totally my fault for not reaching out.

I hope everyone out there has a wonderful week. I know I am going to try to.

No More Wasteful Spending

2012-01-06T22:34:00.000-06:00

Today after I picked up my daughter from daycare we went to the grocery store to pick up some buns for supper. I thought we would spend under $5 and spend $15. Instead of just the buns we got we got the buns, a roast chicken, some wedges, and chocolate bar (for my daughter). I gave into what my daughter wanted and left very frustrated. I want to keep on my budget but at the end of a long day at the end of a long week it is hard to fight with a five year old over roast chicken (and really I can make at least one other meal out of it too).

We came home and I wanted to teach a lesson about money. I sat my daughter down and asked her where she wanted to go on vacation. She said Disneyland, Hawaii, Mexico and China (yeah I know, lofty goals). I told her if she really wanted to go on a vacation we needed to start saving money. I took out all the change out of my wallet and started deducting money for things like the mortgage, daycare fees, gas, utilities (of course explaining it in small words) and after all necessary expenses there was little left in the pile (kind of like real life). I asked my daughter how else we could spend money. Oh course that was not easy to think of things to spend money on. When there was nothing else left I asked how would we pay for a vacation and I could see her wheels starting to turn. She started to think of way we could save money and how we can get more money (apparently grandma and grandpa better learn to say no).

I am glad I had the talk with her and figured out a way to get through to my daughter why wasteful spending is so bad. Both of us have big goals in life and like most things in life, some come with a price tag. Now that she is on the same page hopefully the situations I was in this evening will not happen as much and when I go to the store I will only spend $5 not triple that amount.

I am Baaaaack

2012-01-03T21:31:00.000-06:00

New year and tones of changes.

It has been a while since I have blogged. I missed it and all of you tremendously. I have been going through my own struggles and needed to not air the very hateful and horrible things was thinking. Those aren't things that should be shared. For those keeping track, the split up was final and it was horrible. I have taken it extremely well (not only by my own opinion but others have told me that as well) and am at an okay place in my life. Not the best place but a place where I can see unlimited possibilities on the horizon.

It has been over four months since I last wrote and over those months I have not been taking very good care of myself. I have indulged because I felt I deserved it and stop exercising because it was easier to hit the snooze button than drag myself out of bed. I made excuse and excuse to justify what I was doing to myself and in doing so I but on 15 extra pounds. I look and feel disgusting. I have stopped that abuse of myself and have begun to take care of myself. I have stopped saying tomorrow and begun today to eat healthy.

Tomorrow (and I do mean tomorrow) starts the 30 Day Shred. If I don't get up in the morning it will get done when I get home from work, if that doesn't work then I will do it before I go to bed. It will happen. It has to start to happen. I can't buy bigger pants - I refuse to buy bigger pants.

Another reason I am not buying bigger pants is because I am going to try and curb my spending. It is ridiculous the amount of money I spend on useless thing. I am no longer going to spend money to fill the whole in my life, instead I am going to keep that money in my bank and fill that whole with loved and new fabulous experiences. I spend New Years day watching the Gail Vaz-Oxlade show Princess, where girls throw their (and other people's money) away on crap to make themselves feel better about themselves. Whiles I don't spend $600 a month on my hair I am a shopaholic and need to find a better way to make myself feel better.

Bad thing about being gone for so long is I feel there is so much to catch up on but its time to say good night. This princess needs to get to bed - I have an early morning date with Jillian!!!

Life Changes

2011-08-25T15:38:00.000-06:00

My life is my life. No matter what other people do to make my life change I have to own the fact that this is my life and I need to take control of my life. This week I have had to make some really hard decisions, decisions I did not want to make but ignoring them was not a possibility. With making the decisions I have not really considered other people's feeling but have concentrated on what is best for me first and then how the decisions would impact my daughter.

Most all of my decisions I am comfortable with. The some small ones I have regretted. (Okay the ones I regretted were almost all food choices - bad emotional eater.) The good decisions were hard and some even made me cry. The hardest one this week was the decision to give away my dog. It made me cry. But my dog is a dog and she will be fine. She is a huge source of stress in my life and right now I just do not need any extra stress.

The worst part of my life right now is I have no choice but to make choices. I have no one who can make the choices for me. I just want someone to give me solutions to my problems - easy fixes. Unfortunately I do not think there are easy fixes to my life's problems right now. Absolutely no quick ones. I think I need time to heal and time to grow.

I need to start looking at me in a different way. I need to start taking better care of myself. I think that needs to start soon. I am taking a mini vacation in lie of a honeymoon. I am going to take that time for me, to start taking care of myself and my daughter.

Here I Am...

2011-08-18T21:13:00.000-06:00

Here I am again. I am at the point in my life where I realize sometimes love just isn't enough - no matter what the cheesy love songs say.

No matter what I said or did I could not stop the inevitable and my family is now separated. Not broken but just taking on a different but familiar form. Once again my family consists of me and my daughter. Danny has decided that he no longer would like to be a member of our family. He said he will make an effort to still see our daughter and we will see what the future brings.

I am holding up amazingly well at this point but I am sure I have a few sad days ahead. I am prepared for that. I also know that after those days and in between those days I am going to be in for a some happy days. This is fact. I will survive and will come out better.

This breakup maybe a horrible and aweful thing but I am going to make the best of a bad situation. I will learn from this and come out stronger. I am survivor!!!

Hit with a Brick

2011-08-09T09:28:00.002-06:00

I feel numb and empty and do not know what to do. Last night my fiancée told me is unsure if he wants to marry me and thinks he may be happier if we were apart. I felt like I was slapped upside the head with a brick. He says he doesn’t know what he really wants.

There is 26 days until the wedding. Or at least 26 days until we were suppose to be married.

Right now I should really be working but I just feel like crawling in a hole. I don’t know who to talk to because I am hoping that this is just a phase (a very short one) and will pass. I don’t want anyone thinking of him badly. I know there are not a lot of my family or friends who read this so I am writing to stranger in hopes they can offer some kind of help.

We had a couple of minor arguments the past couple of weeks but nothing bad. On Friday, while I was at my parents, he went to visit friends. Because of his past tendencies of taking off for the weekend I was a little upset that he didn’t tell me he was going but I didn’t have a problem with it as we were not home anyway. Well we were supposed to meet the next day and he was going to take the kid and the dog with him but he wouldn’t answer his phone. He didn’t come home until yesterday.

I was pissed. I told him so.

He said he didn’t even want to come home.

I told him if he doesn’t want to be with me to pack up and leave.

It was bad.
We had a long discussion later and he told me is mad all the time and not happy. I called bullshit because I know his daughter and me make him happy. He said he doesn’t know what to think. I gave him until Friday to decide what to do. If he decides he does not want to be with me, I gave him until the end of the month to get out of the house.

He was awake most of the night and didn’t go to work today. I told him to think of going to the doctor to maybe get a prescription for depression. Last year I was on anti-depressants for a while and it helped me. Depression and mental illness run in his family and I told him to at least go get the prescription and then decide later if he wants to take it. He said he would think about it which means he probably won’t do it.
I don’t know what to do and hate the feeling of having my fate in someone else’s hands. I don’t want any of this to happen. I am suppose to be celebrating our love by planning our wedding not thinking about splitting assets and getting an attorney.

I feel so lost and alone.

Oy Vey

2011-07-29T07:24:00.000-06:00

July has not been a stellar month for me. I gained weight. Not good at all. It is 37 day until the wedding and I cannot get motivated to get in better shape. I need to start but now it seems hopeless.

I am on vacation from work starting today. I am off for 10 days. I am going to try not to indulge in everything you can when on vacation. Wish me luck. I have packed my workout stuff to. I hope to do some running on vacation, even just a bit to start the marathon training that is creeping up in December.

Didn't Feed the Bad Feelings

2011-07-22T14:48:00.002-06:00

I had a baaad day yesterday. We have had some big unexpected costs lately in addition to the upcoming wedding. We have been handling everything in stride (minus a couple of small temper tantrums on my part). The major expense has been the truck. My finance was driving the truck when the tire blew. Well there was a lot of damage done when that piece of rubber gave way. Like $3,500 dollars worth of damage. Thankfully insurance covered the cost but there is still the deductable to pay. When the truck was in for servicing we found out the front struts were leaking and we decided to fix those which were a $1,800 touch. Well yesterday they told me the rear levelling compressor is kaput which is another $1,250. (Insert large tantrum here.) After I got the news I had an incredible urge to eat… and eat really bad. Worse, I met a friend at the mall to vent and there was all the horrible mall food calling my name.
Guess what? I resisted the urge. I thought it through and knew I would feel even worse if I ate crappy food to fill the crater of despair that was in me. (Okay, maybe being a bit dramatic but I think we have all had that feel where at the time it is awful and 5 minutes later things are not that bad.) I breathed my was through it and just went on with my day. I didn’t even reward myself for maintaining some level of self control. I just moved on. That was a huge step for me. Hopefully just one of many lessons I will learn on my journey to non-fatness.
I have recommitted to be the best me I can be. It’s been hot as hell here so my workouts have been non-existent but tomorrow is going to start off with a run. I am going to make good decisions and do what I can when I can for exercise. We had central air finally hooked up this week so that will make it easier to work up a sweat too. I may be a chubby bride in 44 days when I say my “I do’s” but I will be well on my way to being a slim and fit wife.

Okay that's Enough of That

2011-07-16T08:35:00.000-06:00

So it has been a pretty hard week for me. My finance had to go tend to his dad who is sick and I was single parenting again. It wasn't so bad but I miss the adult company more than the parenting help. On top of that one of our vehicles is still in the shop getting repaired and I got the wonderful news the front struts are leaking which essentially means an extra $2,000 to fix. Oh and then our TV quit working. The power supply in my specific TV has been know to come loose. It is about a $500 fix or just slightly more to buy a new one.

I was having a bit of a pity party for myself until I came to the realization it could be worse. No one is dying, no one is in pain, we are doing just fine. The events of a few days are not meant to punish me for something I did, it is just a course of events I have no control over. It is just life - with its ups and downs.

What I can control is me. I am tired of blaming everything on my inability to take off the pounds. It is my fault, no one else. Yes, sometimes circumstances are presented but it is how I react to those circumstances that determines what the scale says. With my new mindset I put in a Jillian workout dvd last night after kiddlet was put to bed. Now I only got through half of it before I gave up (between the countless 'moooooommmmmy!!!!' calling and the animals who wouldn't leave me alone) but what matters is that tonight I will try again and hopefully get thought the whole thing. Tomorrow we will go on a bike ride with the dog before going to the pool. I need to start getting more exercise in my life. Not to mention I have signed up for a half marathon and have no trained - not even a little bit.

I may only have 50 days to my wedding (yikes) but I can still lose some inches and tone my arms till then. I have time and it can be done. No I won't be my goal weight by then, but I will be on my way!!!!

Need to get back on track

2011-07-11T20:12:00.001-06:00

I need to get back on track so bad. I can't get out of this funk. OMG sooo hard.

Feeling Defeated

2011-06-29T21:37:00.000-06:00

I need to get on track. I need to not defeat myself. I need to get it together.

A huge fault of mine is that I let time slip away. I will to it tomorrow, next week, who cares when as long as its not now. This is a bad quality in me.

I leave tomorrow for a short vacation which will involve a bathing suit. Not looking forward to baring all on the beach. Not much I can do about this weekend but I will be taking a week in August to spend at the beach and I can do something about looking better then.

Ever Feel Like A Failure

2011-06-23T20:46:00.000-06:00

Did you ever just have a poor pity me day? Today was that day for me. (Funny cause Tuesday was my birthday and it was a fabulous day.) There is way too much going on in my life and I feel I am not succeeding at any thing.

I am a person who like to win, who needs those successes in my life. When I don't succeed, I truly take it personally. I am not superwomen but yet hold myself to those superwomen ideals. I have come to the realization that I need to let some things go. By letting this go I will be able to focus on what is really important to me in the short term.

First I am going to start running. I really miss it - the freedom, the ability to sleep and the me time. I am not going to start next Monday or when the weather get better. I am starting tomorrow.

Also tomorrow, I am dropping my master class. It came way to quick and I am no where ready for it. Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. Thinking about postponing the class makes me happy. I am all about making me happy.

Our beautiful dog will be finding a new home. I am in the process of finding her one. I am not in a rush to give her away but I am looking. I went to one house tonight but I am unsure about the location (it is in a bad neighbourhood). There is hope of finding her a home on an acreage with another dog. Cross your fingers for me, I am hoping that will be her new forever home.

I need to concentrate on wedding planning. I feel like I have just let it go and it is coming quick.

Tomorrow I am going to step on the scale for the first time in a week. It is a scary prospect. I have been trying to eat well but don't think I have always been successful at it. Back on track tomorrow and food tracking. I am also going to looking into the options for my health care flex spending account to see what I can access.

Happy Father's Day to All

2011-06-19T09:20:00.000-06:00

Happy father's day to all the wonderful father's and mommydaddy's out there.

I am a bit behind on the blogging front. It has been a crazy busy week but I am trying to stay on track. There have been a couple of bad eating days but have been staying on track. I just need to add some exercise to the mix and I will be rocking.

Hope everyone is having a fabulous day and has not be drown out by the rain or eaten by mosquitoes.

A Week In and Not Doing the Best

2011-06-09T08:35:00.000-06:00

A week into the competition and I have had little progress. It is very frustrating. I haven’t been the most stringent to eating well as I am under tremendous stress in my life. I am a stress eater and have been keeping that under control but when I am stressed I hold onto weight, especially water weight. I need just to learn to let go.

The wedding planning is going wonderfully, we are a bit over budget but I almost expected that. I am going to be a bit more cost conscious and start tracking the wedding spending so I feel more in control. There is a part of the planning that is really starting to bug me – my family, and especially my mom’s, total lack of enthusiasm. They seem to want to fight me on the choices I make and then when I ask their opinion there response is ‘well it’s your wedding, do whatever you want’. Urrrggg!!!! What is really upsetting me is when I asked my mom if she wanted to come wedding dress shopping her response was less than stellar, “Well maybe, depends if I am busy that day.” I just went by myself. I got a beautiful dress that I am in love with but I really wanted to have a different experience.

On top of the wedding, I have decided to become a Stella & Dot Stylist. Probably not the best time in my life to begin a small business but I figures what the hell. I talked to a bunch of my friends before hand who were all super pumped to have a trunk show and now that I have made the financial commitment no one (and I mean no one) wants anything to do with it. It really is wonderful jewelry (it has been featured in In Style and is going to be in Vogue in the fall). (Side note, if anyone really wants to have a trunk show, please let me know.)

Oh, did I mention that I am signed up to take another Masters class in July. Eff. Why do I do this to myself? I have a big assignment due before the class starts and I haven’t bought the books yet. I need to either go buy the books or drop the class. I really need to take a class this summer to be able to graduate on my schedule but something has to give soon I think or I am going to go nuts!!!

For all my weight loss competition buddies, I am sorry for the lack of comments on my behalf. I am normally not a deadbeat but I have been crazy busy and for some reason can’t comment on any blog that isn’t a BlogSpot blog. (If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.)

New Competition

2011-06-01T09:21:00.000-06:00

As I previously stated I am starting a new weight loss competition today to help in the motivation to lose weight for the wedding. I am excited. I started to watch what I eat last week and I am already down two pounds!!! When I took the pictures last night I couldn't believe how lumpy I looked. Pictures really don't lie. Time to start toning up.

I am also exciting to start training for my half marathon in December. The thought of running 13.1 miles no longer scares the shit out of me cause I know I have done it once already and didn't die. I want to crush my time of just under 3 hours which I think is obtainable since I won't be fighting the hills of San Francisco 80% of the time.

I am kind of bummed. A friend of mine started Ideal Protein this week. My sister is also on IP. After much household discussion, we decided that $85 a week for their packaged food was too much for our budget (with the upcoming wedding and a masters degree to pay for) so it was decided I just had to do on my own (well at least without the help of a weight loss clinic). What I like about this plan is essentially you eat their food. It is Atkins with prepackaged food. What I don't like about the plan is that it is packaged food. Icky, all those chemicals in your body can't be good for it.

I am going to do it on my own. I am going to eat right and exercise. A novel concept that works.

Good luck to my fellow competitor and to all of those trying to lose a few pounds before bathing suit season.

Newest Happenings In Moi Life

2011-05-29T12:37:00.000-06:00

So I have been engaged for three whole weeks and a tone has happened. We decided (well more like me) to have the wedding right away. I wanted to get married in the summer but didn't want to wait another year so we are getting married on Sunday, September 4. It is a long weekend so it still gives everyone travel time and because it is the Sunday, I have had no problem at all finding vendors.

In twenty one days I have picked a: date, location, caterer, cake baker, invitations, guest list, colors, florist, photographer, wedding bands, master of ceremonies, flower girl dress, and most importantly my dress. I have been busy and under stress but everything is going to be fine. We also established a budget (small one) that I am determined to work within. It is all going to be great. Small, intimate wedding in a courtyard (the Lady Slipper Courtyard, doesn't that sounds beautiful, it is) and a fabulous small party to follow.

Ceremony location

Dress

Colors

On a sad note, I think I have to find a new home for our beloved beagle. She has separation anxiety and it has been getting worse the past few weeks. It breaks my heart to even think of letting her live with someone else but she needs better owners. She is the most loving dog in the world and wouldn't hurt anyone but she needs more attention than we are able to give her. I am working with my trainer to find her a home with owners that are able to give her what she needs.

To help lose a couple of inches before the wedding, I am starting a new weight loss competition. My dress fits perfectly but would look better with toned arms and a flatter stomach. :)

More Big News

2011-05-09T20:38:00.000-06:00

I know I haven't been blogging much lately and for that I am sorry. I will try to do better in the future. There has been tones going on in my life including, wait for it,

I GOT ENGAGED!!!!!!

After almost a decade of dating (with two brief breaks) the wonderful man I am in love with asked me to be his wife. I have the most perfect ring (pics to be posted later).

I have no idea what to do for the wedding. I do plan to run the Vegas 1/2 marathon in December but I don't know if I am a Vegas kind of bride. Oh well, I will have fun planning.

Let me know if anyone has ideas. Maybe a destination wedding?

New Job

2011-04-18T14:44:00.000-06:00

I am very excited to announce that beginning next Tuesday, I will start my new job!!! It is very exciting. Although I am very sad to leave my old job (last day was Friday, lots of tears) I am super pumped for the new challenge that lies ahead of me. Honestly, it is a lateral move from one arm of government to another but the new arm has kick ass benefits and greater room for advancement.

I have taken a week off to relax. Well, that is what I first planned to do. Now I am renovating. I wish I had the money to just do it all at once but since I apparently like things complicated, I have renovated my bathroom (we are almost done) and then will have new laminate installed this week (with help from my fabulous dad and brother in law). After that project is done we will build headers for the closets and paint any and all sefices we can find. I wish I was stretching the truth, everything needs painting, ceilings, walls, doors, trim. Oh well, once that is done it will be like we have a bran new upstairs. (Yes, then we can get restarted on the main floor). Oh the joys of renovating.

I should be packing moving things out of the way but am fixated on getting my new blackberry all set up. As work will not be supplying me with a phone, I must figure this out by myself. I am not doing too badly, all I need to do finally transfer my old contacts onto my new phone. This is exponentially more difficult as I have no set up disks (a wonderful friend lent me his spare berry until the new iPhone comes out).

I will post pics of my renos when they are complete.

Super Exciting

2011-03-30T16:39:00.000-06:00

Do you ever have news that you wanted to scream from the mountain tops but can't because you can't. All the details aren't final and you don't want to show your hand unless you know that its for sure? (No I am not pregnant - bite your tongue).

I am days away from some big news. Can't wait to share it.

I fit into the dress

2011-03-24T10:07:00.000-06:00

So yesterday was a big deal at my work. Everyone comes in all dressed up and usually in a new outfit. I have committed not to buy anything new until I drop at least 20 - 30 lbs. (My motivation to lose) Anyhoo, I bought a couple of dresses about a month ago that looked awful on my (way too tight) but they were a great deal (marked down to $10).

Guess what I wore yesterday???

That is right I wore a dress that three weeks ago was waaaaay too tight. And it looked good. I wish I would have taken a picture. I think I am going to try on the other dress to wear to a wedding on Saturday.

So far I am down 5.5 pounds. So far I am loving Atkins.

Rocking This Week

2011-03-21T12:00:00.000-06:00

It’s now been 7 full days since I have started my Atkins program. I am pleased to report that in 7 days I have lost 4 pounds. Honestly, it has been easy. The first two and a half days sucked and I had a raging headache for 36 hours but I woke up on day three and started feeling much better. Surprisingly better. (I must state that I have has a stupid cold for three weeks now but from all I read I believe the headache was the no-carb flu.)

I think I may begin to track my carbs with an online calculator (probably Daily Plate by Livestrong) to ensure not only am I staying within my carb range by also that I am not over or under doing it for calories and I am tracking my water. I imputed today’s menu and realized that I may be underestimating the carb count in many foods. If I am going to do this, I want to do it correctly.

In Atkins, they recommend if you have over 30 pounds to lose you (which I do) to begin in the Induction Phase which limits you to 20 carbs a day. This phase is to last a minimum of 2 weeks but if you like the results and do have a bit to lose to stay in it as you see fit. I am going to do at least one more week of Induction, maybe two. 20 carbs a day is challenging but it is not unreasonable. The program also dictates 15 of those carbs are makeup of the foundation vegetables so get nutrients and fiber into your system.

What I find the hardest is not being able to eat unlimited vegetable. But what that has taught me is that most times I am not that hungry. I don’t need to eat 2 cups of broccoli because I can. I am trying to eat to satisfy me, not to eat till I am stuffed. Another major drawback is not being able to have a large supply of snack foods. Snacks are non-existent at this point unless I want to eat Atkins processed food (which I don’t) or spend time making my own (again I do not). I want crunch. I want chips and salsa, pita chips and hummus - something that makes a sound when I eat it. I am in no way suffering because of this but it’s funny what we have trained our mine to want.

Trying Something New

2011-03-16T15:06:00.000-06:00

I had taken out a bunch of library books about a month ago. I received my notice that they were due for return and I had only finished reading one. I went to renew them all automatically and discovered one of the books I had out had a hold on it so I could not renew it. I decided to give the book a quick look through at least.

The book was Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It. I picked it up on a whim the last time I was at the library as it was on the shelf staring at me. The author Gary Taubes also wrote the book Good Calories, Bad Calories. The book is just over 200 pages so needless to say I did not get a thorough read in but the book did help me make a decision. I am going low carb.

I am sick of being heavy and need something to jump start the weight loss. Yes it maybe gimmicky but it is a new way for me to look at food. The old way I see food is not helping me at all. It makes sense not to eat white flour and sugar. Cutting back on crappy carbs (okay not the good vegetable carbs but all the processed crap that we eat) makes sense. My problem is that I still eat crappy carbs regardless of what meal plan I am on. All plans include some 'cheats'. I then let those cheats take over. I know this about myself and want to try and retrain my mind not to continue on this pattern.

Why We Get Fat explains what didn’t make us fat: prosperity leading to gluttony and sloth. Obesity has been common among populations who were poor beyond our imaginations, even among those who worked long hours at manual-labor jobs. The scientific research shows that exercise may be good for our overall health, but does little to help us shed excess body fat. And of course, low-calorie diets have an abysmal track record — even the obesity “experts” who promote them admit as much in private. In other words, after 200 years of our existence as a nation we didn’t — in one generation, mind you — become fatter because we decided that since we’re well-off now, we should start eating too much and moving too little.

I really liked the matter of factness about the book. Most obese people hate being fat and have tried many times to lose weight. As Taubes points out, if shedding excess body fat were really as simple as cutting 100 calories per day, pretty much every fat person would do it. The trouble is, most of them have done it, only to find it didn’t work. Meanwhile, people who’ve never been fat and regularly eat until they’re full expect obese people to spend the rest of lives feeling half-starved so they can become lean.

The book made sense. It made me think. It helped me to decided to give low carb a try. If anyone has any thoughts, observations or experiences they would like to share I would love to hear them.

Got a Goal

2011-03-11T15:36:00.000-06:00

I still feel all icky but have been trying to eat healthy. It has been easy as I only want to eat soup and eggs.

To help towards my goals, I have signed up for a half marathon. It is in December but it in Vegas baby!!! The Vegas Rock and Roll Marathon.

It going to be fun. Me and my bestie.

Mr. Elephant Please get off my chest

2011-03-06T09:31:00.000-06:00

I have had a chest cold for about 6 days now. I feel so very crappy. I have a wonderful hacking cough and it feels like a gigantic weight on my chest. I tried to go for a walk with the dog in the cold (I mean like -40 with wind) and came home in tears as my lungs hurt so bad.

Good news, the elephant that is sitting on my lungs is looking like it is lightening up a bit and my cough is starting to be accompanied by phlegm which always means an end is coming for the cough.

I am hoping this week with the warmer weather (knock on wood) that I can get out for some runs. I need to get moving. My legs are itching for some hurt.

Is Endurance Exercise the Fountain of Youth?

2011-02-28T19:57:00.000-06:00

I found this article and was floored. Time to get out my runners again. Can't hurt to try right?

Endurance exercise on a treadmill prevented premature aging in mice that are genetically disposed to to aging faster. The mouse treadmill workouts were for 45 minutes, three times a week for five months. While the control group of mice showed the expected premature aging, "balding, greying, physically inactive, socially isolated and less fertile," the treadmill mice looked as young and healthy as regular mice.

"Many people falsely believe that the benefits of exercise will be found in a pill. We have clearly shown that there is no substitute for the 'real thing' of exercise when it comes to protection from aging," said Mark Tarnopolsky, principal investigator of the study in a press release from McMasters University. Previous studies with these premature-aging mice tried various drugs and calorie restriction with far less effect.

"I believe that we have very compelling evidence that clearly show that endurance exercise is a lifestyle approach that improves whole body mitochondrial function which is critical for reducing morbidity and mortality," said Adeel Safdar, lead author and a senior PhD student working with Tarnopolsky. "Exercise truly is the fountain of youth."

The mice age faster due to a defect in their mitochondria, which are the cell's powerhouses. As mitochondria age, every cell in the body has less fuel to run on. In humans, this happens as we age and defects pile up in the mitochondrial DNA. Endurance exercise kept the mitochondria youthful in this study.

The amount of exercise that the mice got matches nicely with the exercise recommendations made by health authorities worldwide. Previous human studies have found that regular exercise can give you more healthy, active years.
Source:
Adeel Safdar, et. al. "Endurance exercise rescues progeroid aging and induces systemic mitochondrial rejuvenation in mtDNA mutator mice," PNAS published ahead of print February 22, 2011, doi:10.1073/pnas.1019581108

If he can do it so can you

2011-02-10T14:00:00.000-06:00

Don't you dare tell me you are too fat to run. There is a 410 pound former US Sumo Wresting Champ planning on running a marathon.

http://backseatfan.com/2011/02/410-lb-sumo-wrestler-to-run-la-marathon/

Update on Goals

2011-02-07T11:28:00.000-06:00

Here an update on my goals. I thought I will revist my goals on a semi-regular basis so that I can be accoutnable.

I will reconnect with God. This one has not been the going the best. I had some wonderful advice from a dear friend but unfortunately have not taken it. School has been crazy and if I don’t commit to school work on Sundays that usually means I have spent most weeknight doing school work and miss my family so much we use it as a family day. I think for now, at least until this class is over, I will have to reconnect with God using by bible.

I will be a more patient mom. This one is working. I have to really try to consciously not get angry but it is working.

I will work on my relationship with my boyfriend. This too is working. We still need to find a councilor but we are working together. Plus we are getting closer to actually becoming engaged (I may or may not have already started to plan the wedding).

I will extend my friends network. Okay, so I have not really extended anything but have reconnected with some friends that I haven’t made the effort to stay in touch with.

I will run three 10k races and at least one half marathon. I may have found a training partner for the 10k races.

I will lose 50 pounds. So far this year I am not where I want to be but that just means I need to work harder.

I will work hard towards obtaining my masters in human resources. I have not been slacking in class. The class I am taking is kicking my ass but my head is above water so far.

I will make a budget that pays down debt and increases savings. I have not sunk further into debt. I have not really put a big dent into it yet. I need to stick to my budget better. Stupid expenses keep jumping up. Oh well. At least it is not a deeper whole than I started out with.

Who is that fat girl out the window?

2011-02-02T16:09:00.000-06:00

Do I am sitting at school yesterday dutifully doing my homework. I look over and think, wow that girls is fat. Shit, I just say my reflection. I was not in the best posture and was in my lulus and a hoodie so there was no support from my clothes as to were restriction. I am taken aback. It amazes me continually how far I have let myself slide. According to my bmi, I am once again in the obese zone. Shit, not even overweight any more.

I found this on the Internet today. See I see myself between a 26-29. So when you see a big ol' 33 looking back at you its a scary sight. I did not freak out and drown my sorrows in a tub of ice cream. Instead I finished my homework, came home and ate four prunes as I was hungry but didn't want to eat really bad. I got my sweetness fix and some great fiber.

I did do my shred this morning. I am trying my hardest to keep up with them and if I do take a break, I am only out for 5 seconds. I am better today than on Monday so at least there is that progress.

Tomorrow I am taking the big plunge and stepping on the scale. Honestly, I am terrified of the number that is going to show up on there but its my number and no matter what I have to own up to it.

Confession and Committment

2011-02-01T16:59:00.001-06:00

I am full of excuses. Full of them. I can think one up for anything, especially exercising.
- I am too fat
- I am too hungry
- I am too tired
- I don’t have a gym membership
- The free gym membership that comes with my (very expensive) University tuition doesn’t have childcare
- I feel bad leaving my child at home with her dad
- I don’t like running on the treadmill
- It’s too cold to run outside (today though it truly is, -48 with the wind chill is ridiculous)
- And on, and on, and on…

I worked out yesterday and today. I am trying to get out of the cycle of excuses.

There is a reason for this. On Sunday I went to put on a pair of jean to go out grocery shopping and ended up in tears. The size 12 jeans I had that have never been tight on me since I bought them two years ago were disgustingly tight. Lie on the bed to do up and have the most repulsive muffin top due to all the pressure tight. This makes me embarrassed to admit it out loud that I have let myself go this bad. I think I was this fat after I gave birth four years ago. I have been too terrified to step on a scale since Sunday. I don’t want to see that number. (Although I went to the doctor’s on Wednesday of last week for my physical and was weighed there so I know approximately how much it is.)
One positive about going grocery shopping when you are fat made me re-evaluate all my purchases. I did buy Fresca but have only had half a can since. Every time I picked up a deliciously fattening food item, I thought about how far I let myself slip and put it back. I don’t deserve a treat, treats are what got me into plus sized clothes. I deserve to start treating me better and taking care of myself. No filling it full of crap.

Last night to show myself how bad its gotten, I went through my closet and moved out all the clothes I am no longer able to wear. There is less than half my closet left. Again I came to tears. I am committed to not buying more to replace what I have outgrown. I will work towards getting back into the clothes I wore three months ago and the clothes I have bought that are in storage for ‘when I am skinny enough to wear them’.

A weird thing is I am not pumped to get going. I am calm about it. I know it’s not going to be easy and there is going to be a tonne of temptation to knock me off my goal but I am going to persevere. I am not going to buy size 14 jeans. I refuse to. I will become a healthier and better me. I will not try and take the easy route (which I seriously contemplated by asking my doctor for a prescription)

Once you say it out loud you can’t take it back. It’s a commitment and now I am committed. It will be done.

When to Feel Good?

2011-01-25T13:55:00.001-06:00

Obesity: The Number One Health Issue

2011-01-21T16:16:00.000-06:00

It’s that time of year when everyone has made a promise to eat clean and healthy for the next 365 days. It’s now mid-January, about 15 days into your resolution and are you still on track? I know I have slipped off and hauled my butt back on a couple of times. Don’t fall off that slow moving wagon – yes, it’s a slog, the road is bumpy, the results are slow and it takes monumental effort to hang on – but your body and mind will thank you.

A recent survey by CBC, released earlier this month found that the number one health issue affecting Canadians is obesity. The CBC launched a website to help Canadians become healthier. That is right, a media site to help you achieve your health goals. That seem strange to me. That is odd that media would concentrate on the health of its clients. They are not health care workers - they are reporters. I have nothing against reporters, they are wonderful people, but omg, we are that fat that we have to have media talking non-stop about why we should lose weight.

Look around you and you don’t need a survey to tell you that we, as a nation, are getting heavier and heavier. What’s scarier than these findings however, it that that majority of Canadians believe they are living a healthy lifestyle and believe their generation is healthier than the previous one! An odd statement given that most agree that our youth today will be the first generation likely to die before their parents due to complications from being overweight. Canadian health is in a crisis…so hang onto that wagon…don’t fall off and resolve to keep living clean and healthy.
So what are you doing to stay on track? Have you built in some accountability to your exercise routine – like working out with a buddy? I have scheduled my workouts and am actually sticking to them (so far). And what about your fridge? Are you buying lots of fruits and veggies? Not only will all those vitamins and fibre help your waistline, they will chase away the winter blues. When I get get home from grocery shopping I always cut up my veggies so they are ready to munch on. Having everything cut up makes short work of getting in those extra servings of veggies. And it sure beats grabbing for those carbs which will do your waistline not an inch of good.

Need to Move

2011-01-20T09:52:00.000-06:00

I need to get off my couch and move my ass. I have no motivation to do anything lately, it is ridiculous. The two mornings last week I woke up early to do my 30 day shred, my daughter got up too and cried inconsolably. It doesn't help it is freezing cold out. I can only bring myself to do hot yoga. Tonight I have hot yoga. Tomorrow I will get up and take my wonderful rambunctious dog for a run. I will stop this self defeating cycle of sitting on my ass snacking the night away.

My masters class is sucking out all my energy. It is taking way more effort than I anticipated. I am keeping my head above water which is good. I am keeping on top of things and have made a calendar to map out the upcoming semester. It is going to be hard but I am going to persevere.

I need to move to relieve some stress. I am going put together a exercise schedule an stick to it. (As you can tell I am a little list oriented.) This will work. I will ensure I have enough energy to follow through on my goals.

Unexpected Kick in the Ass

2011-01-13T14:08:00.001-06:00

Last week I experienced an unexpected and uplifting kick in the ass. About a month ago I received a less than stellar performance review at work. I have approximately three direct supervisors at work but the big boss must sign off on all reviews. Without getting into too many details, I did not receive the outcome I thought I deserved and voiced my option on it. I felt the system was unfair as top marks were frowned upon (you can always do better) and that others in my company did not put in the effort or commitment I do and received more favorable reviews. I was so displeased that my review was not amended that I began to search out other employment opportunities.

Well, one of my supervisors (who did not take part in the review) sat me down to talk about my work and my displeasure in my performance review. (Side note: this boss is a very powerful and feared man. He is smart, well educated and I respect him immensely.) He told me point blank that I should not compare myself to anyone else, and that the reason I did not receive a high scoring was due to my own performance. He went on to say that even though I do outperform most of my coworkers, compared to what he knows that I can accomplish, I have been lagging. He told me that he believes I can do anything I set my mind to and that I need to decide exactly what I want to do. Basically my performance does not meet the high expectations I have set for myself due to previous performances. He did not mean it as an insult but as a compliment. (Trust me if he wasn’t happy with my performance I would not be working where I am.)

I took what he said to heart. I have not been living up to my potential. At times in life I just float through. I do the bare minimum to get by and do not give it all that I have. This is true about many things. I don’t know why I do it but I do. It is one of my character flaws I guess. Maybe it comes from knowing that everything can’t be perfect all the time so I let it slide, problem is that too many things are sliding. I need to prioritize more effectively. My life will not become detrimentally worse if I do not watch Teen Mom 2 or eat whatever I want; it will however get worse if I continue to let my weight climb or let my finance run out of control.

I commit from this point forward to do more for my family and me and less for the little things. If it doesn’t help us, then I don’t need to participate.

2011 Goals

2011-01-05T10:38:00.000-06:00

A lot of blogger have been putting down their goals for the new year. I have read a few lists that have inspired me. I was truly inspired by Mindy's post and did a lot of nodding when I was reading it.

Here are my goals for 2011

I will reconnect with God. This has been on my mind a lot lately. Honestly, I don't really know where to start. I would really like to join a church but don't know how to do that. If anyone can help me or give me reassurances on this front I would appreciate it.

I will be a more patient mom. My child is my world but I need to learn to enjoy her more and learn that everything doesn't always have to be perfect.

I will work on my relationship with my boyfriend and hopefully make him my husband this year. One of the stipulation of getting back together was that we will go into counselling to help us become a better couple and to get married.

I will extend my friends network. I have become an introvert somehow. I need to expand my social network beyond befriending new people on facebook.

I will run three 10k races and at least one half marathon. I have a heavy course load and a big commitment in the fall so I am keeping this goal smaller than I would like.

I will lose 50 pounds. I have a menu plan set out and am working on a workout schedule. I will keep my commitment to stay on track. I will post my menu plan in a couple of days.

I will work hard towards obtaining my masters in human resources. No more slacking cause it is easy. I don't mean to brag but I am pretty good at scholastic (read, I am a geek) and sometimes rest on my laurels. If I actually apply myself I learn more and want to do better.

I will make a budget that pays down debt and increases savings. I acknowledge that I probably will not get out of debt this year due to going back to school but I would love to be more secure and not live off credit for the last week of the month.

I would love to hear your feedback and/or suggestions.

Merry Christmas to All

2010-12-23T10:55:00.000-06:00

I know many of you have been wondering... so just to set your mind at ease let me be the first to tell you that I'm still alive!

I will start off with a major announcement. My ex and I are officially back together. We have decided that we are working our problems out and staying together as a family. This makes me very happy and regardless of what some people think, this not the easy pick. I do love him with all my heart and we have both done some serious growing up in the last three year and we are committed to stay together for the long term. There are talks of an impending engagement and a wedding soon to follow. If that can go off without a hitch, more babies to follow shortly thereafter. We have been working thing out for a while now but wanted to make sure everything was on the right track before making the announcement. Our daughter is ecstatic to have us together, which made the decision that much easier to make.

I have also added two furry friends to my family. I have a wonderful little rag doll kitten named Charlotte

and a wonderful beagle named Bella.

Please do not be fooled. The only reason that they are sleeping in the pictures is that I am unable to snap a shot of them when they are awake as they are always on the go. We adopted the kitten purposefully and the dog was destine to call my house home (an unplanned blessing one may say).

It has been an adjustment in my home having all the new additions in short order but it is wonderful. I am enjoying life, even when it is hard and it gets me down. I catch myself smiling more times than not just at all the laughter and joy in my home.

My weight has snuck back up on me and my finances are a bit of a mess at the moment but those are projects I have plans to tackle in the New Year. For the rest of 2010 I plan to enjoy and rejoice in what I have – lots of love.

I promise to blog more in 2011 but until then I wish everyone a happy and joyous Christmas season. I sincerely wish that this season is a time of miracles for you and your loved ones, with days filled with love and cheer.

Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. If we think on these things, there will be born in us a Savior and over us will shine a star sending its gleam of hope to the world."

~ Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933), American president. Presidential message (December 25, 1927).

Bad Day - a handful equals a handful

2010-10-28T16:53:00.000-06:00

It's a bad day. All I want to do is grab a handful of something bad and delicious to snap me out of this. You know what is holding me back?

This handful.

Wowzers

2010-10-23T09:11:00.000-06:00

Almost a week since I have ran my half marathon and I have not done any exercise or watched what I eat. That ends today. Time to get back on track.

I got my student card yesterday which entitles me to a free gym membership. I am going to take full advantage of that fact.

Back on track, back on track. Get this sh*t done. Next time I run a half marathon I will be lighter and faster. Trust me.

I Did It

2010-10-17T18:41:00.000-06:00

Today I did something I never did before. I ran 13.1 miles. That's right one and all, I completed a half marathon in San Francisco. The Nike Women's Marathon where my medal at the end was a beautiful Tiffany's pendant.

My goal was to do it in under 3 hours and not to die. Mission completion!

More to come later. I have tonnes of pics.

Run like a girl!!!

The Physics Diet

2010-10-12T13:04:00.000-06:00

The Physics Diet

Want to lose weight? Easy! Just remember the first law of thermodynamics: conservation of energy.

by Richard A. Muller

Technology for Presidents

November 14, 2003

Here's an old joke. The dairy industry hires a physicist to improve milk production. After several weeks, he's ready to lecture about his progress. He draws a circle on the blackboard and says, 'Consider a spherical cow.'

I've told this joke many times, but nobody ever laughs -- except other physicists. For the rest of you, I should explain that it is self-deprecating humor. It makes fun of our penchant for oversimplification.

This month I want to talk about diet and exercise for weight loss, and I'm going to oversimplify on purpose. Consider a spherical physicist.

Most dieters are so concerned about second-order effects, such as daily fluctuations in weight and changes in metabolism, that they lose track of the first law of thermodynamics: conservation of energy.

Want to lose a pound of fat? You can work it off by hiking to the top of a 2,500-story building. Or by running 60 miles. Or by spending 7 hours cleaning animal stalls. (It is amazing what scientists have actually measured. This last example is tabulated in the book Exercise Physiology by G. Brooks and T. Fahey.)

Exercise is a very difficult way to lose weight. Here's a rule of thumb: exercise very hard for one hour (swimming, running, or racquetball)– and you'll lose about one ounce of fat. Light exercise for an hour (gardening, baseball, or golf) will lose you a third of an ounce. That number is small because fat is a very energy-dense substance: it packs about 4,000 food calories per pound, the same as gasoline, and 15 times as much as in TNT.

If you run for an hour, you'll lose that ounce of fat and also a pound or two of water. By the next day, when you've replenished the water, you might think, 'the weight came right back!' But you'd be wrong -- you really did lose an ounce. It is hard to notice, unless you keep running every day for a month or more, and don't reward yourself after each run with a cookie.

There is a much easier way to lose weight, as we can learn from the first law of thermodynamics. Eat less.

A reasonable daily diet for an adult is 2,000 food calories. That's 8.36 megajoules per day, or about 100 joules per second -- in other words, 100 watts. Most of that ends up as heat, so you warm a room as much as a bright light bulb. Cut your consumption by 600 calories per day and you'll lose a pound of fat every week. Most diet experts consider that a reasonable goal. Don't drop below 1,000 calories per day, or you might get lethargic. But at 1,400 calories per day, you can easily maintain an active life.

Of course, there is a catch. You'll be hungry.

It's not real hunger–not like the painful hunger of starving people in impoverished countries. It's more of a mild ache, or an itch that you mustn't scratch. To be popular, a diet must somehow cope with this hunger. Weight Watchers does it with peer support. The food pyramid does it by encouraging you to eat unlimited celery. Some high-fat diets satisfy all your old cravings -- and figure you'll eventually cut back the butter you put on your bacon.

Last April, I had once again grown out of my belt. I wasn't grossly overweight: 205 pounds in a six-foot, one-inch body. That wouldn't be bad for a football player, but I'm 59 years old, and the excess pounds weren't in muscle. I had gained a pound a year for several decades. I felt heavy and old. I decided to try conservation of energy. I gave up lunch and snacks.

How to cope with the hunger? I attempted to enjoy it. I thought of the movie Lawrence of Arabia, in which T.E. Lawrence says, 'The trick is not minding that it hurts.' I told myself that the mild ache was only the sensation of evaporating fat. That interpretation has some basis in physics. When you lose weight, most of your fat is converted to the gases carbon dioxide and water vapor, and so you get rid of fat by breathing it out of your body.

Physics works, and I lost weight. By August, I was down to 175 pounds, a 30-pound drop. My belt went from 42 inches to 36 inches. My Zen-like approach to hunger also worked; I found myself declining offers of chocolate cake because I didn't want to lose the sensation of evaporation. I didn't change my level of activity, and managed to maintain my diet while taking trips to Cuba and Alaska -- and during a week-long backpacking excursion in the Sierra Nevada. A key innovation: I kept up the social aspects of lunch, without eating. I watched others gobbling cheeseburgers, while I sipped diet cola. It really wasn't that hard to do. And the mild afternoon discomfort was compensated by several positive developments. Dinner became truly wonderful. I hadn't had pre-dinner hunger for decades. A sharp appetite turns a meal into a feast. No more cheese 'appetizers' for me.

Moreover -- and this may sound silly coming from a physicist -- I was surprised that I began to feel lighter. I no longer walk down streets -- I float. Distant stores seem closer. And my knees have responded to the lighter load. Their aching, which I had mistakenly attributed to aging, went away.

Food is instant gratification. And fast-food chains and gourmet restaurants serve tasty food at remarkably low cost. It is a situation unprecedented in history and unanticipated by our genes. No wonder we are overweight.

Anybody can lose weight. Energy is conserved. Just stop scratching that itch. Of course, you'll have to sacrifice instant gratification. Is it worth it? You decide. Food is delicious and cheap. You might reasonably choose to take advantage of this unique historical circumstance, and decide to be fat.

It's been seven months since I started my diet, and two months since I left it. I've begun eating a light lunch, and having an occasional small snack. I'm still at 175. But I never want to lose the delicious edge of hunger before dinner, or the floating sensation when I walk. Moving takes less energy now, so I have more energy. I no longer feel like a spherical physicist. And for losing weight, dieting sure beats cleaning animal stalls.

-------------------

Richard A. Muller, a 1982 MacArthur Fellow, is a physics professor at the University of California, Berkeley, where he teaches a course called 'Physics for Future Presidents.' Since 1972, he has been a Jason consultant on U.S. national security

One Pound of Fat

2010-10-07T12:00:00.000-06:00

Hello, do you know me?

If you don’t you should.

I’m a pound of fat, and I’m the happiest pound of fat that you would ever want to meet. Want to know why? It’s because no one ever wants to lose me; I’m Only One Pound, just a pound. Everyone wants to lose three pounds, five pounds or fifteen pounds, but never only one, so I just stick around and happily keep you fat. Then I add to myself ever so slyly so that you never seem to notice it, that is until I’ve grown to ten, twenty or even more pounds in weight.

Yes, it’s fun being Only One Pound of fat, left to do as I please. So, when you weigh in, keep right on saying “Oh, I only lost one pound.” (as if that were such a terrible thing!) For you see, if you do this you’ll encourage others to keep me around because they will think I’m not worth losing. And I love being around you - your arms, your legs, your chin, your hips and every part of you. Happy Days!!

After all, I’m Only One Pound of fat!!!

This is why we are fat: We can't say no

2010-10-04T15:38:00.000-06:00

This is why we are fat: We can't say no

Very interesting article. Its good to know why we love what we love so we can work towards change for the better...

I have been hearing a lot of 'poor me' posts out there. No judgement - honest. Go back in my blog, there are a tonne of pity party posts. I think one of the things that helps me get over it is to realize why I am stuffing crap into my mouth. The article is a good explanation. It doesn't tell us how to stop but it shows us the why.

Now is Time to Keep it Off

2010-10-03T21:14:00.000-06:00

I cannot believe I won this month. I guess that is what happens when you are training for a half marathon. A half marathon I do believe I am ready for now. I ran an never before accomplished 15K today. It felt good. I really should have packed some water with me but other than an aching hop for the last couple of kilometers and one pee break I did pretty good.

I am hoping not to fall back into old crappy eating ways when I taper and the week after. I would be okay just to maintain this month. I will be going to San Francisco for 5 days so I will be eating out. Plus there is Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend and I promised myself I could have pumpkin pie if I did a 10K run that day.

It funny, knowing that I am doing really good and lost the most weight this month you would thing I would 'reward' myself with something delicious. Nope not this time. This makes me want to work harder, not just to win more but to be a better me.

Holy Crap Balls

2010-09-27T16:57:00.000-06:00

I have my half marathon in 19 days and just realized I have not ran for a friggen week!!!! That was stupid. I felt like crap last week and the weather was awful and rainy most of the week.

I went out today and totally sucked assballs (okay I do realize I am making up words here).

This is all okay because I am going to work my butt off to get back into peak (read I won't die) shape.

Oh, also in good news... My advisor for my master's program called today and if I don't register for a class this semester I have to either take a non-performance class (read do nothing and pay the university $400) or make up the time quick. I am option to make it up.

Anyone want to make bets on when I crack? Soon me things. lol

Have a wonderful Monday.

So Tired

2010-09-23T13:37:00.000-06:00

I am exhausted. I could close my eyes and go to sleep at any moment. I have been doing way too much. Doing two set of renovations (redoing the electrical and totally redoing the bedrooms) is taking its tole. I really need a good nights sleep. I sleep for eight hours a night but it doesn't seem to be enough. Weekend are you here yet? (Not like that matters, weekends are busy times too.)

Inspiration

2010-09-12T16:37:00.000-06:00

Wow, what a day. I am fortunate to live in a beautiful city that is host to a wonderful organized marathon. It was the 10th Anniversary for the QCM. Runner come for all over to run here as we are one of the flattest Boston qualifiers.

My bff and her husband came down for the weekend to run it. It was my bff's first ever half marathon and her husbands fifth. I have never participated (even as a spectator) in any official marathon event. I have been in fun runs and 10K runs but this was the first big one. All I can say is WOW. I packed up the three little girls (two of theirs and one of mine) to go see them cross the finish line. It was amazing to see the runners cross the finish line and it felt soooo good even cheering them on, giving them some encouragement to keep going. It was so inspirational and I think just what I needed to give me that push to keep up my training and not to miss a run when it isn't the perfect conditions.

Just before my bff's husband crossed a girl actually passed out about 10 feet from crossing. It was horrible. I am not sure what was going on but she had medical staff around her so I was sure that I couldn't be of help. He crossed the finish line at just over the 2 hour mark, not his personal best but pretty good.

As he was kinda worried about his wife, I decided to go find her and cheer her on. I left his kids with him and took mine (she didn't want me to leave without her). We walked about 1 kilometer before I saw her. We cheered her on and ran with her for about 300 meters before my daughter couldn't run any longer. It was awesome.

Both of them were hurting cases but I am so proud of them. It is hard to run 13.1 miles. I am sufficiently scared - that's going to be me in 5 weeks.

After both of them were done I ran into a few other friends who ran. Some stories were heartbreaking, others were inspirational, some were both.

The winner of the QCM is a local running hero. He has his own running group, the Jeleta Pacers. It was Ted Jeleta's first time running the QCM and he came in at 2:49. Amazing. (Plus me bff was super pumped cause she came in before he did, something she didn't think would happen.)

If you get a chance, go out and cheer on a local race even if you don't know anyone in it. It will give the inspiration to keep moving on your next run.

I am Scared to Fail

2010-09-08T14:28:00.000-06:00

I am scared. Honestly scared to fail at everything I do. I hold myself up to wild expectations and feel disappointed when I can stand up.
One of the reasons I seldom say my goals out loud is because I am petrified not to achieve them. I feel like if I don’t do well in my half marathon I will be a huge disappointment to everyone. In truth, no one will really be that disappointed in me but me. Everyone will give me a high five for the effort and move on with their lives.
I have a couple of mom friends that I aspire to be like (Tyler and Heather) and fell like less of a woman when I see how happy their children are. I aspire to be more fit and active and have a friend that I am jealous of (Rebbecca). I also feel like I would be further along in my career that I am now and really would look up to my boss (Terri).
The funny thing about these three sets of women, there is no overlap. I am not saying that the three sets do not have commonalities but when picking who I aspire to be like, I am very selective. The moms I aspire to be like are stay at home moms, have strong, supportive husbands and the church plays a role in their lives (none of which I have). My fit and active friends I aspire to be like have no children (which I have). My work role model has sacrificed two marriages to get to where she is in life.

Crap.

Looking at the people I respect (and I truly do respect them wholly), I don’t notice their flaws. When comparing them to other people I look up to, I see a void that makes it clear to me that my ‘perfect women’ ideal I am holding myself up to may not be achievable. I would not dream of holding the women I respect up to the same insane ideal I hold myself up to. It’s almost like I am striving to fail. I don’t think I can do it all (although I am sure someone out there can) but what I can do is be the best me I can be. I am not giving up all my goals, prioritizing them, still putting effort towards all my goals but just not 100% effort at everything.

I will not set myself up for failure so I don't have to be so scared going forward.

Frustrating

2010-08-31T20:19:00.000-06:00

So I have this friend (not really its not me, honest) she is a wonderful and beautiful person who is kind and sweet but she is so frustrating. She is a cereal fad weighlosser. In the year I have known her she has joined two gyms, when on the south beach diet, isogenics, P90X, gone organic, became a vegetarian, have went on numerous detoxes, and probably more I just didn't know about all in the name of losing weight.

The funny thing is she is the one who motivates me to keep running when I want to stop. She is the voice I hear in my head that keeps me going. She is my cheerleader and I so want to help her break her dieting cycle.

I want to have a diet intervention with her. She is interested in clean eating as there are a couple of us doing it at work. The problem is she wants the quick fix and she wants it fast.

Does anyone have any recommendations on how I can reach out to her. I have tried humour and joking that she must be a millionaire to afford so many new diets. She actually jokes about the diet of the week. I want her to be happy with herself, which she is not.

Its Going to be a Clean Eating Week

2010-08-23T14:27:00.000-06:00

Wholly crap. It is now less than eight weeks till I run my half marathon. I am getting increasingly more certain that I will be able to do this and it is becoming more apparent that I really need to feed and water my body better.

Yesterday was my long run day. I did 11 kilometers in 90 minutes. I was hoping to do 12 kilometers in 110 minutes but didn’t have it in me to run around my block a couple of more times. I ate like crap the day before (missing snacks, eating popcorn for supper, having pizza for lunch) and barely drank any non-carbonated liquids. My body could feel it, I was just worn down.

My problem is that I do really well during the week and then everything goes into the toilet on the weekends. I need to eat consistently better and increase my water intake. It doesn’t matter if it isn’t fun or as delicious, this is what needs to happen. I need to plan better, my lack of planning leads down the dangerous road of pre-packaged food. They are awful for you and just make me want to eat more bad food.

My goal this week (other than food journaling) is to eat cleaner. Work out a food plan and then stick to it. No ‘treats’ for being good or getting my runs in. Treats lead down the dark road of bad eating. I will eat clean this week and love it!!!

I Think I May Just Threw Up a Bit

2010-08-15T20:59:00.000-06:00

Okay, so in 63 days I will be running the Nike Women's half marathon in San Francisco. Yes, only 9 weeks. I am so scared. I don't want to quit. I want to do this. I want to kick ass. I am so scared to fail. I am just scared to do this. I am not on my training schedule. I am trying to keep to it but have a hard time getting my long runs in. Eff, eff, eff, eff.

Please any words of encouragement of helpful advise would be helpful right now.

No More Exercise Excuses!

2010-08-12T09:19:00.000-06:00

Here is an article I found on Spark People. As much to motivate everyone as it is to motivate me. After reading this I found the motivation to go out yesterday and do some hill training after work in 30 degree Celsius sunshine (the humidex made it hotter but I didn't even look at that as it would have been a deterrent). It was hot and it sucked but I did it and felt much better after I was done. San Francisco's Nike Women's Marathon is only 67 days away. I am going to do it. Run girl run!!!!

Busting 5 Common Workout Excuses

-- By Leanne Beattie, Health and Fitness Writer

We begin a new fitness routine with the best of intentions—telling ourselves that we’ll hit the gym three times a week—but actually accomplishing what we set out to do can be harder than expected. Combining a busy work week with other obligations and a list of errands can be a recipe for fitness failure. Exercise has to be pushed to the bottom of the list since there are only so many hours in the day, right?

Wrong.

Everyone has the same 24 hours to work with every day. It’s how you decide to spend and prioritize your time that’s the real issue. It’s easy to make excuses and kid yourself about why you’re not reaching your fitness goals, but until you take responsibility for your actions (or lack thereof) you will remain in front of the television for one more evening, all the while moaning about how you can’t fit into your favorite clothes any longer.

"But I’m tired," you tell yourself. "I’ve had a long day and I deserve to sit back and relax. I’ll just take it easy tonight and I promise to work out tomorrow." Then tomorrow comes and you’ve got to work late and you’re out of milk so you have to go buy groceries and before you know it, another day has passed and still no exercise. Why is it that you can hold down a job, make it to class, run a household and put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, while you disappoint yourself every time you miss your own appointment with the treadmill?

Of course there are legitimate reasons to not exercise. But unless you’ve just given birth or had surgery, most of these reasons aren’t reasons at all—they’re excuses. If you’ve been allowing these excuses to keep you from the gym, it’s time to refocus.

Exercise Excuse # 1: I’m too tired.

It takes energy to produce energy, so while you may be tired now, even a short 10-minute walk will get your blood pumping and will boost your energy levels for up to two hours after. And regular exercise helps improve the quality of your sleep, meaning more energy throughout the day. Some research suggests working out can help regulate your sleep cycles, so you’ll fall asleep easier, sleep more soundly and wake up more rested. A morning workout—not a cup of coffee—could be just the ticket you need to feel more awake and energized all day long!

Exercise Excuse # 2: I don’t have time.

Eliminate 30 minutes of television viewing each night and exercise for half an hour instead. Unlike couch time, this method will strengthen muscles, burn fat, lower your cholesterol and reduce your risk of diabetes and heart disease. Record your favorite shows and watch them while lifting weights or running on the treadmill to multitask. Get up an hour earlier in the morning and go for a walk before you start your day or bring along your sneakers and go for a walk during your lunch break. There are many little time stealers in your day, from surfing the Internet to watching reruns to accepting calls from people you don’t really want to talk to. Getting rid of these distractions can add hours of free time each day—time that can be spent improving your health.

Exercise Excuse # 3: I can’t afford a gym membership or equipment.

While going to the gym is a great way to get in shape, you don’t need to spend a lot of money to get a good workout. Either sign up for the bare bones membership package (are you really going to use all the perks the gym offers anyway?) or exercise at home for free with help from SparkPeople’s exercise demos, workouts, videos and other fitness resources. Push-ups, lunges, crunches and aerobics can all be done in the privacy of your own home and cost no money at all. Don’t forget to borrow some fitness DVDs from your local library to ensure you don’t get bored with your routine. Exercising at home also eliminates another avoidance excuse—the weather. Your home treadmill is available rain or shine, 365 days a year.

Exercise Excuse # 4: I’m embarrassed by my appearance.

It’s tough to the gym if you don’t feel good about your appearance. A well-fitting pair of yoga pants and a new T-shirt go a long way towards making you feel better about your body. Baggy, oversized shirts and track pants may be comfortable, but they make you look bigger, so find some fitness clothes shaped to play up your best assets. If you are afraid of being the biggest person in the exercise class, sign up for a class specifically designed for overweight individuals or a beginner’s class where there will be others just starting out, too. And remember: Everyone at the gym has the same goal in mind and everyone had to start somewhere. You may feel self-conscious, but chances are that no one is really paying attention to you and if they are, they’re probably silently cheering you on for working toward your goals!

Exercise Excuse # 5: I’m too depressed.

A Harvard University study found that after 12 weeks of weight training, nearly 90% of seriously depressed seniors no longer met the criteria for clinical depression. And just 20 minutes of aerobic exercise boosts the levels of your brain’s feel-good chemicals, making you happier and more invigorated. So exercising will actually improve your mood, even if you feel like biting someone’s head off before you begin. Many bad moods are the result of stress and exercise is a proven way to relax and lower the amount of cortisol (which is produced in response to stress) in your system. High cortisol levels have been linked to the accumulation of harmful abdominal fat.

We are all busy and have lives outside of the gym, but we all need regular exercise to help us stay healthy, lose weight and cope with the stresses of everyday life. By making excuses to avoid exercise, all we’re really doing is telling ourselves that our physical and mental health is not important and doing the dishes, driving the kids to their activities or watching mindless television is a more worthy endeavor. And nothing could be further from the truth.

I Love Me Some Fair Food

2010-08-09T21:51:00.000-06:00

I went to the fair this weekend. It was hot, sweaty and wonderful. I asked Kari what should I eat before I went and her suggestion was to eat salad with no dressing and maybe some corn on the cob. Well, um, I, um, like, sorta, um...

Honestly, I did not see a salad at the fair. I barely saw any vegetables. I saw some fried onions (for perogies), some small pieces of veggies in fried rice (that glisten), and not a cob of corn to be seen. OKAY, I did see one salad, it was coleslaw with enough mayo on it to feed a small Vietnamese village for a year.

I did not eat the best. I ate more fried food in one day than I ate in the past six month. My baby daddy, my daughter and me shared mini doughnuts, corn dogs, fries, slushies, an elephant ear, a snow cone, and a funnel cake. It was delicious and gluttonous. We did a lot of walking and considering that and not eating lunch or supper I didn't eat that much over my calorie intake. I was only about 100 calories over which really is good. I didn't go full hog but did have a sampling of everything. Wonderful. Not really nutritious but that was remedied on Sunday.

On Sunday, I also had my long run for marathon training. I could only do about 4 miles as it was smoking hot when I went. I wanted to double the distance but couldn't push pass the heat. This week I am definitely going out earlier. I did eat better that day and doubled up on veggies to make up for the lack of them the day before.

Setting up a marathon running plan tomorrow. Going to set some goals to meet and beat!!!

Okay, Not so Proud

2010-08-05T14:00:00.000-06:00

I rocked the first half of July. I really did. I was careful (although not perfect) in what I ate and workout every second day. Then I had to go back to work. Although when I was at work I tracked my food (being close to a computer allows you to do that) but made poor food choices and got little exercise.

For the month I actually gained half a pound. Now whether that was an actual gain or due to the 8 hours I spent in a car eating road food and limiting my water consumption (no need for extra bathroom breaks) the day before I weighed in. (Actually, I weighed in late too. I thought my sister had a digital scale - which she didn't. It was a crazy go-go-go weekend so I just held off the weigh in as I didn't think I was in the running for a prize anyway.)

I am bummed that I didn't do better but not surprised. I let myself go the last couple of weeks. It is so easy to become a sloth. Plus, I only have 72 more days till my half marathon and need to step up the trainign majorly. I was on track at the beginign of July but have missed the past four long runs and need to get my endurance back up.

I was so ashamed regarding the weigh in I almost didn't blog about it. But really I would only be lying to myself. I am going to win the good fight, I will kick ass. I will, I will, I will. This is the last weight loss compittion that I join that I don't see results. I am tired of losing and being in the middle of the pack. I will do great.

Great Time

2010-07-29T11:56:00.000-06:00

It was fricken awesome. I love Bon Jovi. It was an amazing time. I drank (way too much), danced (so hard I broke my bra strap), sang (my throat is sore today), and had a great time. It was amazing. Here are some pictures. They aren't mine, my seats were good but not this good.

Now I didn't go for a run yesterday as planned. I couldn't get away from work early enough. That was okay cause we ended up walking to the concert cause it was ridiculous to wait for the bus. So to and from the concert we had a 5 k walk. Plus about 90 minutes of dancing. I am guessing I at least burned 800 calories, (too bad my liquor consumption was so high). And due to the fact that we had a late lunch (super yummy sushi) I didn't eat supper.

This morning I dragged my butt out of bed for a run. Once I started I realized that that was a bit foolish. It was more of a jog/walk. Plus, I got a running skirt and my legs kept rubbing together making running actually painful. Next time I am going to stick with pants or but on some runners glide. The main thing is I did it. I went out there. It wasn't pretty but I got it done.

Have a wonderful weekend. I am off to pack and shower then I am on the road.

Sometimes the Little Things Ruin Your Day, But they Shouldn't

2010-07-27T20:44:00.000-06:00

All in all I have had a great day. It was a light but busy day at work, I bought a super cute top to wear tomorrow for the Bon Jovi concert (yes that is right, Bon fricken Jovi), had some great playtime with my daughter and then...

I recently applied for another job. I love my job but this one was for WAY more money and more time off (every second Friday). It was a bit of a weird interview but all in all I think it went great. I was hopeful but didn't have my hopes up (if that makes sense). Unfortunately I found out tonight I did not get the job. I know its silly but it is the way I feel.

Its not that I don't like my job, I love it but its hard to be rejected. I am fighting the urge to go drown my sorrows in food. Good thing I have no really bad stuff in my house. So far I have indulged in a spoonful of Chocolate Dream but am doing pretty good. It helps that the rest of my week is going to rock.

Like I said, I am going to Bon Jovi tomorrow!!! So super excited for that. Plus I leave on Thursday to go see my sister. Yes that will be another holiday. I fricken love summer holidays. I may not take hot holidays in the winter but laying on a beach in the summer makes up for it. Plus it is way cheaper.

Have been trying to get back into working out but it is hard. I spent the Friday and Saturday doing renovations. I am loving making my house a home finally and decorating and making it mine. On Sunday I actually slept in until almost noon. It was amazing. I can't remember the last time I slept that long. It was wonderful. I thought I would go for a run Sunday morning but there was no morning for me. Opps.

My holidays actually start tomorrow at noon so I am going to get a good run in before my bff comes for the concert. Maybe even a yoga class depending on when she gets here. What a great way to start off my next round of holidays.

Hope everyone is having a beautiful summer. Try not and let the small things get you down for too long. Having a spoonful of ~~chocolate dream~~ pity is okay but an economy sized bag of ~~potato chips with dip~~ pity is ridiculous.

Real Life Put a Cramp in my Me Time

2010-07-23T16:06:00.000-06:00

Back at work for five days now and I have not exercised once I am ashamed to admit. Its been a rough week with getting back to normal timing and my little one is sick. I had her to the emergency ward as she was have really bad stomach pains but as it turns out the doctors think its a virus (read, sorry mama, nothing we can do). Her dad is here this weekend to help out and I am going to take advantage of his generosity by getting active.

It funny, the more active you are, the more you want to do. The less you do, the more you feel like a sloth. I hope I can turn around my energy levels. I need a kick in the ass (by myself) to get motivated.

I am Officially Back

2010-07-19T14:41:00.000-06:00

Much to the chagrin of myself and my daughter, we did not win the lottery and thus are back to our regular lives today. It is so funny that my three year old begged me to stay on holidays so we could just go the beach one more time. Too cute. We need to find out where the good lake spots are where we are and start partaking in some local laking too. Back, tanned (yes I love to roast in the sun) and ready to go.

I came to the realization that my vacation did not include nearly enough water. I can tell because I am so dehydrated. I have been drinking water like a madwomen today and can't seem to get enough. I would sense periodically during vacation that I should increase the hydration levels but, to be honest, that didn't always happen.

I am happy to report that there has not been any gain on my holidays. I weighed myself once yesterday and there was no gain. That was not a first thing in the morning weigh in so I am not sure if there has been any progress on the loss but a non-gain on holidays is a wonderful thing. I totally credit that to my working out. I had a few people comment how I look thinner today too. I guess five boot camp workouts and numerous runs will do that for you. The key now is to keep up the good fitness levels and increase the food diarizing. I am not where I want to be in my training for my half marathon in October but then again, I am not that far off either.

Loving Holidays

2010-07-09T10:10:00.000-06:00

I love being on holidays. I don't care if I sit on the beach in the rain. I love it. (Please don't get me wrong, I really enjoy working and love my job and coworkers but this vacation was a long time coming and is pure bliss.)

I have gotten my snacking somewhat under control and have worked out like mad. The big oops for this week? I left my runner out at the lake. Oh well, borrowed a pair for tonight's workout and I guess I will have to go back up to the lake this weekend to get them and maybe put in my long run in the beautiful setting up there. My life is so hard. (That is sarcastic to the nth degree.)

I am loving being here so much I might be considereing looking for work back in my old home town. Meh, I will keep my eyes open and see what comes up. If it is meant to be it will happen, if it doesn't, I love where I am and am happy.

Have a great weekend folks. Get out and enjoy the beautiful weather. You can bet your ass I am going to do just that.

No Willpower

2010-07-05T14:39:00.000-06:00

Okay so apparently my willpower is on a bit of a vacation too. Opps, sorry, I meant to say it was on a vacation - on that ended today. The amount of junk food and crap that has been around me is obscene. But I am not sliding down that slippery slope again. Vacation does not equal gluttony.

Right now I can count 6 bags of chips in the same room as me. With the exception of one bag of chips and a thing of dip I did not buy them. (I bought the chips and dip for a day trip out to the lake and there was 8 of us who shared them so that actually wasn't that bad of a splurge.) I am at my parents house and my parents love to stock up on junk food. I went grocery shopping with my mom yesterday to stock up on healthy snacks so hopefully that will work. I am such a mindless eater. But that stops today. Plus, every time I am in my parents house I feel like I should be eating. Stupid.

To combat my couple days of excess, I am working my ass off this week. I have signed up for three days of boot camp and the days I don't do boot camp, I am going to be running. I may take one day out to just stretch and do some yoga but I will see. Next week its only two days of boot camp and some runs. Plus if the rain stays around I may try out some of the Wii games.

It was a great first weekend weather wise to my vacation. We are suppose to have a few days of rain but another beautiful weekend coming up. Yippie.

Oh Happy Day

2010-06-30T22:28:00.000-06:00

I am officially on holidays!!!! It is a wonderful day.

Tomorrow is the start of a new weight loss competition and packing for my holidays with that in mind is a little different. Instead of taking the 'summer off' or 'taking a much deserved break' I am going to take my time off of work to work on me. No worries about looking for or paying a babysitter - I am going to work out without worries.

This is the plan. Hopefully it turns into reality. I have a bag of workout clothes packed too.

Wish me luck. I will check in from time to time but am hoping to spend most of my time outside and nowhere near a computer.

Good luck to all the other competitors. I am a great support, just not on vacation but I am coming back soon.

Calling All Competitors

2010-06-29T09:02:00.000-06:00

There is a new weight loss competition starting on July 1, 2010 for all those interested. Do you need that little extra kick in the a%s to get motivated? Looking for support? Just tired of doing it alone? Come on and join.

There are some reasonable rules to follow. Make sure you are in agreement before you sign up. If you have any questions, just email Karilynn at kariscomp@yahoo.com

Come and check it out, would love to have you...

http://karisweightlosscomp.blogspot.com/

The top four weight loss competitors last competition lost over 150 pounds total. That was divided up between four people.

What's your excuse for not joining?

My Goals??

What do I want to accomplish. A sustainable weight loss. I would love to go in and totally blow everyone out of the water but realistically I want to feel better about myself for the long term. That is why I am setting a realistic goal. It is a eighteen week competition and a healthy weight loss is 1 to 2 pounds a week. I am hoping to average out at a 1.5 pound a week loss. That would be 27 pounds.

Not my absolute total goal weight but an achievable one.

I wouldn't have won the last competition with that loss but I should would feel better about being in my bathing suit this summer. It is way easier to focus on small gains instead of a large amount.

Come on everyone, keep me accountable. Keep looking at my tracker at the bottom of my blog.

Oh, and one sad note, my Nike mini-me is going to a semi-retirement. I am finding I am not using it enough on my actual runs to keep track. So instead I am thinking of switching to my Garmin 305 for tracking purposes. Probably a better bet anyway.

Sh*t My Dad Says...

2010-06-28T11:02:00.001-06:00

"Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit."

Friday

2010-06-25T17:16:00.001-06:00

It's Friday, it's Friday. I am so glad its Friday. The weather is suppose to be nice and I don't have tonnes of things to do. Yahooo!!!

As long as I actually get in my long run on Sunday, I will be super duper happy.

Blech

2010-06-22T19:58:00.000-06:00

Okay so how is buying someone crappy cake with waxy icing being nice to them? I really hate office birthday cake. It is kinda gross. Guess what I got today?

Thank you ever so much to the sweet and beautiful women I work with. You are fabulous. Please, next year, a fruit tray would be lovely.

Why do we think it is okay to celebrate with fatty foods? Why can't we just let a day pass without having crap? Anyone?

I ate half a piece. I shouldn't have cause it really wasn't even that good. I should have taken it back to my desk and threw it all away. I felt bad cause people put the effort forward. Me getting fatter isn't really a thanks.

Guess What Monday Is?

2010-06-20T22:08:00.000-06:00

It's my birthday!!! Tomorrow, I turn 32. Wow. Amazing. I remember when 32 seemed old (like right now) and now it is the eve of my birthday. A little older, not much wiser.

This is a weird year for me. I want to spill my guts to the blogging world but am feeling a need to keep somethings private right now (I know, so unlike me).

My birthday plans include a nice long run, some Starbucks, a massage, a hair cut and sharing some cupcakes with my daughter. Oh, and I have no plan to answer the phone all day or even look at my blackberry.

I love my birthday - happy birthday to me!!!

Fuke Yah

2010-06-17T09:17:00.000-06:00

So one more day of work and I get a four day weekend!!! After that, seven days of work (broken up conveniently with a weekend) and then 17 days off!!!!!

I am soooo excited. I am really trying to hide it so all my coworkers don't hate me for being so giddy.

Bad thing about the day off, tonnes to do. I have a friend coming over for dinner tonight and my parents coming for the weekend and my fridge is bare. The only fresh fruit or veggies I have in my house is a watermelon, one pear that has seen better days and a quarter cup of snap peas. Honestly, my house could be filthy and my parents wouldn't care. Have no food in the fridge and I am accused of child abuse.

I have a great remedy for this. I have a list of groceries on the fridge. If they think I need groceries... What a great money saving idea. lol.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Twas an Angry Weekend

2010-06-13T21:05:00.000-06:00

So, one of the questions my masseuse asked me if I am angry at being a single parent. I am angry at this. She then asked if I let myself be angry. I said no. She said that maybe if I allowed myself to be angry sometimes it would help release some stress. Wow, I don't think my masseuse had any idea what she was asking me to do.

Coincidentally, my baby daddy came to visit this weekend and lets just say the visit went less than stellar. There was a lot of yelling, screaming and screaming. A lot. I kind of ripped into him for everything that has been bothering me for the last year or so. It is more than a few issues.

Not dealing in any of the faults of the baby daddy (I don't thing that is fair as he can't defend himself) I have been struggling with being a single mom. A huge struggle. Before my grandmother passed away, my parents used to help me out by taking my child for a week at a time. This has not happened for six months. Its been a long six months. I have asked said baby daddy for some help and he did not step up in the way I thought he should and for that I let him have it.

It was not pretty. Following me kicking him out of my house we continued with a text war. Although I am not sure how were are going to find common ground to meet on this time (remember lots of issues). That being said, I feel a tonne better for letting go of some of my anger. I said a couple of things this weekend that I have been holding onto for a long time. The release of it all is wonderful. The knot in my shoulder has gone away and I feel calmer. It is wonderful. How can causing conflict make me feel better? Weird.

What does everyone do to control their anger. I am thinking this is something that I need to work on.

Today

2010-06-13T11:12:00.000-06:00

Thanks Heidi for posting this on your facebook. It gives me inspiration for the day. I hope my beautiful friend's works can inspire everyone too.

Today I will courageously speak from my heart.
I will say no when I mean no.
I will say yes when I am delighted to do so, therefore never resenting my choice.
I will express my opinions choosing my words wisely, yet holding back nothing.
I am responsible for how I say things and not how others receive what I say, as at times it is human nature to read into what is being said rather than listening and taking what is said at face value and I have no control over another’s interpretations.
By speaking honestly I will be true to myself, which is being true to all others as we are all One.

Starting to Listen to the Universe

2010-06-11T19:48:00.000-06:00

Do you ever get the feeling that the universe is trying to tell you something but you are just to stupid to shut up and listen? In the past two days I have been sucker punched in the face by the message, the universe has not been subtle.

I have had monstrous knots in my neck and shoulder the past couple of weeks. Pain that makes you cringe and wakes you up at night. Well since I have health coverage through work and my doctor was nice enough to write a prescription for a massage on my last visit I though it would be stupid not to take advantage of a health care benefit I pay for. I booked into a masseuse recommended by a friend and got in the same week (apparently not something that happens often because this masseur is so popular).

So I got to my appointment and was looking at the price increase sign and saw that my masseur was also a life coach. I had mixed feeling about this but felt, screw it, I am in the appointment now and its not like my neck could get that much worse with a massage. (I am not sure if I believe in the whole life coach thing but have not looked into it that much to make an educated decision.) We started the appointment with a q&a session about what was bothering me and my circumstances (diet, stress, etc). She asked if I was okay with some reiki and pressure point massage, I said I didn't care (and honestly didn't as long as I felt better). So I stripped down and got on the massage table.

The massage was amazing. She talked to me during the massage (not chatty, how is your day talk but asked life questions). I am still contemplating some of what she said and am not willing to share all right now but I can say it worked. She was awesome, I cried on the table. She made the lump of muscle in my shoulder relax and I felt a zillion times better when I left.

She mentioned that I should try a liver cleanse. I though meh, maybe, maybe not. Later that same day I went to a fundraiser for my daughters daycare entered a draw for health food store gift certificate thinking that if I won, I would go purchase a liver cleanse. Guess what? I won!!! (And I won like 6 prizes, totally cool.)

Today for lunch, I thought I would splurge and order Vietnamese food with everyone else in my office even though I packed a healthy salad. Guess what? They restaurant screwed up the order and while I was at Pilates, my office mates ate my delicious Pad Woon Sen noodles and deep fried spring roles (my plan was to eat it for lunch and supper.) Instead I ate my super yummy salad which chicken breast and tonnes of vegetables.

I have a need to make some changes in my life. Changes for the better. Changes to make me better. Time to listen to the universe. I need to learn that sometimes its better to breath and enjoy than hold your breath and wait for the other shoe to drop.

Hello my name is Moi and I'm a Procrastinator

2010-06-09T15:42:00.000-06:00

The past five days have been so off for me. I totally forgot to weigh in for the final of the competition (congrats to all who made it through and our wonderful winners). I didn't go to hot yoga (the regular instructor wasn't going to be there and her replacement is a little to new age hippy for me). I have also been over eating by like 200 calories a day (but I have been diarizing everything I eat without cheating so I guess that counts for something).

So I was also suppose to start my training for my half marathon this week. The team I am going to San Francisco with provides us with a training schedule. Since I don't know anyone in my area yet, I am training on my own. I have been doing badly.

Today, I stopped the crap and am heading in the correct direction.

I went for a run at lunch today. I was going to just go for a walk but then my ipod was all screwy and wouldn't play any music so I decided to run to make the trip faster. It was weird running without music or a running mate. Running without distraction was a different experience but one I think I will try again. I kind of liked being able to hear the outside noise and other people. I thought I would lose motivation without something to keep me going but quite the opposite was true, I actually think I did better without it. (although I am not sure as I didn't have my garmin watch with me and no Nike plus either).

Here is hoping my motivation lasts the week.

Too Good Not to Share

2010-06-03T12:16:00.000-06:00

Fantastic Red Coconut Chicken Curry

1 can coconut milk

2 tbsp brown sugar

½ cup chicken broth

1 tsp red curry paste ( I use a tablespoon) but start with a teaspoon and adjust according to taste

2 tbsp fish sauce

2 cups grape tomatoes ( halved)

1 cup mushrooms

1 zucchini, chopped

1 orange pepper, diced or sliced

3 chicken breasts ( chopped up to bite sized pieces)

2 tbsp cornstarch mixed with 4 tbsp water

In saucepan or deep frying pan simmer first 6 ingredients for 8 minutes

Add chicken, peppers, mushrooms and zucchini. Cook for approx 12 minutes or until chicken is cooked

Add cornstarch mixture to pot until sauce thickens

Serve or jasmine rice, basmati rice, or brown rice spaghetti

Nutrition Facts

Serves 6

Serving Size: 1 1/4 cup

Amount per Serving

Calories 274

Total Fat 15.33g

Cholesterol 34.42mg

Sodium 598.7mg

Total Carbohydrate 19.02g

Protein 17.38g

21 Universal Rewards of Exercise

2010-05-28T09:07:00.000-06:00

The number one reason that most people are out-of-shape is that they don't exercise enough.

Do yourself a favor and print this list and post it where you'll see it every day. When you need motivation or encouragement simply read over this list and feel your motivation soar.

You'll reset your body: Exercise has been described as a giant reset button. A good workout will block appetite swings, improve your mood and even help you sleep.
Your clothes will fit better: Consistent exercise will tone and tighten your body, causing your clothes to not only fit better but to also look nicer. Also exercise ensures that soon you'll be trading your clothes in for smaller sizes.
You'll be less stressed: You have enough stress in your life - it's time for a break. A good workout invigorates your muscles, leaving you relaxed and less stressed.
You'll have more energy: WebMD tallied research studies and concluded that 90% of them prove exercise increases energy levels in sedentary patients. Next time you feel fatigued, fight it will the most powerful tool available: exercise.
You'll be stronger: Exercise improves muscle strength and endurance, two things that you use throughout each day. When you exercise consistently you'll be pleasantly surprised when difficult tasks begin to seem easy.
You'll be less likely to binge: Exercise has a powerful anti-binge effect on the body. This is due in part by an increase in sensitivity to leptin, a protein hormone, which has an appetite-taming effect.
You'll burn calories: You know that excess body fat is made up of stored and unused calories. Fight back by burning loads of calories with fat-blasting workouts.
You'll be more confident: Who doesn't wish they walked and talked with more confidence? A consistent exercise program will do just that. As your body becomes more fit, watch as your confidence sky-rockets.
You'll have fun: Believe it or not, exercise can be extremely enjoyable. Remember how fun it was to run around as a child? Tap into your inner child as you find a mode of exercise that gets you excited.
You'll reduce your blood pressure: Exercise has been proven more effective than medication in reducing blood pressure to normal levels. A single workout has been shown to reduce blood pressure for the day and regular exercise reduces overall blood pressure in the long run.
You'll lose the jiggles: Regular exercise tightens flabby arms, legs and waistlines. So wave goodbye to the jiggles with a solid exercise program.
You'll increase insulin sensitivity: Researchers at Laval University in Quebec discovered that exercise improved insulin sensitivity dramatically. Peak after-meal insulin levels dropped by more than 20 percent after as little as 3 weeks of consistent exercise.
You'll sleep better: Do you toss and turn for hours before falling asleep? Exercise is a powerful sleep aid. Your tired muscles encourage your body to quickly fall asleep so they can get their overnight repair work done.
You'll lower your risk of heart disease: Regular exercise strengthens your heart and makes it more resilient against disease. A sedentary lifestyle is a major risk factor for heart disease, so rest assured that consistent exercise is your ally against disease.
You'll feel great: Vigorous exercise releases natural endorphins (happy hormones) into your blood stream that dissolve pain and anxiety. You've probably heard of ‘runner's high', this can be achieved by any great workout.
You'll lower your risk of diabetes: Studies show that exercising as little as half an hour each day can dramatically reduce your risk of diabetes. If you are at risk of diabetes, or already have diabetes, regular exercise is the most effective treatment for reversing the disease.
You'll meet cool people: You could benefit from a group of new, energetic friends, right? Gyms, bootcamps, workout centers and even the jogging trail are all great places to connect with fun new friends.
You'll improve your BMI: You know that maintaining a healthy BMI is key in disease prevention. Exercise is the best way to keep your BMI under control.
You'll increase your endurance: Do you ever get out of breath when walking up stairs or through the mall? Regular exercise builds your endurance for everyday activities.
Your doctor will be impressed: How many times has your doctor given you the lecture about losing weight and exercising more? Exercise regularly and get your MD off your back!
You'll look amazing: Are you happy with the shape and size of your body? Regular exercise works wonders on your physique. Within a few weeks you'll see shape and tone in all the right places.What are you waiting for? Lace up your shoes and get moving!

Protein Pancakes

2010-05-27T14:17:00.000-06:00

I made these pancakes last weekend. I looked at a bunch of recipes before altering some and finding a great concoction. They were great.

Plus you can doctor them up anyway you like. Next time I think I may add some flax seed. Alternatively you can add banana, pumpkin, etc. I know some will poo-poo my addition of butter but it only adds like 10 calories and makes them taste so good. Almost like regular white flour pancakes.

Protein Pancakes

1 cup oatmeal (not instant or quick cooking)
1 cup cottage cheese (I used 1%)
1 cup egg whites

2 tsp melted butter
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp cinnamon
½ tsp baking powder

Put all in a blender. Blend until smooth. Cook like regular pancakes.

Makes about 16 - 20 medium pancakes.

Serves 4

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size: 5 pancakes

Calories 167
Total Fat 3.88g
Sodium 301.57mg
Total Carbohydrate 18.6g
Dietary Fiber 2.93g
Sugars 2.28g
Protein 15.49g

I Run Like a Girl

2010-05-21T15:40:00.000-06:00

So this week I have stepped it up a notch and have been running. Three times already this week and I did pilates today. Since my life has been a bit crazy I have been running over my lunch hour and it has been hot (about 86 degrees) so I have come back to work a hot, sweaty mess. Oh well, when you run like a girl, sometimes you have to pack some extra deodorant.

I tried to eat as clean as possible this week, there was a hiccup yesterday but it was a planned hiccup so I took it in stride. I find that if I eat even the smallest thing that is 'not clean' I get these horrible cravings to continue. I find that eating some protein really helps with leveling me out. Having a mix of carbs and protein every time I eat is wonderful for making those sugar and salt craving go away.

Lets hope my winning streak continues into the long weekend!!

What a Beautiful Day

2010-05-15T22:14:00.000-06:00

What a fricken great day!!!

I woke up all by myself (read, not woken up by my child), had time to read a chapter of my book, took a shower and even was able to spend some alone time outside with my morning tea (it was beautiful outside). I had to return a book so I took the opportunity to get a Starbucks americano with two pumps of white mocha (super yummy).

After some grocery shopping I took my wee one home for lunch before shuttling her off to a friends house so I can go to hot yoga. Guess what, as it was one of the first nice Saturdays in a long time, I was the only one at yoga. Yup, I got a private yoga lesson. It was wonderful. I worked by ass off (hard not to be noticed when its only you) and the sweat was pouring off me.

I then went to pick up some lights my dad ordered and got a super deal on a light I had my eye on (like 70% off).

Came back home to make a delicious supper of bbq salmon, baked sweet potato and grilled asparagus.

I watches a friend's child tonight which I was dreading as our children usually fight like crazy but guess what? They played like angels (well not exactly angles but really good).

With the exception of microwave popcorn, four potato chips and a coke zero I did great in my eating tonight. It was easy today. I didn't struggle with not eating bad food. I even spit out food that I mindlessly put in my mouth. I do way too much mindless eating and need to stop.

What a great day. I hope tomorrow is just as good. Love the sunshine and all the blessing that I had today. Very grateful.

A Wise Man Once Said

2010-05-12T20:54:00.000-06:00

Albert Einstein once said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

You would actually laugh at how many times that I hear this at work and the true meaning didn't really hit me till today. I have been home with a sick kid for three days and was creeping on facebook when I came across an old friends recent family photos. She looks awesome. She lost like 75 pounds a year ago and then put some of the weight back on. She has been working hard for about four months now to take it off. I was on the treadmill when it hit me, I could look like that too if I changed how I live my life.

No more little treats, no more missing workouts, no more excuses. This is it, I am determined not to keep doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. The new thing I am going to do over and over is eat right and exercise and see what the results are. I am guessing I may see different results.

Confession

2010-05-06T20:37:00.000-06:00

I did horrible at this months weigh in. I mean horrible. I am exaggerating you are thinking (okay I admit I am a tad dramatic sometimes) but it was bad. So bad in fact that I currently weigh more now than I did in January. Yes that is right, five months and no weight loss. Well that is a bit of a lie, I did lose some weight and put it all back on and more. Eff.

This honestly just makes me want to eat. Umm, I think that is what got me into this situation. It is now time for some self control. Time to put the fork down and pick up the weights. Time to put myself in control of my own destiny, or at least the size of my ass.

It's Groundhogs Day

2010-05-01T21:02:00.001-06:00

Okay, it really isn't Groundhogs Day but my life sometimes feels like the same day over and over again. I do realize that there are some tasks that need to be repeated everyday, i.e. brushing of the teeth, doing dishes etc, but sometimes the daily grind wears on me. (Side thought, maybe using the term 'the daily grind' should be outlawed from my vocabulary.)

One part that is pissing me off about my repetitive life, I keep losing the same 10 pounds over and over again. Seriously! This is getting to the point of ridiculous. I clean up my eating habits, start moving, the weight comes off and then I slip back into old habits. And like Bill Murray, I will continue to repeat my mistakes until I get it right.

Someone please tell me how to stop this cycle of destruction. Okay, I know, I know, just don't slip. Keep on the healthy path. Don't let minor slips turn into full blow outs. Don't think a bit of success means you can 'indulge'. Success means what you are doing is working, keep it up.

Urg!!

I am back on the healthy track after a bad week. I have back my Eat Clean book and am in the process of a re-read. I went to hot yoga today and am going for a long run tomorrow (I don't care if it fricken snowing, I am in my shoes and running tomorrow). I have been pounding back the water and even broke out my vitamins. Tonight, I am going to do my May workout plan (yes for the whole month) and my menu plan for the week. The menu is going to be hard cause I am determined to cut the junk out of my diet so I can lose the junk in my trunk.

I am thinking though of posting more of my recipes and would like to hear from my readers if that is something they want. I have been creating and/or finding some great healthy recipes lately and am willing to share if that is what people want. Let me know.

Off to plan how to kick my own ass this next month. Wow that almost sound like fun. :)

Funny But True

2010-04-29T20:59:00.000-06:00

Just Annoyed

2010-04-26T20:59:00.000-06:00

Oh my, I am so annoyed today. Not at anything in particular just at everything. It is really ridiculous. I think its cause of the crappy things I put in my body today. My body is to the point where it reacts negatively to too much sugar and salt. This is good but weird.

Some of the things that annoyed me today:

Yes, my desk is in a common area without walls. This does not give you the right to stand over me while I eat my lunch asking what I am eating. I don't care what you have for lunch, keep walking when you see me eating mine.
When I pay for lunch, please pay me back. At least after the second time I remind you. My $8 lunch last week is costing my $30. This is hardly fair.
Do not stand in front of my desk and have a conversation at ear splitting volumes. I do not walk into your office taking about my last gynecological exam. Please save me the details.
Don't lie on your taxes and then brag about how much you get back. You are stealing and its illegal. I hope you get audited.
When I lend you a book, two months is too long to keep it for. Read it and return it. Or don't read it. Just give me back my damn book.
My child feels the need to stay up till 9:30 pm and then is a snarly bear in the morning.

Whew, that was a bit of a rant. I think its a great night for a good night's sleep and an early morning run. That always makes the day better. Plus I just got a new pair of runners. Not sure about them so it will be a couple of treadmill runs before the final decision is made.

Run Like a Girl

2010-04-22T12:49:00.000-06:00

I am done with running... I am now in training mode. What is this crazy lady talking about?

I GOT INTO THE NIKE WOMEN'S MARATHON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On October 17, 2010 I will be running a half marathon in San Francisco. I am kind of scared to run that far but so pumped for the opportunity. WoooHooo

Becoming Addicted to Yoga

2010-04-15T21:28:00.000-06:00

I must confess, I love yoga. I could go to a class every day. I love the time to focus on me without all of the random thoughts that go through my head during a regular workout. I also love the way all the stretching makes me feel. I am not so soar and achy. Bad part, I can't go to class everyday. I am going to three this week!!

Honestly, its almost funny. I would look for a support group but I would rather just go to another class. I should really look at getting some dvd's for home. Anyone know of any good ones?

I Did It - Well Almost - Now its Time for a Plan

2010-04-11T00:11:00.000-06:00

Okay so I signed up for my first half marathon. Now is the wait. There is a random drawing for entry won't be finalized until April 20th. So I guess it will be another 10 days to know for certain. I have decided if I don't make it into the Nike Women's marathon I am going to look for another one. I don't know if I can find one that offers me a Tiffany's necklace at the end but I am looking forward to the reward of completing the run.

I have realized something this week. I lack motivation. I went for a run with a friend and it was funny how much farther I ran with her cause she wouldn't let me stop. She kept pushing me to run a bit farther and a bit harder. I am so glad for my running buddy but unfortunately am going to be unable run with her for most of my workouts. To counteract my laziness, I am going to set up a workout schedule. I have much better motivation when it is planned. Randomness is not a strong point. The general plan is yoga on Tuesdays and Saturdays, pilate's on Friday and run workouts the rest of the days. I am going to work out the details of the run workout tomorrow but I am excited to have a goal to work towards.

Lent is Over

2010-04-06T20:32:00.000-06:00

Lent is over, praise the Lord!!! I am now allowed to eat chocolate. I took total advantage of this today, okay, I went a little overboard. To be completely honest, after forty days, it didn't taste as good as I remembered. (Okay the Lindt chocolate did but the regular chocolate wasn't worth it.)

I am seriously contemplating signing up for a half marathon. Not just any marathon, the Nike Women's 2010 marathon in San Fransisco. The one where you get a Tiffany's necklace for finishing. I have some friends who are going into it. Since there are about 20,000 racer and many more than that who want to do the event, there is a random draw to get into the event. Although I have no idea who can watch my child (any volunteers?) I think I am going to do it. Heck, worse comes to worse, I can strap her to my back and make it a real challenge.

Easter was a really weird weekend for me. I went back to my home town to see my baby sister getting married (wonderful) but I had some other emotional stress that didn't make it the happiest weekend. I learnt some things that I necessarily didn't want to know (although I had a sinking suspicion). There was some heated words (really what would be a family get together without some drama right) and some hurt feelings (both mine and someone very close to me). I am not sure what to do about it and have been using my ability to eat chocolate as a coping mechanism. Tomorrow, no more chocolate, instead I am going to be using exercise as a way to work my way through my problems.

I hope everyone accomplished what they wanted to at the weight in and didn't overindulge too much at Easter. If you did, I hope you take advantage of the beautiful weather and get your butt into gear.

Spring Run

2010-03-30T21:06:00.000-06:00

Today I went on my first outside run/walk of spring. I would love to say it was totally awesome and I kicked it but I would be a big fat lier if I said that. It was a beautiful day but my run was not my best. I did try hard but I lost some endurance lately. The good thing is that I am not going to give up. I am going to keep going until I get better and kick ass!!! (One side note, every time I thought about blogging about my run, it would give me the motivation to keep running/make me start running again. I may not have ran the whole way but I did my best and that was good enough for me on the first day out.)

To help keep me motivated, I am going to pick up my bran new spanking Ipod tomorrow. I am still undecided on the color (either pink or purple) but tomorrow I am going to the store to buy one. I am super pumped.

2010-03-29T10:02:00.001-06:00

So I read this in the newpaper this morning and it goes along with the whole 'addicted to food' theme. It is actaully a bit disturbing but scared me enought not to pour more cream into my coffee today.

Study probes 'addictive' foods

By Sharon Kirkey, Canwest News ServiceMarch 29, 2010

Bacon and cheesecake can alter the brain in ways similar to heroin and cocaine, according to scientists who say they have found the most compelling proof yet that high-fat foods rewire the brain and drive the development of compulsive eating.

When rats raised on regular chow were suddenly given unrestricted access to a high-fat diet, they lost complete control over their eating. Not even mild foot shocks kept them from compulsively feasting on chocolate bars, cream-stuffed cakes, sausage, frosting and other highly palatable human foods. Within 40 days, their body weight had increased 25 per cent.

The rats not only got fat, they also showed addiction-like changes in brain reward circuits -- the same changes that have been reported in humans addicted to drugs. Specifically, the obese rats showed lower levels of a receptor in the brain called the dopamine D2 receptor. The D2 receptor responds to dopamine, the chemical associated with feelings of reward. The brain releases bursts of dopamine when we eat food that tastes good.

The more junk food the rats ate, the more they overloaded the brain's reward circuitries until they essentially crashed. As the pleasure centres in the brain became more and more blase, and less responsive, the rats quickly turned into compulsive overeaters. They were motivated to keep eating to get their fix.

"They're in a state of reward deficit, so that they're now even more motivated to obtain rewarding food, perpetuating this vicious cycle even further," said study co-author Paul Kenny, an associate professor at Scripps Research Institute in Florida.

The lowered D2 receptor levels -- a side effect of overeating high-fat food -- also seemed to drive the animals to develop "habitual" feeding behaviours that made them "less able to shift their dietary preferences," Kenny says.

When the researchers took the high-fat foods away, leaving only the healthy, but boring chow -- what the scientists dubbed the "salad bar option" -- the rodents essentially voluntarily starved themselves. "They liked the junk food so much they would rather starve than shift onto the regular chow," Kenny said.

Even after two weeks of having no junk food, "they still hadn't returned to the level of intake that you see in the control animals for the standard chow. That goes to show just how powerful this food was." When they artificially knocked down the dopamine receptor using a special virus, nothing happened when rats were given regular chow. They didn't become compulsive in any way, Kenny said. "Their brain reward systems looked fine.

"But the second you gave it palatable food, it showed very rapidly these addiction-like changes." Some people may be born with a predisposition to have lower D2 levels. "That may be why they're more likely to gain weight. They're already halfway down that road, if you will," Kenny said.

The findings, published Sunday in an advance online edition of the journal Nature Neuroscience, could have profound implications for the millions of Canadians struggling to control their eating. "What this is telling you is that, if you persist in eating food that you know is bad for you, there is a chance that you will develop a habit, and you will keep on going back to that food unless you make a really strong, conscious effort to stop it," Kenny said.

"It's incumbent upon people to make sure that they're more respectful and aware of what they're eating. Just be aware that there are dangers and risks associated. Enjoy (high-fat) food but make sure it's occasionally and very-well controlled. Don't overindulge repeatedly, because there could be repercussions."

Dr. Valerie Taylor, an assistant professor in psychiatry and behavioural neuroscience at McMaster University in Hamilton, said the study is a validation"that some people are simply more vulnerable to the whole concept of being addicted to food."

"The fact that we're now in this high-temptation environment further serves to exacerbate that."

Taylor said the study provides "very strong evidence supporting what a lot of us who work in the field have seen clinically -- that, for some people, it's more than just simply willpower. There's something else going on."

According to the latest estimates from Statistics Canada, 37 per cent of the adult population age 20 to 69 -- 7.9 million people -- are overweight. Another 24 per cent -- 5.3 million -- are obese.

The new study is part of a growing body of research into the "hedonic mechanisms" contributing to obesity. The preliminary findings captured headlines in October when an abstract presented at a neuroscience meeting in Chicago reported that junk food binge eating is hard to stop. The final report goes further, and explains just what's happening in the brain.

"Many drug addicts know that what they're doing is bad -- they're damaging their health, their finances, their family. But they find it very difficult to stop -- the behaviour is almost beyond their control," Kenny said.

"The same thing happened here: The animals kept on eating, even when there was something in the environment that said something bad was going to happen. They simply ignored it, and they just kept on eating."

Kenny said treatments known to work for drug addictions may be effective for people who overeat junk food.

Mixed Bag - Random thoughts from 6 am

2010-03-23T06:12:00.000-06:00

Great News - in approximately 3 weeks I am going to be debt free!!! (with the exception of my mortgage) All of the crap (good and bad) I have bought when I couldn't afford it will actually belong to me 100%. I hate debt. Loath it. I hate paying for things long after they have been brought home and in some cases consumed. I put myself on a budget diet (well more of a lifestyle change) and it hurts and sucks but I am starting to see some money accumulate in my savings account and am about to open a TFSA (tax free savings account) as my emergency fund. Yay me!! (If anyone has any great money saving tips throw them my way, I can always use them.)

Good news - I got my ass out of bed this morning and worked out. It is only good news as after about 20 minutes my energy level died. I limped on to finish my workout. The great thing though, if I keep doing this, it will get easier.

Great news - someone actually commented yesterday on how I was looking slimmer.

Bad news - the scale hasn't moved in what seems like forever. It fluctuates throughout the day but no movement.

Good news - no upward movement on the scale.

Oh well, time to get my day started. Hope yours is a beautiful and productive day too!!!

What the Hell

2010-03-21T20:51:00.000-06:00

This has been a baaaad weekend. Because I am stupid (can't really justify it any other way but plain stupidly) I ate thing I shouldn't in quantities no one should. There is no justification for it. I was just bad.

Monday is tomorrow and I will have my menu plan and exercise schedule set for the week by the end of tonight. I am going to try my hardest to keep to my meticulous plan. I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't.

Off to menu plan. I only have Monday and Tuesday's menu done. And for the record, I am currently trying three new recipes so I am following my promise of doing last week's challenge this week!!

When will this stop

2010-03-17T14:17:00.000-06:00

Honestly, if I don't stop being sick soon I am going to throw myself off a bridge. I have now been sick for 10 days and it sucks. I have not been exercising cause I would much rather be sleeping. I am so congested I have a hard time falling asleep and so when it is time to get up in the morning I am dragging my ass big time. Plus I am almost scared to do anything cardio as it just aggravates my cough, a cough that rattles in my chest and hurts my head.

On the plus side, I have been totally sticking to my meal plan (with the exception of one delectable marshmallow butterscotch square). It has been extremely hard. Temptation is everywhere and life is tough. It does get easier as time goes on. I still crave chocolate every single solitary day and am really hoping that by the time April 4th gets here I don't have this constant need to stuff my face with creamy and delicious chocolate.

Here is hoping that tomorrow is better and I don't feel like a lump of poo that has been run over by a semi-truck. It has to let up soon right?

Time to Step it up a Notch

2010-03-14T21:58:00.001-06:00

I do not believe how out of shape I am. I thought I wasn't doing that bad - and then I went to my Bikini Boot Camp on Friday night. It was worse than I thought. There was probably about 45 ladies who showed up for the fantastic workout and I was in no way the most out of shape but compared to where I was when I actually took BBC, I have slid very far down the scale. I thought I was pushing myself at home doing workout and now I don't think I am.

That is going to change. I am no longer settle with my weak ass workouts. I am going to work it till I hurt. Its so easy when you workout in the privacy of your home so go easy on yourself and after working out with other, I totally realize how easy I went.

Today (yes two whole days later) I am still sore. It is wonderful. Tomorrow is going to be a great day to start start my hard ass workout routine (which really isn't going to be that different than my current routine just a lot harder). I am excited to rock it out! Who else is with me?

Crazy News

2010-03-11T20:47:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I got a weird call tonight. It was my little sister telling me she is getting married in three weeks!!! Crazy nuts. Throws my Easter plans out the window but its my little sister's wedding, I can hide Easter eggs anywhere right? Actually, new Easter plans were thrown together quickly and me and my bff are going to spend the weekend together (with the exception of the wedding) so it will be fun.

I am feeling better today, well I was until I shoved a bunch of crap in my mouth today. After eating like shit today, I feel like shit. I don't understand how I don't make the connection in my head while I am shoving process junk in my mouth. I don't understand. No matter. Tomorrow is a new day, a better day, a fitter day.

As an added bonus, tomorrow I have a free Bikini Boot Camp workout. Now I love BBC but haven't taken a class for a while. I am super pumped!! If anyone lives in a city with a BBC, totally check it out. It is a great organization geared to women and a healthy lifestyle.

Yippee. Looking forward to an awesome weekend with beautiful weather. I am so taking advantage of it and going for a nice long run on Sunday. Fist pump!!

My Lunch Today

2010-03-10T12:24:00.001-06:00

My lunch today rocked!!! I threw it together last night from left overs and it was delicious. It was baby spinach with spicy lime grilled shrimp and chickpea salad (I made the recipe without the grape tomatoes and Parmesan cheese). It was so filing and wonderful. I may have to go get some more shrimp out so that I can replicate it again. Yummy

Really?

2010-03-09T20:55:00.000-06:00

For the past two days I have been sick. I have some horrible flu/cold thing. Worst part is that I have been still going to work so I have not been getting the rest I should be. (Work is crazy busy right now and one of the girls is on half time due to a car accident injury.)

This pisses me off cause I was great last week. I exercised four times for 6 hours of exercise. I ate pretty close to perfect, only eating 25 calories over my daily allotment once (and truth be told it was an extra helping of vegetables). Yesterday most of what I ate I vomited back up and today all I craved was salty food. I ate small amounts frequently today but unfortunately it wasn't the best food. But I did keep it down.

What I miss the most is the exercising. I love what exercising first thing in the morning does for my day. It is awesome. I figured if I can't walk down the stairs without getting nauseous, probably running on the treadmill would not be a good idea. Hopefully tomorrow it will get better. I actually planned a health, higher sodium day so that I won't be tempted by crap. Plus I get to make my wonderfully delicious, great for you slow cooker ham and split pea soup.

I have been keeping up with this weeks challenge of keeping a food journal, this week is easy as I do it anyway. I love using the Livestrong website to track my food. I like even better than Weight Watchers as I can see more than just points. I can see the sodium level, how much protein versus carbs I ate. It is wonderful. Yes it is a bit time consuming but I try to fit it into my evening ritual to track the next days calories. Plus, menu planning really help. I can enter my basic meals for the whole next week cause I always have an idea of what I am eating.

29 Off-The-Wall Reasons To Get In Better Shape

2010-03-02T12:56:00.000-06:00

I found this list and thought it was hilarious. Maybe it will help everyone get the motivation to be as close to perfect as possible this week. Good luck to all.

See how many apply to you:

• Because it costs you (or your loved ones) over 5 million pennies in future health care if you aren’t
• Because feeling better tomorrow starts today
• Because torture is a bad persuasion technique
• Because studies show that fit people make more money
• Because if you don’t, you suck
• Because movie stars do it
• Because performers do it
• Because everyone that is cool in your life, does it
• Because you CAN commit 1.5 hrs/wk out of 176
• Because avoiding a wheelchair is a good thing
• Because hugs are better when you can actually wrap your arms around someone
• Because your kids really don’t want to put you in a rest home
• Because no matter what you keep telling yourself, thick is not sexy
• Because feeling grandpa’s muscles at Thanksgiving can be a yearly ritual
• Because cottage cheese is for fruit
• Because squeezing into a size 6 means you’re not a size 6
• Because love making is much more fun without the extra rolls
• Because being able to see your toes……hmmmm
• Because bigger clothes cost more money
• Because shopping for smaller clothes raises spirits
• Because hitting the State Fair and observing everyone shouldn’t be the only thing that puts a smile on your face
• Because having the woman in your life open a stuck jar of pickles for you is embarrassing
• Because no matter what anyone says, women are always in competition with each other. You do want to win, right?
• Because you had to ask your 10 year old son to take out the trash…..after all you couldn’t lift it
• Because beer makes everyone else look better while making you look worse
• Because weight training makes you look better while making everyone else look worse (see competition in women)
• Because yelling at the gym is a lot better than yelling at work (unless you are a cheerleader)
• Because “Shut your mouth or I’ll kick your ___,” now actually has meaning
• Because being told you look 40 when you are actually 60 does something strange to self confidence

Ugh!! I get it and am moving on

2010-02-28T20:35:00.000-06:00

My hormones are going wonky. I didn't have a period for like two and a half months (due to IUD not pregnancy) but have had like 6 periods in two weeks. This sucks. Now they are not full blown periods but it has made my life difficulty. I don't know if it’s related but the weight has not been coming off either. I have been eating well (not withstanding the one day of salty nuts) and completed the challenge of 5 workouts last week.

I was seriously getting down on myself until I read this on Sparkspeople.

"Because we are all experiments of one" we cannot compare our weight loss to the rate at which others lose. For many people, the results can take as long as 8 weeks before they show up on the scale, but that does not mean the changes aren't happening. Because our bodies are largely made up of water, any deviation in our diet, hydration, workouts, even hormones can lead to a big shift on the scale.

Know that all changes within the body must begin at the cellular level...all the way down to the fat cells need to release the free fatty acids, to the muscle cells making bigger and more numerous mitochondria-these are the organelles within the cells-to give us energy.

It isn't uncommon to see a slight upward shift in weight when we start exercising and eating better. For one the muscles are making more mitochondria which allow for extra glycogen-stored glucose in the cells- therefore, your body hangs on to more water to help with the cooling off process for exercise and for helping process energy. Your muscles will also have an increase in blood volume in order to have better availability to oxygen and removing waste, especially lactic acid. These things coupled with eating higher fiber foods, such as fruits and veggies can show a gain, when in all reality it is just a shift in fluids.

So I took that to mean don't give up. (Not like I would :P) For the coming week I have planned out all of my meals and workouts. I am not going to let a zero weight loss get me down. I may not kick ass in February but I am on my way to a healthier lifestyle and a smaller waistline. I don’t consider this a setback; I am on my way down.

Some things I learnt this last week:

1. I love, love, love hot yoga. Had my first class on Saturday and will definitely be going back.

2. When work is stressful, a leisurely run at lunch will definitely make your day better.

3. Doing yoga in front of mirrors made me realize how fat I am. Need to step it up. I really didn’t know I had that many lumps.

4. When someone says, I don’t mean to sound like a bitch; they are going to be a bitch. Let them say what they want. They really want to show you how wonderful they are.

5. I am not to be trusted around salty nuts.

Hope everyone has a great week. Sorry I am behind on my blog reading again. The cleaning of my house came before blog commenting today.

Prayer of the Day

2010-02-28T10:08:00.000-06:00

Our Father, who are in Vancouver, hockey be thy name

Thy will be done, the gold we be won

On ice as well as in the stands

Give us this day. our hockey sticks

And forgive us our penalties

As we forgive those who cross check against us

Lead us not into elimination

But deliver us to victory

In the name of the Team Canada Hockey

Amen

GO CANADA GO!!!! BRING ON THE USA!!!!!

I love me some salty nuts

2010-02-23T20:53:00.000-06:00

Due to the fact that I am no longer eating chocolate (I have never wanted 40 days to go by faster in my entire life) I am trying to find healthy snack ideas. I stumbled upon Blue Diamond Bold Flavored Almonds. For the full serving (like 50 nuts) they only have an extra 10 calories and oh my gosh the flavor is stupendous. Bad thing is I planned to eat 10 almonds and ate like 30. Oops. Not the worst thing in the world mind you. I am loving the Jalapeno Smokehouse and Lime n' Chili. They are actually 2 for 1 this week at Safeway. I may have to wander there this week!!

I don't care what I say, I am back at the 5 am workouts. Okay, truthfully they are more like 5:15 workouts (I tend to hit snooze). I am so tired tonight but a couple of nights of going to bed earlier, waking up earlier makes life a lot easier. This morning it was a walk run on my treadmill and tomorrow its fun times with Jillian.

Now off to bed. I am in need of my pillow and blanket.

Wholy Ranting and Raving Batman

2010-02-18T16:12:00.000-06:00

I have something to confess. I have lost 6.5 pounds in two days. Now that is after a rapid 6 pound weight gain. On Tuesday evening for some unknown reason I stepped on the scale (something I normally save till the morning when I am naked) and I was shocked and appalled. I weighted more than when I started this competition. I was mortified. I was torn between vomiting or eating a bag of chips followed by a tub of ice cream. I did neither but went to bed resolved to get my ass in gear. Well, I got my period yesterday and by this morning I was down 6.5 pounds from my atrocious weight of Tuesday evening. Man being a women wreaks havoc on your body. (I have an IUD so my periods are few and far between. The downside is that I never really know when the next one will hit.)

For the past two nights, my sweet and angelic daughter has gotten up super early (3:30 am and 4:30 am). When she wakes up that early, the easiest thing is to just bring her into my bed to fall quickly back to sleep. The down side of that is no 5 am workouts. As I didn't have anything laid out, I would have to turn the lights on and wake up said angle and trust me, the angle is only an angle when she gets sleep. That is okay though cause I went for an awesome walk yesterday during my lunch break and plan to do some treadmill running tonight to make up for it.

I have been struggling today and yesterday with my new commitment. For Lent I have decided to give up chocolate. Now I did this before my beautiful friend Tyler wrote about Lent and how what we give up should not give me a side benefit (i.e. losing weight). I seriously struggled with this all day today. Tyler gave me an out to my commitment and that is what I have been looking for since I decided to give it up (and trust me I have thought about it a tonne since I made the decision on Tuesday - yeah that's right two days ago). The thought of going without chocolate for 40 days makes me nervous and anxious. I keep trying to make up little rules that would allow me to have chocolate and still keep my commitment. Rules like I can have chocolate if is a special occasion (umm Monday's counts right) or if it was of a benefit to me (chocolate protein shake) or if it wasn't really chocolate (Chocolate Mint Oolong Tea). I then realized I must give up chocolate for Lent as it would make me uncomfortable. I do not eat enough chocolate to make me fat and I don't think that stopping eating chocolate would really have that much affect on total weight loss but I do think it will teach me to go without and to self sacrifice a little.

I have decided I am going to try and photograph my meals. Now this may become very boring as I eat very repetitiously. I eat virtually the same thing for breakfast and lunch everyday and only eat one or two different things for supper each week. (So boring I know but cooking for a toddler and myself is hard so I cook once and eat two or three times from it. I have tried freezing meals but not everything freezes well. Plus I really don't mind.) I may thing about this some more before I jump right into it. What I really want to do is share more of my delicious healthy things I make. I read a lot of blogs where the recipes they post are just not my taste and if I feel that way I am sure someone else does too.

I did get to go shopping today. The Gap was having a one day 40% off sale. I didn't try anything I bought on cause it was way too busy for that but the keepers I bought are too small on me. I am going to work to get into these beautiful new sale item. I know, not the smartest thing to do but I want to lose weight and I have enough fat clothes.

Sorry for the random ranting, many things on my mind and truly this is the way my life goes sometime. It is so nice just to let them all out so I can happily go on with my evening.

Have a great night!!

I love bad things

2010-02-16T15:31:00.000-06:00

I so want to eat something really bad for me right now. It doesn't even have to be really bad for me, like fried chicken, but even something pretend bad for me, like a crappy 100 calorie snack pack.

This week I am in a different office at work and it is barren of snacks with the exception of icky mints and 9 flavours of tea. Needless to say I am having my 5th cup of tea today. I have some emergency shut the f*&k up kid candy in my purse but that has not been eaten so far. I am not hungry, I just want to eat (hmmm, maybe that is why I am overweight??).

Being in such a quiet, snack deprived office has some advantages like catching up on my blog reading. I came across this free snack giveaway. It for a case of Popchips. Living in Canada, most of the good snack food is out of my reach, or should I say pocket book. A lot of the 'good' snacks can be bought online but the shipping is redonkulous. Although I must say that I am really trying to get away from the pre-packages crap but hey if its free pre-packaged yummy not so good for me food, send it my way!!

The other advantage, I am so caught up on my work its silly. The phone has barely rung and there was like two people who came in so I got a tonne of work done. If this keeps up I don't know what I will do on Friday.

I Love Long Weekends and My Mom

2010-02-15T20:43:00.000-06:00

My mom came down for a visit this long weekend. It has been a while since she has been to my house for a visit even though with all the funerals in my family I have seen her a lot lately. Regardless, with the commotion of funerals, I haven't had a good visit with her. She came down on Friday and left today after lunch - it was a great time.

We went shopping (tonnes of shopping), cooked a turkey, made soup, watched movies, took my daughter to the museum and caught up on random gossip. Even though I didn't get any exercise in (unless you count shopping and really this weekend I probably could) but that is fine with me. I would rather spend a quality weekend with my mom that included sleeping in all three days.

Tomorrow is back to 5 am exercising. I am also planning on doing some menu planning tonight. I have a house full of food (honestly, I don't remember having my freezer and cupboards this full ever) so my options are wide open.

Hope everyone had a great weekend.